I firmly believe that there are too many people who spend their lives looking for something to be offended by. (Grammar lovers please don't be offended by my offensive act of ending a sentence with a preposition)

I don't get insulted when other people mistake me for someone else. Which happens, I have one of those faces I guess. Like most things in life, it's only racist if it happens to a black person.

My own toddler says "da-da?" whenever she sees a dark skinned (brown) man. Who cares?

Your face recognition skills can be improved, you just need a lot of practice. There are so many people from everywhere in the world in Toronto, that you can develop the ability to tell where someone is from just by looking at them. So far, I can tell Koreans, Japanese, Chinese, Somali, and First Nation. I've got the rest by group, so Nordic, West Africa, East Africa, Caribbean, South American, etc.

I don't ask people where they're from, I just find it an interesting exercise.

Race is a much bigger issue in the US. I think everyone who is offended should come up here for a visit and learn how to get over themselves.

I have problems differentiating between old white guys more than anything else. (This can cause problems when you work in politics.) I don't really know lots of black people, but I think think the ones I do know look very different... build, skin tone, eye shape, etc. I don't have problems with their names.

I get called "Rachel" a lot, which is not my name. It's not that people are confusing me with someone named Rachel, it's that my name isn't all that common and they don't remember it. (It's a normal name, you just don't hear it much.) I know there aren't many sheet-white, brown-eyed, strawberry-blonde twigs running around to confuse me with.

When I was in elementary school, there were 3 or 4 of us white girls with brown eyes and waist-long brown hair. (There were lots of other girls with brown eyes and shorter-than-waist-length brown hair).

Teachers were constantly confusing us.

In addition, did it ever occur to this guy that perhaps the reason he gets confused with the other guy so much is because of the picture that runs in the paper?

I don't know about the St. Pete Times, but except for the front page of every section, the rest of the paper is in black-and-white. And the pictures are really thumbnails; very teeny. So if this guy is in the same general pose, or just similar-looking in general, it could be that the pictures are so dark and small that you only get a vague impression of what the person looks like.

That can happen with any columnist. Our "Lifestyle" section has a column written by a very young, thin blonde chick. But because of the picture quality, she always looks like one of the girls from Annie's Mailbox. When I saw their pics on the Internet, I realized that in actuality, they couldn't look more different.

What, the guy couldn't come up with anything better to write about?

He should worry less about being mistaken for somebody else, after all, he might be mistaken for somebody with TALENT!

Can't people just forget the race issue? When I read an article I don't automatically question the race of the writer. Nor do I question the gender, the haircolor, the eyecolor.

I'm just sick of the race issue. Forget about it people!!! Just delete it from your brains already please!!!

My wife gets this a lot, because she works customer service in a grocery store and there aren't all that many Japanese people around here. She is constantly getting aked if she works for another store, or wherever.

Another peeve of hers is: "you know me." All white and black people don't necessarily look alike to her, but when you see hundreds of people every day you don't "know" them.

She could also do without "how do you pronounce your name" and "where are you from?"

She often says "If I were black, I know I wouldn't get asked."

Sorry for the rant, but I'm the one defending "Americans." Some of us are rude.

"P.S. If you have red hair, avoid unmasked bank robbery as a career."

Now come on Amy, those boobs at BofA still managed to get you confused with an overweight black woman! ;-D

I grew up in a diverse community with parents who made a point of showing me all sides of the world. Still. . .years later I'm passing a colleague in the hall and say hello -- using the wrong name. He turns on his heels and starts berating me for thinking all black men look alike (which I of course don't). He's giving me this huge lecture, injecting my name again and again -- only it's the name of another small wild-haired white woman who works in my department. When I pointed this out, we both about fell down laughing. And a friendship was born.

"Overweight TOOTHLESS black woman." Wow that toothless thing really got under your skin didn't. They screw up the skin and hair color fine but oh shit if the goof on the dental work :).

I have a great memory for faces.

Lousy as hell at names.

The black girl who I frequently talk sports with at the grocery store while she bags my items looks very different from the black girl who works at my favorite coffee shop. But I constantly swap their names.

I guess I don't have a bad memory after all, I'm just incredibly racist (/sarcasm)

If you want to get knocked into next week, ask a fat lady when she is due. As innocent as the question may be, if you’ve guessed wrong, you’re in trouble.

I am a white girl. But I grew up with a not-inconsequential degree of face blindness. I told people apart mainly by their clothing, hair length, and type of glasses. I had a far easier time telling people of color apart than I had telling white folks apart, because I could see so much variation in their skin color (whereas, in Michigan, white folks all looked kinda pasty!).

Roger, never, ever, ever ask a woman when she's due unless she has told you out of her own mouth that she's pregnant and/or is wearing one of those tacky T-shirts with "Baby On Board!" Just don't.

My problem isn't that I can't tell people apart - I typically can, even if they look very similar and have rather generic features. My problem is that I'm terrible at remembering *names*. My SO and good friends have all been told to introduce themselves if someone comes up and starts talking to me in a way that indicates past acquaintance without me immediately introducing my companion to the new person.

I get confused for other people a lot - there are a lot of blonde chicks in my neck of the woods. However, no one crosses the street in fear or automatically locks their car doors when they see me, so I can afford to find the phenomenon amusing and harmless. I do think a fair number of people out there are looking for something about which to be aggrieved, but I'm also willing to bet that that columnist has had at least a few encounters that were the equivalent of him getting onto an elevator wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase only to have an elderly woman clutch her purse and shrink into the corner. I'm not arguing that AMERICA IS RAAAAAACIST!!! or anything like that, but there is still racism out there. The problem is though, the real racists aren't likely to feel guilty and apologetic if they happen to confuse one non-white person for another, so going after the ones who do is counterproductive.

I don't mind if people confuse me for someone else. What I can't stand is when other black people ask me "What are you?" (I'm very light skinned.) I wonder why they don't know how rude that is.

Because it seemed like they're trying to find out how much black I have in me as opposed to white. It certainly wasn't every black person I met, but enough to irritate me.

"However, no one crosses the street in fear or automatically locks their car doors when they see me, so I can afford to find the phenomenon amusing and harmless. "

I guess that might get annoying if you're an upstanding citizen, but you can't blame people for playing the odds. I don't get nervous when a white chick with blond hair gets on the bus with a backpack. I do when a young muslim guy does it though. Blacks commit more street crime, so yeah, you're gonna be uneasy. I'm also not going to be nervous walking through a dark parking garage with a chick behind me, but I will if it's a guy. Deer don't fear squirrels, but wolves. And humans as well are wired to fear the ones most likely to hurt us. If blacks hate that, they might want to try speaking up against the gangsta thug crime pays best mentality so prevalent in their community.

"I find being asked a bit wearisome, but I don't get offended. Why do you get upset by that?"

I get confused for every race imaginable except black. I've been asked if I'm Eastern European, Asian (almost any kind of asian), Middle Eastern, Indian, etc. Name any place in the world and people think I'm from there.

When I tell them I'm Hispanic they keep repeating "Well you dont look Hispanic" over and over again. None of my friends do that but strangers can be very annoying on the subject. It's like they are trying to convince me that I'm not Hispanic.

But then there have been very many nice benefits. Southeast Asian guys think I'm very pretty. And so do Middle Eastern guys. And Asian ladys tell me that they love my eyes.

For the record my dad is a super pale pasty white latin american guy and my mom is dark skinned with white features. My dad always gets confused for a white fat American tourist. Much to his perpetual annoyance. So I guess this runs in the family.

Momof3, I understand how you might feel that way, and I commend your honesty. If I were alone on an empty bus, a "backpacker chick" would seem less threatening than a man with resemblance to those accused of horrific crimes on the evening news. But you then leap to an implicit analogy between "squirrels" and "whites"(cuddly and visible everyday creatures) and then between "blacks"/"Muslim[s]" and "wolves"(threatening killers thats will never be familiar). The black kids (whom I knew from middle school, high school, college, and volunteering) were mostly just trying to live their lives, get through school, and eventually find jobs. What happened to some when people in their families(one grandmother in particular stands out) tried "speaking up" and renouncing the "gangster thugs" in their neighborhood? Try exclusion, harassment, vandalism, and beat-downs varying from quotidian annoyances to death. They learned it was safest just to keep their head down, get educated, and get out. Many of the other black people in the neighborhood were unhappy with the situation, but couldn't afford anywhere else and were too scared to call the police. If you have trepidation about merely taking the bus with a "young Muslim guy," I don't see how you can bid others to do the far more scary task of reporting him to the police (when you walk by his house every day) or speaking back to him. Perhaps instead of pointing fingers, you could join me and others in volunteering so that all of us in society can walk without fear. You may say you didn't create the problem, so you don't have to clean it up, but such is life. I wish that I could tell the bailout folks that they caused the financial mess so I don't have to help, now that I'll be paying off their windfall with my tax dollars for the rest of my life. Again, though, I appreciate your readiness to join in honest discussion of this matter.

On a separate, but related, note--it seems to me that one assumption that has been made in previous comments (including those of Ms. Alkon) is that one is either an upright, well-meaning person (although perhaps forgetful of names) or a through-and-through racist. But the decent person/bad racist binary is waaaay too simplistic. A person can be well-meaning and still have racist thoughts. I have found, and studies have shown, that most people harbor racist thoughts or associations. I know that I make assumptions sometimes based on people's race--often automatically, before I am even fully aware what links I'm making. It is not what a person *thinks,* but one's *actions* that constitute the *practical* difference between being a normal person with racist thoughts and being a racist. It's the difference made out in the world that counts. If a person is a card-carrying member of the KKK, but acts towards people of all races with respect and confines racist ceremonies to their private quarters, I would have no problem whatsoever with that, and no-one else should have a problem with the person's private thoughts and life. I don't call for eradicating or re-educating people's *private* thoughts--the misguided program of some who rail against "RAAAACISTS"(to borrow how Marion put it in her very perceptive and thoughtful comment). I just call for basic civility in public and attempts at fairness in social decisions.
Although I disagree with some aspect of what you wrote here, Amy, I appreciate the fact that you inspire debate about issues that other columnists wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. I came to the blog because of the advice, but found much more; your columns are thoughtful and show your wide-ranging interest in subjects from evolutionary biology to French neighborhood dynamics to politics. It's been a pleasure to read when I visit. Thanks for a post that finally compelled me to de-lurk after months of reading.

"blacks"/"Muslim[s]" and "wolves"(threatening killers thats will never be familiar)"

Oh boy, here we go. Wolves prey on deer. Squirrels don't. They were the 2 animals that popped into my head first. Period. No deep dark "blacks people are wolves" nonsense. Just an analogy about fearing what is most likely to harm you. Statistically.

Also, living in a low income neighborhood that keeps trying to go criminal, I do get involved. I call the police regularly. People no longer live here because of me. I wish I could rid the place of the pitbulls as easily, actually.

Wish I had time to google search, but I don't. But racist thoughts/assumptions actually increased when races lived together. I will try to find the study later. I am harsher on minorities than I used to be, after living in a neighborhood that's 95% minority. I think it angers people to see others fucking up in such obvious and stupid ways that they think should be easily preventable. We can see other's follies so much easier than our own, after all.

**What I can't stand is when other black people ask me "What are you?" **

Possible answers:
"Highly educated and making six figures. And you?"

"Estee Martin says that identity is theft of the self. What do you think?"

And my favorite:
"Excuse me. I have to go stand over there now."

I used to mistake strangers for people I knew aaaaallll the time.

Horrible racism? Or severe undiagnosed nearsightedness?? You be the judge!

Momof3--Thanks for continuing the discussion in a civil manner and responding to some of my points. Would that everyone on discussion boards behaved thus in stating their views!
I want to press on the subject of the analogy. Part of the issue here is *exactly* that the analogy, as you put it, just suddenly leapt into your head. Culture ingrains certain associations such that some analogies are easier to make than others. These analogies become so automatic that we do not recognize them. They seem natural. This explains my instantaneous assumptions, sometimes, when I see a person who looks a certain way (and this can go beyond race to gender, religion, etc.). This also explains why one of the studies shows that white/Caucasian participants had much more trouble linking images of black people with positive words(i.e. words denoting "good" character traits) than they did with linking portrayals of white people with positive words. Nowadays, explicit racism--like a public official turning hoses on black people--would be condemned, but actions inspired by associations made due to cultural influence slip under the radar. But this is still racially-inflected thought. It's unrealistic not to have these--like I said, I do-- but if it causes one to behave towards others unfairly, that is different. Of course, honestly mistaking one person for another (as Amy did) is not at all an act of this nature. I rarely see birds, so have trouble telling one bird from another on nature walks, but my birdwatcher friend has no trouble with the most minute distinctions.
I have read a little bit about the research that you aptly mentioned on how people living in diverse neighborhoods become more pronounced in adhering to stereotypes. I would conjecture that that phenomenon is most evident because there is no true integration in the places studied, just balkanization within a depressed community. It becomes an us-vs-them mentality. In neighborhoods where the entire community is affluent but diverse, this problem is alleviated (though not altogether absent).

Amy -- I thought it was because they were trying to find out if I was black enough for them. They probably thought I was stuck up, because I didn't talk to them after that.

I think it was the tone of the comments that bothered me the most. To me it seemed like, I can't figure out what the fuck you are just by looking at you so I have to ask! I imagine when you ask people about themselves you don't have a disgusted or confused look on your face.

That's not to say I'm never interested in other people, or that most people who ask about others are tactless jerks. I just wait until I've known someone for a while before I ask.

Gog -- I think I'll steal those answers and use them!

momof3: Note the example I used of the black man in a business suit, with a briefcase, occasioning fear in someone else. Men of any color wearing business suits who carry briefcases and check their watches don't trigger my "potential threat" reflex. Call me classist.

And yes, if I'm alone in a garage and I notice a lone guy walking around, I'm going to be more alert and aware of my circumstances than I will if I see a lone woman walking around. (Sorry, guys. I know that domestic violence is not a gender-specific thing, and women are capable of violent crime, but unless I'm dating Gil Grissom and investigating the Miniature Killer, the chance that a woman will ambush me in a parking garage and drag me off in her car for nefarious purposes is essentially nil.) And yes, I'll react the same to a white guy as I will to a guy of another color - my reading of true crime books has taught me that serial killers kinda like snatching chicks out of parking garages and the like, and virtually all serial killers are white guys.

ANYWAY, do I never think about people in terms of race? Hah. Of course I do. Everyone does. Jesse Jackson has said that when he walks down a street alone and hears someone walking behind him, he feels relieved when he sees a white face instead of a black one. That having been said, I can guarantee you that if Jesse sees Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods walking behind him, he's not going to clench up in terror. He's also not going to be scared of a black woman. What he's thinking of is young men in sloppy dress with a swaggering exterior. Do I think he'd be just as scared of a blond-haired, blue-eyed thug? Perhaps so, but I have yet to see one of those - a serious thug, not a suburban middle-class kid who listens to Eminem and 50 Cent - in the blonde-haired, blue-eyed model where I live. Chicago might be different, but...

It sucks beyond the telling of it that well-meaning black young men whose only "crime" is not wearing a tie and khakis get treated like potential criminals. That's sort of what I was getting at in my previous post. I'm not sure there are simple solutions to dealing with that. I would like to think there are, but there aren't. Unfortunately, statistically speaking, people who look like them do commit more crimes than people who look like young Ryan Philippe, and for most people, preventing crime from hurting them is a higher instinctive priority than are fairness and tolerance.

NW, you might enjoy seeing "Grand Canyon" (the movie with Kevin Kline et al). It's a bit New Agey and Zen, and it's very much in the early-1990s zeitgeist (Wait, the Cold War is over, what do we do now?), but it provides an interesting look at the factors that divide us and the events that bring us together (blah blah blah).

Well, if a young man chooses to dress like a hood thug, what does he expect to be taken for? I heard a very similar argument from my mom when I'd try to leave the house dressed like a whore in high school. True then in that situation, true now in this one. They need dads to teach them things, like how to present themselves the way they want to be taken. Too bad our government has decided they don't need dads, just moms and welfare checks.

All that aside though, everyone on the planet gets mistaken for others. Who did he expect people to mistake him for, the blond female secretary?

Amanda, I have been guilty of the "Where are you from?" and other euphemistic questions, but what I'm REALLY trying to avoid saying is "OMG YOU ARE SO HAWT!!! Tell me about yourself so I can keep looking at you!!!!!!" :D

Which leads us, again, to the response of "Excuse me. I have to go stand over there now." LOL!