Gay Marriage Legalized
In yet another province in Canada. America used to be revolutionary. Now we're the backward empire run by fundamentalists. Sad, huh?
Gay Marriage Legalized
In yet another province in Canada. America used to be revolutionary. Now we're the backward empire run by fundamentalists. Sad, huh?
Although I'm happy for the Canadians, I just can't imagine marrying anybody. Still, I have friends who want me to be living proof that gay men can be married off and tamed -- just like straight men! -- and have kids. A friend this week targeted me for some unsolicited advice on how to find a significant other: Look for someone who likes to do the exact same stuff you like to do. I pointed out to her that this would be a problem, since basically what I like to do most evenings is sit on the couch reading a good book without interruptions of any kind. On one of these many wonderful evenings, I found myself nodding vigorously to this passage from "The Trouble with Normal" by Michael Warner:
"[this] view of marriage as simply a personal choice [...] is wholly inadequate to evaluate the strategy of pursuing legal marriage because it neglects marriage's legal and cultural consequences for others -- those who resist marriage, as well as those who are drawn to it for a mix of reasons not of their own making. Whether they like it or not, married people have countless privileges, some that define marriage and some that ought to have nothing to do with it. They are taken more seriously than unmarried people; they are more likely to be invited to dinner parties, offered jobs, and elected to public office. In short, they have status."
As a career bachelorette, I am regularly offended by ignorant comments from the happily partnered. I got an email last week from someone that said "Dick and I really want to have Jim and Joni and you over for dinner (Joni and I have GOT to find you a nice boyfriend first, though)." How fucking thoughtful. I don't get to eat until I show up with hubby in tow.
The partnered homos are even worse. A couple of years ago I took a course in personal finance at the local gay/lesbian community center. When it came time to talk about wills and powers of attorney, the instructor asked for a show of hands from attendees who were in long-term relationships. As the hands proudly shot up into the air, the instuctor said "Wow, I had no idea there were so many quality people in this room." Occurrences like this have made me resolutely uninterested in working on gay marriage initiatives.
I'll shut up now and let Professor Warner wrap it up:
"Marriage, in short, would make for good gays -- the kind who would not challenge the norms of straight culture, who would not flaunt sexuality, and who would not insist on living differently from ordinary folk. These behavioristic arguments for gay marriage are mostly aimed at modifying the sexual culture of gay men. Left and right, advocates of gay marriage assume that marriage as a social institution is, in the words of Bishop John Shelby Spong, "marked with integrity and caring and... filled with grace and beauty"; that it will modify "behavior"; and that a culture of "gay bars, pornography, and one-night stands" is desperately in need of virtue."
If the Bishop wants grace and beauty, he need look no further than my butt crack. And, chances are, he already has.
Lena's not bitter at September 17, 2004 5:14 PM
Somebody who likes to do exactly what you do? That would be me. Of course, I don't believe in marriage either. Why ruin a perfectly good love affair. And certainly, do not move in together. Another home-wrecker...literally, too. Great post, Lean.
Amy Alkon at September 17, 2004 5:52 PM
Don't be too mean to Bishop Spong -- he's taken the lead in the Episcopal church towards gay rights (including gay clergy), against bigotry, and in favor of a non-fundamentalist, non-literalist interpretation of the scriptures. The fact that he thinks marriage is a more ideal state than being single is minor in the grand scheme of things.
LYT at September 17, 2004 9:26 PM
I had no idea who Bishop Spong was, and I'm sorry if I offended you. But you've brought up another dreary example of the gay "struggle for equality" -- the right to interpret the scriptures in a gay-positive way. Could a social movement possibly aim any LOWER? I am choking back the chunks as I write.
I guess I'm a cultural elitist -- the kind of homosexual that Dan Quayle warned you about. I'd take Marcel Proust over Jesus Christ any day of the week.
Lena at September 17, 2004 11:14 PM
Terrific post, Lena. I don't know that I'd consider myself married, since "the hero of my dreams" (to quote a lesser known song by ABBA) and I maintain seperate homes. It's enough for me that he and I have "extended guest privileges." Can you imagine the devastation wrought should cohabitants decide to break up? Don't they have enough to worry about with just the pain of a failed relationship without fighting over who gets to keep the house?
Patrick at September 18, 2004 8:09 AM
By the way, where the heck is Crid? He always has to weigh in (like an entire convention of the morbidly obese) whenever gay marriage is discussed, so where is he? Getting married to his same sex lover?
Patrick at September 18, 2004 8:11 AM
Sounds like you've got a good thing going on, Patrick, even though it wouldn't score high on the Fairy Tale-o-meter.
Lena at September 18, 2004 12:44 PM
Lena, I've been visiting here for some time now, and I would like to say it's a lot because of the comments you offer up. Sometimes you just crack me up with your sarcasm and wit. But the revealing paragraphs at the top here were so open and personal that I was quite moved to tell you that you are appreciated for being...such a brazen hussy. Couldn't help that. I just imagined how you'd put it. You are quite a treat to read whenever I drop in. It's easy to see why Amy values you so. I do remember you addressed me once by saying I seem in bad need of some sex. I get a lot more than I deserve, but that comment put me on the floor. Been laughing ever since.
allan at September 18, 2004 2:07 PM
Allan --
I'm glad to hear you're getting enough sex. Wish
I could say the same!
The Leener Weener
Lena at September 18, 2004 2:45 PM