Yes. Multiple (5-9) textings about nothing important. Ended the date as soon as could be done without being as rude as she was - hoovered my meal, no coffee or dessert, no lingering, etc. Actually this is a good thing as it lets you know right away what kind of horribly mannered person you are dealing with rather than finding out after investing more time. Also at the end of such a dinner, I would not protest her paying for her meal :)

Good job, Scott! I tell men that in any country, even male friendly ones, one must test; test; test before becoming attached. This was called Self-Test.

What was your thinking about what this said about her, Scott?

I had better explain the self-test joke, since not everyone is in electronics. Starting in the late 60's, all complex military electronics was designed with circuitry which monitored the operating circuits, and reported any failures so the pilots would know there was a problem before crashing.

This was called self-test, and Scott's date did a great job of reporting a major circuit failure.

Yes, I have been. Last one was about one year ago.

Normally, that behavior makes it a last date. I have no problem if it is work related or emergencies, but when it's not those I find it rude.

The one I am talking about was conctantly on her Blackberry and I thought it was work related, because of the type of work she did. Figured out on the second date it wasn't. Already had a third date scheduled and I went through with it. Amazingly, she didn't use her BB or phone the whole time, but she still turned that date into a disaster.

Should have cut it off on the second date, like I usually do for that.

This has happened to me before. I never went out on the date with him again. Right before I ended the date early by saying "Wow, you seem like an incredibly busy individual" (it was a Sunday if I am remember correctly).

He gave me a clueless look.

There is one person who I will always answer the phone for, and I always explain why. That is my grandmother.

I always pick up and ask her if this is something I can call her back in about ______hrs/min. She's pretty good at letting me know. Everyone else can wait.

(I answer for my grandmother because she never wants to "bother" people, including 911. There have been a handful of calls where I've had to rush to get her medical attention.)

(not a date, really, but...)

We had a Christmas Eve dinner a few years back, and a couple we know well asked if they could bring their single friend. He showed up empty handed (no wine, beer, anything) and during the entire dinner he poured himself as much as he could get down, texting constantly back and forth to his "soul-mate" that he had just met who was down in California. Before dessert he became weepy, and excused himself to the living room where he drank port and cried himself to sleep.

He's a high school principal, btw.

No, I've never been on a date where someone kept answering the phone or texting. I guess if her phone rang once and she answered it, I'd be ok with it if she said something like, "This is not a good time, may I call you back?" and if the call was from someone important to her. Also, there are people who's jobs require them to keep in touch, and I understand that.

Texting? No way. The whole point of ASCII communication is that it can sit for a while, and get answered when convenient. If you're out with me, you are out with me, and your 144 character messages should just wait. They aren't going anywhere, and you can answer them later.

I'm 53, and most of the women I'd be interested in were raised in a time before all this constant communication shit started. So far, it hasn't been an issue. That, and I generally get to know a person in some other setting before taking the step of asking for some singular attention time, and anyone glued to their phone (or whatever Shiny! Device! Of! The! Day!) probably wouldn't attract my attention anyway. I find that behavior shallow and self centered, and would prefer to spend time doing something, or someone, else.

"What was your thinking about what this said about her, Scott?"

I'm not sure. All it says to me is that I don't want to spend time with this person, couldn't imagine being romantically involved with them, and damn sure don't want to buy them dinner!

I just can't imagine a first/second date at a nice restaurant and behaving this way. I turn my phone off when on a date like that, and the few times I have really needed to be accessible, I said hey I'm sorry but I might need to take a call because x is going on.

Perhaps it's because I was raised with a strict no calls during dinner policy, but it does bug the hell out of me.

By the way, this is all at a nice restaurant, on the weekend, reservations made, washed the car, full-on date, and not drinks after work and maybe some tapas from the bar - which for me is a whole different ball game.

In retrospect, what I did was pretty rude. I went to the bar and used the pay phone to call his cell and leave a message that I wouldn't be back. I handed our waitress 20 bucks on the way out because I figured we had been tying up the table for 30 minutes and still hadn't ordered because he was on the phone and sheesh, she's not going to get a tip based on his phone call, is she? As far as I'm concerned, unless you're an on call doctor or waiting for an organ transplant or have a sick granny you can turn the phone off during the date.

Somewhat off topic, at a sports bar I like to go to there was a new regular who seemed to think everybody needed to pay attention to him. He was quite annoying, complaining daily about the volume of the music and everything else.

Whenever I took a cell call at the bar he would have to start yelling and being disruptive. He probably did it to others too, but I tended to ignore him when I could. Wasn't even being loud about my calls either.

Now, for people like that the response will be "hey, s* head, I didn't agree to be on a date with you."

>>In retrospect, what I did was pretty rude.

Gosh, Nanc, not sure it was rude. Sounded like a good way to fix a problem.

I've never had a date do that, but my best friend did it constantly. There was no time or place that she didn't have to answer her phone, read a text, or return a text, including while driving. They were never an emergency and there were times she even took great care to make sure her response text was cute and amusing. I have 3 kids and they knew not to bother me at certain times unless something was on fire. I found it extremely disrespectful that she did this and finally told her that I would not go anywhere with her including for coffee unless she left her phone in the car or turned it off. She protested at first and claimed I was exagerating but I didn't entertain the argument. If she wanted to get together, the no phone rule applied.

"A ringing phone just has to be answered doesn't it?" ~Bruce Willis in "Phone Booth" or something like that anyway.

I paid, I left, I never called again.

My sweetheart has an incredibly demanding family, and he does often receive phone calls from his grandfather and mother when we're together. He does worry about his grandfather (who lives alone)'s health, so he'll usually pick up. But then he says, "I'm with Anathema, I'll talk to you later." This, I can forgive. When he gets calls or texts from his needy, tedious best friend, he says "Ugh," and lets it go to voicemail. Otherwise, I'd have serious issues with him. Since we're in a poly relationship, and my husband is (obviously) my primary partner, I do text him back if need be, but since he respects my secondary relationship (as I do his), he doesn't text unless it's something important, and my boyfriend doesn't mind a quick text back because he respects the primary relationship. (And yes I know someone's going to tell me nonmonogamy is unhealthy. To which I give my standard answer--could be, but it's worked for me for the past 30 years, so I'm probably too set in my ways to change.)

Nah, incredibly demanding families are what's unhealthy.

Awhile back I went on a few dates with a woman. The first one, her son kept calling because he was having problems registering for class. It was annoying but not too bad. Second date, her other son (in his 20s) kept calling because he was freaking out because his car had been hit in the parking lot and their was a big deal because someone was saying it was actually he who hit them. Again, annoying but I understood. The third date was fine but difficult to schedule.

I don't find it that big of a deal. This maybe because as cell phones first became widely available (actually I had a pager and phone because you left the phone off till you got the page because the charge didn't last very long) I had a job where I was always on call and had to respond. (We supported many police departments/911 etc). It seems like so many people have jobs that require 24/7 oncall now. I guess it is just normal to me.

I'm 53, and most of the women I'd be interested in were raised in a time before all this constant communication shit started.

My mother (70-ish) can't let a phone call go unanswered. Most recently, she answered her cell at a medical appointment while her opthamologist was in the room with her! She says she was taught to always answer the phone. I see her roughly quarterly, and it feels like a date to me so I get huffy if she answers casual calls while we're out.

I'm especially snotty about mealtimes. I asked Dad what he thinks about her talking to everybody who calls while they're out for a meal and he's indifferent. He's always called her 'The Great Communicator", even before Reagan. If I call and I can tell they're eating, I say I have to hang up and I call her back later. I don't think she will ever be able to change.

Last time I was on a date, cell phones hadn't been invented yet, so this has never been an issue for me. However, it does remind me of a gathering I went to with a woman who knew a lot of people there whom I didn't. She spent most of the evening chatting with them in conversations which didn't include me. I was put off by that, and didn't ask her out again. So I guess that would be my reaction if I were out with a cell-phone junkie--at least on the first or second date.

If we were in a steady relationship it would be a different story. If I was out to dinner with my wife and she spent the whole time on the phone with one of her girlfriends, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I did this once. My date semi-spontaneously, wanted to take me to lunch. I explained I was waiting on an important phone call. He said we could go, and I could take the call when I needed to, which I did.

I don't think it's polite to take calls while you're on a date, but I think we can also make allowances for certain things, if they are explained in advance, and your date is okay with it.

It's not happened to me on a date, but it has out socially. To me it says "you aren't particularly interesting to me and anyone on the other end of this phone is more important than you are, to me."

So, unless it was something truly necessary like the kid with a school problem, that would be my last date with them, and it would end early. Early in a relationship you're looking for someone who makes you want to be with them (and naked), not someone who makes you want to be on the phone.

BF only uses his cell to tell me he's on his way home from the woods, and can I move my car so he can back into the garage to put a deer in there! When I'm out with friends, some of us are moms and we have our cells in case one of the kids calls, and usually those are the only calls we'll take; others can go into voice mail and we can get them later. A couple of us are still out of work, so if I get a call about a temp job, and I'm at lunch with friends, I'll excuse myself and go outside or in the ladies room to take the call.

This hasn't happened to me on dates, but my best friend is like this. She has 4 kids, and her mom is a little "over-involved" too. Any time we hang out, she inevitably gets a call from one of her kids (all teens). I don't mind that, because they're usually quite brief. She also gets at least one call from her mom.

That one ends up being at least 5 minutes, usually 10, of inane chatter that could have been postponed. The problem is that my friend thinks she has to listen to her mom to be "respectful", regardless of how disrespectful it is to me.

I've debated saying anything about it. It often irritates me when I'm in the moment. On the other hand, I lost my mom over 12 years ago, and I'd give anything to hear her voice again, so I don't begrudge my friend too much. And at least my friend is always very apologetic and embarrassed afterwards.

She always tells her mom "I'm here with Peggy," as her hint-hint, gotta keep this short. I know her mom, she's really sweet and we get along well, she's just scatter brained and takes forever to get to the point.

If it was on a date and this happened, I would think the person either: 1-wasn't that into me if he would rather be on the phone/texting, or 2-was clueless about social customs. Obviously, all of the "emergency" exceptions apply, but if it was just rude behavior for unimportant communication, I wouldn't see him again.

I guess I make excuses for my friend because we already have a long-standing relationship that has value, so I tolerate the occasional annoyance for the greater benefit of the friendship.

I find it disrespectful to have a phone conversation on a date. I walk out if a woman starts talking on the phone,
I walked out on a date when she picked up the phone and started chatting. We ordered some food and a phone call came in and she started having a “conversation” with someone. After about a minute I excused myself. She must have thought I was going to the bathroom. I left the restaurant. After about 40 minutes I started getting voice mails as to where I was. I finally picked up the phone and told her I had better things to do then listen to her phone calls.

It is different if she says ahead of time that she is expecting a call that needs to be dealt with.

In my experience, if a woman takes calls on a date, it means she really isn’t that interested in that particular guy.

I'm reminded of a "Frasier" episode when Frasier when on his first date with a woman played by Amy Brenneman. He had his brother Niles call him on his cell phone. If he was happy with the date, he would cut the call short. If he was unhappy, he'd pretend the call was an emergency and had to leave.

When Niles called, he cut the call short because he liked her. She called him on it. He tried to deny it but couldn't when her cell phone rang.

I've never really had this happen, bbut I have one thought on the topic.

If I'm dating a guy (actuallly a couple) and he's quickly turning his phone to silent when it rings, I tend to get a little nervous. It's probably just my issues from past relationships, but I feel like he's hiding something. Why not just pick it up and say: "I'm out with my girlfriend right now. I'll give you a call later." It makes me wonder if someone is calling he can't talk to in front of me. Again, I know it's my issue.

I have had to answer texts/calls on dates before when I've asked my friends to text/call with an "emergency" just in case. If I don't answer, they would assume the worst.

Ummm...I just re-read my post and I may need to clarify the second sentence there. I meant that if I am actually exclusively dating a guy...not dating a couple of guys.

Yes. I politely didn't say anything (not verbally, anyway, only with body language) but avoided going out with her again. Since then I've developed a much more reactive assertiveness ... if/when someone does it to me again I'll probably get nasty or do like David H and just leave.

The moment you're on the phone, you're no longer with the person you're with ... you've done the psychological equivalent of walking right out the room. It's extremely rude, even if you're not that interested in the person you're with.

"If I'm dating a guy ... and he's quickly turning his phone to silent when it rings, I tend to get a little nervous. It's probably just my issues from past relationships, but I feel like he's hiding something. Why not just pick it up and say: "I'm out with my girlfriend right now. I'll give you a call later.""

Hmm, I must admit I do this all the time. I love hitting 'silent', it's bliss. I don't see the point of answering just to say I'm not available ... that's what voicemail is for! If I'm not available to answer the phone, I'm not available to answer the phone. If it's important, leave a message. Which is just what my voicemail message says - 'I'm not available, leave a message'. I have a busy work life and the little time I have off, I really want *off* (when my phone rings it's usually work stuff). I don't feel like I should have to explain to a caller (especially business-related) who I'm with or why I'm not available, nor do I feel like people I'm with need to let me know who is calling them. But hey, I'm not the most personable chap.

But, I can understand your position, especially if you've had bad experiences in the past.

I was out to dinner with my family one night and watched a teenage girl talk on her cell phone through her entire meal. She was eating dinner with her mother. I couldn't believe how rude she was to her mother. "I'm going to talk on my phone through this entire meal that you're paying for and completely ignore you." I guess its her mother's fault for not taking the damn thing away from her. People are so rude when it comes to their cell phones.

"The moment you're on the phone, you're no longer with the person you're with ... you've done the psychological equivalent of walking right out the room."

Heh. Now, how many who nod at this will insist that they can then give driving their full attention?

(Gotcha.)

I just scrolled down to the bottom to comment. I haven't read anyone else's posts because I am used to the oh-the-phone-user-is-so-rude rant. That's cool, but

WAKE UP

Watch your kids. If you don't have kids, watch teenagers at the mall. They text while talking with friends. They SPEAK while texting! I am sure many of you discussed the rudeness, but as a person who is around teenagers as a profession, you are outdated.

Chill.

Because lots of ill-raised brats (some of them age 45) are rude doesn't mean it's okay.

I don't have kids. I also don't have standards based on what lots of assholes are doing.

Not surprisingly, you think nobody has anything to say but you. Yeah, I was 21 once. The international age of Socrates. When you hit, say, 28, you realize you just spent seven years with your head so far up your ass somebody should have come and rescued you with the jaws of life.