Advice Goddess Blog

It Isn't The Size Of A Man's Penis

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It Isn't The Size Of A Man's Penis
It's the fact that he's acting like a really big pinhead. Just posted another Advice Goddess column. Here's the genius' letter:

I'm not the biggest horse in the barn, but my wife of 35 years has always said I'm perfect, she's satisfied with me, and my size doesn't matter. Recently, a commercial for "male enhancement" pills came on and I said, "Maybe I should try some." She said, "Bigger is nice, but I like being with you." This really hurt as I viewed it as a comparison to men she'd dated before me. I'm so angry because I'd never compare her to anyone and feel I've been lied to for 35 years. I didn't speak to her for two days, and when she asked why, I told her. First, she didn't remember saying anything, then said she didn't compare me, and apologized. I'm still hurt and have no desire to be intimate. I need advice though, because I don't want this to come between us.

My reply starts like this:

So, in a perfect world, the first time you had sex, your wife would've announced, "As man-tools go, yours is one of those little eyeglass screwdrivers." Instead, she pronounced you "perfect" -- a cruel lie. Worse yet, she claims she's satisfied with you, and says your size doesn't matter. Actually, it seems pretty clear it does, except it isn't your small penis that's the problem, but the fact that you're acting like a really big pinhead.

Your wife tried to be sweet, reassuring you, "Bigger is nice, but I like being with you," and you're acting like she's erected an altar in her head to The Big One, The Really Big One, and Whoa, Don't Hurt Me With That Thing. How dare she compare you to any other man?! Uh...are you for real? Sorry, to bust up your fairytale idea of human nature, but people assess what works for them, in part, by comparison: Bigger, smaller, better, good enough, hasn't behaved this idiotically in years.

Hey, Doofus! With all those Big Biffys out there, she married you. So, if you're not exactly big, apparently you're big enough. And, a little something else to consider: While most of the sex problems I get are from couples in flannel pajamas and separate beds at the 3.5-year mark, you and your wife are still doing it at year 35. Or, rather, were. Good move, sailor! ...

The rest, plus comments, is here.