This is something that truly happened:

Friend of mine (guitarist in a band) was living with a woman who had 2 or 3 kids from a previous marriage, and things, while they had started out well, were rapidly going downhill. He met this other woman at a gig (surprise, surprise) that his woman didn't go to, but since I was singing with them that night, she asked me to keep an eye on him. Not my job, I told her. But anyway...

Guy and other woman start dating, he starts spending more time away from 1st woman, she starts to catch on. I finally told him "time to grow a pair and move the eff out already!" So he told her he was leaving. Started packing up his stuff. Got most of his equipment out, some furniture, left a lot of clothes, which first woman packed up for him. In large black plastic garbage bags. Into which she also dumped used cat litter, complete with the, ah, "litter".
Not pretty. Very smelly. Laughed about it years later.

At the time, though, it was pretty damn grueling, what with the first woman showing up at gigs and starting crap. Which just made her look pathetic, which I tried to get across to her, but she wasn't listening. She eventually got the idea, but it seemed like it took forever.

More funny than downright awful... A friend of mine made an impulsive move to another state with a new boyfriend. She didn't know him all that well and after a month or so, his drinking and anger issues surfaced. After a few instances of physical violence she had enough. She called and asked a mutual friend of ours to drive the three hours to help her get her things and move out while the boyfriend was at work. On her way out, she stole one shoe from every pair he owned. During the drive back, one by one, she tossed them out the window on the highway.

I know one woman who sent her ex a batch of cupcukes, as long as he returned a picture of him eating one. (She had mixed cat feces into the batter.)

Another woman posed as someone else on the internet to set up her cheating ex. He was waiting on a park bench late at night, expecting to meet someone for anonymous sex. Instead, she and her friends arrived with bright lights, cameras and a megaphone and gave him an earful of taunting until they were sure someone was going to call the police on them.

This same woman with another ex scattered powdered milk on her ex's front lawn late at night. It mixed with the morning dew, and when the sun hit it, it stunk to high heaven.

She also did the shaving cream on his car windows, but with a variation. She stuck flattened boxes to the shaving cream, when the shaving cream dried, the cardboard proved very difficult to remove. Required long spraying with a garden hose.

Wow, you all know some psychos.

Does my ex tapping my phones,stalking me, or breaking into my house as I slept count as romantic revenge?

I dated this guy on and off for a couple of years (yes, a couple of years too long, but I took awhile to learn that lesson). We kinda worked together: I sell things to his (enormous publicly traded) company. When I finally moved on with my life and started dating someone else, he had an absolute meltdown. He had a vaguely obscene, clearly recognizable photo of me, and he printed out a bunch of copies and "accidentally" left them at the office. I have never been more furious or mortified in my entire life, and keeping my chin up and mouth closed nearly killed me. Fortunately, he quit his job and literally left the country shortly thereafter, and everyone was more sympathetic than judgmental about the whole mess.

Incidentally, I'm marrying the "someone else" in a couple of weeks, so I'm pretty sure it all worked out for the best.

I just don't get the whole revenge trip. Just move and take responsibility for you choices.
However..........
A friend told me broke into his ex's apt. (he still had a copy of her key) and put a small amount of high grade Oleoresin capsicum in her personal lubricant.
She and another guy went to the emergency room a few weeks later.

https://www.google.com/search?q=high+grade+Oleoresin+capsicum&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

Several years ago I dated a guy I had met at a concert. It wasn't anything serious and we both knew it wasn't going anywhere because he wanted to get married and have kids and I wasn't interested in getting married and making more babies. We had become really good friends during our time together and I think we each truly valued the other's opinions and assessments about one another. Anyway, he met a woman and started seeing her seriously - he was very upfront and honest and no hard feelings on my part. They had some ups and downs and he would occasionally call or email me asking for a female point of view. She was very insecure and evidently went through his phone one night and got my number and left me a really ridiculous message about how he was her boyfriend now and I should get over it and move on (she was 25, he was 39 or 40). Anyway, fast forward a couple of years - they got married and have had a couple of kids. He emailed me when his son was born, I replied that I was really excited and happy for him and his wife, because I knew he had always wanted to be a dad. I received a terse reply from his wife, basically accusing me of still having the hots for him and invited me to the baby's bris so she could face me once and for all. She included her cell number and their home address so I could attend. Unfortunately, I was out of town so I did the next best thing - I ordered a set of drums and had them delivered to the house.

I realize it's not true "romantic revenge" on my part. But oh what fun I had doing that. They had a little girl last year so I sent a starter guitar. For the record, I knew he had a daughter because he emailed me when she was born - his wife chose the name - it's my youngest daughter's name.

A friend of mine was always doing crap like this, because her husband at the time was always cheating on her. They got into physical fights, which she could not win (I have never been able to think of her as a typical "abused woman") so she would cut his clothes with a razor blade, or leave him after trashing the house, or on the most memorable occasion--while he was sleeping on his stomach, she covered his bare backside with Nair.

He said later that the worst part was when the hair started growing back in.

Back in college, my friend had been dating a guy for 2 years, when he got another young lady pregnant. He did do the "right" thing (broke up with my friend to be with the mother of his child). But my friend was still enraged.

She knew his email password -- and also knew that he'd been using his email as a means to save his 50+ page end-of-term paper. His computer was broken, so he was using the school computer lab to write the paper and, instead of saving it on a flash drive, he had been emailing it to himself every time he made additions and edits. The school, of course, wiped all saved documents on its computers every 24 hours. So the only version of this paper in existence was in his email.

So, my friend logs into his email, finds the email that has all the versions of his essay, and permanently deletes it. She then sits back and watches Facebook, where he soon posts "EMAIL IS F*CKED UP. IT ATE MY WHOLE PAPER! WTF??? FML!!!"

Why would anyone want to be friends with people like these? Some of this stuff borders on criminal - not the kind of people you want in your life.

LOL I thought calling the boyfriend I had in high school a stupid jerkface was pretty hardcore.

I'm gonna need names and addresses so I can map out my safety zone.

Well, Snoopy, I can't speak for anyone else, but my ultimate solution was to change states, because my home town gave me a bad attitude about people in general and men in particular. The guys were bad, and the girls had to be ferocious enough to handle the guys. Being something of a wimpy bookworm myself, I had to go find something different, but I'll never forget the place.

I doubt anyone seeks out batshit crazy friends, but one does get the best anecdotes out of knowing them.

I went on a single, blind date with a woman who spent the entire dinner telling me about things she did to guys who broke up with her. The most memorable one was she waited for a night when it was raining hard and put two M-80 firecrackers under his windshield wipers, blew the windshield into the car, destroyed the wipers, and the whole inside of the car got drenched.

For the record, she never saw my car, and she never called me to go out again (she had my number, I didn't have hers).

Thanks Pricklypear!

Holy crap, Mark. Reminds me of the Carrie Underwood song.

Now my crazy friend loved cars and would never deliberately hurt one. Though come to think of it, on one occasion I thought we were going for a walk and it turned out we were heading for her husband's girlfriend's house.

She knew he was there, and she intended to take the car. We got there, got into the car and went to drive it away, but she backed onto something and got the thing stuck.

We locked the doors while he came out and yelled at her as she smiled sweetly at him through the window. It was raining, so he only stayed outside long enough to yank the ignition wire and went back inside.

So she got out, lifted the hood and yanked all the wires off the distributor cap. (I think. I know very little about cars.)

Oddly enough, nobody got into a fight that day. The girlfriend wisely stayed inside with the door locked while the husband and a buddy of his worked on the car, eventually sending my friend and I to a garage across the street to get a print of how to reattach things in the right order.

I wonder if she remembers this as well as I do. We haven't talked in years. Funny I don't remember how it ended. We probably all went to a bar. The other guy was quite taken with me, but that's a whole 'nuther disaster. No revenge story, though.

Two words: Lorena Bobbitt

Lorena Bobbitt technically wasn't an ex at the time.

I think the beauty of my accounts is this: she didn't actually cause property damage. Yes, the powdered milk think raised a gigantic stench, but nothing that a few hours of watering couldn't ... mitigate somewhat.

Yes, the cardboard boxes on the windows with shaving cream was a hassle, but the car didn't need repainting. Only hosed down.

Okay, the cat feces in the cupcakes...not sure, but I imagine the baking process would have killed off anything harmful. He didn't need his stomach pumped.

I dunno, my ex did enough damage to make me leave... and she's been laughing all the way to the bank ever since. My resultant financial disaster was met with barely concealed glee, and I won't be done paying 'till my daughter turns 19 if then.

Does that count as revenge?

OTOH, she has been using all these years of money and alimony to get here engineering training polished and get a decent career... NOT.

So when I'm done paying for the daughter and she's 53, and has been working part time for 15 years, and not doing much?

Will it be my revenge? Nah, I'll just think she was foolish.

Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

OTOH "If you want peace, then live alone." -John Popper
These are true words.

I doubt anyone seeks out batshit crazy friends, but one does get the best anecdotes out of knowing them.

This is very true!

The closest I can come to a revenge story is more of a gentle ribbing, but it's still fun so I may as well. My first gf and I went out for 6 years (16 to 22) then broke up amicably (just grew up with different goals). We were still very good friends, so years later she asked me to MC her wedding. She was (is, I guess, but a couple of kids have settled her down) a very volatile person - red haired Scottish/Irish background - and towards the end of the speeches I put in my own two cents, just a brief word about how I had known her for a long time and that I was glad she was so happy. My closing line was "I haven't known [husband] long, but I do know one thing about him - he's a *very* brave man!" Her parents in particular thought that was hilarious. She took the last speech, did her whole prepared thing, then turned to me and said, "No, he's not that brave - he just bothered to ask me!"

Silly me for thinking I could get the last word.

(Patrick, to be fair to me, always my first concern, Amy did ask for ... true stories of relationship revenge ... it should be something awful. Check and check, in spades.)

@Snoopy, it's not like these people are wearing signs or usually bragging about this to new bfs. I did have on gf brag about how she trashed a guys place when she suspected he cheated. I broke up with her soon after.

Here's my heart breaker.
I'm 26 years old and just graduated with a professional doctorate.
Met and dated what I thought was an amazing girl. She had many wonderful qualities, and I was Heartbroken to learn of her tough upbringing (dad ditched and ignored her and her family, while her mother went certifiably insane and would leave the kids for days at a time). She had an ex who had also treated her poorly, so I was excited to be the guy to show her what a healthy relationship is all about.
Note: I have dated and been with quite a few girls as it takes a lot for me to actually fall for someone, so this was my first serious relationship.
One thing led to another and we were engaged, the jealousy, insecurity and manipulation began to come through, but at that time I didn't even fully see it as she isolatede me from family and friends. Effectively I was being controlled through guilt and my nurturing personality. Forever feeling like I had to prove myself to her.
I couldn't leave her because then I was just doing what every other guy in her life had done. I was a wreck.
We were living in a small northern town where I was on a rotation for the summer and set to buy a clinic. The insecurities and disruption on daily life got to be ridiculous. I wanted out, but felt such guilt about leaving.
When my rotation ended I got up the nerve to break it off. I realize how awful this next part sounds, but until you are in such a situation it's impossible to really judge. I've always prided myself on being strong, but I had a lot to learn.

I went along with one of her cheating accusations in order to make her want to end it too. Which sort of worked, but more just turned into a bigger guilt trip. I left and called everything off. I did ask for the ring back before leaving, and she claimed it was at the bank so she couldn't get it- did I mention I am Al's trusting to a fault? I figured she would be rational and return it.
Instead i get news that she threw it in the river. And I mean a full size river, not a creek. She had also not using the money given to her for insurance as it turns out.
I then got a letter from the clinic I was looking at working for and buying out suggesting it may not be a good idea for me to do so, as apparently she had spread all sorts of awful misinformation about me. She then went so far as to contact fandom family members of mine she had met, aunts, cousins, sisters, and even my parents, attempting to completely slander me.
The worst part of it all? That was the same style of reaction her mom had to her dad cheating on her ( putting posters up all over the school he was a principal in).

If Amy asks nicely :) , I may contribute my 'clown porn' story which is a hilarious tale of ridiculousness and insecurity to the extreme.
I should also add I'd asked for a break in the engagement until she had gone to therapy (which I was happy to attend with) to learn how to deal with the insecurities and insane jealousy issues. We got back together as she had seemed to be heading down the right path.

I also highly recommend reading shrink4men.com. Amy has recommended this before too. But it gave me a lot more insight into these issues, and this style of relationship.

I'm surrounded by mostly rational people I guess, I only have a Cosmo Confessions from forever ago for a rotten revenge story. Disqualified since it's heresay, but yikes what a devious thing to do:

The cheated-upon lady unscrewed the finials on her ex's brass bed before she left and dropped a pound of raw shrimp in the tubes, then recapped. She said that she'd heard he changed apartments a few times trying to get away from the smell.

A friend, S., from college: She was 18 and had never known her father, and she started having an affair with a much older married guy where we worked. He told her he was in love with her and wanted to leave his wife so they could be together. But he kept stalling. Wife caught on. He actually never intended to leave, and he convinced the wife that S. was a crazy young thing who was obsessed with fantasies of him and wouldn't leave him alone, but that he had never touched her.

Wife called S. and pityingly told her she had daddy issues and needed to get help for her delusions. S. gathered up every letter, poem, card, and trinket he had ever given her, including a notated copy of "Lolita," put it all in a box. Collectively it constituted an explicit diary of their affair, including their adventures in his marital bed. She drove to their house, rang the doorbell, and threw the contents onto the screened-in porch. His wife got there first.

Dr Tara Palmatier's site Shrink4men.com is filled with these stories. Nobody can make this stuff up!
The article about Mary Richardson Kennedy is about as frightening as they can come-- Booby Jr tried to have her legally removed from his life; she hanged herself in the horse barn for 'revenge'.
She clocked 9 out of 9 traits for Borderline Personality Disorder.

When my recentest sweetheart dumped me, I still didn't have a Facebook page, but friends kept sending me invites, so I created one. I looked at hers, of course. I figured she'd find mine as well. Hers had lots of pics of her galpals horseback riding. I posted a bunch of pics of MY galpals horseback riding-- her included. I want her to know she's special to me, just like all the others.

PS-- The ex sweetheart self-inflicted the worst revenge... Went out on a borrowed horse, on a crazy cold windy day. He's a nice horse, I've ridden him, too, but he's a nitwit. I have no idea what she was thinking, though. Her ride ended at the hospital: broken bones, separated shoulder, major emotional trauma.
The excuse she gave for dumping me was to focus on all the chaos in her life. The accident gave her a couple of months to do that.
I'd like to ask how her life has improved, but she won't speak to me.
Me, I'm still alive. I was having heart issues when she dumped me but my bypass operation turned out pretty well. I was dying.
She wouldn't invite me to her holiday party that year... guess she didn't want me stealing all the attention.

A friend of a friend's then wife got photos of her and her new lover posted on her facebook page (or maybe it myspace). Note she had very social conservative friends. Then about a week later her employer was running a promotion on facebook/myspace where people were to upload pics of themselves and the companies product....photo got upload there too with a caption about who it was...the company didn't notice but a fair amount of others did. She was fired. Many of us think it was that friend of a friend who "had suspicions" but we don't know for sure. He was government guy with lots of contacts in the government including the NSA so that might explain how things happened to get done.

One gal posted her ex-bf's phone number and address on a gay discussion board looking for anonymous sex. He responded by placing ads with her information & naughty pics they had taken while a couple as a hooker.

I only read about this one in the paper. One posted on craigslist the house was being remodeled and people were free to take whatever they wanted. when the other one returned from vacation the place was totally empty.

Another piece of hearsay: Hollywood mogul tells starlet she won't be coming with him on month-long trip to oversee foreign film shoot, and please move out while he's gone.

He returns, finds everything in order, but the phone upstairs is off the hook, and speaking a foreign language...

...reciting the Time of Day in Tokyo.

This girl appears to be breaking up with someone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1eJPz_t3iM

including a notated copy of "Lolita,"

I have one of those from a 21 year old (15 years my junior at the time), who, unfortunately, didn't have sufficient daddy issues to sleep with me. I think she wanted an older brother who wasn't her actual older brother. Actually, fucked if I know what she wanted.

And she claimed she had never led me on. Come on, as hints go, and that wasn't the most blatant... Problem is, she was pretty enough to get away with it. And damn well knew it. I chalked it up as a learning experience.

Bunny boiler: a slang term for a partner or former partner, particularly a female heterosexual partner, who shows obsessive behavior such as stalking and in some cases, violent acts of retaliation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecWhXP2jM28

I think I have told you about the Troll I dated back when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. He moved into my house to "take care of me", but all he did was "take". He stole money and things like my leather working tools, tried to drive a wedge between me and my kids, even expected me to pay his way for everything because "he was there because of me".

Meanwhile, when I was in chemo, I would lie on the crappy couch in my gameroom because he wanted to use my computer, and he couldn't hear me calling from my bedroom 2 floors up. And other things, like when my hair started falling out, he used duct tape to pull the loose hair *shudder*.

I put up with him til I got back to work. I was still in radiation treatment, and tired as hell, but my No 1 daughter was helping me, and No 2 was staying with her dad on weekends, so even the little bit the Troll was doing I could live without.

It was a Weds night in July, right before my birthday, I went to the mall with my best friend and my No 2 daughter. When we got home, my pickup truck was packed with boxes, and the Troll said, rather dramatically "I think it's time for me to get back to my own life!". Now, mind you, it was about 8pm, on a weds, I had to get up for work the next day, and got for rad treatment after work.(I went 5 days a week) He wasn't going 'home', he was going to a trailer he mooched off of another friend that was an hour away from my house. He was bluffing, betting that I wouldn't want to make the trip that late, or that I would beg him to stay (egotistical mf that he was).

I turned to my BF and asked her "Can you watch Squeaker?" She said "Sure." and I turned right back around and said "Ok, come on then!"

The Troll went white as a sheet, and started stuttering "but, but, late!" and "what about.." but I wouldn't turn around. We got into the truck, and started out to 'his' place, he tried to talk me out of it the whole way. I just kept telling him"Oh, no, you are so right, I should have never kept you from your life's work for so long! I'm such a selfish bitch, you were so kind, how could I keep you one minute longer!". (I said it with a straight face, too, coulda won an Oscar :)

We get to the trailer and he unpacks his stuff with the funniest hang-dog expression. I wouldn't even let him hug me, I just sat in the truck til it was empty, and left.

One month later, I went to a big gaming convention, Gen Con. I got invited to the White Wolf party, so my BF and I went, and who should show up but the Troll and his new "host". She had to be Tom Petty's twin sister, she looked like she'd been smacked by evey branch of the ugly tree on the way down :p

I had an entourage of guys buying me drinks, the Troll saw me, turned around and dragged TP-host back out of the party. Troll couldn't take seeing me have fun :p

It's a long story, but I hope I got the high points. Feel free to email for more.

I've got a romantic revenge story for you, but it's not cute and it's not funny. At a place I used to work at, two co-workers started dating and eventually got married. He was a well respected manager; she was kind of a MILF-y type. (She worked for a different department and wasn't in his chain of command.) Her office was across the hall from mine and I distrusted her because her moods swung back and forth for no apparent reason. Also, she smoked a lot. But he did too; apparently that's how their relationship started.

Anyway, about a month after the marriage, they realized it was a mistake and decided to divorce, and he moved out. From all reports, she was being very civil about it. They reached various agreements, including one that he would pay her a rather substantial sum for her expenses, including some expenses associated with the wedding, as well as giving her the house.

He went over to the house one day to write her the check. As he sat at the kitchen table writing the check, she crept up behind him, put a gun to the back of his head, and blew his brains out.

The case should have been a slam dunk; the police had a confession and physical evidence including the gun. Despite that, she copped a plea and will be out on parole in about four years.

Threadwin, Cousin Dave.

Wow.

o.O

> an explicit diary of their affair, including
> their adventures in his marital bed. She drove
> to their house, rang the doorbell, and threw
> the contents onto the screened-in porch.

I kinda like that story. S. was presumably old enough to be responsible for her own heartache, but I nonetheless think the guy got off easy.

One of the mottoes at Sosuave-dot-net: "Never stick your d!ck in crazy."

My best romantic revenge? Sleeping with all her friends.

The case should have been a slam dunk; the police had a confession and physical evidence including the gun. Despite that, she copped a plea and will be out on parole in about four years.

Posted by: Cousin Dave

Well, to be fair, he had a penis, and therefore was a defacto abuser, sick fuck propably asked her to wear heels in bed

Not a revenge story per se but a very funny one from my MIL:

My mother in law's uncle was the actor Louis Calhern, who was unlucky in love (four marriages, four divorces). Well, after one divorce his ex-wife bundled up all of her monogrammed stationary (reading Mrs. Louis Calhern) and sent it to the new wife with the note: "I hope these reach you in time."

http://www.laphamsquarterly.org/miscellany/ex-wives-evolution-dead-sons.php?page=all

Thanks - these are super-helpful.

> "I hope these reach you in time."

That's golden.

I STRONGLY RECOMMEND that Amy's readers follow Astra's link of September 19, 2012 11:20 AM

This story was told to me by my best friend, a high school teacher regarding one of his students.

This couple had apparently had a really really bad break up. They were the traditional high school couple, fighting in the halls, making out the next day… etc…
He had a beautiful restored show worthy classic car that he absolutely adored. He took better care of his car than his girlfriend.
When they broke up, she put tampons in his gas tank.

Yeah. Even I cried about that one…

From a Family Court Judge I know. The following was introduced into evidence:

A married couple was going through a rough patch before the divorce was filed. After one argument that angered the wife, she cooked her husband a steak dinner to "...patch things up." She had her period at the time. Before serving him the steak, she removed her used tampon and squeezed the contents onto his steak.

Given that I order my steak blue if they know what that means, or rare if not, that really doesn't bother me Nick. A bit more blood...

Cousin Dave, that is a really sad story. I agree with the thread win. I disagree with your smoker denigration though.

LTW...so you are are o.k. with menstrual blood on your steak. How about my spittle in your water ?

Amy asked for acts of revenge. Think about the movie, " The Color Purple". Whoopi Goldberg does not like a man who asks her for a glass of water. She gets the water, spits in it, then looks on with smug satisfaction as he drinks it.

I think if you poll people, most would not like menstural blood on their steak, spit in their water, a thimble of urine in their lemonade, etc. But if I disliked you, it would be sweet revenge to watch you eat/ drink them.

Maybe its just me, but in my 40+ years of life, I have only bothered to take "revenge" with one person. And that was in the form of dropping a "money owed" 1040 for two years to the IRS.

She had ripped me off for money/items, as well as several neighbors. It was all in the we knew it was her, but couldn't prove it to cops.