I have always wanted to be a "social drinker". A few years ago, I went with my two younger brothers to a bar to celebrate with them. My brothers had always said they were social drinkers, but I quickly learned what they referred to as "social drinking" and my version were entirely different standards.
What is defined as a typical "social drinker" and not a "I get drunk socially" type of person?

Last week I stopped at Costco and picked up a case of wine. On the way out the old guy who checks the cart said "I can tell you don't have a drinking problem because there's plenty there to drink." At first I was offended, but after a few seconds found it to be really funny.

A social drinker has a glass of wine when out to dinner with friends (or the equivalent). Maybe 2 cocktails at an evening-long soiree.

How do you deal with those people who really feel the need to pressure you to drink, when you aren't wanting to? You know, the "Come on, one won't hurt. You HAVE to have some wine!" etc?

To momof4,

Accept the wine, take a small sip, then wait. At some point, accidentally tip the glass over when reaching for the bread or such.

After doing this a few times on different occasions, they won't offer you the wine.

1) Take the glass and hold it. Nobody seems to check that you're actually drinking it, just that you have it.
2) Decline politely in the exact same tone of voice, using the exact same words, over and over. Eventually, they feel silly and stop.

For what it's worth, according to the health authorities, a guy can consume a maximum of 4cl of alcohol per day, and a woman a maximum of 3cl per day.

For women, this works out to about 20oz of beer, about 1/4 bottle of wine, or about 2.5oz of spirits. For men, it's 27oz of beer, 1/3 bottle of wine, or about 3.5oz of spirits. Consumed over the course of an evening, you will probably have about 0.05% BAC (this depends on other factors as well - no guarantee).

This seems fine as social drinking - and in most places still leaves you able to drive. If you aren't driving, up to twice this would be social drinking (two people sharing a bottle of wine over dinner). Much more than that, and it's more drinking than social.

Bartenders used to get all offended when I "switched" drinks from night to night...geez I like all sorts of stuff. So many flavors, so little time and only one liver.

Anyway, that doesn't happen anymore. The bars are now full of twentysomethings and I suspect they are as eclectic as I was.

OK, here's one:

I usually drink beer, and generally during happy hour (what can I say, I'm cheap). Sometimes someone I know will buy me a beer, then I feel obligated to buy him a drink in return. The problem is he's drinking double Grey Goose on the rocks at $9 a pop (even during happy hour), compared to my $2.50 beer. I've made it a point of only returning the favor every third or fourth time.

Yeah, I know, I'm not obligated to return the favor, and he certainly understands if I don't meet him one-for-one.

Here are a couple:

1. Tipping etiquette in bars? $1 per drink or as a % of the drink price?

2. Good behavior for crowded bars: getting served, making space for others, etc.

Not that this happens to me anymore, but what's the etiquette for refusing drinks strangers buy without asking?

I don't drink anymore.

At first, I use to have a problem refusing a drink someone offered to me (over and over), so I'd take it and when they weren't looking, I'd throw it in the nearest receptacle.

Now, it depends on the sitch. Sometimes I just say no thank you over and over. No matter what they say back. "No thank you". I tend to keep to the same statement hoping it will filter in at some point by keeping it really simple and so they see the futility and ridiculousness of their behavior. It is a little like working with a child who is pushing your buttons.

Sometimes, I will order a drink that looks like an alcoholic beverage and I can completely fly under the radar (this works best at open bar social events ).

It's interesting, because some people, when I tell them I don't drink act as if I just told them about the weather. It doesn't phase them and they let it go. Other people, it's like a complete affront to there lifestyle. The latter of these folks, I have suspicions about.

On one occasion (only one) I asked the person why they were so obsessed with my alcohol consumption (or lack there of) and why do they think that would be? I also told him "You seem to be very distressed about my not drinking tonight, perhaps there is someone you can talk to about that?" ...( Eluding to a therapy visit) He's never spoken to me again about the subject. Ever. Mission accomplished.

Oh, oh, oh...I have a question.

What do you do if you go into the ladies restroom (with one stall - errr, that may not even matter) and their are two people screwing in it?

This happened to me on New Years 1997. I had to pee so bad and there was two other girls waiting with me in line. So I just sat there freshening up until they came out. I would have left, but I didn't want to loose my place in line (seriously had to pee).

When they came out (man and woman) I asked them if they had wiped the seat down. But we all had to sit there and wait a good 5 minutes until they finished. I have NO idea if they knew people were in there while they were screwing, I do know they were well aware of us when they came out.

I have a question: what do you do about someone who you know is driving drunk on a regular basis? Let me explain.

I met a woman through a friend. This woman had gone through rehab, AA, etc., which I have no issue with. My thoughts are "good for her." But then she relapsed.

I walk my doggies in a nature park a 20 minutes out of town. On the way back in, I stop at a grocery store inb a wealthy, semi-rural enclave. This woman lives there.

I've seen her at the grocery store at 9 am, already drunk and buying more beer or wine. I want to say here that I have a good understanding of addiction, so seeing her in this condition doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that she's obviously driven to the store, albeit, probably not far, say a mile or so.

I would offer to drive her home, but I've got my dogs in the car (and no, I don't leave them there in hot weather--I just don't stop then), so I can't really help. I've thought about calling the cops on her, but she'd get home before they arrived, especially as it's a rural setting. And, once someone's in the their driveway, they can't do anything anyway.

Anyway...reasoning with this woman won't help because trying to reason with a drunk is pointless. I do try to talk to her, but she's either embarassed to see me or she's too drunk to remember. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Wow, ie, that's a tough one. A sort-of related question, that I posted in one of the other threads but it bears repeating: How do you tell someone that they are a bad drunk? How do you go about cutting them off before they drink enough to get nasty?

Even if the cops can't get there in time to catch her on an occasion you call it in, I'd think that repeated notifications they'd eventually step up patrols in that area to catch her.

Then again, maybe they've got better things to do. But back on the first hand if the clerks are selling booze to someone who's obviously intoxicated then that might be some kind of violation as well

I see not taking action when you know someone is DWI-ing as akin to not taking action when you see someone being murdered. I mean, wouldn't you at least call the cops? I would call them, and tell them the same info you gave here, and also let them know that you will inform any victims of crashes (and their lawyers) she causes that you notified the cops of the problem (IF they seem like they are tossing your complaint in the trashcan.)

I think her mental state is questionable--ie., I think her brain capacity is shot because she's just gone too far. I'm saying this because there are times when she doesn't even recognize me. I'm not sure a letter would register with her, is what I'm saying, (although I do think it would work with a lot of other people.) However, going to the police and reporting her now, before someone gets hurt, is a good idea. I don't know what they'll do, but at least I'll have done something. Thanks.

I have a couple of ideas for topics, two of which are based on real experiences. One is, what do you do with a colleague who's drinking too much? Another one is, what do you do with contractors (as in home repair) who show up smelling like booze? Just thought I'd throw this out there.

It depends on the exact social situation, but when forced to accept a drink, I do. I leave it full and don't drink it. That should be the end of it.

The host has fulfilled his obligation to be generous and hospitable and you've fulfilled yours as a guest in graciously accepting his hospitality.

In certain cultures, when a host sees someone without a glass, he orders one. If he sees a partially empty glass, it will be topped off. A full glass stops this ritual.

I would not spill anything intentionally.

I have a friend who is beyond cheap. She actually brings vodka in a water bottle and keeps refilling the one drink she buys. It looks like she's nursing the one when she's actually on drink # 9. I am on the fence about whether or not its stealing. Technically she bought a drink, but I doubt the bar would appreciate people bringing their own booze in as it would deplete their profits so in that way I consider it stealing.

On tipping, my two cents: At the bar, a dollar per drink, double tip if the bartender throws you freebie. If you spend a long time there, ie watching the game, a few extra bucks is a good idea when you settle up.

At a restaurant, 15% for OK service, 20% for good service. If you're a regular at a place, think about tipping 25%: on a $50 tab it's only an extra $2.50.

Bartenders and waiters work hard, and if you reward that, it will make a world of difference in how you're treated. The owners say hello, you'll get good seats, waiving corkage, your game is on the closest set. Think of it as going first class.

"1) Take the glass and hold it. Nobody seems to check that you're actually drinking it, just that you have it."

This is also what I do when someone offers me food that I don't really want. If you make a big deal of how you're on a diet, not hungry, etc then you draw a lot of attention to yourself and potentially hurt the host's/cook's feelings; if you just accept the piece of cake or whatever then no one's actually going to notice that you're not eating it.

Tipping is a great topic. It seemings like just about every place wants them now. Personally, I think it should only be for exceptional service but I know that is not realistic in today's environment.

I went out to eat with my parents this weekend - Dad's treat. We had really exceptional service, couldn't image how it could have better. I saw my Dad tipped 15% and now I am thinking that I can't go back there for awhile - not that I likely would as it is quite out of my way. Dad is old school on that. Now 20% is for an OK job - 15% means sub-par -- hopefully the waiter realized my Dad is just part of the old school club.

"I saw my Dad tipped 15% and now I am thinking that I can't go back there for awhile..."

I haven't lived in the USA for a long time, but when I did, 15% was considered a good tip for good service. Tipping 20% would have meant that the service was extraordinary. A 10% tip was a sign that the service was a bit sub-par.

It seems really odd to me that tip amounts have increased so much: from 15% to 20% for normal, good service - that's a 33% increase! Anyone have an explanation for this?

Anyhow, assuming your Dad is my generation, tipping 15% is just ingrained habit. I can hardly see why the wait-staff would hold his tipping against you.

15% is still standard for average service, at least around here. You want 20%, you need to wow people. I tip 20% on the rare blue moon we go out, because we have kids and they earn it. Sometimes more, if it's a big mess. I also have no problem tipping 10%, or even not at all, for crappy service. if this is warranted, however, I also speak to the manager.

If you're being comped for some reason, people, you still tip like you're paying the bill! When I bartended, the bar owner would frequently be comp-ing a friend's drinks (his friend, not mine) and sometimes those people wouldn't tip. Hello, the tip is for MY time to make the drink! Ditto if you're eating out and use a coupon-you tip on the original amount.

You should never tip less than $1 a drink. Now, if you're ordering a round of 5 beers for your buddies, I don't know that I'd tip $5, probably $3, but beers don't take a lot more work for 5 than 1.

I actually have a bar question. When is (if ever) appropriate to ask a bar that you're patronizing to turn down the music? Perhaps I'm getting old, but I find that the sound level in so many bars is deafening - which deprives my companions the enormous pleasure of listening to whatever drivel happens to come out of my mouth.

I'm so glad I'm old enough that I don't have to pretend to like alcohol, especially beer which is the most foul beverage, I swear the people who say they like it must be faking it to look cool.

If you don't want a drink, just say "No thank you" and don't have one.

Bartender here:

1. On tipping - depends on the setting. At a busy nightclub, a dollar a serving ought to be sufficient. At your neighborhood bar, it'll will depend on the service and attitude of the bartender: good service = good tip.

2. Pet peeve - please note that a bartender who gives you a "freebie" is in fact STEALING that drink from the owner! Unless he pays with his own money or the owner gives him explicit permission to do so, it is theft. Count your change around such a person.

3. Music - every bar owner sets the limit. If it's too loud, then you may consider finding a different place. I really doubt that anybody will change the volume for only one customer.

4. The time to really assess the quality of the servers and bartenders is when it isn't busy. Find a slower night to judge for yourself. Plus, the bartender may remember you when it's packed.

5. And, rule #1 at a bar: never piss off the bartender. Remember he may not serve you at the minimum, or he may summon a very large man to haul your ass out the door, or he may just call the police to find you a room at the local county hotel for the night, maximum.

JD

"I have not, in my life, had a glass of beer. I hate the stuff."

Commie. Ok, I am not going to throw around (more) names. But beer is my favorite beverage. Love the stuff. That being said, if one does not like beer then one does not - no big.

I am a firm believer is not pressing people to drink. Why would you push a drink on someone that says that they do not want it? Does not make sense. Manners dictate (to me) that you ask once, and offer more than one choice. Not everyone enjoys beer, or wine, or even anything alcoholic. Last work get-together I went to I brought soda. I do not drink soda, cannot stand the stuff if there is nothing mixed in. But it did not hurt me to provide something for those that did not want beer and ensures that everyone has an option.

Bottom line is that no matter how much alcohol is being consumed the generally accepted rules for social interaction do not change. Do not puke in public, do not be an asshole, do not stiff the waiter (ess, whatever) because you cannot actually read the tab at the end of the night. If you want to drink alcohol in public then you need to be able to comport yourself in a socially acceptable manner. No exceptions. If I find myself having had too many beers then I go home. By foot, by taxi, by public transportation. Whatever it takes. Not by my own driving skills though. Second all remarks concerning drunk driving.

It is the responsibility of the individual consuming alcohol (or whatever) to ensure that he/she is not acting in a socially unacceptable manner. The standard does not change for you (or me) regardless of how much alcohol is consumed.

I'm so glad I'm old enough that I don't have to pretend to like alcohol, especially beer which is the most foul beverage, I swear the people who say they like it must be faking it to look cool.

I thought this way, too, until I tried good beer. Now I love it. The difference between good beer and crap beer is vast.

But it's a poor host who makes her guest feel uncomfortable about alcohol. There are any number of reasons why people don't want a drink.

"I have not, in my life, had a glass of beer. I hate the stuff."

Amy, I assume that you've at least let that stuff touch your tongue. I don't blame you. My father let me try some beer when I was about 10 years old. Yuck! It was terrible! I've never tasted it again.

given beer is urine, albeit yeast urine. I never could see the difference

Beer tastes like liquified belch.

I love a chilled hefeweizen on a hot day, and porters at other times. That being said, I really really wanted to like absenith, but I don't. Not really all that into scotch, either.

What do you do when you tip more than 15% & your buddy, in front of you, takes the amount above the 15%?! "What are you doing?!" I said. "You tipped too much!".

And what do you do if you tip 15% + despite getting the service your friend defines as being "acceptable"? "What are you doing?!". "The Server doesn't deserve that big of a tip!".

What do you do when they return change to you in the form of a "change canoe"? You know, bills on the bottom, coins placed on the top of the bills, prepped to fall unless handled w/great ease & focus? Does one tip after receiving change in this manner?

What do you think about underage drinking? A couple years ago a local teenage girl died from alcohol poisoning. From what I've heard (I haven't watched it), the girl's former uncle was the executive producer of "ER", and he decided to use the show's final episode to tell the story of underage drinking.

The fallout from the event had the District Attorney scrambling to make somebody responsible. He chose to put the girl's sixteen year-old friend on trial.

Note: the friend's parents allowed their daughter and her friend to drink at their house.

Should parents allow kids to drink, even though they're under 21?

When, if ever, is it appropriate to order a drink when out to dinner with a friend who is a (recently) recovering alcoholic?

"When, if ever, is it appropriate to order a drink when out to dinner with a friend who is a (recently) recovering alcoholic?"

Whenever you want one.

If you order iced tea or soda when your friend knows perfectly well you would normally order beer or whatever, you will make him very self conscious. I laid off alcohol for a few years, and I *HATED* it when people would alter their drinking behavior on my account. I knew that they were being supportive, but it only went to remind me that I was "different now", and that was harder to live with than a glass of wine on a table.

Rally. Just live your life and drink what and when you want to.