Blasting Baldwin Basinger
I'm not a fan of Alec Baldwin. But, when I heard about the voicemail message he left for his daughter, my first thought was, "What kind of parent makes that sort of thing public?" And the answer is, a mother who less about her child than she does about getting revenge.
I listened to the voicemail and I heard what sounded to me like a guy who's been terribly frustrated that he'd been kept away from his daughter. Still, no matter what went on, the name-calling at the end is inexcusable. As are all efforts, from his side and hers, to draw the kid into the conflict.
The kid is a pawn here. And both parents are guilty of a form of child abuse -- the "parental alienation" that Baldwin tries to excuse himself with. Here's a description from the Parental Alienation Awareness website:
Parental alienation involves the mental manipulation of children with the sole purpose of destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent.Parental alienation and hostile aggressive parenting deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parents. These selfish, vindictive and malicious actions by the alienating parent (the parent who is responsible for the mental manipulations) is considered a form of child abuse - as the alienating tactics used on the children are disturbing, confusing and often frightening, and rob children of their sense of security and safety.
Here's what Baldwin had to say for himself, via AP/CNN:
"Although I have been told by numerous people not to worry too much, as all parents lose their patience with their kids, I am most saddened that this was released to the media because of what it does to a child," he wrote. "I'm sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child. I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now. You have to go through this to understand. (Although I hope you never do.) I am sorry for what happened. But I am equally sorry that a court order was violated, which had deliberately been put under seal in this case."The tension between Baldwin and his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, had erupted earlier when an angry phone message from Baldwin to his daughter was made public. The couple has been involved in bitter custody disputes over their daughter, Ireland, since their divorce in 2002.
..."In such public cases, your opponents attempt to take a picture of you on your worst day and insist that this is who you are as a person," Baldwin wrote. "Outside the doors of divorce court, I have friends, I have respect from people I work with and I have a normal relationship with my daughter. All of that is threatened whenever one enters a court room."
Neither one of these people seems to be a fit parent for a child. For a better approach for divorcing parents, the "cooperative coparenting" in Constance Ahrons' The Good Divorce.
I don't care what your damn problem is, if you've got kids, it's your duty to put it aside, no matter what that takes, and act in their best interest. And yes, sometimes their best interest will conflict with your own.
I agree with you 100% on this one.
I almost through my bowl of cereal at the TV earlier watching Sean Hannity spend an entire segment demonizing Alec Baldwin over this and equating Baldwin's tirade with the Virgina Tech killer.
David Markland at April 23, 2007 12:46 AM
Have you guys read Hollywood, Interrputed? There's a whole chapter on why celebrities tend not to be suitable parents. Short version: Good parents are capable of thinking about someone other than themselves.
Jim Treacher at April 23, 2007 3:00 AM
And you wonder where serial killers come from.
This kid is gonna be more fucked up than a football bat.
And all because her parents had her as a fashion accessory, and they couldn't stay together because of their raging egos.
There really ought to be a license required to have sex.
brian at April 23, 2007 4:10 AM
Oy, I feel so sorry for that kid. You're right, there's no excuse for any of it, either the tirade or making it public so the daughter gets to relive it. There was some acrimony when my parents divorced, but nothing like that, and even so it was hard enough. There were a few instances where my sister and I felt like pawns, but no custody battles (my dad didn't want custody).
deja pseu at April 23, 2007 5:51 AM
The book is probably full of rock-solid advice, but consider the insanity of a title like "The Good Divorce." This culture seems broadly incapable of making good pairings.
This came up earlier this weekend, too: Reproduction is sacrosanct, while loving parenthood is optional. It's inane to cluck about this poor little girl being burdened by incompetent parents BECAUSE THEY'RE FUCKING UP THEIR DIVORCE.
It's looney. It's just wack, it's crackers. It's saltine crackers. It's those new Triscuits with cracked pepper and olive oil.
Crid at April 23, 2007 6:05 AM
Hey Crid - you really gotta try the Tomato Basil Wheat Thins. They're fabuloso!
Alec Baldwin (in the message) sounds an awful lot like my father when he gets "pushed to the edge." Luckily it didn't start until he hit 50 or so, so my childhood was good. I guess he's just an angry old man with insomnia now. Oh well.
I'm glad people are criticizing Baslinger. Ooops, typo, but I'll leave it in! It's great that logical people like Amy and A.G readers "get it" that, while Baldwin behaved inappropriately, the ex wife is worse.
I am rather sick of Hollywood. I despise "the stars," seriously, give me a fuckin' break. They're skinny and tanned and make bad decisions, ooo come on America let's idolize these morons! Ok, rant over.
Gretchen at April 23, 2007 7:12 AM
Agreed, Amy. I admit that I'm truly freaked out by the number of people I've seen online that have justified Baldwin's behavior by saying that "clearly" the kid is out of control. And she's out of control because...no person would speak to his child that way unless she was out of control! So, clearly, no one would verbally harangue his/her spouse unless said spouse was "out of control"? Ugh. Good call on the "parental alienation." I agree with Treacher - neither one of these dimwits is capable of putting aside their own egos to figure out what's best for their child. In fact, I think they have real trouble seeing the kid as a separate human being, as opposed to an extension of themselves. I admit that I'm slightly more judgmental of Baldwin because I've heard him discuss the divorce a lot more, always painting himself as a victim of Basinger without taking any responsibility for what role he may have had in the situation, but I freely admit that this is unfair, as I have no idea what Basinger is like behind the scenes.
Amy's last paragraph sums up the bigger point of this situation very well. I've said before that I think the problem with parenting today is that kids get a lot of what they want, but not a lot of what they need...and when the two conflict, often it's the want that takes preference. In this case, I have to think that what Ireland Baldwin wants and needs are the same thing - for her parents to stop acting like idiots. Sadly, that's extremely unlikely to occur. I find it highly, highly ironic when people who choose not to have children are often accused of being "selfish" for their decision...because I've seen way too many people be selfish in regards to their children, and their children, unlike their spouses/friends/coworkers, have no choice about being in the relationship (at least until they hit 18).
marion at April 23, 2007 7:26 AM
That's a great point about the "selfish" accusation. I'm a very giving friend to six kids. I just bought one of them a book, which I'm going to highlight and send him in NYC, to help him with a problem he's having right now. But, as for the day to day, I just don't have it in me to be somebody's parent, and isn't it great I figured that out without spawning first?
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2007 12:02 PM
Clue for Alec: Parental Alienation isn't about you. You've been near the edge for a long time. It's the children who are affected by parental alienation, and you're just as guilty as Kim.
Clue for Kim: Jeez, can you get any lower than to release that message? Is showing Alec in a bad light so rewarding that it's worth having the entire nation listen to him scold your daughter?
I don't think either one of them should have ever had children. After their daughter is grown and gone, they should get married again. They deserve each other.
Bryan at April 23, 2007 12:03 PM
"But, as for the day to day, I just don't have it in me to be somebody's parent, and isn't it great I figured that out without spawning first?"
Indeedy. I do want kids, but for now am greatly enjoying child-free living, in which I can sleep late on the weekends and sit around in my pajamas all day watching TV if I want (and if my schedule permits). Am I self-centered? In a Golden Rule-following way, yes...in the sense that I make major and minor life decisions based on what's good for me, because I don't have a spouse or children around whose needs must be considered. And it's niiiiiiice.
I admire George Clooney for realizing that long-term monogamy and the settled life aren't for him and eschewing marriage and fatherhood. If he had to parent a child for some reason, I actually think he'd be much better at it than Baldwin or Basinger, based solely on the fact that he's capable of *keeping his mouth shut*, but, unless he wakes up one day and decides that he wants to "settle down," the world is much better off with him as a livin'-large bachelor. We would all be better off if more celebrities chose to do the same, but I think that babies have become status symbols in Hollywood. The really sad thing about the Baldwin/Basinger situation is that it's not the case of two celebrities hooking up and popping a kid out on the fly - they were married for a few years before spawning, were in their 40s when the child arrived, were publicly delighted about their pregnancy and offspring, etc. etc. Ireland Baldwin is not the result of poor planning. She's just the product of two deeply immature people. It's not just the Britney/KFed-type pairings that produce kids destined to be whipsawed back and forth.
marion at April 23, 2007 1:41 PM
I am surprised no one has shifted some blame at least to the divorce lawyers!
So I shall.
Divorce lawyers can provoke even halfway decent parents into exhibiting indecent behavior. (Though their work doesn't appear too uphill here.)
Jody Tresidder at April 23, 2007 2:03 PM
> Divorce lawyers can provoke even
> halfway decent parents into
> exhibiting indecent behavior.
Naw, they're just hired help. Reapsy-sowzy.
> their work doesn't appear
> too uphill here.
Word.
Also, why is the kid named Ireland instead of Botswana? Botswana Baldwin.
Crid at April 23, 2007 2:56 PM
Thanks, Crid. I'm on deadline, and needed a laugh.
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2007 3:41 PM
Marion -- I love the sound of "eschewing marriage and fatherhood." It's so dignified.
Come, eschew with me. And be my love.
Lena at April 23, 2007 5:28 PM
Hee hee hee! I love the word "eschew."
You know, speaking of celebrity couples made up of blonde bombshells and men with big hair who go through acrimonious divorces, I feel that we should take this opportunity to offer a bit of praise to Donald and Ivana Trump for somehow *not* putting their chilluns in the midst of their tug-of-war. Yes, yes, I don't personally know the Trump children, but I note that they seem to be living normal (albeit wealthy and powerful) lives and appear to be relatively well-adjusted. See - it is possible to get divorced in the tabloids and not turn your offspring into your pawns! That requires a soupcon of maturity, though...
marion at April 23, 2007 7:53 PM
Hee hee hee! I love the word "eschew."
That makes three of us!
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2007 8:33 PM
seen on a bumpersticker: "Eschew Obfuscation"
as far as celebrity divorces go, the difference between The Donald and Kim & Alec is simple - The Donald actually had to grow up and work for a living. Kim and Alec are living in an infinitely extended adolescence where their appearance is sufficient to bring them their bread. They have become so accustomed to getting their way that they are incapable of seeing the needs of anyone else.
I mean, just look at some of the demand sheets these famous people have whenever they appear. And if there's any green M&Ms in that bowl, little miss starlet will pull a snit and go cry in her coach for 8 hours, and you don't get your celebrity.
In fact, I think that Alec was attacking Kim through that message with no regard whatsoever for the fact that it was on his daughter's phone. He probably expected Kim would listen, and intended to hurt her, and the daughter never entered his mind.
Someone needs to hit Kim and Alec with a cluebat.
brian at April 24, 2007 5:38 AM
Hannity (the Right included, sadly) wouldn't be hammering Baldwin of not for his politics.
A couple more points:
Notwithstanding being the most beautiful-looking woman on the planet, Basinger is acting the swine releasing this tape and Baldwin is the foolish stooge. Mom fits the absolutely classic profile of a superficial mother using junior for money and power, and Baldwin, no Einstein, falls for it, thugishly.
Family law attorneys as bona fide, best interest-motivated, responsible officers of the Court? In Hollywood?! Doesn't even begin to pass the test of reasonableness, that. Didn't even wake up this morning, much less get its teeth brushed. The divorce industry is itself why stuff like this happens.
God should take away Basinger's answering maching AND her daughter, at least for a lengthy stay elsewhere. Get a job, Kim. And Al, grow up.
JHoward at April 24, 2007 1:33 PM
And Ireland, HANG ON! In seven years, you're probably going to be the most beautiful woman who ever walked on two feet.
Crid at April 24, 2007 6:01 PM
Good lord, Crid, I just checked out the latest Ireland/Kim Basinger photos on TMZ, and you're right - that kid is destined to be stunning. Not cute - stunning. Maybe she'll be tapped by a modeling house when she's 17 and blow off her parents to live in Europe - might be the best thing for her. Hey, she's got the celebrity name already!
marion at April 24, 2007 7:42 PM
Can't fight genetics. In that family, they're glorious in their 20's....
It's only showbiz... Can we wager? I bet she gets photographed with Federline or a Federlinian type in in March 2014, and it's all downhill from there.
Crid at April 24, 2007 8:03 PM
The one good thing about Baldwin: Do you really think he'd let a Federline type live unhindered for long if such a guy hooked up with Baldwin's daughter? With that anger management problem? I think an Ireland-Federline would either turn up "mysteriously" dead with no evidence, or would be blackmailed away/paid off.
marion at April 25, 2007 5:37 PM
Now that Kim has come out on the record as not being the person who released that tape, do any of you Ball-dwin lickers have anything to say...like "oops...made judgement without the facts again... or damn I made another mistake, how could that be?" Or the best one yet...." Sorry about that Kim, but we're just chomping at the bit to condem people". Amy, you've usually got a better game on then this.
wb at April 25, 2007 6:39 PM
She SAYS she didn't release it, but who did? They have mice...with access to e-mail...who can convert a digital answering system message to MP3...and attach it, too? I didn't see her coming out to ameliorate the situation. Is it possible SHE didn't leak it but some person she knows did? Who has a horse in this race? Who has access?
Amy Alkon at April 25, 2007 6:53 PM
What kind of psychotic parent would scream that their child was a "selfish pig" over the telephone?
What kind of low-life parent would release such a traumatic recording to the media just to embarass their ex-spouse?
What kind of horrible self-centered flakes would name a little girl after a cold barren northern island filled only with drunks, bombs and leprechauns, in the first place?
Answer those three questions and you will have all the data needed to understand this whole mess. (.....and why Hollywood flakes should all probably be neutered for the general social well-being........)
Don J at April 25, 2007 9:29 PM
Advice Goddess,
Given the questions you pose, I would say either parent has a " horse in the race". As for access to things, anybody that does. Even a now famous Selfish Little Pig....... Maybe, it's a 3 horse race. Just because her father is a blithering idiot...... But you probably thought of that after you responded to me. You are a smart little gal. I think you're the only woman that has aroused me by going off on someone with a reality bat. Don't ever change baby.
wb at April 26, 2007 3:59 PM
The Salem Witch Trials.The House of UnAmerican Activities Committee. Joesph Goebbels. Orwell. Darkness at Noon. It Can't Happen Here. Farenheit 451.The Inquisition. Society of the Spectacle.The Decline of The West.Lord of The Flies.
Place: America
Time: late spring, the year 2007.
"What is past, is prologue..."
ANONYMOUS at April 29, 2007 6:20 AM
It strains credulity -- no, snaps it and breaks it -- to think Baldwin or the kid released it. And thanks, wb.
And ANONYMOUS...you really couldn't post that under your own name? Wooooooooo!
Weeniewipe.
Amy Alkon at April 29, 2007 7:56 AM
Extraordinary Popular Delusions and The Madness of Crowds. Generation of Vipers.Within The Context of No Context. Amusing Ourselves To Death. Obedience to Authority. The Origins Of Totalitarianism. The Mass Psychology of Fascism.
"WEENIEWIPE" is not a term I'm familiar with.It seems to derive from some form of post-millennial, post-"feminist empowerment" slang or possibly bicameral/psychological ego-threat manifestation. It's certainly to my knowledge not a word that seems to appear in any great work of art or classical text in between circa 1381-1896 or before and certainly not after in the established canon of discourse within the the last 300-500 years of Western thought. Could it possibly be an abberation of wit, satire, or some other obscure communication of "humorous rejoinder"? Any illumination you could shed on this mystery would be most appreciated.
anonymous at April 29, 2007 10:21 PM
Dear Miss Aikon,
Even though I eagerly await your response to my inquiry regarding the linguistic origins and aesthetic sources of the word "weeniewipe",I must candidly admit that the word delightfully trips off the tongue which such, dare I say it, effervescent naughtiness and illicit eroticism, that you have rather accidentally inspired me to research further into titles more in keeping with what I believe to be your sensibilities.
The Ann Landers Story.Tuesdays With Morrie. Dr. Phil's Guide to Hot Sex.Repair Manual and History of Peterbilt Trucks 1938-1983.Eloise at The Plaza.My Life by Golda Meir. If I Ran The Zoo.
a naughty mouse at April 29, 2007 11:52 PM
Nice try, Anony-weenie. At the moment I'm reading UCSB behavioral ecologist Marlene Zuk's Riddled with Life: Friendly Worms, Ladybug Sex, and the Parasites That Make Us Who We Are
Amy Alkon at April 30, 2007 6:20 AM
How fascinating. Do you have an infectious laugh? Are you nothing to sneeze at? Are you a wonderful host? Do you have a filthy mind? Are you German?
anonymous at April 30, 2007 3:01 PM
I neglected to mention that I have a rare and valuble autograph collection valued at at least three figures in American currency of the following people: Rona Barrett, Sheila Graham, Dr. Joyce Brothers and Kenny Kingston the Celebrity Physic who sketched a beautiful blue and gold butterfly next to the letter "N",Walter Mondale,Joan Rivers, Nipsey Russell, the supporting cast of "Matlock", K.C and the Sunshine Band,50-Cent's Rim Supplier,J.D. Salinger,Thomas Pynchon, and the doctor who did that thing with Ashlee Simpson's nose.
Can I send you a ladybug sticker?
anonymous at April 30, 2007 4:08 PM
Dearest Amy,
I've been having very strange dreams about you.I saw you at Disneyland standing on the drawbridge of the Magic Castle looking elegantly attired in what seemed to an incredibly expensive dress spun from the finest Malaysian silk. In keeping with the theme of your dress I offered you a gummi worm and you spit on me.You said "I asked for Herpes Simplex 3 and e.coli and all you offer me is a cootie-filled cheap little worm? Loser! I wanted a cool poetic disease like tuberculosis or at least salmonella from some hot trendy restaurant on The Sunset Strip!" I started to weep. Hello Kitty suddenly showed up in leather panties and spiked heels and brandishing a whip and said "Here, buy my new selp-help tapes for there you will understand and know that God loves you and that Jesus Christ was merely a conceptual gaming program bundled onto ancient Sony Playstation Thirteens by frustrated extraterrestials who were looking to create some form of existential non-existant level of play that would malfunction for one million years with a laugh track and perpetually be made into countless franchises and Disney and Sanrio movie tie-ins and product placements and yield new merchandise forever." I dropped to my knees and a heavenly choir emanated from the speakers mounted near "It's a Small World After All" and sang out lyrics about bull markets and 401Ks and tax write offs and time shares and flipping condos and Fannie Maes. Then, out of nowhere, we were in a motel room in Kansas City in 1978 painted in a nauseating tone of avacado-green and you told me that I was the greatest lover you'd ever had and that for a girl like you losing your virginity was a painful and delicate process and you were glad that I washed my hands before,you know,I touched it and that you appreciated the soft skin on my right pinky finger and could I buy you the new Journey album. But where the hell is Hello Kitty, I said. You stuck you chewing gum on my forehead." WHO? God, you such a weeniewipe!" You mean a penis sanitinizer? I was confused. The motel room suddenly shuddered with a powerful and orgasmic earthquake and millions of platinum, gold, and copper-colored paper toilet bowl sanitation wrapper bands descended from the beautiful Midwestern skies (you know, the ones that used to say " Sparklingly Cleaned for Your Protection!") and the walls evaporated into a foul-smelling yet somehow curiously hypnotizing mist and then what seemed to be thousands of candy-colored amoebas and worms and maggots and flies and ticks and potatobugs and little complimentary packets of Kleenex swirled around and around in a frenzied tornado like the one that was in The Wizard of Oz and a voice that sounded like Mariah Carey boomed out from the eye of the tornado and said "Tis Thy Purified Soul and Thy Virginal Heart That Hath Ruined The Joys of Man! Repent! Repent! For In That Final Hour of Judgement You Shall Know All That Has Gone Before Is Tainted and Filthy, Animal and Base, Stained and Soiled and Spattered, and Frometh the Greasy, Foul, Stinking Bosom that Spews Forth it's Sour Milk Through The Puckered Nipple of Time ...THERE! THERE! Verily Lies The Only Hope of Redemption! The Only Way Out of The Labryrinth of Your Sorrows! Breath Deep the Sticky and Pungent Perfumes of The Cosmic Passing Wind and Rejoice! For that IS what IS and HAS ALWAYS BEEN."
Then you ate my worm.
anonymous at May 1, 2007 3:27 AM
CLEANUP IN AISLE FOUR! I repeat, CLEANUP IN AISLE FOUR!
Amy Alkon at May 1, 2007 4:40 AM
"Oh Amy! Amy! Amy!" I cried and hugged you tightly to my chest. "I knew our fates would lead us here to this perfectly romantic, breathtakingly crystal-shiny cubic zirconia Kodak moment...it was Destiny...Kismet!" Then that metallic disembodied voice kept shrieking CLEAN UP IN AISLE FOUR!CLEAN UP IN AISLE FOUR! YOU ARE NOT EXPERIENCING KISMET! REPEAT YOU ARE NOT EXPERIENCING KISMET! YOU ARE IN AISLE FOUR OF K-MART! REPEAT THAT IS K-M-A-R-T! YOU HAVE CAUSED MAJOR DAMAGE TO THE STOCK!SECURITY HAS BEEN NOTIFIED!
I was frozen in the aisle, mortified, staring at the discounted J.Lo bikini bottom that was floating across the linoleum in the brackish muck that splashed around our feet."Your a dork and a weeniewipe and a spazzmatazoa and a major Yugo-face....I go non-fake Louie V. all the way or I dont go at all, get it?...K-Mart...jesus...what do you DO anyway... work as a personal assistant to guys who sell roses and bags of oranges on streetcorners?" I was tongue-tied, but just as I was about to move my lips and offer some sort of defense, any defense, really..I was violently tackled down to the ground by blue and yellow outfitted IKEA cops with Swedish blonde wood nightsticks pummeling me and who were moonlighting at K-Mart because there had recently been a political uprising due to angry consumers who kept throwing black paint all over the Swedish blond furniture because they never reordered anything once they sold out. They handcuffed me with Swedish blonde wood handcuffs called CRIMINALSKAVA or PAINSKA or something like that and you laughed derisively at me and said "That is so National Enquirer" and then The Great Nuclear Conflaguration of 2012 happened right then and there,six years early. A massive white flash of light lit up the store and more out of instinct than affection you grabbed my hand.The disembodied metallic speaker voice went haywire and started screeching out strange, innocent flower power cliches of the Sixties like "HEY EVERYBODY LET'S ALL GET TOGETHER AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER RIGHT NOW MAKE LOVE NOT WAR IS NOT HEALTHY FOR CHILDREN AND OTHER LIVING THINGS GIVE PEACE A CHANCE IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE LIVING IN IF IT FEELS GOOD DO IT TO EVERY SEASON TURN TURN TURN THOSE SKIMPY LASHES INTO BEAUTIFUL LONG EXTRA LUSH LASHES WITH MAYBELLINE MIDNIGHT ULTRALASH ON SALE AISLE FOUR". And then lava flowed and meteorites hit and comets collided and volcanos erupted and tsunamis and flames and floods and rivers of blood and The Four Horseman and The Vikings came and the hermaphrodites and news anchormen and clay busts of Buddha off AISLE NINE came floating by and Allah and Mohammed and Kali and Ram Dass and N Sync and scrunchies, buttons,Weber grills, fake nails,tires, BRATZ dolls, The Torah, and billions and billions of now perfectly useless cotton balls bobbed in the slime like pearls floating in the sea on a bright summer's day when we imagined we were happy and on the beach in some Edenic childhood memory that never really was but that we wanted to believe in so badly because we watched celebrities in movies make us believe in those things because we were lonely and it hurt us more than anyone could of ever EVER known because it was a stupid useless ideal that we should of never taken at face value but we did anyway and we spent the rest of our adult lives resenting those images because we could never really live up to that and it made us hate actors who were real people with problems of their own but we didnt care because we hated them for making us believe in all those phony images of perfect summer days on the beach together in eternal and blissful happiness when we were just cruelly betrayed by the millions of broken promises that haunted us down to the bones of our very last days whether we knew it or not, so we took our revenge out by relishing and enjoying all their public failure and troubles because it was all a big lie and it made us feel evened up and it made us feel a little less lonely, that's all. And I saw you shed a tear for the first time. And then everthing went black.
anonymous at May 1, 2007 10:06 PM
Check out ParentalAlienation.CA this is the greatest website for anyone needing to help a child that is being absued with parental alienation. Ask for Joe Goldberg at Goldberg & Associates, they know how to rescue children from this nightmare.
Rhoda Jenkins at January 4, 2008 1:26 AM
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