The position described is over the top. However, mother's day has become a bit silly.

I was doing my duty earlier today and bought my mother a card. All fine and dandy. But I noticed a bunch of other cards that seemed ridicules. I saw several for a niece or nephew to give to their aunt -- I wouldn't think too much of it if the message was something like "You have been like a wonderful mother to me" but these were not. There was one or two for cousins to exchange. I think basically the holiday should be for mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, mother of your children. Step and in-law count too. And people who really acted like a mother to you.

Oooh...and the one from the dog....sheesh

"and the one from the dog"

What son of a bitch would buy that?

I am in the US for Mother's Day for the first time in a very long time, I was surprised to get a card from my sister yesterday, I didn't know they existed. Her SO, who isn't the father of her daughter, bought her a Mother's Day present. Gift giving , and celebrations in general seem to have gone out of control (multiple wedding/baby showers, outdoor decorations for Halloween on the scale of Christmas decorations etc).

Why is it fair to want to be childless, but not fair to want to be motherless?
You don't want to judge people by their abstaining from having kids, what you can learn about a man who abstains from any contact with his mother, I wonder?

Many people judge me for abstaining from having kids, just as I judge people for shouting into their phones in public places.

To me, family are people who act like family, and if your mother is an abusive woman, perhaps there's good reason to have no contact with her. I'm talking about normal mothers in my last line of the blog item.

I have been estranged from my mother for years now. She is a toxic person and spread that throughout my family. I chose to be a different kind of mother to my kids than she was to me. I don't need a day to celebrate it and its not a day that I feel superior to women who remained childless. I know many moms who are wonderful and spend a nice quiet Mother's Day with their family just as I know many dads who do the same on Father's Day. Its a holiday that was made crazy for the card and flower industry. Any women who think of it as a national holiday that they have sole exclusivity to has more problems than just feeling superior for being a mother. It would be nice if we could come to a point where we all respect one another's choices as opposed to feeling superior or judging everyone else's choice because its different than ours.

I am not real excited myself about going to church, but my wife likes it so I drive her 10 or 15 minutes to a Baptist temple in the next village. The people are actually very friendly, so I sit patiently through the sermon while contemplating the significant charms of the village's loveliest muchachas, heh, heh.

Last year, the pastor decided on Mother's Day to have the men read the verse from Solomon, each man to his own wife, the verse that says. "For thou art fair, my love..."

Blechhh!!!

When it was my turn, he told me I could read it in English if I wished. So, I did, one was as bad as the other.

When I finished, I closed the Bible and handed it back to my wife. I said in a loud clear voice, with a straight face, in English, "Actually, I married you for your money."

A woman in the back of the church understood English and started laughing. In a minute, my wife saw the humor in it, and also started laughing, which kind of interrupted the service for a couple minutes. The pastor looked confused.

We were told that after service the woman told them what I had said. Knowing this culture, my stock probably went up, not down, for the flippant remark.

This happens to be Mother's Day weekend here, I think Mother's Day is tomorrow. We are going to church in a few minutes, and I wonder what the new pastor has in mind for his wimps.

I have no problem with Mother's Day for people to remember their moms. My problem is I am expected to give my wife something on Mother's Day, and she is not my mother. Just another day for men to thank their goddess wives for permitting them to exist.

I note that the greatest number of collect calls in the US allegedly are on Father's Day. So, why isn't steakandbjday on Father's Day? A lot of men will probably be glad to forgo the steak.

I agree with Kristen that the holiday, while started with good intentions by Anna Jarvis in 1908, has been "made crazy" by the card and flower industry. I've been getting daily emails for several weeks now from FTD reminding me not to forget Mother's Day (which, instead of encouraging my to send flowers through FTD to my mother, had the opposite effect - I elected to do something else).

@Amy: "Many people judge me for abstaining from having kids, just as I judge people for shouting into their phones in public places."
___________

Not having children is absolutely, positively, 100% the right choice for a lot of people. It is a long commitment that requires great energy, diligence, and perseverance. No one should do it if they are not 100% ready, able, and willing.

There is nothing selfish with not having kids when one knows it is not the right choice for them. It is the honorable thing to do, in fact.

What is selfish, however, is to do what a lot of people like my sisters did: have multiple children, with multiple partners, mooch off parents, family, siblings and the government, all the while dumping the kids off with whoever will take them and basically screwing up the lives of the kids and any family that cares about them. THAT's what's selfish.

Give me a break. Having a day set aside to honor a certain group of people somehow means that the people honored are superior?

Lamott is the alcoholic who sobered up to become the kind of heartfelt Christian who'd proudly pursue single motherhood after an affair with a married man.

Anne Lamott is everything I hate about modern womanhood.

(You know what really puts her in her own category? She writes [colorlessly] for Salon.)

Yeah, happy Mother's day.

FAF Mother's day is actually a much older holiday. The anglo tradition dates back to the medieval period, though the modern version is a revival.

Lamott's complaint isn't germane for the simple reason that mother's day isn't a collective holiday. It's a family holiday.

I have no problem with Mothers Day. I've got fresh-baked muffins on my counter, ready to be brought over to my mom in a lovely basket once they're cool.

I do think the recognition of every mother by people who aren't their children has gotten a little out of hand. One of our vendors dropped off a basket of goodies "For all the mothers in the office". No matter that there are no mothers among the people in our office who have anything to do with her continued business. If I were she, I'd have made it a more general gift for the office, because of the number of people who feel as Ms. Lamott does.

I guess those of us who are in Amy's words BARREN! aren't deserving of a cookie.

I like mother's day. And father's day. And birthdays. And Christmas and Easter and Halloween and Valentine's and the Quarters and the Cross-Quarters and the fourth of July and le Premier Aout. I like 'em all. I like any opportunity to celebrate with a theme.

I keep forgetting about St. Paddy's day, though. I never remember to wear green.

Folks should lighten up and have fun.

Bottom line is I think it is more of the feminist inferiority complex at work.

And they have an ugly truth they'd rather not admit.

Women who have children make sure that there is a tomorrow for society. Society, humanity, could not go on without them.

The rest...of the many women I've worked with over the years, perhaps one in every ten were vital, productive, and valuable team members.

The other 9, unless you want to get REALLY pissed off, do NOT ask.

Hi Janoodle, you are right to a certain extent. Worship of mothers goes back even farther than that - probably back to the founding of human civilization (and even prior to that). The Romans had a holiday celebrating mothers (Matronalia) during which mothers received gifts. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matronalia. It makes perfect sense to me that that many cultures throughout history and prehistory would have a so-called "Mother's Day" or other celebrations honoring mothers. I'm aware too that "Mothering Sunday" had its origins in England in the 16th century - and logically, such a celebration would have "crossed the pond" to the US when colonization began. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday

But in the modern context, "Mother's Day" is attributed to the efforts of Anna Jarvis and it was made an official holiday by Woodrow Wilson in 1914. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Jarvis.

Interestingly, Jarvis apparently became disillusioned with the holiday she helped create (specifically the commercialization of that holiday) after the greeting card companies entered onto the scene.

It's about showing your mom you appreciate her. Period. As I tell my kids, the best way to do that is with a kiss! Oh, and just for one day, not whining or talking back!

What a bullshit article. Feminists sure do love to hate everything. I'm not big on commercial holidays just because of the obligatory nature of them (or maybe I'm just bitter because no one buys me flowers, not that I buy any either) but to see it as somehow making one group of people superior to another is really grasping at straws to find a reason for some imagined righteous indignation. Surely there are more important things feminists should worry about than this.

Like maybe this:

http://www.newsrealblog.com/2010/05/08/out-female-genital-mutilation-in-female-genital-nicking-says-american-academy-of-pediatrics/

Bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan. In the words of my favorite cartoon crocodiles, "Oh peese. Shut mouf."

From Salon, we have a woman letting us know how noble she is to ignore Mother's Day in favor of us women who chose not to bear children.

From Slate, there is an article from another woman. This woman is a lesbian who does not want to share the title of "mommy", or Mother's Day, with her partner.

Neither of these women mean a damned thing to me. If my mother was still alive, I would read the articles to her today and we would laugh at them, discuss them, and forget about them.

I adored my Mom and I miss her. One reason I didn't want kids was because of how tired we made her. I would never forget her on Mother's Day, but that's just how I was raised.

Celebrate it or don't. It's an individual thing.

She just sounds like a crazy bitch. Let her rant. Noone has to read it if they don't want to.

I gave my mom a HUGE bouquet of flowers. My girls gave me presents - #1 gave me a hand-made necklace with silver and purple beads, and #2 gave me some potted flowers. My BF gave me a pair of tanzanite earrings to match the ring he gave me for Christmas, and a pot of calla lilies. And I'm not even his mother!

It's nice to be nice to your mother, no matter what day it is.

> Noone has to read it if they
> don't want to.

Yeah, but this normalizes stuff. There's a woman in my life who seems to have used Lamott's bio as a list of instructions, skipping only the part about the father being married. (I think.) When she first mentioned enjoying the books, I hadn't realized what was happening. The boy's ten now, and here comes the shit.

I resent both the woman and Lamott.

> It's nice to be nice to your mother,
> no matter what day it is.

Yes. Honor thy mother and thy father is a handsome commandment.

Hi Janoodle, its FAF - yes, of course you are right (in one context) that "Mother's Day" is an older holiday. [I tried writing an earlier response with links to Wikipedia - yes, I can be lazy - but Amy's spam filter prevented me from doing so. LOL]

The Romans had Matronalia (during which mother's would receive gifts). "Mothering Sunday" began in the 16th century in England - and, yes, most likely made it "across the pond" when England began colonizing the New World. I'm sure that there were/are celebrations of mothers from many cultures and times - even before human civilization began with the creation of cities and agriculture - it would make perfect sense.

But, in the modern context, the official Mother's Day in the US is attributed to the efforts of Anna Jarvis. She is the one who started the campaign that convinced Woodrow Wilson to make "Mother's Day" a nationally recognized holiday in 1914. Interestingly, Jarvis became very disillusioned with the holiday that she worked so hard create when the commercialization of the greeting card industry started coming into play.

I have no problem with the idea of Mother's Day, a formal day for people whose mother was a good mom, to remember her. The fact my mother was a highly disturbed woman only tells us about her, not all mothers. If your mom was good, and millions were, go kiss her feet, she deserves it.

Men are also expected to do something important for their wives on Mother's Day, and that makes it just another day to tell men they are lucky to have a woman, any woman, in their lives. As if men are s**t and women are sacred. Or, perhaps even that he is supposed to view her as his mommy. MY WIFE IS NOT MY MOTHER.

In most marriages, if both people are mentally healthy, both should be glad they are married to their spouse. The idea that men are supposed to be eternally grateful for their wives to CONDESCEND to marry them is disgusting.

Well it's gotta work both ways. Gotta spoil the Dad/hubby on Father's day.

From a certain perspective, mothers are more important than other women. Mothers are genetic winners, having passed their genes to the next generation. The more children, the bigger winners they are. So, the welfare mom living in the ghetto with eight kids by eight different fathers (for the genetic diversity, natch) is the biggest winner of all. A bigger winner than Anne Lamott, surely; she only had one.

Of course Mother's Day is a day to tell moms that they are more important than childless women. Just like Secretary's Day is a day to tell secretaries that they are more important than doctors and teachers and janitors. Or something. It couldn't just be that it's nice to have a day set aside to be glad for our moms.

Well it's gotta work both ways. Gotta spoil the Dad/hubby on Father's day.

Posted by: NicoleK at May 9, 2010 1:46 PM

Definately gotta work both ways. The thing is we don't really see that notion being promoted to girls/women in our society.

I still remember almost 20 years later now my mother whinging about my cold hearted father (and he was often) during or right after their divorce when I was 12. Apparently one year when Dad's mom was visiting, he got her flowers or a card for mother's day but nothing for my mom when I was 1-2 years old. She quoted to me Dad saying, "but you're not my mother!" when she complained to him. Not too sure how I'd do it in the same situation. My wife would not be my mother but if we have kids I'd certainly celebrate her being the mother of my kids.

Anyway, I gave Mom flowers this year. Sometimes its a card, or an ipod for a trip or whatever. The best part is calling her and talking to her or being able to see her to tell her how much I love and appreciate her.

You learn a lot about a man by observing how he treats his mother.

By how he treats her every day, not just on Mother's Day.

> Mothers are genetic winners, having passed
> their genes

Clumsy readings like this are the perfect reason to loathe the chirpy pop-science Amy so often extols here.

"Genetic winners". Is that anything like "genetic suicide"? As isn't that the phrase by which we figured out that two or three of Amy's commenters were actually the same guy?

Know this: For most people, one lesson on Darwin is not enough. Hie thee to the liberry.

Sure I give my wive, the mother of my children, a card, and a gift, and flowers. It makes her happy, and models respect and love for her for my kids to see.

What an idiot. What kind of mother complains about Mother's Day? I bet she's just taking a stand for the sake of taking a stand. I unequivocally hate people that take all the fun out of holidays, any holidays. She should go find something else to be bitter about.

> I unequivocally hate people that take all
> the fun out of holidays

While I'm one of those people, I gotta respect your posture on this. Life is dark, and it's important to have some fun on the calendar, even if it's not entirely sensible... Nothing's more dangerous that people with no sense of humor.

Mother's Day, like Valentines Day has been turned by commercial interests into an occasion where a man is made out to be a heel if he doesn't buy a bunch of stuff for "the woman in his life". ˇMere genuine love and sentiment won't do. They are both sides of the same coin. An opportunity for extortion.

Maybe true, but any gesture bigger than a stick of gum usually gets the job done... Handwritten notes, etc. C'mon, she's your mother.

Wow, gender feminism confuses me. So is being a mother the most important thing any human can possibly do, or is it not a big deal? Or is it either or both, depending on the situation? Wait, I think I know the answer to that...

"Mother's Day, like Valentines Day has been turned by commercial interests into an occasion where a man is made out to be a heel if he doesn't buy a bunch of stuff for "the woman in his life".

a) What Crid said.
b) Mother's day has it's parallel, Father's day. Father's day and Valentines day are statutory lays, sharp elbow jab to guys trying to ruin that.

ummmmm.....my mother did a hell of a lot more for me and my life than MLK, Columbus, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or any of the other bullshit people we celebrate for holidays, "weeks", or "days". She deserves to have a whole month as far as I'm concerned...

Just another feminazi thing to hate...

So is being a mother the most important thing any human can possibly do, or is it not a big deal?

Some of my favorite people are mothers who privately think it's the most important job in the world but don't burden the rest of us with that opinion.

Even if the woman in question isn't interested in all the hoopla, you'd think she'd be willing to grin and bear it for the sake of her children. What kind of person turns down a gift or a card from a child? and for the sake of her precious principles?

Will it kill people to be a little gracious? Isn't that why most of us put up with our birthday celebrations?

> my favorite people are mothers who privately
> think it's the most important job in the world
> but don't burden the rest of us with that opinion.

Yeah!

And some of my favorite people are those whose mothers thought (privately, but the kids can tell) that their children were the center of THEIR world but not the center of the WHOLE world.