Can You Tell If Somebody's Going To Be, Um, Energetic In Bed?
(As opposed to just lying there like a big old trout.) If you can tell, how? Loving food? Showing lust for life? Being a physical person and liking to dance? I think those things tend to be indicators that a person's got a hungry personality and that they'll be motivated to move and groove in bed. Your thoughts?
P.S. I'm talking about a person you've just met, and are maybe on a date with, or are contemplating dating.
Laughter.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 5, 2010 10:27 AM
There's only one way to find out how a car drives: get in, sit down, strap on, and start up.
(It occurs to me that "strap on" could be taken several ways in this context...)
Cousin Dave at August 5, 2010 10:43 AM
How well someone dances has always been a reliable way to predict.
Not just dancing by oneself or with buddies on a disco floor though.
Dancing with a partner. Any style.
A natural sense of curiosity is also a predictor.
lsomber at August 5, 2010 11:05 AM
"Lying there like an old trout" - Ha!
It's not so much that they have to be lively as they have to be in synch with me. Our body rhythms have to match up and respond to one another. Some people are very clingy and squirrelly - always clutching or fiddling with my leg, back, whatever. There's a tension and neediness that puts me off. Others have no sense of space and I'm constantly bumping into them every time I turn around. Drives me nuts. People who carry a lot of tension in their bodies or who are just very tightly muscled can have a "hard" touch.
The test is how they kiss. I've kissed a few trout in my time, GROSS. It's like their tongue is this cold dead worm drowning in saliva.
Another early indicator is whether they notice small things about my body language and expression. Social nuances. It can be uncomfortable to have someone "read" me with such shrewdness but honestly it's a blessing in disguise too. Such people are often more alert to their surroundings in general, which I appreciate.
All the things listed above (loving food, lust for life, loving to dance) can make for a good playmate but some of the best lays I've had were not foodies or dancing fools - and some partners who were very sensual in other ways were actually obtuse in bed. They were energetic, yes. But somehow I was left behind.
vi at August 5, 2010 11:21 AM
Best sex partner I ever had wasn't a good dancer and wasn't prone to much moving... but the grooving, well...
And next best was a professional dancer.
It's attitude not activity, fit not fitness... except when it is
anonymous at August 5, 2010 11:44 AM
I'm sorry they laughed Crid. That's just rude.
(Just kidding, couldn't resist.)
My experience was the more they project out in public, the less adept they were in private.
Eric at August 5, 2010 11:47 AM
Well, if in life they're prone to just laying down and taking it, then bed will probably be no different.
Just one thought on the subject.
Robert at August 5, 2010 12:06 PM
Not having a weak ego.
Good sexual relationships can become great ones if people don't interpret "No, a little to the right. Higher, higher. No, higher" as "You suck at this. Next!"
MonicaP at August 5, 2010 12:27 PM
I claim no expertise, but I contribute these observations: if you fear something about your partner, that will inhibit you; you can find someone who rocks your world and isn't interested in sticking around, to your everlasting regret.
Radwaste at August 5, 2010 12:46 PM
I'm voting "No" with too many variables around.
The good girl who wouldn't hold my hand never let me sleep, and the rablerouser who was a 'let's not wait, let's do it right here" turned into a sack o' potatos after we married... unless she was preggers, at which point she wouldn't let me sleep.
go fig.
SwissArmyD at August 5, 2010 1:38 PM
"Not having a weak ego.
Good sexual relationships can become great ones if people don't interpret "No, a little to the right. Higher, higher. No, higher" as "You suck at this. Next!"--MonicaP"
I have to agree with MonicaP here. I was fortunate in my early 20's to have dated several women in their mid thirties to early forties who knew what they wanted, weren't shy about asking for it, and knew how to give me the directions I needed to accomplish it. It didn't take me long to figure out a satisfied woman not only cums. She comes back for more. :P
As to the article. No way in hell you can tell that from just looking. Just because someone moves well on the dance floor doesn't mean they'll move at all in bed, on the floor, couch, or kitchen table. And, having a passion for food, golf, or nascar doesn't mean they won't be as bland as a limp, wet noodle in the sack.
AWildman at August 5, 2010 1:40 PM
It's mostly in their demeanor. The loud - Big Ego types, I've noticed are trying to compensate (or overcompensate) in some way. So basically, over all, guys that are really comfortable with themselves, kind, polite, funny and smart.
In addition to this there is one more thing for reasons I still don't quite understand...(I started noticing this in Jr. High and High School.)
Guys who have a slightly scared complexion now days as a result of having moderate to severe acne as a teenager (Raging Hormones = lots of sexual experiences?) typically have quite a bit of know how in this department. This is based entirely off of (non-scientific) personal experience that has yet to fail me. Maybe it is entirely coincidental, but actors like Tommy Lee Jones always make me take pause.
:D
Feebie at August 5, 2010 1:48 PM
Just a question for the guys, since I have met very few guys who are obsessive compulsive about cleaning (I guess there are a few) It would seem to me that women who think everything is gross and are going around wiping door knobs and kitchen counters and using hand sanitizer obsessively, might be too focused on the amount of bodily fluids flying around during intercourse to actually be an uninhibited partner? Have you guys found this to be the case? Isabel
Isabel1130 at August 5, 2010 1:53 PM
In my experience, the crazier the woman, the better she is in bed. The most exciting woman in bed I was ever with was bat-shit crazy.
Most guys I have talked to agree to some point.
If I value my life I won’t marry a crazy chick; however, some fond memories are created.
David H at August 5, 2010 2:13 PM
>> the better she is in bed. The most exciting woman in bed I was ever with was bat-shit crazy.
We have a German woman friend who this is definitely true of! She is into unicorns and fairies and crystals and all that jazz, and I wasn't really interested in ever bedding her, but it was really great. Like 25 years later I still remember it great. (I think she's the reason I like some women with (female) hairy armpits.)
At a dinner party, she innocently remarked that she really liked the Brie because it tastes a lot like semen. At the same party, she told a black friend of ours across the table that she planned on being with him that night, (though her husband was also at the table) because she had never been with a black man before. Ahh, Laguna Beach in the 80's!
Eric at August 5, 2010 2:27 PM
"(I think she's the reason I like some women with (female) hairy armpits.)"
NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Feebie at August 5, 2010 2:56 PM
I'm told that one good rule of thumb for picking guys is: if he has the "silver bimbo" mudflaps on his car, he ain't gonna be worth bothering with. Guess that ties in with what Eric said.
Steve H at August 5, 2010 3:28 PM
> (Just kidding, couldn't resist.)
Fucker.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 5, 2010 3:36 PM
Isabel1130-
I'm a woman, so this is not from a man's perspective, but...
I get very squeamish around bodily fluids and I've been told that I'm good (even mind-blowing) in bed and I certainly enjoy myself. Then again, I prefer to take it up the ass vs. the coochie because I can just fart out the ejaculate instead of having to wait for it to slowly drain out the front.
Anon at August 5, 2010 3:42 PM
Wait, you say "lying there like a big old trout" like it was a bad thing.
so THAT's why they never call back...
vermindust at August 5, 2010 4:17 PM
crazier = better only works for certain types of crazy, such as girls with 'daddy issues'. But for other types, the effect is the opposite. I've also encountered lots of women who aren't really crazy, but still have all sorts of issues in bed, usually dealing with self image, and the intimacy of sex. I doubt that being crazier would have helped them.
Also like some of the observations about bragging men, the women I've met who promote their sexuality have tended to have issues as well. Honestly the best lovers I've been with have been more reserved and even a bit modest, but once they trusted you, they were like a force of nature.
Norm at August 5, 2010 4:18 PM
Look, the only reason I'm lying there like a big old trout is because I'm SLEEPING! OKAY???
;-P
Energetic, hm. Sometimes lazy is good.
Pirate Jo at August 5, 2010 4:29 PM
Oh, and as to dancing, as far as I can tell only black guys do it. Otherwise it's a bunch of chicks dancing together. The white guys sit in front of the TV screens, paying more for their beer than they would at home. When they're not casting the evil eye at the three black guys dancing with all the chicks, anyway.
Pirate Jo at August 5, 2010 4:31 PM
"I've also encountered lots of women who aren't really crazy, but still have all sorts of issues in bed, usually dealing with self image, and the intimacy of sex."
Yes, we call that "Catholicism."
(Or maybe just the version I know that combines Catholic guilt with WASPy uptightness.)
Astra at August 5, 2010 4:51 PM
It's like their tongue is this cold dead worm drowning in saliva.
You know, after reading that, I may never kiss a woman again...
I R A Darth Aggie at August 5, 2010 5:15 PM
Well read, and well traveled. I'm very happily married for 12 years now, but in my former life, I found the more stamps a man had in his passport, the better he was in the sack.
Also, I found if he actually knew who Flannery O'Connor and Sinclair Lewis were, he would be better than average.
UW Girl at August 5, 2010 5:52 PM
Crid- love ya buddie! (shoulder punch)
Anon- farting out semen is preferrable? WE HAVE A NEW LENA!!!!!!!
This is a fun thread Amy- much more enjoyable than all the Muslim stuff...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIZYqZrdwIM
Eric (from a campsite in Idaho!) at August 5, 2010 6:08 PM
With regard to women:
Emotional volatility is directly proportional to sexual excitement.
Which is deducible from the Universe's primary organizing principle -- Conservation of Misery.
Hey Skipper at August 5, 2010 6:31 PM
I've had one Narcissistic Personality Disorder girlfriend (she had to take a psych eval for a custody issue) and one Borderline Personality disorder girlfriend (diagnosed by a female mental health counselor friend and backed up by 4 books I read) both were great in bed but the downside is obviously the crazyness outside the bedroom.
I've had quieter more conservative girls that surprised me how good they were.
And I've had girls that were outgoing,flirtatious, and made sexual innuendos who once you got them in bed they got real conservative. They talked big but they talked the talk and didn't walk the walk so to speak. maybe it was nervous flirtation where they didn't feel comfortable unless they were talking and getting attention.
So for me it's been the crazy ones and the quiet ones.
David M. at August 5, 2010 7:34 PM
Nope. too many variations.
Crazy is a good sign ... but has to be the right crazy as others have mentioned. The wrong crazy can be scary.
Very reserved can also be very good... what is the saying? A lady in the street... Of course, the reserved are more likely to be reserved in all aspects.
So...uh...nope....can't tell.
The Former Banker at August 6, 2010 1:12 AM
I'd have to do more research and get back to you. My sample size would be large enough, but they weren't randomly selected.
MarkD at August 6, 2010 6:15 AM
You could always find out that you're not compatible, but a kiss will tell a LOT.
A kiss is like a dance, moving forward, pulling back, in sync - a dance that's being created in tandem. The attraction will be evident.
A great kiss is bliss. It can transport me to another world. If I open my eyes during a kiss to find that I am unexpectedly naked, that was some kiss. Yes, it can induce a drunk-like stupor. I call it passion drunk.
Jen at August 6, 2010 7:29 AM
I found that the strong silent type were pretty good, as long as they emitted confidence, because then they knew what they were doing. One loud guy I had was good, only because he was obsessive-compulsive in many ares of his life, which included giving oral. I stuck around with him for the oral, but should never have been boyfriend/girlfriend, should have kept him as a FB. A few of the guys who had been married forever and were fresh out on the marketplace, were terrible because they only know how their wife liked it, and if you told them you wanted things different they'd think you were defective.
From what I've heard from various guys, the crazy girls aren't that good, it's the quiet ones that are the most uninhibited and confident.
I think the best way to tell is if there is chemistry from the beginning, because then you're on the same wavelength and probably have similar sex-style & technique.
Chrissy at August 6, 2010 10:44 AM
Oh, another predictor:
The more someone talks about sex, the worse they usually are at it.
lsomber at August 6, 2010 12:32 PM
Yeah, it's been my experience that the more outgoing a woman, the better the sex.
With one exception: South Korea. That country is opposite-land in so many ways, and one of them is women. When I first moved to Seoul, I met a very well-off young woman (who didn't have to work, cuz of daddy). I was really looking forward to the sex as she was just out there fun/crazy. True disappontment.
Second woman I got seriously interested was an assisant club manager. Very modest, very quiet, spoke Japanese (the club she worked at was a club for visiting Japanese tourists and she got the job cuz of her Japanese) and English. Damn, she was so much fun in bed.
From converations I had with some of the other guys working with me in Seoul basically had the same experiences.
David Crawford at August 6, 2010 2:13 PM
Well, here's one thought, anyway:
For all the religious talk about the need to save oneself for marriage, I think it's safe to say that even a fundie widower in his 40s or 50s does not want to marry a 30-year-old virgin. (That is, if he had to choose between her and a divorcee, I don't know why he'd pick the former.) Yet most people agree that to marry at 20 or younger is likely to be a mistake. So how does one draw the line? Very frustrating. Especially if you think you don't want kids anyway. (The word these days is that if you're a woman who doesn't want to spend a penny on fertility treatments, don't count on getting pregnant after 30 - just in case.)
lenona at August 6, 2010 2:31 PM
This might be too crude for your blog . . .
HA! Just kidding.
If he mentions bondage things and manages to do it without sounding like a serial killer, that is a really good indicator. Quiet, but a really good kisser, aggressive but not too much kisser. Big thing is respectful and nice, but mentions fun intimate things in a respectful way.
Suki at August 6, 2010 10:06 PM
Does she enjoy good food, and can she make the distinction between good food and run of the mill stuff? Does she prefer wine x over wine y, and can tell you why? Can she take pleasure in the rest of her life?
Then she's probably pretty good in bed. There is but one pleasure center in the brain (and isn't it just so cool that our brains have a spot devoted to making us feel good? Yaaa us!), but many paths to it. If the trail is well worn from one direction, it's probably well worn in the others.
Steve Daniels at August 7, 2010 9:24 AM
> This might be too crude for your blog . . .
>
> HA! Just kidding.
Phew! For a second I thought we'd hit the bottom, and it was going to break my heart. But there are uncharted horizons at dawn, always....
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 7, 2010 10:10 PM
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