I'm amazed they didn't arrest the boyfriend.

"Police remanded her into her mother's custody."

I wonder if her mother knew about any of this before the police told her. I was about to make some kind of snotty remark about her parenting skills, but monitoring what kids do on line is hard, especially if you're not home when they are.

Put her on the list of registered sex offenders for life. That will teach her.

Well, the Puritans will be placated anyway.

We don't allow our kids on Facebook, and we monitor their Internet activity. Someone at our High School posted jokes about my teen on their Facebook page. I only found out after another kid told the Vice Principal, who called me. We try to be involved parents, but technology is hard to keep up with. Our kids also know if they did this, they would lose the computer for the rest of their time under our roof.

Ruth,

That's good to be as involved as you are, but even if your own kid was banned from computers under your roof, you do know he or she would have access elsewhere, right?

There is just no way to control kids' access to technology.

Teach them - in a general way - what is acceptable and what is not. Like: you wouldn't post nude pics of yourself at the bus station, nor should you do it on the Internet. Teach them to how to act like civilized creatures.

Then let go: give them responsibility and have confidence that they will do as you have taught them. It's this last that is most important: handing over responsibilities to the kids at the earliest appropriate age.

@Bradley13: There is just no way to control kids' access to technology.

Dang straight on that. And you're right on the other part, too. You can only teach them how they should behave. You can't control what they do when they're out of sight. My eldest was instant messaging from about the time the technology came out ("I'm not goofing off, I'm multitasking!"). She got into the Facebook thing pretty early too. Fortunately, she's fairly computer savvy and knew enough to protect her page from strangers and the like.

Her experience made her extremely strict with her much younger siblings. She won't even let them get into Facebook until they're older, even if their schoolmates are doing it now.

Fortunately my kid doesn't seem to care much for tech like that, but I have already showed him just how everything you ever put on the internet can be found later, and/or used to harm you. You just have to keep repeating that mantra until they get it when they are older. At 14 they don't really have the ability to think much of the future. I always use 'consequences in addition to' plus whatever they are caught doing. Knowing they have to clean the bathrooms with a small brush if they screw up does wonders for making them think...

and realizing they will still screw up, is really important. I don't mind the police involvement, as much as I mind putting their crime together with crimes of adults. This should be a juvie thing, with no permanant record till their ACTUALLY adults, IMHO.

kg-
Exactly. You can only hope trying to set an example of being an ethical person has some effect on your kids. And teach them resonable caution. And let them screw up sometimes, just try to minimize the damage done.

My daughter learned to type her name before she could write and like most youngsters today simply took all our hard earned technology for granted. When about 12 she got in a spat with a fellow pupil who said something about her. Her retaliation was to produce a T-shirt with a copy of the offending email and various other comments and wear it to school.

I was impressed with her attitude and easy adoption of technology as a weapon. Don't tread on me!

> Police remanded her into her
> mother's custody.

The loving father of the home is not mentioned! You could knock me over with a feather....

> Kudos, Ruth, for doing the job.

Word. See the magic word there?

> We don't allow...

And don't tell me that Heather has two Mommies. Everyone knows there are no lesbians named Ruth.

This is just sad. You're concerned about kids' "access to technology"?

Maybe I'm missing the other things you're teaching, but what kind of kid have you raised? They can drive cars, shoot guns, snort coke, have sex and steal you and the neighbors blind while the law holds you liable for it, and far earlier than you think. They watch TV and get a bunch of ideas from there. Housewives are desperate, the ideal babe is gymnastic, plastic and "recyclable", hot guys are always available, shooting people is no big deal and you can be completely cured. And the food ads? Count them. It's a wonder any kid escapes being a Butterball. Food is what kids spend most of their money on nowadays.

And you're worried about time on the computer?

I hope you teach everything. "Safe" computing. Gun handling. Disease prevention, emphasis venereal. How the car works.

You get responsibility that way. It's not the school's job.

Abstinence doesn't work. It didn't work for Mary.

You're *supposed* to screw up when you're a kid! Not allowing to screw up as a kid, merely pushes the inevitable screwup to when they're adults.

It's part of learning and growing.

so when are they going to punish the boy? Everyone knows women (and girls) are patriarchally-oppressed innocent creatures, who are under constant pressure from men to do things they would not otherwise do.

Like the case a while back where a guy coached his girlfriend by phone during a murder, on how to go about things ..and he got life in prison, whereas she pretty much went scot-free.

"And you're worried about time on the computer?"

Well, yes, kids can't pose naked on the TV, and the TV doesn't try and coax kids out to secret meetings, and to IM about sex...you can get in a helluva lot more trouble online than watching TV, even though I agree with you that TV teaches only the lowest in behavior and morals.

'They can drive cars, shoot guns, snort coke, have sex and steal you and the neighbors blind while the law holds you liable for it, and far earlier than you think.'

Nowhere did the poster in question say that limiting computer time was the extent of her discipline methods or house rules.