UC Santa Cruz's Official Tattletale Channel: College Is Now Nursery School With Beer
College is supposed to prepare students for adult life, but it's now just an extension of Miss Tibbett's preschool, with measures set up -- in this case, by the UC Santa Cruz Dean of Students' office -- for students to tattle on people who say mean things to them.

Students are now filing "Hate-Or-Bias Incident Reports." These are from 2014:

While walking to my car, I passed a Caucasian male going in the other direction who commented on my appearance. He said "You're a guy. Dress like a guy." I stopped, turned around and asked "Do you have something to say to me?" We stood looking at each other silently for a moment and then continued walking on. He then shouted "Yeah, you better keep walking."

Incident Report Received: 4/18/2014
Confirmation Email Sent: 4/18/2014
Bias Category Reported: Sexual Identity
Action Requested: Information only, no action requested

Some people from my hall have been bothering me. They talk badly behind my back and text other people mean things about me. It has gotten to the point were my door remains closed and I don't feel comfortable in my own hall. They are 3 males and one female. The girl is named "female student", and the others are named "2 male students." The third student I don't know, but he's friends with them and he's like 5'8 or 5'9. I have felt bullied and feel that I am not safe because of the constant laughter and the constant glares.

Incident Report Received: 5/23/2014
Confirmation Email Sent: 5/23/2014
Bias Category Reported: Creed, Socio-Economic Status
Action Requested: Review of possibly disciplinary action

Recently there was an SUA meeting that was discussing the Resolution to divest from companies that were violating the human rights of Palestinians by Israel. It was a very sensitive issue, and as a representative in the space, I felt very disrespected by the audience that was there. Earlier in the meeting we had discussed community agreements, and some of those were no snapping and clapping in respect. The Chair Shaz Umer had to remind people multiple times not to do this, but people continued to do this anyway. After we had voted and the resolution passed, there was celebration from the audience, but they did not respect the fact that SUA was still having the meeting and the fact that there were people hurt by the resolution.

Incident Report Received: 5/30/2014
Confirmation Email Sent: 5/30/2014
Bias Category Reported: Campus Climate Issue
Action Requested: Have the DOS contact me

My dad, as a young man, enlisted in the army to go fight the Korean War. He never got sent over -- spent his whole time in the US -- but he did sign up for it.

Consider the difference between my dad and these crypussies.

There are still "a few good men" left in this country, but there are also an increasing number of younger people who, if attacked by a foreign power, or if simply called upon to do something borderline brave, would crawl under the bed and suck their thumb.

Also, I spent much of my life, into my 20s, socially excluded (with the exception being my time in my temple youth group as a teen). The answer wasn't to tattle on the perpetrators -- which would only have perpetuated the behavior that led to my exclusion. The answer -- the subject of my next book -- was to transform myself into somebody who had friends, wasn't a suckup, and could even stand up for herself (to the point where I will say something to rude bullies when everybody else is afraid to.)

For an adult way to take back the power when somebody tosses a cutting remark your way, here's an excerpt from my book "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck":

Fighting ugly with pity: An all-purpose comeback for cutting remarks. You're in some social situation when somebody says something seriously rude about your looks or maybe your intelligence, right to your face. Of course, you come up with the perfect comeback-- two days later while sitting on the toilet.

The truth is, even professional comedians can find it hard to have a good comeback in a social situation. They're ready for the occasional heckler when they're onstage (and often have a fistful of preplanned comebacks, since how they'll be heckled is pretty predictable). But when they're standing in a group of people at a party and somebody puts them down, shock and anger can take hold, shutting down the smartass remark-building parts of the brain. (It's that "emotional hijacking" Daniel Goleman talks about in re-sponse to dignity violations.)

Sure, when you're loose from a few beers, maybe your wit will sometimes come through for you, but it's safest to assume that it will instead scurry off and hide behind a large piece of furniture. In other words, you should dispense with the notion that a winning reply to a rude remark involves a response so witty that it incinerates the rudester right where they're standing. Rather, keep in mind that there's a reason somebody is being so ugly and cutting. Happy people tend to be kind or, at least, uninterested in tearing other people down. Miserable people often want to lash out at the world--and there you are, so conveniently located as a target for their hate.

When one of these spitebags hurls a put-down at you, they expect that you'll either try to fight back or just stand there blinking and wishing you could disappear. Instead, you should do the last thing they'd expect: Look straight at them for a moment, and coolly call them on their rottenness with a remark like "Clearly, you must have had a pretty bad day to feel the need to say some- thing so nasty to me. I hope you feel better." (Sincerity is not required here--just believability--so say it devoid of anger, and sound like you mean it.) By expressing sympathy for them, you've accomplished three things:

1. You've refused to accept their turning you into their victim.

2. You've come off classy and bigger than they are.

3. You still managed to stick it to them, sending the message, "Sorry your life is such a suckhole that your lone path to happiness is trying to make other people feel like shit."