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Geezer Burns
He's 53, she's 27, what's the problem? I just posted a new Advice Goddess column on age differences. Here's an excerpt:

Okay, it is kind of a drag to have both a baby and a husband in diapers. This could happen to you -- but only if you toss your eggs and his sperm into Ziploc baggies in some fertility doctor’s freezer, and grow a fetus in a Mason jar when you’re 60 and he’s 86. On the plus side, think of all the great stories the old man could tell the kid about his own childhood -- back when people were discovering fire and inventing the wheel.

Aging isn’t what it used to be, and not just because plastic surgeons are crossing people’s jowls over their backs and tacking them to their shoulder blades. So, numerically, your boyfriend’s got 26 years on you. These days, there are 65-year-old punks on skateboards -- although there’s occasionally some confusion as to whether wanting a joint means being in the mood for pot or in need of a new knee.

Sure, the day may come when “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag” because he’s had a colostomy, when “Abs of Steel” become abs of a Shar-Pei, or when you no longer put on fishnet thigh-highs to play nursie, because he generally isn’t awake while you’re emptying his bedpan. Then again, there are obese, chain-smoking, “age-appropriate” men whose hearts give out at 40 from rigorous sex -- not having it, just thinking about it.

Maybe youth really is wasted on the young, since it takes a much older man to truly appreciate a hot young girlfriend: “Yeah, baby…who’s yer Granddaddy?!” What does a 27-year-old guy have that your boyfriend doesn’t? Probably a lot of confusion about who he is and what he wants, and a driving ambition to sort it out -- even if it means staying up all night doing Jell-O shots and having sex with your best friend.

The rest is here.

Posted by aalkon at December 23, 2005 8:25 AM

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> when “Abs of Steel” become abs
> of a Shar-Pei

Christ, you're brutal. FUNNY, and accurate, but brutal.

Posted by: Crid at December 23, 2005 12:13 PM

Why, thank you!

Posted by: Amy Alkon at December 23, 2005 12:42 PM

DeWitt is 18 years older than I.

I love having a man who knows who he is already and isn't afraid of the person I've become.

Older men rock.

Posted by: Deirdre B. at December 23, 2005 1:39 PM

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