With all those duck lips, LA must be full of quack doctors. Doctors high on quack?
I'm reaching here, aren't I?

Maybe it helps them with chewing vegetarian food?!?

If I were a star and made my living partially through my appearance, would I have plastic surgery? Of course - but I'd find a damned good plastic surgeon. Yes, they exist. All of you probably know people who have had plastic surgery that you've never suspected, because 1) they picked good doctors and 2) they weren't trying to look half their ages. Oh, and 3) they weren't trying to fix years of drug and alcohol use, constant partying, and sun overexposure. Sorry if I sound like a Puritan here - I'm for decriminalization of drugs and against health fascists - but the fact is, after a certain age, clean living, or the lack thereof, shows up on your face.

I feel really sorry for the stars who no longer look recognizably human. I'd put Melanie Griffith into that category. Marrying a hot younger guy isn't a good thing if you feel the need to get yourself hacked up on a constant basis so you don't show any lines or wrinkles. (Madonna is another one in this category. Seeing her reminds me of the old saying that after a certain age you have to choose between your derriere and your face. Fillers only do so much.)

Damn. Laura Flynn Boyle really looked scary. Aliens scary. That maw looks dangerous. Vagina dentata without the vagina.

The thing is, youth worship is just silly. I've been taking Ben Franklin's advice since I was 19.

If you get a prudent, healthy wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking that Commerce with the Sex is inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice that in your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. This you call a Paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:

1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their Minds are better stored with Observations; their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Man, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand Services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an Old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be inclined to excuse an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and Wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable by improvement.

6. Because the sin is less. The Debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.

8. 8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry immediately [...]

Was he serious or jesting? You decide. Nevertheless, older women can rock your world. A few have shaken mine to bits.

And you have to laugh at this line: so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey.

In the dark, all cats are grey. Heh.

According to my old San Diego MCRD DI, a woman's race is likewise irrelevant, since all pussy is pink inside.

Wisdom of the ages, I say.

Courtney Love looks scary, too. But then, that's normal for her. The only one who looked better (IMO) was Lindsey Lohan. And as far as Angelina goes, her lips have always been big, so I think hers are real. Everybody else wants to be her. Not me, I'll keep my skinny lips.