The kid never had to write a thank you note?


Perhaps he's never gotten a gift or perhaps his parents -- both of them -- failed to teach him manners.
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Quite likely.

But also, as I mentioned previously, I think, a lot of parents mistakenly believe kids will pick up boring life skills by osmosis - such as how to do laundry without ruining any garments or flooding the floor with suds. No. They only learn when parents go out of their way to TEACH them - and then ASSIGN them to do that chore, over and over.

(Tip from John Rosemond - do NOT exchange chores more often than once every four months - well, one month minimum, anyway. This not only gives everyone time to learn to do a particular chore to perfection; it helps prevent the absent-minded and the liars from wailing: "It's not my turn!")

Who is to blame? He is! Easy enough.

Also: I seem to remember a letter to Dear Abby by a young man - a teen? - who signed it "At a Loss." (Can't find it.) He complained that his parents were loving but had not taught him a lot of life skills - such as how to write a résumé - and it was very awkward going, trying to learn all these things on his own. On top of that, IIRC, they got angry at him when he asked for help or advice. Of course, there IS such a thing as being too lazy, but what kid wants to write a laughable résumé that hasn't been at least checked by an experienced adult?

Teaching kids things at home should not be considered a horrible, unfair burden. Kids shouldn't have learn every little thing on their own - but once you DO teach them, they should be on their own.

I don't entirely agree with lenona. If parents spend time with kids (and limit the amount of activities and TV to more reasonable levels), then the kids will be around (and not zoned out by a screen) to SEE some of this done.

Nobody taught me to do laundry. I picked up bits and pieces over time - mostly from watching. I did have to teach a few folks in college though. This isn't to say that instructions can't be passed while you are talking & folding laundry or whatnot (I learned about balancing checkbooks before I went to kindergarten. I couldn't DO it, but I had the idea down).

So, while I mostly agree, I think that there is some "osmosis" if families spend time together and don't outsource "entertainment" to the TV.

Brian S. Hall comes across like an ass. By the end of the blog he finally figures out that someone on the Internet can teach his son how to do this. All he proved was that a grade-schooler is a better teacher than he.

When my girls were little, I thoroughly enjoyed showing them how to do things, even boring things like changing the sheets on their beds, doing their laundry, setting the table, cooking simple meals, how to use a broom, the vacuum cleaner, and yes, how to write thank you notes! And while they weren't exactly dancing a jig while learning all of these things, I don't think it's been a wasted effort. They can now take care of themselves (and pretty much could since they were in the 8th grade) with minimal input from me. I slways thought that that's what parenting is: teaching your kids basic life skills, so that they, too, can function in the adult world.

I distinctly remember learning how to address and stamp an envelope in the first grade. Probably spring, because wh had all learned how to print by then.
I was seven years old.

Another win for the modern public school system. All that emphasis on "critical thinking". And nothing on the basic skills that you need if you are even going to be a functioning adult.

Deer Lord. There are plenty of programs that can take typed in data and generate a properly formatted envelope.

Actually, I think I this was taught to us in high school, I want to say in English class, and definitely in typing.

Yes, I took typing. It is a useful skill.

Next week - how to write a check.

Mostly for the rent. But also, have you noticed that you can use a credit/debit card online to order and pay for a pizza delivery, but no medical practice will allow for it? The ones I am involved with, hospitals and private practices alike, will accept one - but you have to read it out on the telephone: otherwise, write a check.

Considering that his son's failure to learn these things is his own fault — couldn't help but notice that when he was speculating who was to blame, he left himself off the list — he shouldn't have been so sarcastic and belittling to his son as he explained the process.

Self-righteous prick. It's little wonder his son didn't learn much from him. Like anyone would want to listen to him.

Mostly for the rent. But also, have you noticed that you can use a credit/debit card online to order and pay for a pizza delivery, but no medical practice will allow for it? The ones I am involved with, hospitals and private practices alike, will accept one - but you have to read it out on the telephone: otherwise, write a check.

Wow, no wonder they lose so much money. My dr and dentist both take credit cards.

Most sensible people went to them along with payment at the time of service because once computers came along, checks were so, so easy to forge.

"Teaching kids things at home should not be considered a horrible, unfair burden. Kids shouldn't have learn every little thing on their own - but once you DO teach them, they should be on their own."
I couldn't agree more with this.

Here's a thought:

Could it possibly be that in between smoothing cowlicks, studying, trying out for sports teams and attending team practices, participating in extracirricular activities and volunteer work that is increasingly necessary for serious consideration by good colleges, hanging out with friends to be sociable, attending family functions, planning summer activities, researching career options to choose a college major, and being berated for not automatically knowing basic life skills that have never been shown to him, the poor kid might not have had time for it to occur to him to Google "addressing an envelope"?

People complain about teens having a bad attitude. I wonder where they could be getting it when parents assume that the school system is responsible for teaching everything worth knowing.

"I'm not sure who to blame. His mother, perhaps, or the public school system. But it turns out that my son--days away from graduating from high school--does not know how to send mail through the U.S. Postal Service."

Gods forbid he blames himself. Anyone but him. Maybe Mom.

http://youtu.be/1EnPUBQlQTI

My six-year-old niece sent me a thank-you note this week. She used purple ink (and a lot of glitter and Disney stickers), but the stamp and return address were in the right place. I'm sure her parents worked with her, but that's pretty much the point.

Not to mention -- even if this high schooler somehow has never had occasion to send a piece of mail, is it possible he's also never seen a piece of mail? No one in his house even gets junk mail? Really?

My theory is that the kid knows perfectly well how to address and mail a letter, but got so annoyed with his jerky dad that he deliberately acted ignorant. If so, good on 'im. I will keep this story in mind when dealing with my kids...

This isn't a new problem: My mother was in Venezuela starting our family in the 50's... she had to teach the other young moms how to prepare a fresh-killed chicken.
I used to work in a big-city bicycle shop where boys would come in, utterly unfamiliar with the name for the two round devices a bike rolls on. They called these devices "rims".

I guess he writes thank you e-mails?

But yeah, has he never received a piece of mail? That sounds weird.

My six-year-old niece sent me a thank-you note this week. She used purple ink (and a lot of glitter and Disney stickers), but the stamp and return address were in the right place. I'm sure her parents worked with her, but that's pretty much the point.

Gail, that's super-cute.

I get notes like this from my little neighbor (who's 8).

They make life worth living.

Again, the problem today isn't clueless kids, but lazy parents.

So Mr. Hall claims his boy has the computers and the smartphone, and I have no reason to doubt that's true. On the other hand, I'm not sure I understand why the kid's got 'em, if he doesn't understand the wonders of Google. A search on the phrase "How to Address and Envelope" returned, among many others, this gem, from the delightfully-named Walter L. Parsley Elementary School in North Carolina.

It seems Mr. Hall's boy missed out on something important, not having attended Walter L. Parsely Elementary School in North Carolina.

People complain about teens having a bad attitude. I wonder where they could be getting it when parents assume that the school system is responsible for teaching everything worth knowing.

Posted by: ValiantBlue at June 1, 2013 5:28 PM
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Parents expect too much from teachers in general, from what I hear. Even those parents who think home economics are a waste of valuable school time often forget that even if we took away every subject that wasn't known or ubiquitous in schools 40 years ago (including sex ed) it still wouldn't be fair to expect teachers to teach STANDARD subjects in as much detail as they used to, simply because every day, there are more good novels, more history, more scientific developments, you name it. So parents who fume about the lack of detail in, say, American history courses in their local schools should stop whining and learn to enjoy reading such books to their kids - and other books as well. (Even educated parents don't necessarily enjoy reading ANY types of books to their kids - and then they wonder why their kids don't enjoy school and never get As.)

Not to mention that if parents can't gently persuade kids to learn to enjoy READING - not just listening to - books that challenge their brains, the kids are always going to have a lot more trouble than necessary in school, since they'll be too used to doing only easy, non-intellectual things for fun.

I have this idea for a service to help bridge the gap between the generations on this issue. It would work like bill pay. I go in and set it all up once with everybody's birthday and address and then every year it sends out a card 5 days early so it's always on-time. It would be great if it could learn my handwriting and print in heavy ink and fold the card before it's dry.

Before you invest, consider that bill pay is facing the sunset of obsolescence as more and more vendors realize the value of timely payments and set up auto-draft. Similarly, Great Aunts will either die off or learn to smile at a timely email from their nephew rather than resentfully holding off for a bleated postal Thank You note.

'belated'. bleated would apply more to the email.

And a hipper dad would answer, "what's a return address? with, "it's like the sender's ip address in an email header, only even more easily spoofed."

lenona, I couldn't agree more!

lenona, I couldn't agree more!

Posted by: ValiantBlue at June 3, 2013 10:31 PM
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Thank you!