And this is a common occurrence, where men (and women) are actively targeted by the ex and the children alienated from them.

It happened to me.

And it's aided and abetted and frankly encouraged by the Court. Every court delay adds to it. Every bogus hearing. The bogus TROs. The court psychs. They all know what they are doing.

Every $300 per hour attorney fee.

The states will enforce child support orders to the pain of jail. But none will lift a finger to enforce custody orders.

States and courts should be mandated to enforce custody orders. Court mandated divorce agreements should start with shared parenting custody orders with a rebuttable presumption of joint shared physical custody. And court psychologists should be required to have training in "parent-child relational problem", how to recognize it and how to mediate it.

https://www.nationalparentsorganization.org/recent-articles?id=20972

I started off with a 50/50 physical custody order.
My ex petitioned and was allowed to take the kids out of state (under a precedent that has since been overturned). When I finally found a job in that state, my time had been reduced to "the standard every other weekend." Even still, my ex often made it impossible for me to pick up or see the kids. Court hearings were always made 9 months in the future. And would then be delayed.

It's been two years since I've seen my kids.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a26Idn1njdA

This sort of thing makes me really appreciate my ex-wife. We had a court-ordered custody agreement like everyone else, but I'll be damned if either of us knew what the hell was in it or even read it. There was no, "it's my weekend with the kids" bullshit. We both had all access to the kids at any time, as all parents should.

When I went to war during a particularly rough time in our daughter's growing up years, she kept me well informed and involved in what all was going on. She even followed me out of state with the next military assignment (it worked out well for all as the next spot was just a better place economically and otherwise).

I'm not trying to rub anything in. I really feel for men in these silly custody situations. I just wanted to scream to the heavens about how much I love and respect my ex-wife. She has really done a lot to ensure that I have always remained the patriarch of my family. She is a REAL mother who has always put her children above herself. Jesus, I love that woman.

Wow, Jerry, that's terrible. You have my sympathies.

I believe it is partly due to a history of male-dominated court systems. Men generally value money much more highly than relationships, by default. And women I think by default value relationships more highly. So male-dominated (I'm talking back when no-fault divorce first appeared) courts tried to ensure that "value" was distributed fairly, and that generally meant money, generally earned by men. Don't pay support, go to jail. Oh, and by the way, Mom should make sure the kids are clean and they go to school.

The world is different now. I think most men now realize that relationships are important as well. But the courts haven't kept up. They are still using the fairness == money equation, as a basic tenet.

(That said, I agree that a whole court economy exists to delay fair resolution, as these stories illustrate.)

@ whistleDick
I had a similar case. While the ex and I weren't really friendly, neither of us tried to lay claim to our son. We didn't have a formal custody agreement - didn't fight that battle. It wouldn't have been good for him. She was the "main parent" but he spent plenty of time with me. And she did a great job with him.

"I believe it is partly due to a history of male-dominated court systems. Men generally value money much more highly than relationships, by default. "

I get a somewhat different take on this. I think it's a combination of white-kinghting and judges who perceive the men who appear before them as being of lower class than themselves.

Thanks Cousin,