11. Caskets

The average American funeral costs between $7,000 and $10,000, so it's not surprising that many people are looking for ways to cut costs. A fairly common alternative is to rent an attractive casket for services, then use a cheaper option for burial. Many funeral homes offer the service, which can save customers hundreds.

Now, I understand...I definitely arched an eyebrow at the thought of renting a casket. I was wondering what would happen if payment stopped coming. Repo the casket, and unceremoniously dump grandpa's rotting carcass on the front lawn?

What about whole body donation?

Not surprisingly, he left sex partners off the list. Make that #13. A number of men have found that renting is much more cost-effective than getting sex for free.
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While I don't believe in prostitution this is making more and more sense with American women these days.
Getting married to 90% of American women can mean finacial devestation and I warn all the young guys I know about the tremendous pitfalls of getting married and/or having children with American women.

Amy suggests: "I think I should end up in an urn -- best not to muck up other people's groundwater or take up unnecessary space."

Yes, my wife an I will probably opt for cremation too. However, if it were legal, I would prefer to be buried in a plain wooden box or a canvas tarp under an oak in my favorite public hunting area. Instead of mucking up the groundwater, my substance would get absorbed by tree roots and turned into acorns for the deer, turkeys, squirrels, and ducks. I would be returning some of the protein I have taken out of there. No casket rental needed.

Actually, some places offer green burials that pretty much do that. We're considering that option too, though we know of no such cemetery in our part of the state.

Great article in Nat'l Geographic about Germany & their solar power.

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2009/09/solar/johnson-text/7

>> It is the demand created by the government's "feed-in tariff" that drives research like this, said Eicke Weber, the institute's director. Anybody who installs a photovoltaic system is guaranteed above-market rates for 20 years—the equivalent of an 8 percent annual return on the initial investment. "It is an ingenious mechanism," Weber said. "I always say the United States addresses the idealists, those who want to save the planet—the Birkenstock crowd. In Germany the law addresses anyone who wants to get 8 percent return on his investment for 20 years."

Getting married to 90% of American women can mean finacial devestation and I warn all the young guys I know about the tremendous pitfalls of getting married and/or having children with American women.

You could just avoid the princesses and only date girls who come from blue-collar families.

And stick with the under-35 crowd. No offense, ladies, but that's where most of the women poisoned by violently ideological feminists are. There's been a shift in thinking in younger women away from "relationship as combat".

Backlash for the 60s and 70s I think.

ObTopic: I don't much care what happens to my remains. I've got a very Klingon approach to the whole thing: it is an empty shell, dispose of it as you see fit.

Technically beer is rented, although it probably shouldn't be on this list.

I wish I had followed the rule of the three F's that a coach told me years ago: If it Floats, Flies, or Fucks, rent it and you will be better off.

I do follow the rule of the three F's now, having been burned to the ground by family court and one of the F's that I stupidly did NOT rent.

I want to be dropped off in low-Earth orbit, and burn up on reentry. And I'll bet there are a lot of other people who would go for that too. Hmm...

Leaving my remains to the local medical school. Suggest reading Stiff, by Mary Roach, for info on how many industries besides medical schools rely on body parts as part of the consumer safety process. Although I'll admit I skipped the chapter on modern crucifixion.

All for renting power tools and renting the person to use them, too!

"Technically beer is rented"
The active ingredient is largely metabolized before elimination, I would argue it is consumed. But that does remind me of the line about how many kidneys the tap water in Vegas has already been through.

Geez, DavidM, bitter much? Most of the people I know, it runs 50-50 between the men and the women regarding who caused who financial devestation. Just sayin'. o.O

We have a service in town called "Rent-A-Kid". These are local kids who are vetted and then paired up with other people who are looking for kids to do lawn care, baby-sit, and other such-like chores. The people who sign up to 'rent' a kid are obviously vetted, too. It was started by the local student government kids as a way of keeping most of 'em out of trouble and helping them earn a little cash. Got one of my first babysitting jobs through them when I was in high school.

"Getting married to 90% of American women can mean finacial devestation and I warn all the young guys I know about the tremendous pitfalls of getting married and/or having children with American women."

I must be in the 10 percent then...I stopped counting how much money I was sinking into lawyer craziness and custody/equitable distribution once I passed $30K. (it's been at least $20K more, I'd estimate) And it's not completely over yet, 5 years after date of separation....

Anywho, I decided a long time ago to not waste time and energy being bitter about it. I'm happy and it's only money, after all. Can't take it with you!

On that note, I'd be happy with a pine box. I loathe the idea of my loved ones shelling out thousands of dollars to house my carcass once I pass--even for the funeral.

There is no such thing as free sex. The cheaper it is, the more expensive it will be in the long run.

I've told my husband that if he spends one cent over the minimum legally possible for carcass disposal, I will return and haunt him in the bad way.

The funeral industry is perhaps the most evil industry in the country, trying to persuade grief-stricken people that the cost of the damn funeral somehow relates to the amount of love for the deceased person. Feh. I spit on them.

In an ideal world, I'd like my carcass to be fed to the big cats at the zoo. But since that's very unlikely indeed, the canvas tarp and flames method will have to do. I'm told that if the legal minimum is done (paperwork, mainly), going from corpse to ashes can be done for under $500 including transportation. That's my pick. If they can do cheaper, even better. I'm dead, for chrissakes. I don't need satin pillows.

Geez, DavidM, bitter much? Most of the people I know, it runs 50-50 between the men and the women regarding who caused who financial devestation. Just sayin'. o.OPosted by: Flynne at October 28, 2009 12:13 PM
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Having experienced our corrupt family courts and seeing many friends harmed by it I feel it's neccessary to let people know about it.
I go to glennsacks.com 3-4 times a week there and read about the devastation that these women have caused in these guys lives. I was also a member of a fathers rights group for several years and the stories were always the same.
Most people are generally clueless because they presume things in our society are "50-50" without ever going through the experience.
Since I still have freedom of speech as one of my rights I feel it neccessary to bring it to people's attention even if they don't want to hear it.

The Other Beth: I imagine the guy also had extensive expenses. In my brother's case, if she had not recieved a lot of free legal help they would have both been in finicial ruin at the end. At least in this state, going through a divorce is almost certainly going to put the man far behind where he would be if he never got married & divorced...the question is pretty much whether the femaile will also be in a tough spot -- and that usually depends on how much fighting in court goes on.

I like the idea of green under an old oak tree. I had heard about the coffin renting but that is probably because I have friends at funeral homes.

I rented sandals recently - for rafting - I had not expected that to be an option.

Here is a really interesting link about how they dispose of dead people in Tibet. If you are at all squeamish, do not follow the link. I first saw this in a film, but I can't remember the name of it....

http://dilidoo.com/2009/09/11/burials_in_tibet_not_for_sensitive_souls_61_photos.html

Personally, I'd prefer the Scandanavian methed, where they freeze-dry your corpse, which removes the water, and then sonically vibrate you into a dry powder and scatter\bury the residue. I wouldn't mind going into oblivion to the tune of Jimi Hendrix's All Along The Watchtower. Scatter me in Muir Woods.

Methed? Method. Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit smoking meth...

Amy, a Mason jar? Hey, I think that's VERY fashionable. Rustic chic! Very retro!

I think a Mason jar would be a charming receptacle for someone's ashes. And since it's frugal, so much the better.

Mason jar is ok, so long as they don't put condiments in you at the Cracker Barrel.

When I'm dead, donate what's left to the med school nearest my 'exit point'. Have a Chardonnay and a bong hit, then move on with your life while I continue to be dead.

Hey, that Tibetan burial is efficient! By transferring the dead person's substance directly to wildlife, it cuts out the microbial decomposition and arboreal absorption stages. Cool.

Where can my executors rent a flock of vultures?

When I'm dead, donate what's left to the med school nearest my 'exit point'. Have a Chardonnay and a bong hit, then move on with your life while I continue to be dead.

Yep, I'm down with this method! Take what ya need, burn the rest. Although I like a nice merlot...

Most people are generally clueless because they presume things in our society are "50-50" without ever going through the experience.

No honey, you totally misunderstood me. I'm talking about men who have caused financial devestation for the women they've been with. I know women (myself included) who have poured their heart and soul and countless thousands of $$ into a relationship, only to have been cheated on, abused, ripped off, you name it. I'm just sayin' that even though a lot of men get taken for a ride, so do a lot of women. Manipulation and abuse is not limited to just women. And that's all I'm going to post about that here. Sorry for the thread hijack, Amy.

I can't resist. I have to tell this joke. Don't hate me, guys.

It seems these three gay men were sitting around a table having a conversation about a friend of theirs who had passed on some weeks ago. It was a beautiful service, they remember. Then one of them said, "You know, when I die, I want my ashes scattered on the mountain where my lover and I first met."

"Awww..." the other two said, obviously touched.

Then the second one says, "Well, when I pass on, I'd like my ashes poured into the ocean, so when my lover swims in the ocean, he can always think of me."

"Awww..." say the other two.

The third one thinks a minute, and says, "When I pass on, I'd like my ashed poured into a bowl of chili."

As the other two look at him quizzically, he continues, "...so I can rip up my lover's ass just one more time!"

I'll say it, I've paid my dues, so I can talk shit about women.

I was lower middle class, but worked, was smart, graduated from a respected university with almost no debt, and made it. IBM-> Mark Cuban->Microsoft and Bill Gates. Funnest time of my life, and I worked 100 hours a week for years. Was re-introduced to my high school sweetheart in the late 90s, and it sucked. Everyone here has heard me bitch about it, shit i wrote two books about it.

Technically, I only lost about $1.5 million. On paper, about $7 million. (Both of those figures are AFTER income tax). All for nothing, she's in prison, and I don't have, at this age, the ability to work 100 hours a week, what being a single father and all.

So now, I rent. The F's that is, I paid cash for my house. I'm not dumb enough to have lost all my money...Although the trust fund I set aside for my son, in secure stocks at Merrill Lynch, lost 60% in the last year. Probably I would have been better off investing that money in tequila and strippers, but I digress...

Oh, and I used to say cremate me and roll me up in some good weed and smoke me. Technically, wouldn't that make it a 'green' funeral?

I remember you Sterling. I still have to order your book....

What did she do to get such a long prison term?

"A number of men have found that renting is much more cost-effective than getting sex for free."

Welcome to Nevada!

If all goes according to plan it's off to a body farm with my carcass. Let someone learn something about the way I decompose. Embalming is too ghastly for my taste.

Hmmm...just thinking...making I can have my body preserved somehow and then rented out as a halloween decoration....

Oh, hell, let's just all go Soylent Green! We'd be doing something useful, at least!

Eric,
She did a lot, but the felony convictions were:
1-Engaging in organized criminal activity
2-Obtaining schedule III/IV drugs by fraud

In the meantime, she was convicted of two DUIs, but both were misdemeanor crimes.

An interesting gal to say the least....

The high cost of funerals is also a result of family expectations. It would not have been my choice to spend $10,000 of my father's money on my mother's funeral (not including the grave, which she already had). But if I'd gone the cheap path, the older people in my family would still be ripping me a new one. The expensive funeral was for them, not for me or mom.

And then there was the cost of private autopsy to the tune of $8500.

Sterling I read your book Crazy Town. Great book.
Read it in a weekend. What is your other book?

When Dale Bozzio dies, I wonder if they'll put her ashes in a pair of Tupperware containers...

Do you hear me? Do you care?

She is ONLY one who could rock that look and do it right. No wonder Zappa wanted her for "Thingfish'!

You can now simpy buy a casket online at Walmart:
http://www.walmart.com/search/search-ng.do?search_constraint=0&ic=48_0&search_query=caskets&Find.x=0&Find.y=0&Find=Find
It goes as low as $895 for a steel casket and ship directly to the funeral home.