Dawn Of The Dud
Who's to blame for all your dud girlfriends? Hmmm...maybe...you? Just posted another one of my Advice Goddess columns. A guy writes:
I'm a 31-year-old guy who’s just about given up on dating. My last girlfriend was desperately needy. She’d make me go to the store with her, and when I went to work, she’d hang out in my office all day. (She wanted to sit on my lap and talk to me while I worked.) It drove me nuts, so we split a couple months ago. The girlfriend before her couldn't stop going on and on about the details of her sex life with her former boyfriend. I can’t seem to pick a winner. I think it’s due to one of three things: 1) I’m attracted to girls with serious issues. 2) All girls are like that. 3) My standards are way too high. I’d love to have a girlfriend who doesn’t have big issues, and who has friends, hobbies and goals beyond the relationship. Is that the impossibility it seems to be?
--Flailing Around In the Dating Pool
My reply:
So, the last girl in your life not only went to the office with you but sat on your lap while you worked? Wait…you were dating a Chihuahua? Let’s just hope she was woman enough to do her business in the ladies room instead of on Wee-Wee Pads under the conference table.This girlfriend was the replacement for Lady Overshare, sexual historian: “We interrupt this relationship to bring you the nude stylings of Lincoln And His Log.” And interrupt, and interrupt, and interrupt. Nothing like a woman who gets a guy all fired up to dash past the sexy underwear store to the pet store to buy her a muzzle.
Dating can be challenging for a man with standards. The thing about standards is that you can’t just leave them on the fake fireplace with your frat boy beer stein collection. You actually have to take them with you and hold them up to women you meet. Sure, you can say you want a girlfriend with goals, hobbies, and a self, but you seem to go for any woman who doesn’t have gills. Then, instead of taking responsibility for what you let into your life, you reach for ego shelters like “Maybe I’m just hot for the nutty ones,” “All girls are like that,” or “I’m just too good for this world.” In the words of my late pal Al (therapist Albert Ellis), “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” >>cont'd>>
The rest is here, along with a bunch of comments.
It always amazes me the way so many people manage to go through life without ever thinking, "Hey wait, I'm the only common thread in all these crappy relationships."
SeanH at January 30, 2008 6:46 AM
I don't see him specifying a lack of gills.
Simon Proctor at January 30, 2008 7:25 AM
I have very high standards for women, "Two tits, a hole and a heartbeat" She must meet at least two of those requirements.
All kidding aside, I really like this statement, "The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own." That is so true. I have been aware for a long time that I'm generally a real pain in the ass in a relationship. I'm ok with that. I'll even tell dates that I'm a pain in the butt. They don't seem to care as much as I would've thought. It seems like they're ok with it as long as they don't have to convince you that your being a butthead. I just say,"Yeah, I know."
Bikerken at January 30, 2008 10:20 PM
Depends whose butt you're a pain in, I guess!
Norman at January 31, 2008 12:24 AM
So wot the heck's wrong with gills?
Rob at January 31, 2008 6:09 AM
I think Amy's a gillist.
Bikerken at January 31, 2008 8:45 AM
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