The Most Talentless Music Acts Of All Time!
The Week magazine served up a few tasty morsels from Blender magazineís "50 Worst Artists In Music History." Here are my personal favorites:
#26, Celine Dion
Her ìshrieking uber-hits, particularly the Titanic theme, My Heart Will Go On, would have made the passengers ìleap to their doom long before the iceberg did its dastardly deed.î#39, Bob Geldof
ìShould have stuck to saving the planet.î His Sex, Age, & Death, with its ìachingly embarrassing claims of undiminished sexual potency,î is a midlife crisis set to music.#37, The Doors
First, Jim Morrison ìinflicted his terminally adolescent viewî on millions of unfortunate listeners. Then ìhe got fat and died.î
I liked "GIPSY KINGS: The curse of many a late-í80s dinner party..."
And the curse continued into the early-90s, when I lived in Berkeley. Many a plate of steaming hot... bulgur... was served to that wretched music.
Lena Cuisina at September 15, 2003 12:15 AM
Eek! You're right. They should have been jockeying for a spot with ole Celine D.
(Amy Alkon) at September 15, 2003 12:24 AM
It might have been with jaundiced perspective that I view Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On," but I hate it, nonetheless. Buying into the hype behind "Titanic," I foolishly went and saw that ultra-lengthy piece of schlock. "Oh, Jack..." "Rose..." "Jack..." "Rose..." Ugh. Two hours into that marshmallow dipped in honey of a movie, I was actually rooting for the iceberg. But because my date actually wanted to hear "Love Theme From Titanic," we stayed for the credits as I sat there fuming. "Your heart will go on... what?" I thought? A stick? A bed of lettuce? A diet? The Letterman Show? The railroad tracks? A menu?"
Real, live individuals are not consummately good or evil. Most people are a mixture of both. Not in this superficial tripe of a movie. The good characters were consummately good, and the bad characters had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Rose's fiance Cal was boorish, bullying, conceited, snobbish, rude, a poor judge of art and clumsy... all of which I could have forgiven if he weren't also a lousy shot.
And what the heck is wrong with Jack? Did he get hit on the head by the iceberg? Even floundering in the freezing waters of the North Atlantic, doing a definitive slow and painful death, all Jack can think about is his concern for Rose. Can we please be a bit realistic and curse our fate, just for a second? Or perhaps he was hoping to sprout wings and a halo and be spared being released by Rose and sunk to the bottom of the ocean?
Did I mention I hated "Titanic" the second world-renown disaster of that name?
Patrick at September 15, 2003 9:02 AM
Like, yes, Celine Dion and Bob Geldof suck, but The Doors, in some weird way that is hard to understand really ARE a major band...This is hard to put my finger on. Maybe it was that time I was driving my mom to the nuthouse one muggy morning in August and "The End" came on the radio and, for the first time, it made perfect sense to me...Also, there are those Suicide and Joy Division albums...
Jeff at September 15, 2003 6:31 PM
"I was driving my mom to the nuthouse one muggy morning in August and "The End" came on the radio and, for the first time, it made perfect sense to me..."
Jeff -- Isn't that the song where Morrison showed off his vast knowledge of Freudian psychology by muttering something like "Mother, I want to fuck you"? L.C.
Lena Cuisina at September 19, 2003 8:11 AM