If You Knew Islam Like Bernie Knows Islam
Bernie, from Planck's Constant, lays it out for the whiners. Beautifully:
Q. Why are you so anti-Muslim?
A. I am not anti-Muslim - I am not even anti-Islam. I am opposed to Islam spreading to the modern world. As long as Muslims remain in the sands of Arabia I don't care if you honor kill each other, slaughter each other, or stone women who commit adultery or kill those who convert away from Islam - that's your business.
I do not want Muslims in my country (or in Europe) because Muslims cannot and will not assimilate. I do not want to be ruled under Shariah law and that is what we will have in America (or Europe) if too many Muslims come in. Is that unfair? Is it fair that my culture has to be obliterated because Muslims consider it depraved? I like women going around scantily dressed. I like it that people can eat whatever they like, pork or whatever. I like it that we aren't forced to pray 5 times a day. I like free speech. I like being blasphemous. I like being rude. I like to offend people. Living under Islamic rule will interfere with my hobbies.
Q. Your Muslim joke page is insulting and not funny to Muslims. Do you think Jews would find Jewish Jokes funny?
A. Obviously you have never seen Jackie Mason perform - he's a Jewish comedian and more than half of his material is Jewish Jokes. If you cannot laugh at your culture, your religion, your nationality then sadly you are taking yourself much too seriously. Isn't there some happy Arabic aphorism such as, "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cut their throats with a nasty knife and they'll stop laughing."?
Q. Islam is the second largest religion in the world and growing faster than any other. Isn't that proof that people recognize the beauty of Islam and therefore are converting to it?
A. Islam is growing faster than any other religion because Muslims have a high fertility rate because Muslim men marry girls as young as 9 and keep them pregnant and ignorant. It is well-known that those with higher intelligence and better jobs have (in general) fewer children. Given that most Muslims (not all) have neither intelligence nor employment, we can expect Islam to continue growing; and not because there is any beauty in it. Add to that the fact that once a Muslim always a Muslim; that is to say no one can change their mind. Oh sure, an American convert living in America can become Muslim and change his mind, but not if he's in Pakistan.
Of course, Islam is growing. So does cancer; doesn't mean it's right.
Q. You state that Muslims have done bad things when in actual fact Islam has nothing to do with terrorism, honour killings, rapes, stonings, beheadings, vaginal mutilation, etc. These bad things are caused by a minority or are cultural things and nothing to do with Islam.
A. Yes, I admit all those bad things are due to primitive, savage, violent, brutal, and backward cultures. However; it is interesting to note that those cultural barbarities are not quelled, moderated, or discouraged by the religion of those who engage in those activities. Certainly there were honor killings in Brazil, but they were outlawed decades ago. Vikings enjoyed raping women hundreds of years ago, but naked women can walk freely in non-Muslim areas of Norway and Sweden without worry of harm. Every culture came from a primitive, savage past. But every culture save Islam allows change. Because the Quran is uncreated and absolute, it cannot be changed. Mohammed's advice to beat one's wife (after first giving her a warning and then shunning her) cannot and will not change for the next ten thousand years.
If vikings were Muslims they would be back to raping and pillaging because there would be nothing in their religion to stop them. As proof, a tiny minority of Muslims are the cause of most of the terror in the world yet the 1.499999 billion non-terrorist-Muslims do nothing to stop them. There are more Christians than Muslims yet when a handful of Christian fanatics started bombing abortion clinics, the Christian world was outraged. Anti-abortion priests even offered a reward to capture them; When was the last time a group of Muslims offered a reward to capture Islamic bombers?
Q. You know nothing about Islam - read the Quran - do some research
A. Dear Muslim, if you weren't blinded by your religion and you read the Quran as an intelligent person, you would not be Muslim, provided of course they allowed you to live. Yes, I've read the Quran - that's why I am afraid of Islam. The reason that America and Europe even allow Muslims in is precisely because most people are quite ignorant of Islam and have not read the Quran. I can assure you that if they did, I wouldn't need to write a blog warning the world about your religion.
If you, dear Ahmed or Fatima, think Islam is a religion of peace then you are quite naive. Do you honestly believe that Mauritania, Somalia, Western Sahara, Maldives, Afghanistan, Turkey, Yemen, Algeria, Morocco, Tunisia, Iran, Comoros, Iraq, Libya, and Pakistan all became 96% to 99% Muslim because the former Christians, Hindus, Assyrians, Jews, Animists, Sikhs, Baha'i, and Zoroastrians who lived there before simply found Islam so divine, so compelling and beautiful that they converted without force or oppression? Are you that gulli







Come on! A Jewish comedian making Jewish jokes is NOT the same as a guy who doesn't want Muslims around making Muslim jokes. Would Jews react positively to a person who wanted Jews to leave the country making Jewish jokes?
Having said that, cultural protection is a valid reason to not want tons of immigrants.
NicoleK at February 25, 2009 7:11 AM
BRAVO
Ruby at February 25, 2009 7:16 AM
To NicoleK,
I would find it fun to hear some of the jokes that Muslim comedians tell, especially the ones that poke fun at the Muslim culture.
If you know of any, I would enjoy following the link.
Andrew_M_Garland at February 25, 2009 7:32 AM
Offtopic (but brief!).
(Clicking on the Planck's Constant website brought back very happy memories of Bernie's - I presume - absolutely brilliant Sopranos coverage. Belated thanks!)
Jody Tresidder at February 25, 2009 7:37 AM
http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/2008/10/insulting_muslim_jokes.html
Yeah, these are not Jackie Mason's Jewish jokes, or the Jewish jokes of any comedian I ever heard who wasn't writing for StormFront.
I have no idea why Bernie would think those jokes are somehow comparable.
I am curious about the distinction Bernie makes between Muslim and Islam.
jerry at February 25, 2009 11:33 AM
Its very simple a mulsim is a person
Islam is a murderous, bigoted, terroristic totalitarian golbal domination scheme
lujlp at February 25, 2009 12:02 PM
Islam is a religion of peace!
Feminism is all about achieving gender harmony and equality!
Politicians are devoted to selflessly serve the interests of their constituents rather than themselves!
Communism fosters a social paradise!
Etc., etc.
IT is as IT does, not as IT says.
Unfortunately, most of us are SO easily bamboozled.
Jay R at February 25, 2009 12:05 PM
The three greatest lies:
Anonymous Coward at February 25, 2009 2:44 PM
Red herring, Andrew. I was not making a comment on whether Muslim culture is good or funny or not. I was merely pointing out that jokes that may not be offensive when made by one of the group, are often quite offensive when made by someone outside it. Don't try to claim that the anti-Muslim jokes are good ole friendly humor. That's bullshit. They aren't, anymore than anti-black jokes on Stormfront are a bunch of fun little jokes between interracial friends.
Which is not to say that people shouldn't make anti-whatever culture jokes. Just spare us all the claim that its all friendly fun. It isn't.
NicoleK at February 25, 2009 5:30 PM
NicoleK, exactly. I'm in 100% agreement with each sentence you wrote. Thank you.
jerry at February 25, 2009 7:47 PM
Amy, thank you so much for the kind words.
NicoleK, sadly there are not enough Muslims telling Muslim jokes so I have taken upon myself to fill the gap. I agree that the jokes would be more acceptable coming from a Muslim comedian, but unfortunately Muslim comedians do not have the cojones to come out with any real funny jokes.
For example, here's one of mine: Q. What can Saudi Arabia do to raise the average IQ in the country?
A. Allow Jews to come in.
Aside from being funny, it is also true. Can you imagine any Muslim comedian having the nerve to make such an observation? If Muslims had a sense of humor and if the Quran did not make blasphemy a sin punishable by death, then perhaps Muslim comedians could be coming out with some edgy stuff by themselves and I would not be necessary.
Sadly, joking is un-Islamic: Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman in his book Islam: Questions And Answers wrote: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart." (Saheeh al-Jaami', 7312)
Of course, all jokes at their very heart are offensive. That is when they fulfill their greatest purpose, to make us laugh so that we aren't so pent up with anger that we kill each other. If Muslims could laugh off the Crusades, or the downfall of the Ottoman Empire, or the fact that tiny Israel cannot be defeated by 325 million Arabs, then we would have less violence in the world.
Another point, Chris Rock makes some very interesting observations about race relations and pokes fun at white people. Some may find him offensive. I find him funny because I do not take my whiteness seriously. I can laugh at myself. I wish Muslims could laugh at themselves.
bernie at February 26, 2009 8:48 PM
http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/2008/10/insulting_muslim_jokes.html
Q. How long may you look at a Muslim with one eye closed?
A. Until the magazine is empty.
Bernie, this "joke" is disgusting. It's not a joke about Jews that Jackie Mason would make. It's not a joke about whites that Chris Rock would make.
That you don't understand that is nonsensical.
jerry at February 27, 2009 12:50 PM
jerry, if I had written the same joke about Nazis would that offend you? Would you complain that even though the majority of Germans were in favor of Nazism, they were not all evil?
The majority of Muslims in the world hold the same views about Capitalism, Communism, and Jews that the Nazis did.
That you don't understand the similarities is sad.
bernie at April 12, 2010 11:33 AM
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