Are you gonna link to your own adventure with the pharma guy? Classic.

Need other people's! Like-minded people who can't stand these rudesters and do something about it.

Amy, I do this all the time, I just don't do the blog thing. I yell at people in their cars as they're driving by me, "Hey! Hang up and drive!" This usually gets me a scowl, a finger, a scowl and a finger, or nothing at all. And it's against the law in this state to drive while talking on your cell! But people do it all the time.
There was a time on the train, I saw this guy whose conversation on a cell phone I had overheard a week or so before on the another train, going to New York. I said to him, "so, how's the group therapy going?" and he looked at me like I had 3 heads. "The fuck you talkin' about?" he said. I said "well, last week you were going on and on about it, I thought you were getting somewhere with it. I guess not." The train had just pulled into GCT, so I just turned around and got off. He just stood there. Heh. Maybe he thought about it. Maybe not. I don't care if he thinks I'm a bitch.
o.O

Thanks, Flynne -- this is great.

If you know/hear of anybody else, please have them leave a comment here or e-mail me at adviceamy at a o l dot com!

Couple years ago - 86th St crosstown bus - young "lady" (aka princess minus the tiara) ranting at her father for (apparently doing her a favor?) re-scheduling a doctor's appointment for her - just going ON AND ON about how he effed up. Soon as she got off the bus, a concerned citizen phoned the doctor's office and canceled her re-scheduled appointment - because of course we had ALL heard the name of the doctor...

Her father was on the other end of her hellphone, in case that was not understood...!

Hi Amy,

This morning I was talking with a female friend of mine about this very issue ... except it's her husband who's the culprit. Apparently every time they go out for dinner he can't put his Blackberry away and spends much of the dinner sending text messages and browsing the Internet. Great company, eh?!

This past summer I was out at a pub with two friends, Dennis & Jen. A few minutes after sitting down, Jen decided that she just "had to" call her boyfriend. She did so and didn't even have the courtesy to walk away and talk in private. Instead she just sat there and spoke loudly while Dennis & I were trying to have a conversation.

After about 10 minutes I reached the "WTF" moment so I stood up, spun Jen's chair around and pushed her about 5 yards away. She just kept talking.

About 15 minutes after that, when she finished her call and moved her seat back, she tried to tell me that *I* was the rude one. I disagreed and told her so ... vehemently!

LOVE Larry David!

Hey Amy- if you had anything to do with Wanda Sykes latest HBO special, loved it!

Robert, that's so great. When I see somebody sitting there (probably feeling three inches tall) while the person they're with texts away, I always feel tempted to intervene...go over, grab them by the arm, and say "Come with me," and then take them to the bar and introduce them to some nice-looking person who isn't preoccupied with the small screen. It's SO RUDE!

(Of course, I don't intervene, because it would probably make that person feel even worse. But, the temptation is there!)

I am curious as to what is GOOD cell phone etiquette. Obviously someone who constantly talks/texts on their phone in the presence of a date (or some sort of company) is blatantly rude. I also would never talk on my phone in a movie theater or other locations where there is an expectation of quiet (I go outside if needed). However, I am one to me on my bluetooth a lot. I travel constantly for work. I am "on call" for technical support a lot. I must conducting business as I travel or drive or whatever. What level of rudester am I?

TW, there is no such thing as good cellphone etiquette.

If you've ever watched a movie set in mid-century, you'd notice that people used to go into a booth to use the telephone in public, and close the door. Ostensibly, the door would serve to keep noise out, but it also had the wonderful benefit of keeping noise in.

In truth, one only needs a phone in a public place if they happen to be working the front desk at a hotel, restaurant, or bank. Otherwise, take it behind closed doors. Sheesh!

I take Caltrain down to work. I'm also one of those people whose voice carries, so I simply don't answer calls on the train unless I'm able to get away from people upstairs and talk at the window. If I can do that, I'll do brief calls. Otherwise I use my phone to catch up on news and email (and blog comments).

With others, I have discovered a phrase that seems to work great with people who take calls on the train that disrupt everyone else:

"I'm sorry, you may not realize this, but you are really being loud and it's disturbing others."

On 3 occasions I've used that exact wording with people and each time the person has either moved or quickly wrapped up his conversation.

Yours is a good example. Cell phones are here to stay. People need to learn to use them in a fashion that is respectful to others.

In a crowded parking lot several rows from where I was walking, I overheard a woman scream into her cell phone as she was driving away, "I AM NOT YELLING AT YOU!!" She was so loud that I was very tempted to yell at the top of my lungs back to her, "OH YES YOU ARE!" Kind of wish I had.

"In truth" you are incorrect. As i noted in my first email, I am 'on call' a lot. Calls are routed to my cell phone to provide real time technical support (I work for a telecommunications company). I am frequently doing this at airports, at hotels, etc etc. For my own sake and others I attempt to find as out of the way a place as possible in the short time I have (and a place to set up my laptop if needed).

"one only needs a phone in a public place if they happen to be working"....just not reality. This is not "mid century". Technology has advanced and "cell phones are here to stay". Etiquette is warranted. Being considerate of others within the context of today's technology is warranted.

Maybe because I am on the road a lot and use my cell/bluetooth a lot, I have a different perspective.....hence I am having trouble seeing a point. If two people are having a conversation in public and can be heard by others (but it is not loud), that is acceptable versus having a conversation on a bluetooth at the same decibel level?

TW: I am curious as to what is GOOD cell phone etiquette.

Good cell phone etiquette is to have your cell conversations the same way you would have your cigarette...away from others. Noisome smoke or noisy conversation is practiced best where the pollution has minimal to no risk of bothering someone else.

Brilliant sketch.

(I just feebly seethe when that happens in real life: a totally pointless reaction).

Amy, I will look forward to reading that in your book (in between my cell phone usage of course). I interpret your point to mean people have a visceral need to know some part of a conversation's subject matter (if it is within earshot) and that is a much more intense need if they can only hear one side?

Patrick, I agree with your point while emphasizing "noisy conversation". This issue I am questioning here is the distinction of bluetooth conversation versus a plain old conversation. I am missing the compelling reason for the need of my bluetooth conversation to be verboten if it is at a low decibel level and equivalent to the ambient noise/conversations going on around me. Maybe it should be, however, I am not certain given the realities of my traveling lifestyle.

And for the record I am entirely for courtesy to others around you (no unending bark from a dog in the neighborhood, no music loud enough for the next 3 houses over to hear, no loud TV/loudness that can be hear in the adjacent hotel room, etc etc etc).

Interesting.

I suggest that not only are 90% of cell calls inane and un-necessary, but that the ones to a technical professional on call are demanding enough on one's concentration to make one an immediate danger to others when driving.

Maybe that should stop.

We have a move in our house when The Kid has the music up too high, I mime the action spinning the volume knob. That tend to work with loud people in public places, including regular conversations. I just catch their attention, twiddle my fingers and say "can you turn it down a little?" Or sometimes I'll pull out the old "You're at a 10, I need you at about a 6."

Now, on the one or two occasions that hasn't worked, they're on their own.

Once I pulled out a pocket tape recorder, hit record and set it on the table next to them. When they asked me what i was doing, I explained "Well, you obviously want me to hear your conversation, I thought I better have a copy of it."

Can't remember where I heard the story, but it was in relationship to the tolerance people in California have towards public cell phone users v. the public (in)tolerance to them in NYC (I don't know if it was true or not - that is just how this persons perception was about it).

Here in the Bay Area we have BART (public transportation). And when someone is talking on the cell, just as Rad posted above it is usually inane and un-necessary. We don't want to hear your business.

The story went that in NY, if someone starts one of these conversations on a cell in the subway, more often than not the response from some of the other passengers is to "get involved" in their conversation...

"Dude, that is a dumb thing to do?" "No wonder your girlfriend left you" "I wouldn't buy that stock unless I was a moron" - "Your boyfriend has to put up with this shit?".

I don't know if it works, but I remember how great it was to think about doing if I had the chutzpah!

A big part of the problem is that many people think that they have to "help" the phone and transmission system by talking MORE LOUDLY!! (like two cans and a string, fer chrissakes!)

In most situations, the person at the other end can not only hear you, but also will better enjoy the conversation, if you talk in your "inside, inside" voice -- not a whisper, but in a very low, modulated, and quiet tone. Think (you Catholics, at least) of the level of volume you would use in a confessional: WELL, FATHER, I MASTURBATED 73 TIMES SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION THREE DAYS AGO -- AND I'M THINKING IMPURE THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW!!

For everyone else, how about using the volume at which you would tell someone over the phone in a public place that those sores on your schlong are herpes, hmmmm?

People who force others to be part of their conversations in public either have the self-awareness and self-control of toddlers, or are those whose egos tell them that they always SHOULD be the center of attention.

There is another manners maven (whose name I'm blanking on) who maintains that cell phone usage is not rude as long as it's at a reasonable volume and you are in a situation where having a conversation with another person would be okay. Whether or not one of the conversational partners is visible is immaterial. Her reasoning is so impeccable that I must go with logic over emotion on this issue.

I'm also going to grit my teeth and discard the research Amy included, simply because a conversation between a person speaking at normal volume and a person with laryngitis would not be rude.

While I agree that some of these one sided conversations can be deeply irritating, I don't think the fact that the brain is looking for closure necessarily = rudeness on the part of the speaker.

Forgot to add that I have heard many, many, inane conversations over the course of my life (especially when I was commuting by bus) and I would never dream of telling anybody to shut up. Ever.

>>>In most situations, the person at the other end can not only hear you, but also will better enjoy the conversation, if you talk in your "inside, inside" voice -- not a whisper, but in a very low, modulated, and quiet tone.

My experience is you cannot have a cell phone conversation at a reasonable volume with just a cell phone. You must have a GOOD bluetooth. It really is a must for having a conversation at a normal volume (plus having to hold a phone to your ear is not comfortable). Also, in certain situations I typically hold the cell phone in my hand at a conspicuous height to flag people I am having a cell phone discussion.

>>>There is another manners maven (whose name I'm blanking on) who maintains that cell phone usage is not rude as long as it's at a reasonable volume and you are in a situation where having a conversation with another person would be okay. Whether or not one of the conversational partners is visible is immaterial.

That is exactly the point I was driving at. If it is a conversation acceptable location and at a reasonable volume, why is this rude? I understand Amy's point of how the brain can't help but become focused on a one sided conversation However, is that sufficient enough for it to be rude/something that should not be done?

"Think (you Catholics, at least) of the level of volume you would use in a confessional: WELL, FATHER, I MASTURBATED 73 TIMES SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION THREE DAYS AGO -- AND I'M THINKING IMPURE THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW!!"

Marty Feldman was in a film called "In God We Tru$t" where he plays a monk sent into the outside world. He goes to confession and the priest (Severn Darden) who ismassively deaf and Marty has to scream at the top of his lungs about the impure thoughts he's had since leaving the monastery. "I WANTED TO FONDLE HER BUMPY BITS!"

"WELL, FATHER, I MASTURBATED 73 TIMES SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION THREE DAYS AGO -- AND I'M THINKING IMPURE THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW!!"

Help me with the math here. If you divide 73 by 3 days, that works out to 24.333 times per day, so we can safely assume that we're talking about a teenage boy.

Now put him in a dark confessional with a Catholic priest and calculate: how much money will the Church have to hide to escape the lawsuits from the resulting molestations?