Anyone working at an office and sleeping in the same place every night does not need to live on their cellphone. I use my cell for emergencies and to let my family contact me when I'm in transit. And to consult my wife while doing the monthly shopping.

If you're a brain surgeon, real estate broker, or journalist, I'll cut you some slack if you apologetically say "excuse me I must take this call" - but only some.

Amy, brava!!

I've stopped having lunch with many friends because they're so rude with their various gadgets. Let's see, how can I quote some of them without revealing identities? Forget it -- suffice to say that several have told me in one way or another how important they are, how the fate of the western world rests on their shoulders, how their clients "need" them, how they simply must take this phone call, blah blah blah. Sad to say, but people like that aren't friends.

The Japanese do it politely, excusing themselves and moving out of earshot to take or make a call. Good example, so I follow it.

I am, however, going to disagree with a few of the comments. I am on-call 24 by 7. This isn't by choice, and if the phone rings, excuse me but I have to answer it. It's my job, not my choice and luckily it is infrequent.

The next screed will be how some people are "rich" or "lucky" and should share the wealth. Um, no. You aren't getting the calls.

No, Mark, we understand that a few -- very few -- people are on call 24/7. My husband is one of them. He's not rude. He doesn't take every call that comes in. He doesn't interrupt dinner conversations to take them. If it's something urgent, which is, by definition rare, he excuses himself from the table. My erstwhile friends do none of the above. They just bulldoze their way around the world.

And then there's the whole new way of "giving you the finger." Someone with whom you're having a conversation takes a call and rather than excusing him or her self momentarily, he or she holds up an index finger in the "just one minute" signal which is supposed to keep you fixed in position awaiting the end of the call recipient's business.

If I "get the finger" in that way, I will walk away.

"I am on-call 24 by 7."

Not only are most people not vital to their job, as you are, their standard conversations are inane.

And think about this: when you make a minion call you, you allow them to push work they could be doing to you instead. That's something lots of companies have not figured out: constant access wears the workers out, and hides the slackers who merely make calls to others for things they could handle.

It depends on the company I'm in and what I'm doing. Most of my friends don't get bent out of shape over this, as they take calls too. Usually, if I'm out to lunch with a gf, and I get a call from my husband or a friend, I'll say, "It's so-and-so, do you mind?" and I can tell they don't. Then, I'll keep it brief.

Many of my friends know each other, so they're just as interested in what that person is up to or has to say...because maybe we'll ask him/her to join us or find out how they're doing.

I own a business, so if an employee calls, it's usually important. They try not to bother me otherwise. If I see it's a certain employee, like a property manager, I know they're calling about an issue that probably can't wait. I typically need to authorize some action or expenditure.

That said, I don't take calls in professional settings, standing in line in the bank or places like that. I'll wait until I can excuse myself and return the call.

And if a friend of mine seemed annoyed by my answering calls, I wouldn't. But, like I said, this seems to really only bother certain people...mainly the people who don't do it themselves. lol

I think that's part of the issue. People tend to fall into two groups: those who love technology and find it an amazing way to stay in touch and those who have disdain for it and believe it's ruining all social contact and maybe even civilization. Some folks hate Facebook or other social networks in the same way. They'll say (arrogantly), "Oh, I don't Facebook." While I think they don't know what they're missing.

LS I don't think it's about hating technology and believing it's breaking down polite society-it's not the technology, it's the people.

It would be no more or less rude if it happens without technology. Say I am out to lunch with my GF. I various friends of mine keep coming to my table to chat and I ignore her to have my own conversation with them, it's rude. If I'm at a party having a conversation and stop my friend midsentence to talk to someone else and expect them to wait for me, without saying excuse me it's rude.

Back in the Stone Age, when all we had were land lines and the occasional pager for us unlucky suckers who were on-call, I always told my family and friends to please not call between certain hours *unless* it was a dire emergency. If I had company, that's what the answering machine was for. I could hear enough of the message to tell if it was a "Hi, how ya doin'" or a "Dear God! The blood, the fire, the half naked men rolling through the .....BEEP!". And then I could excuse my curious self and call them back.
I once got a call from a State Trooper at 2 AM when a relative decided she wasn't getting enough attention and was going to " commit suicide". I put that in quotes, because, in her case, it was the ...30th, 40th? Run at it, all very much faked, after the 10th or so we stopped worrying so much about that and just tried getting her to help herself, period. But I digress. 2am, State Trooper, on phone. I think it's work at first, so I start stumbling into clothing even before I register what he's saying. When it does sink in, no doubt he's uber confused by me asking if there is a bridge nearby, and when he says yes, my response is, go there, turn off your headlights like you are trying to catch a criminal. Don't let the woman know you are there, or she will pretend to jumpand keep you there all night. Have the sneakier of the pair of you go round and snag her as she sits smoking on the end of the bridge. And don't call me back.
He was surpised, confused, and called me anyway, the bastige. It all went like I said.
'any blood?' I asked.
'Well, no.' he said.
'Any problems, found her, got her bundled off ok?'
'um, yes....'
'Great. Is there something you really need from me, officer?'
'Don't you want to know..'
'Nope. Have a g'night, Officer'

It really depends on how its done. If I'm out with a friend and she checks her phone because her kids are with a sitter or school, of course I don't have a problem with that. If I'm with a friend who has to answer every single phone call and text then that is rude. There's always a balance. Technology has made it easier for us to be reached for important things and emergencies. My friend Judy wanting to tell me some juicy piece of gossip while I'm lunching with my friend Sarah is not an emergency.

As far as Amy's assertion that her good friends know how to reach her by email as opposed to email and that the phone call is rude, I disagree. Because Amy prefers email communication over a quick phone call to make plans does not make the caller rude. I prefer to talk to a friend through a phone call if we can't be face to face much more than through emails and texts. That's my preference and I don't consider it rude. I don't have a Blackberry or I Phone so emailing friends is more of a chore than leaving a voice mail or actually hearing a voice at the other end of the line. Again, there's a balance between calling someone incessantly while they work or are out and calling someone to say you'd like to get together or talk and call back at your convenience.

As far as Amy's assertion that her good friends know how to reach her by email as opposed to email and that the phone call is rude

I really hate when, right below a blog item where I say something, people invent what I REALLY said.

I merely wrote what I prefer and how I've trained people to not think I'll be instantly available by telephone or to think that they can use me as a way to kill time while they're on the freeway: "I train people to know that I will not talk on my cell phone unless I'm stuck in traffic and need to let them know I'm late, or something like that, save for the occasional exception. And even then, I never talk in a public place. No stranger should have to have my conversation streamed into their brain."

What is rude is forcing others to listen to your personal conversation. Whether they're strangers or the person seated across from you. And if you're texting and there's somebody you're with, you'd better be a mom looking to see if there are carpool issues, a doctor wondering if the new liver has touched down yet, etc.

Otherwise, you're not important; you're just self-important.

"I really hate when, right below a blog item where I say something, people invent what I REALLY said."

I wasn't trying to invent a meaning for what you said. After reading it twice, that was what I thought you were implying. If I read it or interpreted incorrectly then of course I apologize for offending you but as someone who reads you daily, you come off very strongly as someone who hates the phone, so again, that is where I think that reinforced what I thought I was reading. We are in agreement with the rest and I believe I stated that. As a mom, I can't always meet people for coffee or lunch so I do appreciate phone conversations. I don't answer my phone in public except for emergencies and I hate talking through text and email. Again, that's just me.

Another reason I may have misinterpreted your meaning is that I am always a little put off when you talk about "training" people. Its a strong word to use regarding friends and acquaintances. Its something I always associate as doing to dogs and monkeys and not people. Again, its a personal choice, but it leaves room for different interpretations.

A little ego-bruise apparent there. When you've learned what your friends will and will not accept from you as normal behavior, you've been trained.

Rad, it may be a little of my own issue creeping in there. I have had issues in the past that I've been open about regarding controlling relationships so I may be more sensitive to certain language than someone else. My friends and acquaintances are all very different personality-wise and I try to respect our differences. I guess I don't consider it training as much as being respectful of the needs and wants of people. That's not a dig at Amy, btw, because I do believe she is respectful of others. I just take issue with the language she chose. It did color my view of what she said.

Some people really hate talking on the phone. My son is one of them. Any phone conversation is short with him, yet he'll text all day and prefers that I text, though I'd rather hear his voice.

My daughter doesn't mind talking on the phone, but it seems texting is the preferred form of communication for her generation. I mean, her boyfriend's father was killed in an accident, and he texted her from the hospital that his dad was dead. They texted all that night, pouring out their grief in little tap,tap,taps, and it never seemed to occur to either of them to CALL.

But she writes well, and can text without even looking, so maybe, for them, it's faster and easier to express themselves.

Thank You, Amy!
And on that general subject. Dear friends, (regular or FB variety). If you call me up, be sure FIRST, that you want to talk to me. If you're also going to be texting, reading e mail, watching tv, taking a dump, answering call-waiting, then do me a favor and hang the fuck up!
If you're expecting an important call, pay me the courtesy of not calling until after you've received the call. I'm not a charity case whom you fit it while killing time.
And no, it's not multi-tasking, it's rude!
Thank you Amy, for the bill board space. I feel better now!

Call waiting is another thing that was supposed to be great for an emergency but is overused. I agree with you Siobhan that its so rude when a person keeps asking me to hold while she answers the other line. I always understand if its important and not expected, but some people hold multiple conversations like that.

'Well, no.' he said.
'Any problems, found her, got her bundled off ok?'
'um, yes....'
'Great. Is there something you really need from me, officer?'
'Don't you want to know..'
'Nope. Have a g'night, Officer'

Let me guess- She was naked?
funny story!
Depression or suicide isn't, but sounds like she had other things going on.

What I detest the most is being complicit in someone else's rudeness. I have a friend in particular that I will call, and he won't answer, because he understands that it's rude to hold a conversation with me while out with someone else. Then he'll text me "I can't talk now, I'm out with so and so, what's up?"
Um, no. If a spoken conversation is inappropriate while you're out with so an so, then I'm not going to text you and interrupt either. It can wait. I can leave a message. Which I likely already did, assuming you were busy.
Usually I prefer talking on the phone to texting. If there's a question about what I need or want, I can answer it immediately rather than waste ten minutes going back and forth via text.
If it's an emergency, I will text after leaving a message. But outside of "I'm at the hospital," there is very little that constitutes emergency in my mind.

I don't know many people who text in the middle of conversations... but I DO hate it when people who take calls during dinner.

I suspect some people fear it seems more rude not to answer, even if it's just to text back that you're busy, out to lunch, or whatever.

Everyone who knows me, for instance, knows I'm never without my phone. Unless I'm having surgery or on an airplane, there's no way I'm not seeing that they're calling or texting me. I'll ignore a few, but admittedly, I start to feel a little guilty and wonder if the person is getting annoyed by that, thinking, "I know she has her damned phone! Why is she ignoring me?"

In the case of my husband, he might even worry if I don't answer since he knows I always have it. So, I think a part of this is the habit of being so available. It's different with a land line. I often ignore those calls and let them go to the machine because I could be out of the house. The caller doesn't know that I'm there, and they don't know that I know that they just called. But, with the cell, there's that caller ID falshing brightly, and I've had people call me back wondering why I didn't answer the first time.

I went to a "party" recently that saw 10-12 people in the backyard jibber-jabbering on their phones and perhaps 15 people inside. I sat to next ding-dong at lunch in Farmer's Market (in Lo Angeles) recently who was having lunch with a really nice-looking girl. He talked on his cell phone many, many times.

Los Angeles parties are often odd events--it sometimes seems that people come to talk only to the group they came with. I have attended parties where no one greeted me (or anyone else) at the door, made no introductions, and the music was playing too loud to talk anyway. I would forgive even banal conversation if at least it was sincere, but alas even that is too much to ask for.

It seems entire generations have lost the art of conversation, flirtation, slow dancing with members of opposite sex etc.

My parents had great parties, with nice earnest conversant people, dancing when appropriate (later in the evening), flirtatious women and more. I guess it was the Xavier Cougat records.

Hey, you know businesses that will ignore you, standing right in front of them, to answer the phone...

"...though I'd rather hear his voice."

I'd rather hear my wife's voice than any other sound in the world, but...

Texting is complicated, and so it turns off part of the brain that would otherwise just wail. It is more comfortable to do that than scream when a horrible thing has happened.

"It seems entire generations have lost the art of conversation, flirtation, slow dancing with members of opposite sex etc."

This is the kind of statement that baffles me. Perhaps in CA this is true. I don't know. But I just had a wedding, and the teens and 20-somethings there certainly knew how to flirt, and slow dance, and I know from my daughter's reports that she and her friends have many great, philosophical conversations.

The fact that they also text, e-mail, and Facebook doesn't remove any of those abilities, but I think a lot of older people assume so. It's kind of our equivalent of the fear of the Beatles, or Elvis hip shaking. This way of relating is new and different to us, but it's important not to view it as more negative than it actually is. This technology has a lot of positive components too.

Unfortunately the use of phones, etc. is here and I don't see it changing. Many people are oncall 24/7 - I think just about everybody I know who has an office type job. All the jobs I have applied for since being laid-off require a significant amount of out-of-hours availability. The job I am currently in negotiant for requires me to be "reasonably available" when not on vacation but they say call-ins are rare - once maybe twice a year. The pay is also about 20% less tan the other jobs I have been going for.

I think a lot of it has to do with 24/7 world business is in. I also think that many people don't realize the cost of many things. One of the jobs I interviewed was attached to a 24/7 production facility and they noted 24/7 support was required. During an interview I asked one employees, he noted that having a machine down minimally cost the company $5000/hr and could easily be $10,000/hr. As the people who determine how the machine is to work, if it doesn't you are expected to be in there on the double.

Of course many people who are oncall 24/7 don't really need to be. I thought this was funny where I used to work. The company had a policy that specifically directed everyone to turn-off or at least silence their phone and not answer during meetings unless there was business need to do otherwise. The CIO directed all his direct reports that they were to be accessible as there was a business need. Thus, his direct reports demanded the same of their direct reports. And so on. It was silly.

This really seems like the ugly chick demanding that guys should be interested in her for personality - really, that just isn't going to happen much.

My kids text constantly. At first I worried about them losing the art of conversation but now I marvel at how adept they are at all of the technology as I try to figure out how to send a picture message. Some parents hate Face Book and all of the social media. I don't have a problem with it. Kids communicate differently than I did as a teen and its not necessarily a bad thing.

Facebook has actually brought me much closer to friends and family. It's allowed me to have a glimpse of their daily lives and vice versa in a way that I couldn't possibly get from the annual Christmas letter. I now instantly know what their new grandbaby looks like, who lost their job, or got engaged.

Yet, I still get together with them face-to-face, probably even more so now because I know from their posts if they're going to be someplace closeby or are going through a rough time. It's so easy to reach out and let someone know you're thinking of them on Facebook.

When my friend lost her 17 yr old son back in January, there was such an outpouring of love and support from around the globe. Those who couldn't be there to hold her or cry with her could still express their love and anguish.

Of course, those of us closeby could still see her, but she really didn't want many people coming over to her house. Yet, the sentiments people posted on her wall were very comforting and helped her get through those darkest early days.

She even posted a tribute to him, with photos at all ages, and everyone wrote such beautiful stories of their memories of him. It was like we were all sharing in the grieving process with her, which just wasn't possible before. In the past, you might attend the memorial or send a card, but you couldn't really BE there day to day, which is really when the support is most needed.

Technology is like most other things, beneficial until abused. I think my company has it right. I have to be called, and I have to notify others. Most of the computers we support aren't that important, but some outages can stop factories, or as in one memorable self-inflicted fiasco, "keep ten thousand Indians from getting paid." I didn't write the contract, I just need to abide by it.

We pay huge penalties if there are too many outages, or repeated outages for the same cause, or the outages take too long to fix. That means we never let some system administrator struggle with an outage without getting help. We never let our bosses find out about outages from the customer. In most cases, this isn't necessary, but it's not optional. More than one person has found that out the hard way.

It is backward, in the sense that technology is supposed to improve life, but it is part of the job. It's not about my ego.

During an interview I asked one employees, he noted that having a machine down minimally cost the company $5000/hr and could easily be $10,000/hr.

I've worked with many industrial and road management systems where the cost is much higher than that - $50k/hr is not unusual, and it can go way higher than that. But they should have designated people on call on a roster for that sort of thing. Admittedly a lot don't, but I don't have much sympathy for them. I'm a bit unusual in that I don't mind being called, at whatever time - if I'm not busy and I can help someone out in 5 minutes instead of facing a disaster the next day, why not? But if I'm doing something else I probably won't answer.

If you want to guarantee that I'll answer the phone and attend if necessary, I'll need a retainer for the time I'm on call thanks. I've done that in the past - I think it was $100 per day that I was on call plus time for any callouts. We had to respond within 1 hour and be onsite if necessary within 2 hours. And you were only expected to respond during your rostered time. Which was fair.

My father was an obstetrician so I remember the spectacle of his pager going off then dropping everything to find a public phone (back when you didn't even get a message, just a beep then you had to call the service to find out what it was about). So I suppose I was inured to this sort of thing fairly early.

When I'm with friends - well, it depends on the friend and who is calling. You get a feel for who calls only when it's serious and who probably just wants a chat. At the least I'll excuse myself to take it, I don't really like others overhearing my conversations anyway.

Want to see the tools used right? Here.

Yep, sooo many folks are not really needing to talk or be available on the cell phone ALL the time - it really is about being SELF-important.

I work as a corporate trainer, I try to make sure that learners understand that cell phones are to be turned off during training class, if you really need to keep it on for emergencies then answer by going outside the classroom.

Most folks understand this; but there is always that occasional jerk who answers it in class and talks in a loud voice OVER me, the trainer.

Everytime this has happened, I do the same thing, *I* stop talking, stare at the person in silence, and within a couple of seconds the whole class (or at least a good portion of it) is now reprimanding that selfish individual. Works every time.

I also make a note of who in class was not paying attention because he/she was busy texting or IMing or surfing the web, etc. This goes into my report about that class. Those folks are usually the ones who will complain that training wasn't any good. (It was any good because they were NOT mentally there, duh!) So, I need to CYA.

I think the situation is actually a lot weirder than just being rude. A lot of people who text constantly seem to be of the impression that texting is an activity that takes zero time and requires zero effort -- that time more or less stops for them while they text, and so texting is an activity that is inherently consequence-free. An acquaintance of my wife's is in the ICU because last week she decided that she could text while driving. And the best part: she did this knowing, for a fact, that her air bag system was not working.

"---who was having lunch with a really nice-looking girl. He talked on his cell phone many, many times."

It would have been fine if the girl was old or ugly!
or it was another guy.

"---who was having lunch with a really nice-looking girl. He talked on his cell phone many, many times."

It would have been fine if the girl was old or ugly!
or it was another guy.

>>"Turn off the damn click-click-click sound on your phone!"

I've got a Library story for that one. I'm out on the floor, making the rounds. And I keep hearing this blip-blip-blip sound at a really fast pace. It goes on forever and I finally track down the source. A twenty-something on her cell (not a smart phone, so she's having to scroll through the keys to get her letters) texting.
"Excuse me, ma'am, we ask that you silence your cell phones. Could you turn the volume off?"
"But I'm not talking. I'm texting."
*sigh* "I know. I can HEAR you texting."
Amazingly oblivious.

"---who was having lunch with a really nice-looking girl. He talked on his cell phone many, many times."

It would have been fine if the girl was old or ugly!
or it was another guy.

Maybe he was calling and complaining....something like:
"I ordered the petite brunette...not the blonde!"

I completely agree with lovelysoul....there seems to be this rift between techno-pros and techno-cons....but like someone else said, technology is here and it's not going anywhere. People can be pretentious about cell phone use. Of course having a conversation in front of someone else's face is rude. Only special needs idiots do that. But to send a quick text while you are at dinner to your kids...especially when you can text without looking like I can, is really no big deal. I can multi-task very well, but prefer not to. I have four of the greatest friends in the world and my time is not any more valuable than theirs...so i can wait on a quick text if my friend needs to do so. Plus, I don't choose to divie out the minutes of my life as if each one is clocked-in hours...to me that's super tacky. And I'm not about to get all upset over some beep beep beeps of someone texting. But then again, I grew up with five brothers and sisters and can pretty much block out background sound completely.

I just had a "conversation" with my mother on this very topic. I myself had always believed that if someone texts you while you are having a conversation with someone else, it is completely courteous to excuse yourself for a few seconds to let that person know you are busy. My mother says that this is actually very rude, but I hadn't known this. I believe that it is actually more rude to ignore them completely, and that you should text them back to let them know that you are busy (and not just ignoring them entirely). However, there can be exceptions to this, such as if you are talking to someone like a Professor (if you are in college), or a co-worker at your job. However, if it is a casual setting, then I honestly think that you should excuse yourself momentarily to text that person and let them know that you are busy at the moment. Am I really rude to believe this?