Best not hire her.

Yes, it is inappropriate to comment on people's looks. Yes, she overreacted. No, this is not something that should make the news.

It's worth noting that she initially contacted him with one of those "don't you want to be in my network" requests (or whatever LinkedIn calls them).

When you get one of those from someone you don't know, you take a look at their profile. If you want to accept the request, you want to say something in reply. But you don't really know them, so what are you gonna say?

This guy made a bad choice, maybe. She could have politely ignored it, or send him a private message. He has apparently already apologized.

Her taking it public, however, is a massive faux pas. She's an asshole, as he - and now the entire Internet - realizes.

Inappropriate to comment on someone's looks? BS. I'm old enough to remember when it was called "paying someone a compliment".

So a woman that I work with, gets her hair cut, I notice it and say "I like your haircut". Nicole, I can't do that? How about an outfit that looks good on the person, "Hey, that looks good on you" or a perfume that smells nice "What is that, it smells good".

Now the way the guy phrased it is awkward and yes perhaps meant with a bit of innuendo, but Nicole your comment leaves men with absolutely zero room to pay someone a compliment.

Some women have to realize that sometimes what a man says means nothing more than what he says.

Proudman herself had commented on men’s looks on social media, judging one to be “hot stuff”
So she can do it, but he can't?

Proudman has refused to accept Carter-Silk’s apology, saying she feels it did not sufficiently “acknowledge that he has done something wrong.”
Probably because he didn't do anything wrong. Get over yourself, honey.

I saw the picture. It's obviously a professional portrait, with great attention to hair and make-up. She had it made, and personally, specifically decided to use it on LinkedIn.

And now she complains that somebody noticed?

I think I know what really happened here. England has two types of lawyer - barristers and solicitors. She is the former, he is the latter. Barristers have always looked down upon solicitors and are acculturated to view them as little more than a necessary nuisance. I suspect that it wasn't so much the comment as the fact that it came from a person she has been trained to view as being her inferior.

Her bleating about using LinkedIn purely for business purposes is a load of crap. There's no requirement that you post a photograph on LinkedIn, yet she chose to use this carefully-made image, on which she obviously spent a lot of time and effort. Why would she do that unless her intention was to present an attractive physical appearance? Hypocrite.

But she will now find out what they obviously did not teach her at law school, and what her meagre life experience has not yet shown her - instant karma's going to get you. She has shown the entire world that she has no discretion and a very thin skin. These are very poor traits for a barrister. I suspect that she will find very few new briefs coming her way, and she will end up working on salary for some human-rights or women's-issues charity.

llater,

llamas

Link to what DrCos mentioned:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3229951/Ooh-la-la-hot-stuff-s-prim-barrister-centre-sexism-storm-said-men-ogled-web.html

SHE ogled men on the web.

"Nice haircut" to someone you know is very different than "You are stunning, the most beautiful picture on the internet" to a complete stranger.

You're right, I phrased it wrong, maybe, "Don't comment on stranger's looks" would have been better.

The dude was inappropriate. But he wasn't "Shame on internet and make a huge news story" inappropriate.

But I feel the same way when some celebrity says something stupidly racist/sexist/whatever. They shouldn't have said it, but it shouldn't have been news.

Next on the news, someone farts in an elevator.

I'm w/NicoleK on this one.

It is a "stunning" picture. And the guy is not so old or so rich that he is clueless about first-response appropriate business chatter.

It is okay to test the waters but common sense should dictate at least waiting long enough to shake her hand. His response does not "smell" right.

NOT EXCUSING her own inappropriate behavior of going public at all. She should have gone "Yuck" and moved on.

She must be very confident of her ability to find a job to burn these bridges (what male employer in his right mind will take a chance on her), but I think llamas has the most logical (assuming a lot here) take on it both professionally and womanly. (The horrors of a old non-rich (he's working) solicitor coming on to her.)

In the next phase of this drama, poor Charlotte Proudman will be publicly (and loudly) demanding to know why nobody will hire her.

Dear Charlotte: I apologize for ever having thought you were a human being worth knowing.

Hey, most folks being complimented on their LinkedIn profile pic would be glad someone noticed.

However, I think she tried to get folks to notice her because she had a professional portrait done; and now she is trying to get more to notice her by crying foul.

She needs to update her LinkedIn profile by adding the words: attention whore.

I seriously don't see any 'coming on' in his comments. I doubt he thought he would ever see or hear from her again. As I said yesterday, is it a complement or harassment? Depends on how sexy the guy is. Too bad for this fellow, he just ain't sexy enough. And kudos to her for slamming the door on a number of job opportunities. HR knows how to use google.

So a woman that I work with, gets her hair cut, I notice it and say "I like your haircut". Nicole, I can't do that?

Frankly, I wouldn't recommend that if you're in the USofA. If she complains, and you have an HR department, they'll put you thru a ringer, ding your employment record, and maybe send you to compulsory training to raise your sensitivity to your misogyny.

Presuming that they don't just decide that your services are no longer needed. If you're lucky, they'll do that first, instead of sending you to your training and then terminating your employment.

If you're really lucky, they won't have armed security escort you from the premises.

But I feel the same way when some celebrity says something stupidly racist/sexist/whatever. They shouldn't have said it, but it shouldn't have been news.

Depends on the celebrity. Some of them choose to preach at me about (pick celebrity talking point of the day), and the media reports on that. In that case, the media also should report on them doing/saying dumb, stupid things. It gives...contrast...to the words coming out of their cakehole.

Yeah, it's the media's fault, but people doing/saying dumb things is low hanging fruit for clickbait, and requires nearly next to nothing in terms of effort on the part of the media.

I sent her a tweet just now, "If it's any consolation, I don't think you're attractive at all." I hope that makes her feel better.

Her haircut is hideous. The "short and sassy" went out with Dorothy Hamill. And the bangs? Ugh.

I wonder if he had used a different word to describe her photo. Like "lovely," "nice," or some tamer word, would she have not gotten quite so bent out of shape?

When I first saw her pic I thought pretty. Not stunning, but pretty. Then I read the story, and now she look hideous. Funny how that works. She must be a very proud...man?

"In the next phase of this drama, poor Charlotte Proudman will be publicly (and loudly) demanding to know why nobody will hire her."

Some years ago there was a lady who started hanging out at the dance club we go to. She had had a boob job that she was very proud of. Every week she wore a push-up bra and wore her top unbuttoned down to her diaphragm. And then... whenever she noticed a guy looking, she'd chastise him for it.

Well, guess what... everyone got tired of this, and after a while guys quit asking her to dance. This really pissed her off, so one night she announced loudly that she knew that all of the men had engaged in a conspiracy against her, and therefore she would no longer grace us with her presence, and she stormed out. Yeah, we were really broken up about that.

(The women in the club didn't like her any better... she had a princessy attitude with them, expecting other women to wait on her, etc.)

HOW DARE YOU NOTICE THAT I WORKED TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK ATTRACTIVE!!!!

Lets see, Ms "Looks dont matter"
1 cut her hair to frame her face
2 washed her hair
3 combed her hair
4 wore earrings
5 wore mascara
6 wore lipstick
7 wore eye liner
8 wore blush
9 stood slightly at an angel while taking said pic to improve the look of her figure

Oh, and when she goes out to parties she wears push up bras and lacy see thru over shirt to highlight her breasts

So tell us again how looks dont matter?

What's really stupid is spending both money (make-over and professional photo) to place on da 'net and then complain when somebody notices.

Oh yeah. I want to hire her real quick.

I wonder if the guy had been closer to her age and what she consider attractive if she'd have been offended? I've noticed that by and large that this is the case.

From Miss Manners' "Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium":

"Complimenting the appearance of a lady you do not know (for example, someone who passes you on the street) is an insult. So is diverting a business situation to discuss a lady's appearance, such as saying, 'I love your blouse' to a colleague in the midst of a professional argument.

"But the same remark addressed to a lady with whom you have a social relationship would be a true compliment and most welcome. A gentleman need only ask himself in what circumstances he would be pleased, and when disconcerted, to be told, 'I love your suit.'"

@"Yes, it is inappropriate to comment on people's looks"

No, it's absolutely not "inappropriate".

@" I'm old enough to remember when it was called "paying someone a compliment""

Would be a shitty world if nobody could ever pay anyone else a compliment.

Just decided I'm going to willfully go against this trend and deliberately regularly compliment women on their appearance from now on. Not going to be cowed by these "feminist" bullies, screw that, they've been pushing everyone around for long enough now.

Lenona,

What does Miss Manners say about how she acted? Also, I reject your characterization. He in no way diverted a business conversation.

Lenona, I can tell you that I would be pleased at any time and by any person who told me, "I love your suit." I know that might be disconcerting to you but I am quite open to compliments and people who aren't are assholes.

My husband would be thrilled if anyone told him they loved his suit regardless of the situation. He put a lot of time and effort into picking out a properly fitting suit and having it tailored. I appreciate compliments on my appearance, clothing, etc. I don't care if it's a stranger, friend, business associate. I put some time into looking like I didn't just crawl out of the clothes hamper so it's nice to feel like it was noticed. I have noticed the trend of compliments from men lately starting with "I hope you aren't offended, but....." and then the compliment. I fail to see how compliments are offensive unless you're an asshole that wants to complsin about everything and anything.

The way Linked in works is, if you give it permission, it will scavange your electronic address book, and send an invite to everyone in the electronic address book to link with you( and view your professional profile.

This female Barrister had to have this guy in her address book for him to get this invite and see her picture.

The solicitors, in fact, have a big role in chosing a Barrister to represent their client in court.
A Barister is dependent for their living on The Briefs they get from Solicitors.

Being a solicitor is much less glamorous, but it is also where a lot of the power is in the Bristish justice system.

So, in effect, this woman was trolling for clients, and like anyone else selling their services needs to remember who works for who.

So all you liberated woman, hypothetically say you work for Microsoft, and Bill Gates walks by your desk and tells you that you look *stunning*. You going to respond with a big *fuck you*?

Just askin.

Yeah, he blew the call. Gotta be smarter than that these days, boys.

I'd never say "nice outfit" to a female coworker.

75 percent would be pleased by the compliment; 24 percent might find it creepy coming from the old guy (I'm the perp's age), but would let it ride.

But that 1 percent would go off like this grenade, and the next thing you know I'm being frog marched to HR. Better to keep silent than to risk one's career playing "Find the One Percent."

Although, as an old guy, I do mourn our loss of the civility that such gestures represented.

Dear Ms. Proudman: professional, err... ladies Jo Guest and Angel Boris have both been displayed in that hairdo - although the hairdo wasn't the, umm, focus of said display.

Just saying. Because there's more to a person than their headshot. Or less.

"Yes, it is inappropriate to comment on people's looks... "---

Nope, there's nothing inappropriate about a white, heterosexual man being a white, heterosexual man, ergo finding women sexually attractive and commenting on it, especially in a private manner. There's nothing, amoral, unethical and illegal about it, anything else is calumny, slander, libel and defamation and violation of privacy which is in fact illegal in many jurisdictions. Actually, you know what?There's something inappropriate besides what I just mentioned, and that is the psychological projection and duplicity of pathological non-functional sociopaths like you and "Proudman". Res ipsa loquitur.

Since Alfonso brought it up, has anyone else noticed sociopath has become a euphemism for evil? I've seen this a couple of times recently and it seems like a growing trend.

I've noticed it, Ben, but I would point out, "evil" is a subjective term. At least "sociopath" has a specific meaning.

What does Miss Manners say about how she acted? Also, I reject your characterization. He in no way diverted a business conversation.

Posted by: Ben at September 11, 2015 5:12 PM
_________________________________________

Well, that column was from the 1980s, and she has not commented on this particular case.

However, I can assure you that she has no patience with those who are always looking for an excuse to take offense - this is from 2000 -

"Here at Etiquette Central, we are under siege from indignant citizens demanding justice. Applications to be excused from observing the rules arrive bolstered by documentation of illness, moodiness, busyness, family background, cultural background, provocation and plain old temptation, or by undocumented claims of free-spiritedness. Reports of misconduct pour in, along with petitions to amend old rules or institute new ones. True, we welcome citizen participation. A republic must consent to any rules that govern it, question those that are outdated or wrong and address new needs. There is just an awful lot, considering that only yesterday the population was ridiculing etiquette and declaring itself satisfied with unrestrained natural behavior, thank you very much. No sooner did people grudgingly admit the legitimacy of etiquette than everyone began bashing everyone else in its name."

- leaving aside those who DO have a right to be mad but whose offenders can't see that. As I mentioned in another thread, she spelled this out pretty well in her column "Good PC vs. Bad PC." You can read that one here:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1995/06/25/good-pc-vs-bad-pc/0ecede84-2980-4dab-8d51-942341c7f8d5/

That was kinda my point Patrick. I've seen lots of comments (not here) where sociopath was used completely incorrectly. I was over on Fark and someone commented 'You have to pick your battles. You can't do everything.' and numerous people popped up calling him a sociopath and calling that sociopathic thinking. Call it a cliche or a truism or even the cowards cop out, but in no way is it sociopathic. That exchange really stuck with me just because of it's bizarre nature.

I'm guessing sociopath is the new euphemism for evil in the social justice crowd. I think they can't use evil because of both the relative morality and their strong aversion to religion. We'll see if it sticks. If so we'll need a new term for sociopaths.

Why should she get a public apology? A big FU from me will have to suffice.

"Best not hire her."

And Matt vaults to #1 in comment-content/syllable!

'there's a 27-year-old woman who had what it takes to become a lawyer, yet is absolutely clueless about the biological sex differences between men and women."

What is surprising about that? Minds utterly impenetrable to facts that don't support their case seems to be a requirement for lawyers.