Fear Of The Dork
Just posted another Advice Goddess column -- one in which a woman has a problem or two with my advice. Here's her question:
I disagree with your advice to "The Hunted," the woman who said a co-worker was stalking her at work. I agree she should be more direct, but what about "He's been asking co-workers about me and finding me on breaks" says this guy's harmless? Sometimes those "little things" turn ugly fast. A woman should heed that warning bell that something's wrong. Yet, you mocked her, saying, "Come on, a guy at work gives you reason to believe he has a crush on you and the shower music from 'Psycho' comes into your head?" Do you really think "Thanks, but no thanks" will deter him? She needs to say it ONCE in front of witnesses. Then it's Human Resources time.--Wary Woman
Here's an excerpt from my answer:
Yesterday, I asked a stock boy at the supermarket to help me get a jar off the top shelf. Before he could, another stock boy handed it to me. The first stock boy pouted, "I wish I coulda helped you." Later, he circled back and complimented me on my skirt. So, I tased him.Okay, I didn't exactly tase him. I thanked him and kept shopping -- probably a dumb move, since, as you point out, "Sometimes those 'little things' turn ugly fast." Yeah, you never know when the stock boy'll follow you to your car, clock you with a can of tomato paste, drive you to your place and make you watch as he gets your Wheaties down for you.
I'm not saying women shouldn't be careful. I'm saying they shouldn't go hysterical the moment they get attention from a man. Take this woman, who claimed she was being "stalked." The U.S. Department of Justice defines stalking as "repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, (or) contact...that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear." Whoops! There's that warning bell you mention. Only, if this woman heard one, it was "Ding! Ding! Ding! He's beneath me! He's ugly and socially awkward, and he's asking me out!" ...continued...
The rest is here, plus comments.
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