I ask that question every time I hear such a story. It's also the echo I add whenever I hear that Elvis song on the radio...In the Ghetto (where's your Daddy?).

The question is never asked because it might "offend", which in today's society seems to be a high crime (perhaps second only to "hypocrisy").

> I ask that question every time
> I hear such a story.

I adore you (and Amy) for doing so. This habit will bring many insights, I promise.

It's all a matter of perspective.

For some people, it is actually desirable that those children grow up without a father.

After all, if they grow up to be independent and productive, they don't need government services, right? And you don't want to put all those good government employees out of work right before the holidays, do you?

Through a partnership of feminism and government- Daddys' are considered obsolete.

Single women are encouraged to be promiscuous as it is there right, and when oops they become pregnant a nameless guy is blamed and now the revered single mom now qualifies for numerous government entitlements.

A woman that decides to divorce no matter how many times, will be awarded the title of primary custodial "parent" by the government courts.
The father will most likely be relegated to "visitation" status and treated like a visitor in his own childs life. I speak from experience.

As men are continually relegated as obsolete, our social problems and social decay will continue and our society will continue to decline socially.

Thank the partners in this crime-Your local government and your local feminist organization.

Poor little baby. What do you want to bet the other 3 aren't taken from her. Really, if you can't keep a roof over your kids heads, you shouldn't have your kids. Homelessness is not something kids should be put through. And of course, we can't sterilize her. Oh no, wouldn't want to take away her rights!

Mommy was asleep in the middle of the day, with 4 kids playing in the stairwell??? Such examples are the reason why we need CPS, as obnoxious as they are.

As an aside, this family was berthed in a PARK PLACE apartment by Homeless Services? The entitlement racket is getting ridiculous!

And you don't want to put all those good government employees out of work right before the holidays, do you?

Ha. I was glad when the East Coast snowstorm shut down DC (except for Congress) on Monday. One blessed weekday without obnoxious DC bureaucrats tormenting the entire country!

I'm willing to bet that this woman grew up without a father around, and that her mother in turn grew up without a father around. For far too many people, fatherlessness is the norm. Those people tend to be persistently poor. I hate to sound all pessimistic, but her kids are probably doomed unless one of them is outstanding at sports (a la Allen Iverson et al). Merry Christmas, everyone!

"Mommy was asleep in the middle of the day, with 4 kids playing in the stairwell???"

Not according to the article I read, which came up when I clicked on it from the blog. As you see, it says a.m., not p.m., and everyone else was asleep.

"Police said Kyrah sneaked out of the apartment shortly after midnight. At 12:45 a.m., Kyrah was caught on videotape climbing the stairs "to the roof door," Kelly said..."

Still leaves a few questions, but puts a whole different spin on the story.

Yes. It puts a worse spin on it. How in the fuck does a 3yr old open a door with a lock, a deadbolt and a chain or two?

And why the fuck is grandma blaming the apartment building and the program that placed them there?

The "where's the father" question assumes that the father wants to be involved and the mother is purposefully endangering the children by taking them from the father.

What if the father is in jail? Or is abusive? Or a drug addict? There are many situations where a single mother is preferable to having a dangerous father in the picture.

This is a sad story, but honestly, it's not enough to condemn all single mothers.

The NYT 1st version of this sad story is so different. I guess that they don't trust their readers with all the facts, so the editors leave out a number of them.

But there's a second version up on the website that's pretty descriptive about all the things that need to be repaired in that building--none of which have anything to do with a toddler getting on the roof.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/24/nyregion/24girl.html?scp=1&sq=Kyrah&st=cse

Hmmm...doors either not locked or resourceful little girl manages to unlock them and nobody else wakes up.

Heavy roof door is either left ajar or resourceful little girl is strong enough to open it herself.

Alarm works but either people don't wake up or aren't interested in finding out the cause.

Only one set of tracks.

It's too bad it happened. Makes me wish it was a mystery novel, though. At least we'd find out what happened, like maybe one of the other kids told her Santa was up there. I mean,something urged her to go exploring.

What the hell is up with that gandmother?

Seriously - she didnt get up to investigate the alarm, and now everybody else in the building how didnt get up is to blame?

Am I reading these articles wrong because they suggest she was living in the apartment with them

Years ago a two-year-old boy drowned in one of the drainage ditches (culverts? whatever they're called) that are all over the place here. His folks had left him out playing with his five-year old brother and some other little kids.

The boy wandered off and they found him in the water. The parents tried to deal with their guilt by making the city cover all the ditches with cement.

They just could not accept that it was their responsibility to watch their kid, and a five-year-old with his friends does not make a good babysitter.

A little bit off topic, but kind of relevant is Uncle Ted's take on Congress:

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting.

The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?

Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Liberals in Congress.'
The interview ended.

This is one of many reasons why the media and the government are in bed together. They don't want ANYone thinking anything other than what they're told to think.

The NYT 1st version of this sad story is so different. I guess that they don't trust their readers with all the facts, so the editors leave out a number of them.

In this case, it's because the facts are deliberately left out to garner sympathy.

I can't even form my thoughts about this issue. There's just so many things wrong with this scenario, I can't even begin to start.

It is sobering to realize that in the early sixties, before govfeminent came to "help" the women and children in poorer, inner-city communities, the rate of married, intact families was very high.

Rampant fatherlessness is a recent "benefit" bestowed on us by those whose jobs, it seems, are to tell the rest of us how to live without the nuclear family.

Can't have patriarchy without patriarchs, right? So, if you want to "destroy the patriarchy" you know where to start... .

Haven't you already answered your own question? On Sunday, in your "Kid Without A Chance" post, you talked all about a lifelong crack addict, alcoholic, child abuser, and walking disaster area who had popped out 5 fatherless kids, all of whom had to be taken away from her before she killed them through abuse or neglect. And instead of being punished, she's being rewarded. With $ 1404 in federal housing vouchers, $ 367 in food stamps, and $ 328 in welfare every month, not to mention free childcare AND furniture AND transportation. All courtesy of LA taxpayers (that includes you).

Now here you are on Thursday, plaintively wondering "Where's Daddy? How could a woman breed a litter of fatherless kids, then leave them alone to wander around a broken-down apartment building in the middle of the night to fall of the roof and die?"

Here's a suggestion: if you want to end pathological behaviour, stop rewarding it. Stop paying. Start sterilizing.

Merry Christmas anyway, Amy! Best of luck with your book & career in the new year, and be thankful that you were raised right.

I might add that having Daddy at home in this instance would not have done any good if he was passed out drunk, which he probably is at the moment.

Having been a single mom that dad has ditched the kid, a question in my circumstance would be, where is dad? Dad was suppose to have the kid this weekend I had to work 2 twelve hour shifts, but he has a bar to visit and beer to drink. Very real and does happen

cyndic

Why in the hell did you hook up with him?

cyndic: But did you have four kids with the loser? (Sorry you're having to deal with this, by the way. I feel for your kid.)

Look, anyone can make one mistake. We talk a fair amount on this blog about women who trick men into getting them pregnant and then hit them up for child support -- well, I know of at least some real-life women who got pregnant accidentally and basically told the guy in question, "I'm the one who made the choice to bear and keep this kid; you can be in his/her life if you want and you don't owe me anything." And sometimes the guy takes her up on that. Would the kid in question be better off being adopted? Yep. Is every woman able to place a child for adoption and go on with a sane and stable life? No.

But that's ONE KID we're talking about. This woman has (had) FOUR. I will bet you, right now, $500 that those kids have more than one father among them. And that all of the fathers are not sufficiently present in the kids' lives to be a positive influence. That's a pathological level of dysfunction. I'm also gong to be, cyndic, that you've never been homeless or had your kid climb to the roof in the middle of the night.

Are there cases in which people do everything "right" and end up needing housing and other assistance? Yes, sure. But you know what? They're pretty atypical. I am prepared to grant the atypical cases understanding and sympathy, but I am not going to assume that every case is atypical. Know how to avoid being poor in the U.S. if you're a woman? Finish high school. Wait to have your first child until you're finished with high school. Be married when you have that child. Congratulations, you have just knocked down the chances that you will be homeless/destitute/whatever to a very, very low level.

Amy makes a big deal about these cases because the social science is overwhelming on this issue. Read Kay Hymowitz's Marriage and Caste in America for more details. Just as most of the millionaires in the U.S. don't live lives like Hollywood superstars and the Kennedys (check out The Millionaire Next Door), most of the well-off people in the U.S. don't spouse-hop and churn out illegitimate kids willy-nilly (sorry, the Kardashians are not representative). There is a powerful, powerful correlation between marriage rates related to childbearing and accumulation of wealth -- and, while money may not be able to buy you love, it can buy you superior education, therapy in the case of speech or learning disabilities, tutoring in the case of academic difficulties...you get the idea. It also tends to provide you with a home in which learning is encouraged and organic.

On a somewhat different note: Amy, if you haven't read The Blind Side, check out either the book or the movie. I can't say that you'll be rapt by the Christian overtones, but I think you'll find it especially interesting given your own efforts to present kids with challenging lives with access to a broader perspective. You'd be especially interested by the stuff the book says about the main character's IQ testing at different times. (Amy's fans: If you need a last-minute holiday gift, you should be able to find the book in stores. Yeah, the version with Sandra Bullock on the cover looks annoying, but it contains Michael Lewis's new afterword, which is delightfully caustic. Crid, I seem to remember that you read the first edition of the book; next time you're in a bookstore, check out the new afterword.)

And you don't want to put all those good government employees out of work right before the holidays, do you?

Has it ever occurred to anyone else that it might actually be better to pay the government bureaucrats to do nothing rather than paying them to work the mischief that they do?

That would actually be a step in my (fantasy) program to dismantle big government. Lay the workers off, but to break down resistance to the layoffs, offer to pay them two years' severance.

Trust me -- it will be a bargain.

> you read the first edition of the book;
> next time you're in a bookstore, check
> out the new afterword

Good lord, I talk too much here!

(Will; thanks.)

BTW, What's a "foyer"?

BTW, What's a "foyer"?

You mocking Oher or really don't know?

Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Liberals in Congress

Gotta love the Motor City Madman, Prickly Pair, but just for sake of accuracy -- Nugent said all that to a British journalist, but the last line of that quote is "They are very much like the French". I think I like your version better, but they're both pretty funny.

peace, Jerry

> You mocking Oher or

You tonedeaf or...?

You tonedeaf or...?

I dunno, was that a lame attempt at humor? What was funny 'bout it?

I made a huge mistake having a child with this person. He cut and ran after 7 years. He has had his family purchase him cars, he has a girlfriend by him clothes, he lives good. He pays 200 in child support. My point is society is excusing these dads from their job. I only have one, and I do my best. I cant imagine having 4 kids. I have a place to live, a job, getting a college degree and a car I paid for. I have been harassed, name called and abused by his family who consistently claim they can find fault. (though they cant identify what exactly it is) Dad has the right to his own happiness and to serve himself. He somehow got excused from his part. He is the great parent, who has not seen in child in nearly 2 years. I don't understand the attitude by his family or by society. It is hard some nights not to begin to doubt your sanity in all this. Yes, I picked a bad one, but I did not see 7 years into the future. Anything that goes wrong is on me, he got to check out with a clean record. Not involed, not guilty of anything

> I don't understand the attitude by
> his family or by society. It is hard
> some nights not to begin to doubt
> your sanity in all this.

I wish everyone could and would marry well. Meanwhile, you have sincere sympathies, and the promise that some of us have no room in our lives for friends like that guy.

Didnt think it was anyones business whether the news depicted the fact that she had a father there or not... does not change the fact that she died. But since everyone NEEDS to know so bad all of my children have the same father and we've been together for 12 yrs. Yes i grew up with my father and so did my mother. No my kids did not play in the hallway in that wretched ass building so people listened to them nosey wanna be in the news neighbors in that building... we were only in that building a few hours... and since everyone acts like they are so concerned someone should go ask the building owner why the doors to the roof in that building are still broken! four months later! if people dont know what they are talking about then they shouldnt be passing judgement...