I know that people hae a right to travel, but I dont ever recall seeing a right to travel by airplane

As sad as it can be, the situation was out of control. Autism or not, a hyperactive child in plane is a pain for everybody. The reaction of the flight crew was good on this.

Bill Cosby had a routine he did about a little boy named "Jeffery" who was 4 years old, and a serious pain in the ass on a flight to Vegas. It was too funny, but unfortunately, all too true.
I traveled by plane once with daughter #1 when she was almost 3, and I was pregnant with #2. This was in 1995. While #1 was pretty chatty, she was quiet and occupied during the whole flight with her crayons and books. I got some nice compliments from the crew and a couple of passengers. After #2 was born, it was clear to me that I wouldn't be able to fly with her until she was older. I used to call her my "little crankalina". She's not autistic or anything, just a little crank. Even now, at age 12, she can pull such a crank on me that it makes me send her to her room until she calms down. I would never have even dreamed of taking her on a plane until she was in at least 2nd grade. It's called common sense and common courtesy. You know how your child is at home. You know how their moods are, how bad they get, how frequently they can change, what sets them off, etc. But you do NOT subject the general public to them until you know that either you can get them and keep them under control, or they're old enough to do it themselves. YMMV

If you read the rest of the story the mom says she's going to take the train from now on. Nothing like stretching the trip out longer to prolong her son's suffering.

Juliana, every male over the age of 1 that I have ever met LOVES trains. LOVES. The train trip may be longer, but if the kid will probably enjoy it more, autistic or not. And if the train is an overnight one, perhaps they can get their own berth in which the kid can kick to his heart's content.

On the story in general: Well, I'm the heartless witch whose reaction to the story of the unmedicated mentally ill guy who got shot by marshals after rushing off of his plane was, "If he refused to take his medication, he shouldn't have been allowed on the plane." So I obviously am siding with the airline in this situation. If the mother wanted to keep her bag, she should have done everything possible to avoid the bulkhead seat. She also needs to realize that, while people may have a wide variety of personalities, abilities, and needs, when the plane is taking off (and at any given time during the flight), every single person on that plane needs to be buckled into his or her seat (or, in the case of babies less than 2 years old, clasped firmly on a belted-in person's lap). Everyone - autistic or not, high-energy or not, happy or not, young or old. Very few of my friends with small children have ever flown on planes - either they go by car, or their family and friends (including me) go to see them. If anyone in your family cannot restrain or be restrained long enough to pose no danger to a group of people locked in a flying tin can, then don't fly with that person, whether it's your high-energy 6-year-old, your mentally ill husband, or your autistic 2-year-old.

That having been said...I vowed a while back to avoid flying American whenever possible, partially because of my low opinion of the airline's flight attendant staff. Now, I'm a big fan of strict flight attendants/airline crew. I get a little thrill when an airline crew member tells someone trying to board out of turn that he or she will have to wait until his/her row is called. Strictness is not the problem. My issue with the American flight attendants is that they seem to behave in ways that escalate tension - and by "tension" I mean the feelings of (initially) slightly unhappy passengers. While this kid was apparently out of control, screaming at him wouldn't have helped the situation *at all* - and I can believe that an American flight attendant would, in fact, have been screaming.

I have an autistic child, and would never have tried to fly with her at age 2 1/2. We flew when she was 5, and it was fine because we booked seats so she could look out the window, had her favorite stuffed dog, etc.

I still hate to fly, because so much is out of my control. If our flight had been delayed for a couple of hours, my kid would be acting up. We drive, because we can stop at rest stops, listen to books on tape and not have to deal with snotty airline personal.

The mother did many things wrong, but some of the airline attendants actions made things worse. If my kid is loosing it, getting in her face and telling her to be quiet will send her over the edge. It's just easier not to fly.

Jeez, didn't she ever see Rainman? Even Tom Cruise wasn't stupid enough to take Dustin Hoffman on a plane...

Perhaps the airline staff was not perfect in their handling of the situation. Why should we expect them to be?

There are a wide array of personalities and problems for people very young to very old. They are not meant to be baby sitters or special needs therapists, they're there to ensure that their safety instructions are followed and that we get our choice of coffee or tea at the proper time.

While we might critique them insofar as to say, "you could have done better" We should also be willing to say to the mother, "you couldn't have done worse".

She knows how her child is, and should have known better than to fly, and she should have had some consideration for the general public with whom she would be trapped for several hours.

A train would have been smoother and more pleasant for her and her child as well as her fellow travelers. Kids, especially boys it seems, love trains, and why not? No restraints to speak of, the world speeding past, comfortable seating, damn I'd take a 3 day train trip over a two hour flight.

I have been flying, alone, with my 3 since 2 months after the first birth. They are amazing travelers, and rarely fuss at all. BUT, flight attendants do tend to create problems. They're just bitchy in general. So I have no problem believing they escalated what was probably a situation the mom could've handled if left alone, to a crisis requiring deboarding. Why do they believe it's ok to come tighten someone's seatbelt for them? I've had them try it with me and I'm a grown woman! It's NOT ok to touch someone else without their permission. Just asking for the belt to be tightened is enough.

Amy A - "If you have a special-needs kid, you need to prepare the kid for travel: Drug the kid. Dramamine, Benadryl (my personal choice)."

Works great for regular kids as well. When our children were younger we ALWAYS gave them Dramamine when taking them on flights. Kids are kids, and when their not sleeping, they tend to want to be active - which doesn't mix well with airplane travel.

It's just a matter of common courtesy for other passengers for one to ensure that their child will not be a nuisance in a confined space.

Someone already mentioned Bill Cosby’s “Jeffery” story. A wise parent would never want to be in Jeffery’s mother’s shoes.

I just don't see why it was the airline's responsibility to be "understanding" about a kid throwing a tantrum and refusing to leave the seatbelt tightened (a safety issue) while the plane is starting to taxi.

It's the mother's responsibility to make her kid obey the safety rules. The flight crew may not have handled it well, but they shouldn't have had to handle it at all - mom should have gotten the kid calmed down and buckled in. And if that's too big a job to accomplish in the time between boarding (and wouldn't she have been among the first to board) and pulling away from the gate, then she shouldn't have tried to take this kid on a plane.

"BUT, flight attendants do tend to create problems."

Stewardess story: I ran into a flight attendant who was goo-goo eyed at a pair of young newlyweds in my row and took it upon herself to move me from my requested and assigned seat to another so the couple could have "space" --- even against their protestations!

She stood over me repeating "Wouldn't you be more comfortable in another seat? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?" until I moved. I figured we'd never get off the ground if I didn't.

American Airlines, I abhor thee.

"Why should we expect them to be?"

Because they're being paid for their professional service. I got the impression that the flight attendant was immediately combative and rude. Of course the mother is biased but I tend to believe her b/c it happens. I'm w/ momof3 "Why do they believe it's ok to come tighten someone's seatbelt for them?" It isn't. Unless that person is unable to move and doesn't have help.

The attendant, though correct in enforcing FAA rules, didn't (based on the biased account given by the parent) do so in a professional and appropriate manner. If the child REFUSED to have the belt on tightly enough even if the mother did it then the kid needs to get off the plane. If the kid flipped out for no reason and was uncontrollable then he needs to get off the plane. But there's more to it than that. He didn't seem to just flip out.

While the attendant couldn't be expected to know the kid was autistic ahead of time, if she refrained from being a bitch the issue might not have gotten to that point. In contract law one has a duty to mitigate damages. I feel that this is a good theory to apply to life in a general sense - don't exacerbate a situation. If you do then you hold part of the blame. A simple "I'll do that, thank you, he is autistic and I must handle him," would suffice and should have been followed by a smile, nod, and verification that the belt was on properly.

On another note, "drugging" a kid might backfire. Some kids might stay up despite the Benedryl (Dimetapp worked for me. It tasted soooo good before they screwed with the formula a few years ago.). That would render the kid tired - not asleep. A tired kid is as awesome as a pack of hungry wolves.

Why are people such fucking assholes?

I loved the mother's "if they had just been a little more understanding" comment.

How much time do you want,lady? Five minutes, an hour? How understanding do you think the other 200+ passengers are going to be that have to make connecting flights and can't because your kid is holding up traffic?

Airlines run on schedules. You're no more special than anyone else. If you can't keep your kid under control, don't try and fly with him.

My kind of understanding is a mother who understands that her child, who may or may not throw a screaming fit and roll around on the floor, should not travel on an airplane filled with other passengers who have to listen to that screaming and who will possibly be late to their destination when the plane turns around to drop the behavior problem and his mommy back at the airport.

One bit of info left off the article above: they had been scheduled to fly on another flight, but while they were on the runway, that flight was canceled and they had to return to the terminal. On THAT flight, the kid did behave (see ). The point is, I don't know if it was a case of never knowing what you're gonna get when you've got a kid like that on a plane, or if the flight attendant and captain genuinely behaved in such a way that they exacerbated a situation that would otherwise have been managable. Given that the mother started crying, which made the kid more upset, I'm inclined to think that the mom wasn't great at handling this kind of thing. But it certainly wasn't the airline's responsibility to prevent the MOM from crying.

Getting the kid off the airplane was the right decision for the kid. Autistic meltdowns are often caused by overstimulation (and stress). So from this poor kid's perspective: the seatbelt is too tight, it's too noisy, there's a strange lady scolding him and making the seatbelt tighter, his clothes are probably itching, and his mom is in tears. And to add to that louder noises, the pull of take-off, possible tubulence, and any number of things that could go wrong. Just a bad situation all around.

And once a meltdown starts, it doesn't end until it runs it's course, which could be a in a few minutes or a few hours. And a meltdown isn't a fit or a tantrum, it's a twitching jag of emotion and incoherence that even autistic adults can't manage to calm down from.

I have a few autistic friends and they all agree with the flight crew's actions. (And feel an enormous sympathy for the kid). The consensus was that the little guy shouldn't be flying until he's old enough to keep himself calm and understand he only has to keep his seatbelt on for a little while.

Here, we go. Yet another parent wanting the world to kiss their little darling's ass and build their life around some strange kid. Why?

That kid should not have been on a plane, plain and simple. Not meeting reaching their designation on time's the least of it. A good number probably missed connecting flights. A good number were probably late to business or other appointments equally important. Why?

All because, once again, some a-hole with a sense of entitlement thinks her kid's more important than 200 other people's lives.

And, lujlp, thank you for the comment on everyone expecting air travel. American has decided to stop running flights from our fair city. That's right, they're bypassing our airport. News was boohooing about the effect this is gonna have on affordable air travel. I actually looked at the TV and says who says air travel should be affordable. Of course, I'm an old fart (okay hoovering on the border between middle age and old age) can remember when it was actually thought a luxury.

How come they like to quip driving's not a right, it's a responsibility and air travel's a right all of a sudden?

I have Asperger's myself (I'm now 46), but I don't believe I ever threw a tantrum on a plane when my parents took me from LA to New York when I was a child.

I find that domestic flights are usually OK for me, but whenever I've been on an international flight I seem to always make some kind of mistake - possibly because I rarely am on those flights.

Most recently, as I passed through LAX to get to a flight to Auckland, New Zealand (my father lives north of there) I had to pass through the security checkpoint. I had my boarding pass and passport still in the vinyl ticket sleeve, and this woman at the checkpoint was the most incredible bitch about it. She yelled at me to go back and put the sleeve in the tray, and to come back with just the boarding pass in the passport. I mean, I hadn't been on an international flight in 14 years, and she could have just asked me politely to do that. That, and the flight from Denver to LA being late by an hour put me in a bad mood for the start of that long flight across the Pacific.

I realize that there are security issues with flying, but some of these TSA personnel have to remove their heads from their butts when dealing with air travelers.

"One bit of info left off the article above: they had been scheduled to fly on another flight, but while they were on the runway, that flight was canceled and they had to return to the terminal. On THAT flight, the kid did behave"

Ah, the important little details that get omitted when one wants to make a point. Reminds me of one time I was traveling with a small kid. He did great, right up until our plane rolled out onto the runway, in high summer, in Atlanta, and sat there for an hour with the A/C turned off. I felt guilty that he started crying his head off - but really, whose fault was it?

Bravo... That is just it. Who's fault is it when a child is having a fit on a delayed flight or anywhere else. Sorry guys, yeah it sucks that the kid had a wig out on a plane with 200 adults there, but I bet 30% or more just felt bad for the kid.
Gracious be, everyone involved made mistakes here, but to automatically assume this woman got on a plane with a 2 1/2 year old autistic child without very deeply and thoughtfully considering whether or not her child was capable of the flight is like suggesting that she gave her 13 year old keys and asked her to drive through New York City. There isn't a parent in the world capable of properly rearing an autistic child that wouldn't have thought about this flight backwards, forwards, and upside down. There are few parents in the world, and none that I have met that say to themselves "Well I think little Jimmy might be good if I'm lucky, but whatever, if he's not I only have to listen to him scream, hyperventilate, and be violent for six or seven hours while I receive glares and poor advice from complete strangers whose day I'm ruining.' Come on now. Any woman that would cry when spoken to harshly about her child's behavior by flight crew member is the same woman who is so concerned for other people's situations that she wouldn't have taken him in the first place if she'd known he would have caused more than five minutes of discomfort when settling in.
She sat down and thought about whether or not her son could handle the riggers of the trip (yeah, I'm stretching, but it strikes me that too many people here are assuming she has the IQ of an eggplant just because she made a mistake judging her son, not to mention the customer service at American Airlines).
Her fault lies in not considering the potential stress of being stuck on a plane with a thoughtless nag.
Any person that would touch a strange child is off their rocker. Anyone familiar with the mother bear concept? It swings both ways. Touching a child aggressively, without asking permission or when you are speaking roughly will not only royally tick the mother off, but it will make most kids really uncomfortable; especially when it is not an affectionate touch, but one a child would interpret as hostility, and the most popular default reaction to hostility in children is a total wig fit; autistic or not. Sorry it sucks to be there when a kid loses it, but grabbing them and not letting the mom/guardian handle it only makes things worse.
The only other thing is that the stewardesses job is to calm the passengers for flight along with the other more visible tasks they perform. If every person was a great flyer airlines would have cut down even more on in flight personnel than they already have. The stewards are there to insure that anyone having a panic attack or any other in air crisis can be properly cared for and calmed down.Yes this includes the annoyed adults as well, but more importantly the stewardess failed to properly control the situation by acting calmly and with poise as she is trained to do. I really can't imagine her watching the company training video and being told to yell at children, be aggressive in her instructions, and not stop when she realizes she has made a customer fly. It seems especially unnecessary considering that the last time I flew American no one even checked the tension of my belt. What I see here is a flight attendant having a really bad day, and stirring up a hornets nest, because she is too tired to be bothered with addressing the issue the way it should be. The saddest thing about this is that American will probably see a boost in sales over this, because the have a perceived "no tolerance" policy about kiddie fits.

Megan, you call it sad, I call it wondrous.

OK, I don't really mean to be that snotty about it, but as is often the case with Amy's airline-related posts, I think people are too inclined to think it's all about making sure the "customer" is well-served.

> The stewards are there to insure
> that anyone having a panic attack
> or any other in air crisis can be
> properly cared for

I don't think we, the flying customers, get to choose what the stewards are there for. Non of us have the technical background or industrial savvy or legal expertise to know how those people are supposed to do their jobs.

A few years ago I had to fly a severely-impaired senior relative several hundred miles via commercial carrier. They did a lot to make things go well, by putting us behind the first bulkhead, etc., and i was grateful.... And I also had rehearsed every maneuver to get her onto and off of that plane as quickly and unobtrusively as possible.

But if there'd been an in-flight or taxiway emergency, the truth is that her incapacity would have been dangerous to other passengers.... As might that of this little boy. If the market demanded that sickly people, grotesquely overweight folks, or attitude cases fly via chartered aircraft, who could argue?

We like to think that everything should be available to everyone anytime and any cost to the rest of us. I'm not sure that's the way to go.

Maybe we should demand competence tests for flying, including a quiz for a reasonably cooperative spirit.

If the mom so marvelously sat down and thought over should I take this kid on a plane, she would have thought what happens if the plane is delayed or detoured? After all, it's hardly the first time in the history of flight. If she did and gambled on it not doing so because the odds were in her favor, it's still her fault.

And yes the stereotype of the stewardesses is the pretty smiling Barbie doll always polite and gracious but did she even think they are human also? Not actual Stepford robots? And that under stress to get this kid buckled before take-off when mommy is appearing not to she might take it on herself to buckle the brat? I mean, c'mon, it's an incomplete story.

I'd love to hear the stewardess' side. Did she even know the little monster was autistic? Even if she did, she had a mother refusing to buckle the kid properly for take-off and a pilot screaming at her that it's got to be done. I doubt those stewardess training videos gave her an in-depth knowledge on autism and how to deal with it. All she knew is Federal law says everyone has to be buckled for take-off, plane's trying to take-off and mom's only putting the belt loosely on the kids. I bet those training videos did state something like they had to be snug, not loose.

Now she'll be lucky if she doesn't lose her job with all this publicity about it. And, no, I don't think she should over this incident. Mom is more to blame for it than she is.

Tough call, it could have gone either way. The airline personel COULD have handled it differently, and probably with less hassle, but the way they did handle it doesn't fall outside of their expected job description. The Mom COULD have handled it differently, never flying (I don't remember reading anywhere that this was the kids first flight ever.) or sitting in a different seat, or whatever, but she didn't.

Bottom line is , airlines are a business, and you gotta please the majority of the customers. Sorry.

Are you kidding?! I think this Mom handled herself and her child very well. If someone had tried to tighten my special needs child's belt things may have gotten ugly.

Listen, Autistic children almost always have sensory disorders that cause them to percieve some stimuli as pain. That poor mom was trying to find a middle ground and the stewardess just wouldn't have it. She was torturing that kid and his mom.

As for having the right to fly, it's called the American's with Disabilities Act people. She has a right to fly with her autistic child just as much as if her kid was in a wheelchair. She also has a right to special considerations because of said disablilty.

What no-one has is a right to not be bothered. You may be uncomforatble on a plane for a few hour flight, but who isn't. If the stewardess hadn't decided to target that family it wouldn't be a problem. I have traveled many times with my daughter and each time we get on a plane we have the same issue with the seatbelt (this is a girl who screams if you try to put pants on her) but with a little understanding and give from the flight staff we get to our destination with very little trouble.

That stewardess should be ashamed of herself as should many or you.