Geez, Amy - hope you're okay. I'd apply for the assistant job, except that I love my boss and his family. Find and hire a New York City transplant. Those of us who have lived and worked in NYC have an edge over native Californians, just because it's more competitive there... we work at a faster pace.

Good luck finding an assistant -

Sounds like a story to be told! My imagination is running wild!

I understand that if you don't make them take your stool samples to the lab, they last longer.

I see SOMEONE has read David Rensin's fantastic book, The Mailroom. So nice of you to drop by, Nancy!

I've met just about everyone who's worked for Amy in the past several years, and they've all been very nice, very bright people. But some of them just can't get the hang of a weekly syndicated column.

I'm curious. What does your assistant do?

In brief, they tell me I suck before my deadline so I can unsuck by the time I file.

"In brief, they tell me I suck before my deadline so I can unsuck by the time I file."

And some people cannot do this? Why not? Public schools?

You can use iCal to have your Mac say, "You Suck!" in any of a dozen-or-so voices at the periodicity you desire...

...just in case excessive self-esteem is putting you at risk.

Hey, can you do that on a PC, too? Just a little research for my current column.

Where do you do that on iCal? I couldn't find the thing to make it talk.

Please instruct me as if you were talking to someone retarded. In the technology area, I do sometimes seem that way.

a) Yes, you can do that on a PC; b) You use the "Alarms" function, after adding a custom alert sound.

I'm sure you noticed the "Speech" function, and that your machine will read documents to you in assorted voices; you can use Applescript to read any document at a certain system time. I haven't done this on either platform, so I'll have to get back to you.

Well, I don't use Applescript, so I had to (shudder!) read something - but the details are in the mail! Have fun!