Maybe it's true he doesn't like her shape, but I would give more weight to him being into her by the idea he is dating her. As compared to a possibly gag video he put up.
I hope she is basing it on a lot more than that and a hunch.

I'm not into very large breasts either. Her crack about small breasted women having boyish bodies causes me to suspect that she's not just curvy, she's heavy. That's something that heavy set women always say to put down slim women, that they have boyish bodies. So men shouldn't find them attractive, because that means that they're secretly gay.

I wonder if his comments on the video were sincere. Some video he made with the guys during the summer...granted, she has every right to find it insulting, even ending the relationship right there over it.

But guys say a lot of things that they're into with other guys. He might have wanted not to appear shallow. Unfortunately, I don't know this video she's referring to. I could look, but I'd have to assume it's still up and won't take six weeks to track down.

Mike also makes a good point. What did he actually say? We could be hearing her spin. I've heard guys say that while they're not turned off by large breasts, they consider anything more than a handful kind of a waste. Not vulgar, just more than is necessary.

Yup, that was a hefty girl comment. Those girls who bravely say that even though looking like a "prepubescent boy" is in style, they find "curvy" woman more attractive, seeing as they are "curvy" woman themselves. How noble that they find woman who look more like themselves attractive!

"This confirms my suspicions that he isn't physically into me. I'm ending it, but wondering why we're even together."

Suspicions - plural. So maybe there are other mitigating factors besides the big breats thing, and that might have been the final tell. Who knows? But if she's uncomfortable with the fact that he doesn't seem to be that into her, she's got every right to end it.Maybe she should talk to him about it first, rather than just giving him the boot.

Dear Amy,

I have a giant, fat dick and my girlfriend prefers smaller dicks. What should I do? I feel like I'm left without any options at all.

She made a youtube video saying crude and crass things such as accusing my dick of being so big it won't return Spielberg's calls. She went so far as to say that my nickname in college was tripod and I wasn't even in the photography club. Her video even revealed my dark secret that when I have an orgasm, clowns climb out.

Though she may have a point ... the other day I got an erection and I didn't have enough skin left to close my eyes.

What should I do? Who will have me?

P.S. -- I'm not trying to make a point here, I just love to repeat big dick jokes that I've heard over the years (several are from Drew Carey, I don't remember the source of the others.)

P.S.S. -- one more for the road. One of my favorite headlines from "The Onion":

"Ugly Man with Giant Penis Unsure of How to Get the Word Out."

It is totally possible, of course, to end up in a relationship with someone who is not your physical type--because they're just so awesome. I tend to like slim, kind of effete guys (it was that crush on David Bowie when I was a teenager--never got over it!). My boyfriend is a big, husky, hairy manly man.

I don't 100% subscribe to the "personality is more important than looks" line that we're all supposed to believe, because choosing big and burly over slim is different than if that personality had been in a 92-year-old's body or something. But still . . . I image we've all fallen in love with someone who wasn't our type. The key is, that if they have to know that at all, to phrase it in a way that makes them feel good about it ("I used to only go for small-chested women but oh my god honey, you have made me realize what I was missing all those years. Bring those 38D's over here . . .").

And--side note--as a not-overweight curvy woman, I would just like to say that it kind of irks me that "curvy" has come to mean "fat." Even when I was modeling and weighed a dangerously low amount for my height, I had boobs and hips. Some women are just built that way.

The comparison between a very large penis, and very large breasts may be apt. Because both are traits that are attractive in moderation, but unattractive in excess. That is, a large penis and large breasts are attractive for many people, but less so the larger they get. I don't know many women who want to be dealing with a 10" penis, for instance.

I don't know many women who want to be dealing with a 10" penis, for instance.
Posted by: jj

Not as many as I'd like

"I would just like to say that it kind of irks me that "curvy" has come to mean "fat."

I'm with you!

Anybody else remember when "36-24-36" was supposed to be the perfect figure?

"I don't know many women who want to be dealing with a 10" penis, for instance."

So that's where I've been running afoul of women's desires. It all makes sense now!

Actually, I only have a four inch penis. But, hey, some women like them that thick.

Certain words are typically read as a half-honest optimist's attempt to introduce others to the disappointing reality to come upon later meeting.

For example, "curvy" when used by a woman to describe herself or a good friend usually means overweight. "successful" when used by a man means currently employed and able to pay his bills. "Good opportunity" when used by an employer typically means the company is making payroll, but don't expect raises, advancement opportunities or decent bosses. Etc.

If you want to avoid being treated like a person using such weasel-words, state facts. A woman giving her height and real weight, for instance, is more credible. A man stating his income level and balance sheet bottom line is, again, more credible. An employer listing salary and typical work hours is more credible.

Oh, and 36-24-36 is still attractive to most men; just look at men's magazines and you will find oodles of gals with those ratios. But you will often *not* find such gals in magazines created by gay male fashion designers and female fashion magazine editors. Men do not find the bodies of those lanky, too-skinny fashion models all that attractive.

"I'm not into very large breasts either. Her crack about small breasted women having boyish bodies causes me to suspect that she's not just curvy, she's heavy. That's something that heavy set women always say to put down slim women, that they have boyish bodies. So men shouldn't find them attractive, because that means that they're secretly gay."

So true. I've heard the "flat-chested" remark quite often to describe petite women, like me, although I'm a B cup and certainly not flat, and at 34-25-34, my figure isn't "boyish" either. Usually, these comments are made by women who are overweight. I agree that "curvy" shouldn't be synonymous with fat, but it's kind of become that.

Being fat does give some women extra large breasts, and they seem to cling to that as what makes them still desirable, but, in my experience, men want breasts that appear proportionatly larger to a slimmer body. It's not all about how much actual breast tissue they can grab.

As a male friend of mine says, "Anything more than a handful is a waste."

At any rate, this guy isn't attracted to her body. She can go out of her way to make it attractive to him (lose weight, if necessary, and get breast-reduction surgery), or she can go find someone who IS attracted to her.

My own experience is a bit of both. My ex-wife's body was not what I think is the most attractive, and yet I thought she was exceedingly sexy because of everything else about her. But now that I've been out in the dating world again for a few years, I have definitely gravitated to women with the body type I do find the most pleasing.

For me at least, a woman with a less-than-ideal body shape can certainly become very sexy and desirable. Maybe this is what happened with LW's guy. He might prefer small-breasted women, but he's happy with LW because of everything else.

But it also sounds like there are other things at work that make LW think the guy doesn't find her attractive. Maybe he's not enthusiastic about sex, doesn't tear her clothes off at every opportunity, or can't maintain an erection. None of this was a problem for me with my ex, despite her (to me) imperfect body.

Guys will say a lot of strange and silly things to their friends. Kinda dumb to say them in front of a camcorder in the age of YouTube, but guys do dumb things all the time. I know this from a bounty of direct experience.

to hell with her bf! honey, dump that childish loser and find someone who'll enjoy your physical attributes as they are. the men seeking an ideal are often no prize winners themselves - move on!

Did he make the video before or after meeting lw?

More clearly, is he thoughtless, stupid, or cowardly enough to publicly disrespect his girlfriend; or did he have a preference for a certain physical type that is different from her before he met her?

I can clearly state that I prefer the looks of certain Asian girls. Were I ever single again(heaven forbid), I can state that the right non-Asian lady could possibly come along to change my mind. It's just a preference, not a prejudice.

I'm having a hard time imagining this YouTube video. How did this come about and what was really said? Were he and his buddies sitting around laughing about their preferences, and he called big breasts "vulgar"?

LW doesn't say how long they've been together, so I'm also wondering if this was before or after, and if she has changed physically from the time they first met.

This woman can't fix the problem by breast reduction surgery?

Breast reduction surgery is dangerous, complex and leaves scars on the breast (they have to even relocate the nipple). Much easier and safer to change boyfriends than go under the knife.

LW, you're going out with a guy who makes YouTube videos in which he declares his alleged breast preferences? If it were me, that alone would be more than enough to reason to dump him.

That said though, and this might sound odd, but I've met many guys who practically go out of their way to try publicly make a point of claiming - often falsely - that they don't like large breasts, for various reasons. Some guys think it makes them look less shallow. There is also this idea in some circles that liking big breasts = lower class, and that claiming to prefer smaller aligns you with a higher class. Then there are guys who just feel it's a way to be contrarian and thus stand out as 'different'.

In reality, most guys are just really into breasts, big, small, whatever, we love them. If he seems to enjoy you naked, I wouldn't worry about it. If you're wondering about the other relationship for other reasons already though, then that's another thing.

LS did you miss the fact that it was the assclown of the analverse askingh the question?

A man also usually encounters over the course of his life many women who complain that men like big breasts. Especially if they like the (average-sized or smaller) girl, this leads them to try "please" women by declaring they're not one of those guys.

It's difficult to gauge without seeing the video.

If they were drunk, I'd also disregard anything he said.

If you still want the relationship and are unsure, just ask him and bring up your concern.

There is also this idea in some circles that liking big breasts = lower class, and that claiming to prefer smaller aligns you with a higher class. Then there are guys who just feel it's a way to be contrarian and thus stand out as 'different'.

We get those poseurs at the IBTC meetings. But I've always questioned their sincerity. Because any time you see them, they're all over the melons. And who the hell wears an ascot to brunch?!?

whistleDICK - thanks for the laughs!

Ugly Man with Giant Penis Unsure of How to Get the Word Out

Amy had an answer for him, too.

Let me clarify by saying your curvy does not mean your fat, insulting another woman/body type by saying they are "boyish" is what means you probably are. Pretty much anytime you hear that, it's a heavy woman trying to make herself feel better at someone else's expense. Being slender with small boobs does not mean you look like a boy, just like woman are complaining that curvy doesn't mean you are fat. Is there some kind of weight limit on feelings? Like... If your under 250 pounds you don't have feelings and can be told your unattractive by everyone else? Some woman are "born" with slender bodies and they can't help it.

Just because this guy likes Cameron Diaz doesn't mean he's going to turn down Scarlett Johanssen, you know? Most people do have a preferred body type (or hair color or height) but usually "hot" trumps all categories. Or maybe breast size is important but it's overshadowed by other aspects of your appearance or personality. Also, it could just be that LW is a conventionally hot and her boyfriend is picking the girl that he thinks he "should" want or that will increase his status over a girl that's he's actually more attracted to. Who knows. I wouldn't call it a dealbreaker but it sounds like it's just confirmed what the LW already thought, so good for her moving on. Much easier to change the guy than your entire body.

My former brother-in-law, who was also a pastor, counseled me once during a marital crisis, and I remember him saying that when he was first dating his wife, he found her huge breasts "intimidating" and not especially appealing. Not sure WHY he was telling me this, but they have been married over 40 years, so he obviously got used to them.

Maybe what the boyfriend said was just his feeling at the time...as a young college student. Maybe his first love, or his mother, had small breasts and he just wasn't accustomed to big boobs, but now, he's developed a taste, so to speak.

In and of itself, it's not a reason to end things, but it sounds like there are other reasons she feels he's not into her.

People do hook up for reasons other than physical attraction. They usually stay together for that as well.

It isn't at all unusual for people to fall in love even though their mate isn't their physical type at the time. That this guy chose to nit pick on that tells me that he was using that as a breakup excuse. Perhaps a tactless one, but maybe he hates the way you laugh and figured this would be more kind.

Maybe what the boyfriend said was just his feeling at the time...as a young college student. Maybe his first love, or his mother, had small breasts and he just wasn't accustomed to big boobs, but now, he's developed a taste, so to speak.

Or maybe he had a crush on a small chested woman at the time.

I'm a redhead, and practically every guy that's ever been attracted to me has gone on about having a "thing" for redheads, but that's never stopped them from taking up with non-redheads when I was out of the picture. (and I would hope they would- if that many guys were limiting themselves to redheads, there would be a lot of lonely guys out there)

I get a bit of 'entitlement' issue from the LW. Just because she has a body of a certain type does not mean she deserves adoration for it.
The statement that she had multiple 'suspicions' also means that there are other potential issues in play here.
Has she vocalized this to her BF, or is she drawing a conclusion from assumptions?
I have a 'type' of woman that I like. However, a woman that finds me attractive and sticks around to say so *always* trumps a template 'type' for me. Why would I go for an illusory 'type' when I have an actual person interested in me?

I have huge boobs that grow and shrink according to my weight, but always huge compared to the rest of me. This means I attracted (when I was looking) a niche segment of the population, as yes, there are a lot of guys not into huge boobs.

But there are lots that are. And as much as it is generally viewed as a lower class thing, there are plenty of middle-to-upper class guys into them too. So within the subset of men that are into huge boobs, there is probably another subset of men who are compatible with you personality-wise, social-class-wise, cultural-wise, sense-of-humor wise...

Remember, even though the pool is more limited, you're ultimately only looking for ONE person, right*? So go find him.

*unless you're poly

I think that while many people have an ideal, they also are attracted to people who don't necessarily meet it. There's an ideal, and a bottom line, and if you fall somewhere between it you are still attractive to the person. Once you meet a certain standard, of looks or of whatever other quality, other factors become more important.

But it sounds like his bottom line doesn't include big boobs, so find someone else!!!

NicoleK, you have it right. I recently met a woman who isn't exactly the type I would normally go for - she isn't really overweight but bigger than I would normally like - but she has a pretty face, is very sweet and fun company, and dynamite in bed. I'm not feigning not being able to keep my hands off her. If he can't get past one particular physical attribute, he's not into her for more than that. Maybe, as a few commenters have said, she's using "curvy" as a euphenism for fat. So what? It's still up to him whether he's interested or not.

That's why I said 'maybe' Amy. If you say she's pretty, I believe it. Either way though, it's his decision whether he is attracted to her or not. My point was more that people are attracted to different people than they say, and what they originally want is not always what they end up with - happily. I've been through the same as the LW myself - "you're a lovely guy but..." and I understand the disappointment.

My assistant and I looked her up on Facebook... to get a fuller picture

Under the circumstances - nice pun :) how much fuller? D or E cup?

I get that you have to work with what God gave you. If her guy likes thinner types then he should seek that out, why didn't he to begin with? I am guessing the real thing that has brought these two together? Neediness,insecurity and convenience.
It could also be that's his ideal or fantasy. I love Dave Grohl are we going to date? No.
He also might like heavier women but men razz each other unmercifully as the better looking your woman is a status symbol. Chubby Chasers will get crap for liking who they like.
Lastly, I have been on both sides of this thinner and fatter. I was once young now older, once I had the greatest natural body but now older and heaver. I once had size 34D boobs perched on a size 5 butt made me look chubby in clothes and like a playboy model nude. Those big boobs I have to scrape up off the floor now.I cant lose my gut it helps hold my boobs up.
So with that said. I get hit on I swear more as an old, fat, married lady than I did when I was younger and I got hit on a lot then. The point is then or now, it's flattering but I could care less.
You older guys I have to tell you watch out becuase there are young guys who are bold about hitting on your woman. Thank god we women are more evolved and not leaving our husbands for hot young 6 pack abs cause trust me they are out there.
Young men have figured out that what looks good on an older woman...the same thing young gals had figured out years ago and old men exploited ...money...money, looks good on a woman.

Unless there's something else to go on, I think that the LW is overreacting. Maybe she's accustomed to guys who are really into her boobs, and this guy isn't as fixated on them. That doesn't mean that he doesn't find her body attractive.