Where Feminism's Neoprudery Has Taken Us
Feminism now disempowers women and criminalizes being male. That's how I've long seen things and it's the subject of a piece I wrote for Penthouse Australia that I'm very proud of.
An excerpt -- the opening section of my piece:
These days, it can take surprisingly little for a good man to lose everything.Bora Zivkovic is a slight Eastern-European-born man - 5'11," but so slight that he often appears dwarfed by his poofy greying hair, big lumpy Slavic nose, and oversized round wire-rim glasses. Photographed at an unfortunate angle, he bears a resemblance to a cartoon owl.
Nicknamed the 'Blogfather', Zivkovic was the editor of the Scientific American blogs network and was responsible for bringing countless writers into science blogging, and especially for encouraging women to become science bloggers.
Zivkovic was having a smoke outside a Manhattan bar with science writer Hannah Waters when he bought a rose from a vendor for his wife, who was waiting for them inside. The vendor handed him two. "What's that, one for the wife, one for the concubine?" Zivkovic joked.
I find that funny. It made Waters uncomfortable. She said nothing at the time, but later deemed this and other similarly innocuous behaviour from Zivkovic sexual harassment in a 2013 blog post on Medium. The subhead: "There wasn't any touching or overt sex talk. But it was still harassment."
Two other women, Monica Byrne and Kathleen Raven, also put up blog posts in 2013 accusing Zivkovic of sexual harassment for behaviour from years previous that they, too, said made them uncomfortable. None of this behaviour came close to meeting legal standards for sexual harassment: neither coercive, quid pro quo "have sex with me or you're fired!" nor "severe and pervasive" behaviour (meaning repeated intimidating, threatening, abusive behaviour) that causes a "hostile work environment."
In the incident Monica Byrne blogged about, she'd known Zivkovic for about a month. She invited him to coffee in September of 2012, looking to interest him in her writing. Seated at the cafe with him, she mentioned visiting a strip club. She writes that Zivkovic then "began describing his own experience of going to a strip club". Then he got a little icky-personal about sex. Byrne later emailed Zivkovic to tell him she was uncomfortable. He emailed her an apology, and that was that. Or so he thought.
Never taken into account by these accusers was that Zivkovic exhibits various symptoms of Asperger's syndrome, which involves difficulty reading and decoding social cues and understanding the appropriate response. Though Zivkovic was never formally diagnosed, his wife, a psychiatrist who knows him, and many in the science writing community have expressed the opinion that he has it.
Zivkovic has the 'aspie's' tendency to laugh at the wrong moments and natter on endlessly about whatever's on his mind. He likewise seems a bit of a hanger-on, not clear on when his presence is no longer wanted.
In one example of this, he and Kathleen Raven were attendees at a science journalism conference in Helsinki. He had arrived at the hotel late in the evening and texted, "Can I come by and see you now?" Raven texted, "No, I'm afraid we have to wait until tomorrow morning. My husband is already in bed, sorry."
Shortly afterwards, a knock on their door. Bora said, "Hi!" and marched into their room. Her husband "sat shocked" in their hotel bed, Raven wrote. "Bora grabbed me in an embrace, picked me up, swirled me around, and kissed me on the cheek. After a few minutes of small talk, he left."
Weird, pesty, annoying behaviour? Sure. But sexual harassment? At any other time and in any other zeitgeist, no.
But countless respected 'sceptical thinkers' - noted science writers who knew Zivkovic - read his accusers' blog posts and credulously and compassionlessly accepted that Zivkovic was guilty of sexual harassment.
Zivkovic was pushed out at Sci-Am and ostracised by the science-blogging community he loved. In his terms, he lost everything.
Of course, he's just one of many men recently deemed guilty without the slightest bit of legal or social due process. What his accusers have in common, like so many women today, is festering passivity turned poisonous.
Bizarrely, their behaviour is a gift from what feminism has become. Feminists have gone from fighting for equal rights to demanding that women be treated like eggshells, not equals. Feminism has become a movement that disables women, ruins men's lives, and destroys professional and romantic relationships between men and women.
Understanding how it goes about that is the single best way for a man to avoid social and professional ruin. [Continued at the link]
And that's the subject of the rest of the piece, which I hope you'll read.
I rarely write pieces for American magazines, but I hope to do more for Penthouse Australia. The editor was fantastic -- wanted what I can do and encouraged me to do it instead of trying to grind things down into an inoffensive mush.
I'm gonna say in another time or place, some dude marching into your room, grabbing her and kissing her would probably be grounds for a duel.
NicoleK at February 19, 2020 1:13 AM
You have a repeating paragraph. Might want to check that.
Isab at February 19, 2020 5:02 AM
You leave out the whole "transgender" thing, which carries ideologies that contradict many of the points of earlier feminism (as constantly pointed out by the so-called "TERFs"), but which you're expected to be in total obedience to while also being a feminist.
Dan T. at February 19, 2020 8:10 AM
A professor at a conference got into an elevator with a woman academic, she asked what floor he wanted, he replied 'ladies' lingerie'. The woman filed a complaint.
The male professor was old enough that he would have remembered when elevators had operators, so in a department store for example you could ask for what you wanted (like ladies' lingerie) instead of having to specify a floor.
The story about how the Victorians required piano legs and chair legs to be covered because they might make someone think of human female legs which might make someone think of sex...may have been apocryphal. The above elevator story is not apocryphal, it really happened.
David Foster at February 19, 2020 11:34 AM
I agree with NicoleK. Why didn't the hubby knock the professor upside his head?
mpetrie98 at February 19, 2020 8:19 PM
My sympathy for Bora, unfortunately, evaporated here. Even without his conduct upon entering the room, he was told not to come in the first place, but he did. How much leeway does a person with Asperger's need? Surely not so much that we excuse them intruding on a couple when he was specifically and clearly uninvited.
Patrick at February 19, 2020 9:54 PM
mpetrie: Maybe because the husband knew the man had Asperger's and was afraid things wouldn't go well if he DID hit him?
lenona at February 20, 2020 10:39 AM
To expand a bit: This is also why women typically go to HR instead of slapping men for touching them. If the man happens to have far more power and prestige than she does, she could easily get demoted, fired, or arrested for hitting him - surprise!
And even if he doesn't, or even if he has no connection to her job, if she hits him, she could easily lose her teeth. Who wants to risk that?
From this thread:
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2018/08/women-today-in.html
Isab said (about a woman hitting a man):
"My best advice is never hit a man. On the spur of the moment it may be difficult to judge if the contact is intentional or unintentional, but if you aren't in fear for your life and trying to get away, a verbal defense should be your first, and almost always, your only option.
"A slap isnt a good self defense move. It is a provocation.
"You dont want to start a fight you are ill equipped to finish.
"I’ve been groped a couple of times. It was in my best interest both times to ignore it."
lenona at February 20, 2020 10:51 AM
I read Amy's article yesterday, so my memory's already hazy.
But yes, you made good points, especially about how "liberated" women are now (maybe) the helicopter and snowplow parents. (I don't know how much such mothers actually call themselves feminists, but it reminds me of what John Rosemond likes to say: "The modern woman wouldn't dream of making her husband a sandwich on command, but she'll jump up and draw a glass of water for an able-bodied 4-year-old.")
However, regarding binge-drinking and rape, any sensible adult should know that binge-drinking is bad for BOTH men and women, for multiple reasons. (One being that it just isn't fair to poor, innocent subway drivers - or other drivers - when you drink a quart of liquor and then pass out right in front of a driver who can't stop in time.)
So of COURSE women will take offense when it's implied that it's OK for men to binge-drink, but not women. I.e., if we want women to drink less, why don't parents and teachers focus on the Non-Political Reasons not to get stone-drunk in general? As in:
"If you have to get drunk to have fun, it's not fun."
"Binge-drinking can lead to alcoholism and/or poisoning."
"It's just plain undignified."
Plus the first reason I gave.
And...there's nothing to stop any speaker from asking a crowd of young women: "Do you want to hear what other women have done in order to try to avoid predators?"
But most importantly, no one would dream of telling black people that they need to take more "responsibility" to prevent white-on-black violence. So of COURSE women take offense at similar language.
If a teenage boy cannot be utterly trusted not to break the law when unsupervised, he has to be supervised.
lenona at February 21, 2020 9:46 AM
And, when you think about it, the only problem with the saying "we have to teach boys not to rape" is that it's simplistic phrasing and thus misleading. But saying the idea is stupid is like saying "we don't have to teach teens not to drink and drive and kill people, because even 10-year-olds understand why the drunk driving laws exist."
Yes, 10-year-olds do understand. Trouble is, teens are not ten-year-olds. As in:
"I drive better when I've had a few drinks, so the law doesn't apply to me - and adults should stop lying about that."
And:
"Any idiot knows there's no such THING as unwanted sex - therefore, all these laws are completely bogus and unfair! Why should I take them seriously? What jury would convict me anyway - especially if she and I had consensual sex the day before the 'rape'? Next thing you'll be telling me is that a man can't twist his WIFE'S arm and force her whenever he wants! This insanity has to stop!"
So adults need to uproot such delusions in teens, as many times as it takes. Not to mention the need to talk about and combat peer pressure, which can lead even a straight-A student who isn't that popular into all sorts of criminal behavior.
On top of that, when it comes to serial rapists, no one said it's easy for teachers, especially, to prevent kids from abusive or neglectful families from growing up to be criminals or psychopaths. But that's no excuse not to do as much as possible. (The same obligation applies to the adult relatives of the disturbed kids, of course.)
Incidentally, most convicted serial rapists are not mentally ill. So what does that say about all the men who forced a crying woman into sex "only" once or twice in a lifetime?
lenona at February 21, 2020 10:22 AM
I.e., if we want women to drink less, why don't parents and teachers focus on the Non-Political Reasons not to get stone-drunk in general?
_____________________________________________
I should have clarified that. As in:
I.e., if we want women to drink less, why don't parents and teachers focus on the Non-Political Reasons for BOTH sexes not to get stone-drunk in general?
Plus, when it comes to teaching heterosexual teen boys that unwanted sex is not some ludicrous myth, the easiest way is to ask them "how would you feel if you were attacked by a man you knew and trusted and who ignored it when you screamed 'NO'?"
lenona at February 21, 2020 2:19 PM
One more thing. Yes, chances are we've all heard big-city cops drop gentle hints like "nothing good happens after 1 a.m." (or whatever the saying is).
But there's a good reason we DON'T typically hear cops say "don't go out at that hour," per se. It's the same reason we don't hear cops tell SOBER drivers to stay off the road, even on big holiday weekends, when there are likely to be MANY drunk drivers. It would be just plain wrong to say that, even if it did save lives. People have to drive, after all, and even buses with sober drivers can get run off the road by drunk drivers. All the more reason to focus on the problem of drunk driving and Those Who Commit It.
lenona at February 22, 2020 7:04 AM
"But there's a good reason we DON'T typically hear cops say "don't go out at that hour,"" ~Lenona
You don't? I hear that from cops all the time. It is just good advice. And yes it is usually preceded with a 'If you can'.
You don't hear many cops calling for a curfew or saying anyone driving at those times should be arrested.
Ben at February 24, 2020 1:40 PM
On the local TV news, you mean? Or in person, with no microphones around?
*I* certainly don't hear cops talk like that on TV. Maybe it's because violent crimes typically happen after dark in most cities, so cops figure that citizens will be urged by their friends and relatives not to go out anyway, and so there's no need for cops to make themselves look weak by urging law-abiding citizens to burden themselves with Uber fare or what have you when they're just trying to walk half a mile home from work - or half a mile to/from the subway, when the workday is over. (Much in the same way that friends and relatives might beg you not to drive when drunk drivers are likely to be swarming everywhere, but cops don't make the same plea - again, it would make them look weak.)
lenona at February 25, 2020 3:12 PM
why don't parents and teachers focus on the Non-Political Reasons not to get stone-drunk in general?
________________________________
Another point I forgot:
Drinking heavily can result in freezing to death, if you leave the party and don't have a sober person to help you get home. It happened again recently, in my area - I think it was a student. It also happened to a former classmate of mine when we were both 19.
lenona at February 25, 2020 3:25 PM
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