Amy On The Today Show: Is Civility Dead?
Here I am in my appearance from this morning on The Today Show, right at the top of the piece!
If you don't have my book, I SEE RUDE PEOPLE: One woman's battle to beat some manners into impolite society, do buy a copy at the link! Only $11.53 with Amazon's discount.
Oooo how exciting, Congratulations!
MeganNJ at November 2, 2010 8:40 AM
Civility died when dueling was outlawed.
Robert at November 2, 2010 8:51 AM
Congratulations indeed, Amy. Also, your book cover totally popped as the lead-in to the segment!
Jody Tresidder at November 2, 2010 8:58 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/02/amy_on_the_toda.html#comment-1775427">comment from Jody TresidderThanks so much, Jody. I was completely thrilled.
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2010 9:05 AM
You looked great Amy and sounded very sensible and expert - better than the people they interviewed. Shame you couldn't mention evolution.
Lesley Newson at November 2, 2010 9:09 AM
Thanks so much, Lesley.
And actually, as I always try to do, when they were taping me, I credited Robin Dunbar for his research on human brain size and his thinking on how it corresponds to maximum human group size, but you can see the size of the talking bits they use are rather small.
(I used Dunbar's research to come up with my theory that we're rude because we live in societies too big for our brains. I also quote a certain cultural anthropologist you're rather fond of, and thanked him in the back for being so generous in helping me in pointing me to the right research for the book.)
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2010 9:13 AM
Nicely done, Amy! I'm sure that will help book sales immensely!
Patrick at November 2, 2010 9:40 AM
Need to wait until I get home from work to watch this - but for now, Congratulations, AMY!!!!
Feebie at November 2, 2010 10:15 AM
I liked your part of the story, but the following part with interviewer/commentators could have shown a better example by not interrupting each other.
Kennedy at November 2, 2010 12:32 PM
Did you say you're writing a sequel? If so, please include the problem that seems to plague Miss Manners the most - that is, she gets a LOT of letters from people who clearly know little or nothing about her OR manners - letters that say, in effect: "What's the polite way to shake down my 'guests' at the party?" This clueless greed comes both from those expecting wedding gifts and those who just want to hold a party (for any occasion) that happens to be above their means. So, they 'invite' guests, but say in the invitations that they'll have to pay for their own food and entertainment!
As MM said: "If you can't afford champagne, serve punch. If you can't afford punch, serve water. But serve it graciously."
The sad thing is that many little kids grow up surrounded by parents from other families who ENCOURAGE this sort of thing in their OWN children - that is, the former kids get birthday invitations saying exactly which expensive toys would be appreciated, and/or the kids have to pay for their own share of whatever outing the birthday includes. So the parents of the "guests" either have to say "no, you're not going unless YOU want to pay for this shakedown" or they have to give in and then tell their kids later: "When YOU have a birthday party, I'm not letting you do what the 'hosts' did, because that's not hospitality!" (So the poor kids have to have a lackluster party with no expensive entertainment included, to their embarrassment.)
Please understand that I'm not opposed to potluck - just to mooching. From an advice column nearly 4 years ago:
"(Those) who object to potluck dinners should be aware that there is a difference between a dinner that everyone agrees will be shared -- and one to which guests are invited, only to be asked to
supply the hostess's menu. I agree that the latter is inappropriate."
lenona at November 2, 2010 12:33 PM
Well done, Amy!
Too bad there isn't a politeness taser gun. What a fantastic stocking stuffer...
UW Girl at November 2, 2010 1:03 PM
How interesting that you consider yourself the champion of civility when you promote bigotry by linking to Robert Spencer's Jihad Watch and Debbie Schlussel's website. These two "civil" people mock and ridicule a specific ethnic group and religion daily. Spencer is a master in questioning certain individuals' sexuality and resorts to name-calling. You have made sweeping mocking and sarcastic statements about a specific religion. So how is it that you are the shining beacon of civility? I guess we should be civil to white Christians only and not so much to the rest of the world, eh? Your hypocrisy is mind-boggling.
Max at November 2, 2010 1:05 PM
Max, can you point to one single thing at Jihadwatch that is not true? Facts don't cease to be facts simply because you find them irritating. The day christianity starts advocating (and carrying out!) stoning gays, killing women for not acting like hefty bags with no brains, and killing thousands of civilians simply for being another religion, we can talk about hypocricy. Until then, STFU.
momof4 at November 2, 2010 1:11 PM
STFU? Really? So civil. You've been called out on your hypocrisy and your answer is STFU? Did you explain this on the Today show that if don't like criticism you tell people to shut the fuck up? I think you proved my point.
NOTE INSERTED FROM AMY: Max, you seem unaccustomed to blogs, as the STFU comment was not made by me. Note the signature, "momof4." Best to read carefully before making accusations.
Max at November 2, 2010 1:24 PM
Max, I don't find free speech to be uncivil -- in fact, it promotes civilization, which I'm all for. There are people in my blog links that I don't agree with but find interesting. Horrors!
momof4 brings up a great point: Kindly point us to something on jihadwatch that is not factually based.
People who comment here regularly are very clear on what I believe because I'm rather vocal about it.
Here’s the deal. There are two Islams. One is a religion, practiced by many perfectly nice people who have no idea what the Quran says. They are the Muslim version of Christmas Christians.
The others practice Islam as commanded by the Quran: as totalitarianism masquerading as religion.
I’m an atheist, and I think the evidence-free belief in god is silly, but if you want to believe in god, or in numerology or astrology, well, as long as you don’t want to kill me because I don’t think the moon in Capricorn has relevance to my Wednesday, well, have at it.
That’s where my “tolerance” begins and ends.
If you stone women for adultery and gays for being gay, as commanded by Sharia law (and the Hadith — the words and deeds of Mohammed and his close associates), well, that’s something I cannot tolerate, nor should anyone tolerate. Tragically, horribly, here are two teenage boys were were slaughtered for being gay.
http://bit.ly/df0Jtr
Furthermore, it isn’t bigoted to criticize religion; that’s just a convenient way to end all discussion. As Walter Benn Michaels writes in his terrific book, “The Trouble with Diversity: How We Learned to Love Identity and Ignore Inequality,” there’s a difference between prejudice and disagreement:
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2010 1:30 PM
Spencer is a master in questioning certain individuals' sexuality and resorts to name-calling.
Since when?
I read his site regularly and have seen none of this.
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2010 1:32 PM
Max, you are an idiot
1. Amy never said she was a champion of civility.
She said people are rude and shes sick of it - big difference.
2. If you really wanted to debate christian hypocricy(something which Amy sa an atheost does constantly) with momof4 you could have waited a day or two for an apropriate thread to pop up.
If you couldnt wait, rather than coming off as a deranged commenter you could have mentioned american churches giving finacial support to african churches killing homosexuals.
But something tells me you arent the debating type
lujlp at November 2, 2010 2:03 PM
You looked and sounded great Amy- Congratulations on this well deserved national appearance. You came off like a seasoned pro!
Eric at November 2, 2010 4:09 PM
You know, Miss Alkon, if I close my eyes while listening to the clip, you sound like a chatty Midwestern lady, which I guess you are, in an expat sort of way.
Very charming!
Old RPM Daddy at November 2, 2010 5:06 PM
Awesome! You are so poised. If a camera were pointed at me, I would be a stuttering mess!
And Lenona, I agree! I love the letters she always gets that are essentially "How can I make sure my wedding/shower guests get me what I want?" grrrr
sofar at November 2, 2010 5:54 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/02/amy_on_the_toda.html#comment-1775637">comment from sofarAww, thanks! I was actually nervous. The cameraman, who was just wonderful (and who I of course called to thank today) was trying to reassure me by telling me they'd only use 30 seconds or so...which made me worry that I couldn't say stuff compactly enough. I've learned not to think about speaking, just to speak, but that remark made me think about speaking...which made me think I shouldn't think about speaking...and so on, and so on!
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2010 6:06 PM
Great job. Would love to see more of you on TV. And I didn't realize you had an Upper Midwest accent!
Prunella at November 2, 2010 7:06 PM
Very nice Amy. I found out about you years ago and have been a fan ever since.
Jim P. at November 2, 2010 7:16 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/02/amy_on_the_toda.html#comment-1775651">comment from Jim P.Thank you so much!
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2010 7:20 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/02/amy_on_the_toda.html#comment-1775653">comment from PrunellaGreat job. Would love to see more of you on TV. And I didn't realize you had an Upper Midwest accent!
Thanks so much, Prunella. I would love to see more of me on TV, too! Maybe now there will be some chance of getting on Behar, The View, Greg Gutfeld, and other shows. It used to be easier to get on TV, but something changed in the past few years. I was starting to think the only way to get on is to have adulterous sex with a celebrity (which my boyfriend really wouldn't go for).
Upper Midwest accent...hmm...never heard it described that way, but I am from The Motor City.
Amy Alkon at November 2, 2010 7:52 PM
I wouldn't associate an upper Midwest accent with Detroit. It's not like she's from Minnesota, eh?
Amy, your appearance was way too brief. And I agree with Kennedy. I had to laugh that a group discussing civility couldn't get a sentence out without interrupting each other.
I'm still in Beijing. They take rude to a whole new level. Put 20 million people in a city and I guess that's what you get.
AllenS at November 2, 2010 8:45 PM
Great job, Amy! You did outstanding!
Feebie at November 2, 2010 9:03 PM
"Upper Midwest accent...hmm...never heard it described that way, but I am from The Motor City."
Oh, yeah, you do have the accent. Reminded me a little of my relatives in Minnesota and South Dakota, although not quite so pronounced.
Old RPM Daddy at November 3, 2010 4:51 AM
Congrats on making the big time!! Nice segment. It would be great to see you do more television. Maybe you could start by creating and posting some web segments on your blog. Surely, that would catch someone's attention.
sheepmommy at November 3, 2010 10:49 AM
Amy's going to start her own talk show soon, like The View except that it won't be sexist. And we're all going to be panelists.
Patrick at November 3, 2010 1:33 PM
I'm sure they edited the hell out of your original interview but you looked good and sounded good. Gotten any offers from TV? I don't know of any relationship advice shows on TV... I'm sure none like the way you would do it.
Jimmy Mancini at November 18, 2010 6:37 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/02/amy_on_the_toda.html#comment-1784858">comment from Jimmy ManciniAww, thanks -- have had a few TV deals, but they all ended up falling through in the end...an executive died, somebody turned out to be on heroin...hoping to have something work out one of these days!
Amy Alkon at November 18, 2010 10:42 PM
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