Ben, about Houston...

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2021/09/the-inner-linkt.html#comments

From Reddit:

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/py4vgt/sobbing_after_this_phone_call_with_my_doctor/

Sobbing after this phone call with my doctor
RANT

I just paid a 95 dollar copay to have a 5 minute conversation with my doctor practically begging for her to give me a prescription for my meds for my arthritis. She told me that my meds “wouldn’t be good for a baby when I plan on having one” I was pretty stern with her explaining that I don’t ever plan on getting pregnant. I felt like we were fighting back and forth with me telling her these meds work for me and I like them/ her telling me it’s not good for pregnancy. By the end after feeling like I was begging her to just give me a prescription she told me she’d do it but I should rethink it because I’m “in my child bearing years” hung up and immediately started sobbing. I’ve never felt so unheard and disrespected.

This isn’t the first time this has happened and the last time I tried to get meds for my OCD the psychiatrist refused to put me on certain meds because I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant/ gain weight.

I just feel so disgusted. I felt like I wasn’t being talked to/seen as a person but just seen as someone to carry a baby. She had more concern for my hypothetical child than me. Mind you these meds are to prevent deformity in my hands so I can continue doing WHAT I LOVE. Idk I just needed to vent here I’m shaking and so angry/upset

EDIT: thank you stranger for the hugz ♥️

EDIT again: thank you everyone for your suggestions!! I’m reading replies but I’m celebrating my partners birthday but just know I appreciate everyone’s suggestions and I will be looking into reporting her !!

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There were well over 200 comments. One of them:

"I had a terrible experience with a provider like this, and I called the office afterwards to explain why I had such a bad time. they waived my copay."

I’m sure there are dangerous parts of Houston, just like in any city, but I go down there frequently and see people walking dogs, riding bikes, eating on patios. I never feel unsafe walking around down there. I will grant you that we don’t visit the Fourth Ward, so maybe it’s different there. Also, Houston is one of the largest cities in the US. It can take two hours just get from one end to other.

I see you have posted yet another fantasy piece about how hard life is for childless women. Why would a doctor, who is seeing a patient for a confirmed case of arthritis, give her a prescription and then yank it away? Because this woman is young, her case is an outlier, so I would imagine she sees a specialist for her condition and I have a really hard time seeing a specialist treating her in this manner. I would also bet that the fertility and birth defect issues related to drugs were discussed in depth with her at the time she received the initial prescription. Nothing about this story makes sense. You really don’t seem to understand that people are capable of lying and exaggerating just to get likes and sympathy online. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

Long, long ago, I heard that many - not all -teenage mothers have one thing in common; they were the youngest children in their families and so had never lived with a baby and didn't know just how unglamorous it would be.

Well, there may be some extra proof of that, here...

"It's always wild to basically watch someone's happiness slowly completely disappear from the pregnancy announcement to toddlerhood."

(It's long. I think the author is British. Btw, in 2019, the UK birth rate was 1.65 per woman, despite all the immigrant families! In the U.S., it was 1.70.)

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/pxr36c/its_always_wild_to_basically_watch_someones/

Quote:

"I would say a solid 80% of my friends who have become parents have followed this pattern, and mostly because I think they didn't truly consider the day to day reality of having a child & only saw the moments people post on instagram, and they did it largely because it was the next item to tick off on the 'things successful adults do' list...

"The ones who actually genuinely like being a parent are in the minority, and they are usually the ones who actually really thought about what they were getting into, WANTED parenthood because they wanted that experience and didn't get pregnant simply because it is 'what you do next', and had nieces and nephews or much younger siblings or cousins growing up to know just how demanding babies/kids are, OR they..."
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And then I realized...given the low birth rate, that means far more adults than before don't HAVE younger siblings - or even older siblings to tell them what it was like!

Fascinating. It also reminds me of what it said in the book for teens, Changing Bodies, Changing Lives:

"It doesn't matter at what age you become a parent; if you're not prepared for the hard part you'll be shocked. Many older parents, in their twenties and thirties, say that they weren't at all prepared for the way a baby changed their lives."

"Why would a doctor, who is seeing a patient for a confirmed case of arthritis, give her a prescription and then yank it away?"
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Please read that again. It doesn't say that.

Not to mention that we've heard quite a few news stories of irrational healthcare workers in the last year.

And even Reddit members have honed their skills when it comes to detecting fake or exaggerated stories, and offhand, I didn't see any commentators who expressed skepticism.

"given the low birth rate"

Correction - I should have said "given the DROPPING birth rate, since 1960 or so."

Yes, it said "these meds work for me," but for all we know, she got them from another doctor.

Sheep Mom, it is perfectly safe in most parts of Houston. There are dangerous areas, but that is true of any place.

And that was my point with Lenona. People change their behavior to match the local views.

If you try to rob a store in Houston you will probably get shot and may get killed. And no one here will feel bad for you.

If you break into someone's house you will probably get shot and may get killed. Yada yada.

If you stand in the middle of the road to try and block traffic the cops won't really care or do anything about it. And they also won't care or do anything about the guy who runs you over with his car. They are kinda lazy like that. Oh well.

So I'm guessing you, Sheep Mom, don't loot stores, rob people, pick fights with strangers, engage in recreational arson, or dance naked on the highway. Those were restrictions people from Washington state couldn't live with when they came down here in their charter buses. Hence they didn't stay long, and good riddance.

Yes, it said "these meds work for me," but for all we know, she got them from another doctor.

lenona at October 1, 2021 9:50 AM

I think we need a new term. Redditiot

Someone is pretty gullible. Anytime you find a perfect story to advance a political narrative, it is usually made up.

Arthritis meds can be very dangerous. And not just to people who might want to have kids.

Who said it's a perfect story? (By "perfect," I assume you mean something like "one size fits all." Besides, there's no shortage of bland, more-believable stories on Reddit.)

As I said, we've heard of plenty of irrational healthcare workers from the formal media.

From the late Planned Parenthood executive and writer, Sheri S. Tepper (this was from the 1970s):

"If your (male doctor) calls you 'Honey,' you can call him 'Honey.' If he calls you by your first name, you may call him by his first name. If he treats you with respect, treat him with respect."

That was preceded by several scenarios of condescending doctors and the assertive responses female patients should learn to give. E.g.:

"You have an abortion, and the doctor says 'Why don't you just get married'...

"You've been on contraceptives for a while, and the doctor says: 'It's time you had a baby...' "

I doubt SHE was exaggerating.

The old sating goes "It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind."
There is very likely a reason for that, that women are famous for changing their minds.

odds are those rude Drs have run into many women who were just as positive as you that they would never change their mind, who did exactly that. And then went to complain to the Dr that it can't be that hard to start trying years later. There is a multi billion dollar fertility industry centered around it.

Many drugs for RA do pose the risk of miscarriage and birth defects such as cleft palate and neural deficits (prednisone), spontaneous abortion and bone malformation (methotrexate), and other problems. The biological haven’t been around long enough to have enough data to make decisions regarding pregnancy . Whether you want children or not, accidental pregnancy is a possibility. To be on the side of caution, there are drugs that doctors won’t immediately recommend to women of childbearing age. This doctor is cautious, not trying to hurt the patient.

Granted, it doesn't say if she's over 30 or not, and I hadn't thought about how quick patients can be to sue over something like a birth defect - even in the case of an unwanted pregnancy.

But it's pretty outrageous when you hear stories of men who say they had little trouble getting vasectomies when they were barely out of their teens. As if men in their 20s NEVER change their minds and young women always do.

But it's pretty outrageous when you hear stories of men who say they had little trouble getting vasectomies when they were barely out of their teens. As if men in their 20s NEVER change their minds and young women always do.

Lenona at October 2, 2021 12:16 PM

My experience is that men in general indulge in much less second guessing about decisions than women do. Make a bad choice? Shake it off and move on.

Many younger women tend to think that all wrong decisions ought to be corrected, for their benefit, by someone else, with other people’s money.

Messes that either their families or the government ends up fixing for them usually.

What Isab said. Also, you need real data and not popular stories from some website. "But it's pretty outrageous when you hear stories ..." Meh. You hear stories about anything and everything. Get real data. When you follow story logic you think we need to deal the witches, warlocks, Chupacabras.

Many younger women tend to think that all wrong decisions ought to be corrected, for their benefit, by someone else, with other people’s money.
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But the question remains, are women really more likely to SUE doctors over a decision that was primarily the patient's?

But the question remains, are women really more likely to SUE doctors over a decision that was primarily the patient's?

Lenona at October 3, 2021 7:02 PM

Not a very good metric really. The hurdles to get a decent law firm to even take a medical malpractice claim are many because the costs for the plaintiff to litigate are astronomical. Usually includes expert witnesses and months of trial prep.
My FIL worked for a large law firm in Minnesota that specialized in medical malpractice. He said they took one percent of the cases that came in the door because most were stone cold losers.
The winners, insurance companies tend to settle quickly.

Are women more likely than men to blame pharmaceutical companies and doctors for bad outcomes? Not only yes, but hell yes.