Advice Goddess Free Swim
I've been working like mad to get my book proposal for my next book, plus two sample chapters finished. Almost there!
Wednesday should be yet another crazy day for me, so it's a good day for you all to post the stuff you want to talk about. Please just post one link per comment or you'll go to my spam folder.
Oh, and thanks to all of you for all your help on my You See Rude People blog items. And, for making it worth it for me to crawl from my couch to my desk in the wee hours to post blog items.
Mosque guy.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at September 8, 2010 4:40 AM
If you like classical music here are a couple of links from the Peabody Institute for some MP3 format downloads(free)
http://www.peabody.jhu.edu/pcorecordings
.edu/psorecordings
or the second link replace the c in pco with an "s"
lujlp at September 8, 2010 6:12 AM
Oh, Amy, you're welcome.
I'm in a good mood today, so far. Nothing to bitch about. Yet. Updates to follow.
Pricklypear at September 8, 2010 7:39 AM
At what age may kids date?
There's a big uproar in our family currently because my brother's (just turned) 14-year-old daughter has been dating a guy that is 17 (turning 18 in March).
My brother (her Dad) and her mom are divorced and apparently this has been going on behind his back for several months after he told her to refrain AND went and visited him and his parents to express his disapproval. I am friends with her mom, which complicates things because every time there's drama among them, I feel caught in the middle. Her mom approves with the attitude that it's better she is allowed because their daughter may just do it behind her back and this way she can get to know him, monitor things, have influence, keep the lines of communication open etc. I tend to agree.(She reports that the boy is very nice.)
My brother has not spoken to his daughter in over a month and she has stopped going for visits. She misses her two young step-brothers. I am having a big milestone birthday for my mom (70th) and ALL the grandchildren will be there except for his daughter. We had hoped to do a family photo for my mom of all her grandchildren. There will be 130 people in attendance. It's a big gathering of family and friends, a sort of reunion of sorts.
I wasn't aware that there was any tension going on in their family when I emailed my niece and invited her to the party. I then received this lovely email from brother:
"***** will not be attending moms party Caroline......don't fucking go over my head with this shit....you are not her parent so butt the fuck out. Tell ***** whatever you have to. We will not be attending if you go against my wishes.
Don't fucking stick your nose where it doesn't belong. You must really be eating up what HER MOM is dishing out. Don't reply to this and just respect my wishes."
To which I replied:
"******,
Not sure what you are on about *****, obviously you're having some family problems. Everyone is welcome to attend mom's party. Hope to see all you there.
If you need to speak to me, please pick up the phone and spare me the profanity and the angry emails and the orders. If you don't want your daughter there, then that is your choice. 100%. Please tell her she isn't welcome as per your order. I respect that. All I did was invite her. I had no idea you were shunning her. ****** and I do not discuss you and your issues. Please keep them to yourself.
I had no idea you had not spoken to ***** in over a month until she texted me a few days ago and told me that she missed her brothers and her father and she hoped you would call her on her birthday. I may not agree with you shutting her out of your life but that is 100% none of my business. I said nothing to anyone about it. I did nothing of the sort sticking my nose in anywhere. You always default to that when you feel like ragging on me about some major drama in your life that involves your ex. You make up whatever you need to paint me as an instigator of some sort. Sorry you are having family problems.
And please do not threaten me with you and your family not attending. This is not about me. Or you. Or your daughter for that matter. It is about our Mom. I could give two shit-fucks less what you do or do not do concerning this party. I have to tell you though, since I've quit drinking, you don't have the power to upset me anymore. Hope you can make it with or without your daughter. Your parenting decisions are 100% none of my business.
Hope to see you all at the party!"
He then called me and apologized and said he was just angry when he found out I had invited her. I am used to these kinds of flip-outs with my brother; he's 37. I am ten years older. We had a fairly ok conversation about it with me indicating that I felt he would have more influence if he wasn't shutting her out completely. I just wanted the peace to be kept to get the party over and done with.
An article in the NYT appeared about this very subject just recently.
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/27/at-what-age-may-kids-date/?partner=rss&emc=rss
Thoughts?
Caroline at September 8, 2010 8:04 AM
How about a continuation/ bastardization of the recent threads about calling people fat and schools meddling with our kids?
Why is it okay to teach kids at school to come home and yell at their parents for smoking ("Tell mommy and daddy that you love them and don't want them to slowly kill themselves") but we're not supposed to tell people they're fat? Can you imagine kids coming home from school with the same message, "I wish you weren't so fat because you're slowly killing yourself". Seriously, the top two risk factors for any health problem these days are smoking and obesity.
Juliana at September 8, 2010 8:26 AM
Teenage boys want sex, and in todays leagal climate your nieces boyfreind will inevitable be harrased by school officals and the cops wheathr or not they ever do anything.
Should they ever have sex someone will tell on them - your brother, his ex might suddenly decide the guy who de virginized her dughter isnt that nice afterall, a school offical, a jelous girl who wants your niece out of the picture, or a jelous boy who wants your niece himself.
Someone will tell and this boy will face the threat of up 5 yrs in jail or probation and a gaurenteed 40yr sentace on the sex offender regisrty as a child molester and rapist.
I dont know who mature your niece is, nor do I care, but the people in her life need to explian to her the risk she is putting this boy in
lujlp at September 8, 2010 8:45 AM
Carolyn,
You have my sympathy for being blind-sided by your brothers family drama.
I gotta say, I remember being a fourteen-year-old girl quite well, as there were several milestones in that year for me. Your brother is making a great start at alienating her completely.
My parents divorced when I was twelve, and he was pretty much out of my life by the time I was fourteen. I really could have benefited by his being there, but so it goes.
We reconciled long distance thirty years later. About a year before he died. He talked about coming out for a visit but we both knew he was too sick.
Life is just so melodramatic, but there's so much good stuff...I hope they work it out.
Pricklypear at September 8, 2010 9:04 AM
Ever feel like saying fuck it and chasing your dreams?
http://www.wimp.com/wherematt/
Eric at September 8, 2010 10:19 AM
I should clarify that we are in Canada and the statutory rape laws are not the same as in the US. There is an age spread consideration once you are over the age of 14 and I am not 100% but I think they fall outside of these guidelines.
Caroline at September 8, 2010 10:26 AM
Whether the 17 year old boy friend can be held criminally responsible for having sex with his 14 year old girl friend depends on the state where they reside.
In Texas, it is a defense to the charge of sexual contact with a minor if the actor is not more than three years older than the victim. So, for example, if she is 14 years 10 months and he is 17 years 9 months, their age spread is 2 years and 11 months, and , in such case, no charges would be brought against him.
Nick at September 8, 2010 11:16 AM
When was the last time that a visit to an art gallery made you feel like this?
http://vimeo.com/14081289
Is art pointless? A backdrop for the rich or the "creative class", so they have an excuse to clink cocktail glasses and hang out in swanky galleries hob-knobbing?
What is the artists role today?
Gspotted at September 8, 2010 11:23 AM
One of my kids took me out to see this lovely painting at the museum this weekend. As to whether art is pointless, paintings like this one cause me to ignore the question. I've always liked the Impressionists.
Old RPM Daddy at September 8, 2010 1:01 PM
The De Young Museum?
Feebie at September 8, 2010 1:32 PM
Gspotted- you nailed it. It's an excuse, no more. I'd say some people take obscene liberties with the definition of art. My heart will not soar the same as the ~ahem~ "artist"'s did when he put a bunch of plastic boxes on a wall, but that doesn't make me a dirty painted savage. I'd rather go with Old RPM Daddy's kids. A question of taste?
Juliana at September 8, 2010 1:51 PM
Feebie, it was the Phillips Collection, on 21st Street, near Dupont Circle in downtown D.C. It's an interesting neighborhood to walk around in on a sunny day, since Embassy Row is nearby.
Regarding Juliana's comment, while I'm a fan of the Impressionists, my teenager seems to have an appreciation for more genres than I do. After reading a terrific children's book called Chasing Vermeer by Blue Balliet, she had to go to the National Gallery to see the painting in question. She was breathtaken. On our way out through the gift shop, she got me to buy her a book on Kandinsky, a 20th century painter I'd never heard of, and whose work didn't interest me at all.
Old RPM Daddy at September 8, 2010 2:08 PM
"There's a big uproar in our family currently because my brother's (just turned) 14-year-old daughter has been dating a guy that is 17 (turning 18 in March)."
I'd say there is almost no way a barely-past-13-year-old and near-18 year old could have anything in common other than her being an easy mark. But I could be wrong. WHile her dad is going about it the wrong way, I think he's better than the mom. Parents are supposed to be parents, not friends, and 14 year olds need guidance. No child of mine would be dating someone 4 years her senior, and if we had to move, so be it. And I say that as someone who married a 28 yr old at age 18. There is something wrong with someone who needs someone that much younger than them at that age and I know it firsthand.
As far as him being a nice boy-they all are. It's not like many teen boys are going to tell mom "I really just want sex and can't seem to handle 17 year old girls".
I'm also really tired of the "they'll just do it behind my back" theory of permissiveness in childrearing. It's as fundamentally stupid as the "send rapists to jail for too long, an they'll just kill their victims instead" argument. That bad behavior may happen anyway is no reason to enable it. There is a rather wide area between shutting down all communication as the father is, and letting her do what she pleases as her mother is.
momof4 at September 8, 2010 2:31 PM
This annoys me though it appears to just be market forces.
There was a good magazine shop that I could go to if there was a magazine I wanted that was not popular enough to make into the book stores (borders, B&N) but it closed a couple of years ago - I went to the shop and it was just an empty store front. I found a lot of professional journals and professional mags I wanted from time to time (e.g. a friend was published in pro photog mag that I got there).
I found another place but it was focused a bit more on counter-culture and adult stuff. This place is about 75 minutes away. I was there recently and now it is nothing but "adult novelties" and adult videos. Not even adult magazines. I asked the guy behind the counter if I was in the place I was thinking of -- yeah, I was. they had not been making enough of the paper products. Really, the only thing that made them much money was the toys...really he thought the only reason the owner was keeping it open was because a developer has been looking at the block for some time now and he hoped to get money from that once the economy improved.
Oh well...
The Former Banker at September 8, 2010 3:01 PM
When I was a teen, I just couldn't imagine being involved, emotionally or otherwise, with anyone three years older or more. I couldn't even understand fictional stories of girls having distant crushes on their teachers.
I only wish I'd stuck to that hard-and-fast rule in my late twenties - I suspect I'd have been much, much happier if I had.
lenona at September 8, 2010 4:51 PM
I don't agree with the mom being a part of the whole thing, but I do agree that if the girl wants to see this young man, she will find a way to do it. And all this drama just makes it all the more desirable--all Romeo & Julietish. What you tell them they can't have is what they will go for.
Frankly, I think mom should put an implant in this girl's arm, because a baby is all too possible in any case. Hell, I think all teen-age should have 'em. No babies allowed as long as she's a minor.
Actually, I realize I'm completely out of the loop. Do they still use the implant? Norplant, I believe it's called...
When I was in my teens, I liked guys in their twenties. (I still do. Hey, I can look!)
Pricklypear at September 8, 2010 8:21 PM
Caroline, I'm sorry your family is so torn right now. Having teenagers is so hard even when parents agree on how to handle things. I happen to disagree with the mother though about allowing her daughter to date a 17 year old. My daughter just turned 13 and my niece is a mature 14 year old and I couldn't imagine either one of them dating seriously let alone someone so much older. Judging by your brother's reaction to alienate and shun his daughter, I'd say your niece is going to have bigger problems in the future. Its hard to say to you to go over his head, but I think your niece needs support and that if you are friendly with her mother, you should be there for your niece in any way that you are allowed. Sorry, but your brother is right to be upset about it, but he is behaving like an abusive bully and that should never be tolerated. I hope you show his daughter that there is more acceptable behavior and ways of dealing with disagreement.
Kristen at September 8, 2010 8:30 PM
Imam Rauf Makes His Case on CNN
Full coverage here: http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2010/09/ground-zero-supremacist-imam-rauf-threatens-americaif-we-dont-do-this-right-anger-will-explode-in-th.html
His main argument, beginning around 8 minutes into the first video is rather strange, essentially arguing that the mosque must be built at Ground Zero or else the safety of Americans overseas will be at risk. That logic isn't going to sit well with most people, nor should it.
Robert W. (Vancouver) at September 8, 2010 10:00 PM
Y'know why we're certain this isn't Photoshop?
No mortal dreamer has that much talent.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at September 8, 2010 10:14 PM
Know what I hate?
Rhetorical questions.
Sorry.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at September 8, 2010 10:18 PM
Or Not.
Damn.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at September 8, 2010 10:56 PM
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