I'm a woman in my late 20s in a happy, committed relationship. I had the idea of going to a therapist with my boyfriend so we can learn to communicate better, etc. Friends I've told about this see it as a sign of "trouble in paradise." Is it possible I'm in denial and there's something wrong between my boyfriend and me?

--Unsettled

Be glad your friends are not in charge of airplane maintenance. It's annoying when a nonstop flight makes an unscheduled stop -- especially when it involves going down in flames in a cornfield.

We're given training in how to read, write, and drive, and if you go on YouTube, somebody will teach you how to do magic tricks with your blender. Only in our romantic relationships are we expected to be untrained geniuses. Unfortunately, this expectation pairs poorly with therapist Albert Ellis' realism on what it means to be a person (in language he suggested to a client): "I'm a human, fallible being who screwed up and may screw up in the future because (of) my fallibility."

So, though there's a tendency to see therapy (for individuals or couples) as something you do only when you're broken, it shouldn't be that way. It can be a tuneup to help a good relationship be even better. For example, when I do relationship mediations for couples, I help them see each other's sometimes conflicting wants -- he wants this/she wants that -- not as threats but as mere facts to manage (with love and respect). You can find your partner's request unreasonable or even crazy, but if it's not a big deal for you to come through, maybe you do it simply because you love them and want them to feel good. (If it is a big deal, you can at least tell them lovingly why you wish you could but you can't.)

A relationships researcher I respect, psychologist John Gottman, gives weekend workshops for couples that can be attended online (gottman.com). Couples on a budget could just get Gottman's book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," out of the library and read and discuss a section a week. Gottman's workshop or book would also be a great wedding present. We find wedding vows romantic, but we tend not to consider that "till death do us part!" would have been a great T-shirt slogan for enemy soldiers trying to off each other in the Hundred Years' War.

For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.