Who's The Dumbshit Who Let The Feral Pigs In?
You're jogging along up in Alpena, Michigan, and you've got your iPod on, and all of a sudden, you feel some powerful thing clamp onto your leg and take you down. Mike Wendland writes in the Freep about the highly dangerous wild pigs besieging most of the counties in Michigan:
Across Michigan, the signs are going up."Wanted Dead (Not Alive)," they read. "Last seen in 63 Michigan Counties."
The photo below the bold type shows as ugly a prey as you can find: a wild pig.
"Escaped from game ranches, wild boars threaten Michigan's natural resources and agriculture," the poster says. Signed by a coalition of Michigan wildlife and farming organizations, it amounts to a declaration of all-out war against a critter so wily and destructive it may now be impossible to control.
"We are not exaggerating when we say the wild boar problem in Michigan is now at crisis proportions," Patrick J. Rusz, director of wildlife programs for the Michigan Wildlife Conservancy, said last week. "They are good for absolutely nothing.
"We're telling people: If you see one, shoot it."
The problems started a few years ago when wild pigs, also called feral swine, started to escape from the estimated 60 hunting preserves around the state.
The animals usually free themselves by furrowing under the typical deer-proof fencing that encircles them and then lifting up the fence wire with their powerful snouts.
...Outside the preserves, the hogs have ranged widely, thriving in Michigan's climate with no real natural predators to control their numbers.
..."The agricultural damage they do is unlike anything we've seen from any other animal," he said. "We're talking a wild pig population explosion over the next few years in Michigan."
And it isn't just farmers who suffer. "I've seen yards they destroyed in populated areas up in Midland County that look like they were rototilled," Rusz said. "We've had reports of them menacing joggers in southeastern Michigan.
"They are showing up everywhere."
Nationally, feral hogs cause about $800 million in agricultural damages, according to John Mayer, a spokesman for the Washington Savannah River Co., a South Carolina environmental support firm for the U.S. Department of Energy and probably the nation's leading expert on wild pigs.
The problem: Thousands of square miles of salad bar -- all-you-can-eat corn. And just think of the lawn freaks in Grosse Pointe and Bloomfield Hills, looking out the window in the morning, "Marge! There's a thing eating our front yard!"
The prescription: Get a gun. Get a big gun. And if you see a feral pig, shoot it on sight. And make sure there isn't a school bus or something behind it, if you have a moment before you try to blow it away.
What's next, "Let's bring in deadly spores from outer space, put 'em in this test tube and play catch with it, and hope it doesn't break!"?
Here are the pictures:
OMG those things are so much fun to hunt. I wish I wasn't in the Army or I'd sure as hell go there and help them thin'em out.
WolfmanMac at September 15, 2008 11:11 AM
'could be worse... at least they aren't zombie feral pigs...
That's MISTER Pig to you.
Seems like they've got this problem in Texas too... just remember kids, this requires appropriate firepower, because they're meaner when wounded...
SwissArmyD at September 15, 2008 12:05 PM
Watch it, Amy, now you're going to get the PETA nutters swarming down on you!!
Expect the following rumor to circulate later this week:
"I heard that Sarah Palin was practicing shooting feral pigs in Michigan from a U.S. helicopter gunship. She must be stopped!"
Robert W. at September 15, 2008 12:45 PM
Best way to control such pests is to poison them. I doubt guns will do it, unless you are really ruthless.
doombuggy at September 15, 2008 12:48 PM
so um, doom buggy, what'cha going to poison them with that won't kill everything? These aren't rats or anything, they're 100-150 pounds and are pretty smart...
Wisconsin Dept Natural Resources
SwissArmyD at September 15, 2008 1:55 PM
Oh wow, that's almost (but not quite) enough to entice me back to Michigan. With my deer rifle. Or a bow if it's too close to the 'burbs.
Of course, I LOVE the thought of some richie rich in Gross Pointe having that as a varmint in their yard; as an ex-hippie from Ann Arbor I find the mental picture too delicious.
juliana at September 15, 2008 2:39 PM
Lucky. Around here we have feral children and aren't ALLOWED to shoot them ... ;-)
Hey, do those wild pigs taste just like regular ones? Can you make tasty bacon out of them?
Pirate Jo at September 15, 2008 3:22 PM
Any of those pigs wearing lipstick?
Its bizarre - you can't own say, a tiger, because it might escape and kill people. But any twit can own wild pigs. We have this problem near where I live. Apparently you're safe if you don't go in the bush. Ever.
catspajamas at September 15, 2008 5:11 PM
If they're edible, then declare open season on them with no bag limit.
If not, the put a $50 bounty on them.
brian at September 15, 2008 5:33 PM
People all over Michigan are inviting Ted Nugent to stop by for a couple of beers and some "harvesting."
te at September 15, 2008 5:45 PM
It was the day Ted Nugent ... killed all the animals ... a Ragbrai favorite, for the last three years. Makes me smile.
Pirate Jo at September 15, 2008 5:51 PM
Hey, do those wild pigs taste just like regular ones? Can you make tasty bacon out of them?
Posted by: Pirate Jo at September 15, 2008 3:22 PM
Wild Boar tastes like doo-doo. You can go to a lot of trouble preparing it and get some of the "wild" out, but its lot of trouble and it still tastes pretty stout.
Brian,
I don't know about Michigan, but in the Deep South (particularly texas, Lousiana where I have hunted them) they are a "non game animal" - you can shoot them year round.
WolfmanMac at September 15, 2008 6:05 PM
Considering Ted Nugent, as a "game farm" owner, may be part of the reason these beasts escaped into the wild in the first place, that would be the least he could do.
Afterward, he can be tarred and feathered. Gotta love a chest-thumping sportsman who's not too proud to shoot exotic species confined by a fence.
Nance at September 15, 2008 6:45 PM
OMG! I've been trying so hard to keep a straight face reading this. Musn't laugh. This is a real problem. But, omg, pigs! Even though I know the wild variety are not what we turn into pork chops, this image is just so cartoon.
Wouldn't, however, find it amusing if I found one bearing down on me or my grandson.
Of course, all we've got around here is rabid racoons. Every fall we get the stories of them.
Nance, seems like that is the problem in a nutshell. They escaped from those places. Like hunting or not, it is not sporting to trap them then shoot at them. And the hicks that did just didn't know the animal this time, that it could dig under deer proof fence. Get a clue, buy a vowel too late. Deer proof doesn't mean pig proof.
T's Grammy at September 16, 2008 7:14 AM
You're just making the feral pigs story up to scare Muslim terrorists off.
*laughs*
Robert at September 16, 2008 9:25 AM
So you're saying the pigs are smarter than the owners of the game farms? Really? What a surprise. I think we should give guns to the pigs, film it, and sell it as a reality show.
Chrissy at September 18, 2008 8:45 AM
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