I really appreciate the science you laid out showing that men instinctively look at women, even if they really love the woman they're with. Maybe I should stop feeling a tad bad about looking at beautiful women and enjoying beauty? After all, my wife and I have been married 26 years, and I've never even kissed anyone else during that time. Admittedly, I've sometimes wanted to, and I've had opportunities. Thanks for a perspective that brings in science and isn't the usual man-bashing that's out there.

--Male Reader

Your eyes probably go many places without your body robotically following suit -- like at a buffet when you ogle the chocolate cake and baby doughnuts while dutifully piling a plate with raw broccoli and fat-free dip. Fortunately, broccoli rarely retaliates by sobbing, calling you a pig, and making you sleep in your car for three days.

Evolutionary psychologist David Buss tells a story about a married guy who emailed him after reading his book "The Evolution of Desire," which lays out scientific evidence supporting evolutionary theories about human mating psychology. Buss gets heat for the book from those whose beliefs it upends -- those who cling to the idea that men and women are largely identical in basic sexual psychology -- and he admits, "Some of what I discovered about human mating is not nice."

The man conceded that "maybe some people worry that men's desire for sexual variety will give men an excuse for cheating." But, he said, learning about it helped him stay faithful. Buss said the man had previously interpreted his attraction to various women he encountered "as indications that maybe he didn't love his wife any more. But after reading my book, he realized, 'Oh, that's my evolved desire for sexual variety; it doesn't mean that I don't love my wife.'"

The man's revelation reflects what Buss sees as "two separate evolved systems": one for love and one for lust. "We become attracted to other people even if we're in a loving mating relationship and fully in love with our partner." In other words, no, you shouldn't feel bad about eyeballing the ladies. Focus on how much you love your wife and how, despite MMO -- means, motive, and opportunity -- looking has yet to give way to a need, upon arriving home, to sit in your car feverishly working the hand sanitizer in hopes of getting the glitter-flecked spray tanner off your pants.

For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.