The TSA And Your Ass Crack
Jeffrey Goldberg in The Atlantic on the futility in the latest in our loss of privacy at airports, reflected in this conversation he had with a TSA dude. (No, of course, we aren't safer; just a little more worn down in giving up our privacy):
I answered, "If you're a terrorist, you're going to hide your weapons in your anus or your vagina." He blushed when I said "vagina.""Yes, but starting tomorrow, we're going to start searching your crotchal area" -- this is the word he used, "crotchal" -- and you're not going to like it."
"What am I not going to like?" I asked.
"We have to search up your thighs and between your legs until we meet resistance," he explained.
"Resistance?" I asked.
"Your testicles," he explained.
'That's funny," I said, "because 'The Resistance' is the actual name I've given to my testicles."
He answered, "Like 'The Situation,' that guy from 'Jersey Shore?'"
Yes, exactly, I said. (I used to call my testicles "The Insurgency," but those assholes in Iraq ruined the term.)
..."But what about people who hide weapons in their cavities? I asked. I actually said "vagina" again, just to see him blush. "We're just not going there," he reiterated.
I asked him if he was looking forward to conducting the full-on pat-downs. "Nobody's going to do it," he said, "once they find out that we're going to do."
In other words, people, when faced with a choice, will inevitably choose the Dick-Measuring Device over molestation? "That's what we're hoping for. We're trying to get everyone into the machine." He called over a colleague. "Tell him what you call the back-scatter," he said. "The Dick-Measuring Device," I said. "That's the truth," the other officer responded.
Three lessons he takes away from it?
1. The pat-down will not stop dedicated and clever terrorists from smuggling stuff on board up their asses. (When he served as a military policeman in an Israeli army prison, he said many of the prisoners "bangled" contraband up their asses. "I know this not because I checked," he writes, "But because eventually they told me this when I asked."
2. The effectiveness of the pat-downs doesn't matter much "because the obvious goal of the TSA is to make the pat-down embarrassing enough for the average passenger that the vast majority of people will choose high-tech humiliation over the low-tech ball check."
3. That by the time terrorists make it to the airport, it's generally too late to stop them. "Plots must be broken up long before the plotters reach the target," Goldberg writes. "If they are smart enough to make it to the airport without arrest, it is almost axiomatically true that they will be smart enough to figure out a way to bring weapons aboard a plane."
Goldberg blogs about pilots speaking out about the demeaning experience that is the pat-down here.
More on why Goldberg opts out of scanning here:
"People are cows," I say."What do you mean?"
"I mean they'll do whatever the federal government tells them to do," I say.
"How come you don't go through the machine?" he asks me.
I give him several more answers than he expected:
1) I prefer to limit my exposure to radiation, which the back-scatter imager produces;
2) I don't think this new technology will stop terrorism;
3) I find the idea of the government taking pictures of my genitalia a discomfiting invasion of privacy;
4) I find the specific pose a person is forced to take inside the machine -- hands up, as in a mugging -- particularly debasing."Okay," he says, "have a nice flight."
Saw a piece about this via Drudge- some woman who works for the show talked about getting groped, and refusing to let the guy grope her daughters too. She demanded that at least a woman agent be the one to check her girls.
Hubby and I were talking about taking our girls on a trip to somewhere sunny after I finish this semester. Wherever we go, we will be driving. After years of telling my girls to not let anyone grab their girly bits, I'll be damned if I set them up to be sexually assaulted by some douche-nozzle wearing a tin badge.
Juliana at November 7, 2010 10:24 AM
I got felt up in Vegas and it was very offensive how the woman completely groped my breasts. I asked to be allowed to lift my shirt so I wouldn't be touched. They refused to let me.
After years of telling my girls to not let anyone grab their girly bits, I'll be damned if I set them up to be sexually assaulted by some douche-nozzle wearing a tin badge.
Good for you - and well-put. It's disgusting. I feel like the human incarnation of how my dog looks when she's being bathed: wet, helpless, miserable, tail between her legs.
Amy Alkon at November 7, 2010 11:04 AM
For some reason I get flagged for groping every time I fly. I find it very offensive. Now, being pregnant, I'm quite worried about the radiation from the scanners more than my outrage at being felt up, neither of which is an attractive option. Plus, since I'm on Lovenox injections, I bruise quite easily, especially in the area of the injections which the directions state not to rub or pat because it will spread bruising. Lucky me, I got groped on my last trip about an hour after my shot. I ended up with a purple-black bruise across one side of my stomach about the size and shape of a football and it took weeks before it would go away and stop hurting. As a result, I have since refused to travel anywhere I can't drive to in a day and likely will not be flying anytime soon unless I need to go out of the country.
BunnyGirl at November 7, 2010 11:32 AM
How many of you who oppose this have ever uttered the phrase, "There ought to be a law" or started a response with the line "If they have nothing to hide..." Well...those constitutional rights that many people complained 'protected criminals' in the past thirty years turn out to be the same rights that protect EVERYONE. If you have ever slammed an "activist" judge or used one of the above statements, this is your just desserts. If you have voted for those politicians who blindly passed the laws creating this maddness, I can only say one thing: BOHICA..."Bend over, here it comes again..."
For the rest of you who do not fit into the above, welcome to the minority....
Sam Caldwell at November 7, 2010 12:25 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/07/the_tsa_and_you.html#comment-1778490">comment from Sam CaldwellSam, if you've been here before, you'd have seen that I blog frequently about how the passage of laws against everything is a way to trip up people who are exercising their free speech or other vital rights.
Amy Alkon
at November 7, 2010 12:40 PM
And people wonder why I've been avoiding flying since 9/11. It's not the fear factor, I'll tell you that.
Ann at November 7, 2010 12:46 PM
As flying has become more and more onerous, with more hassles at the airport, the distance I am willing to drive has steadily increased. I am now up to 1500 miles each way before I will even consider a plane. Basically I won't fly in the Continental US.
The US carriers are the worst. Stay off of them if at all possible. On the foreign carriers you will get hassled by the TSA on the way out but not on the way back (from Europe or elsewhere) because only the US based carriers can have their arm twisted by the US gov security regulations. I observed this first hand in Rome last year when I was hassled and patted down, with two hours of security (a triple check) to get on an American Airline's flight to DC and my husband, who was on Lufthansa, went through none of it. I think we are getting to the point where the regulations and security will be so onerous that the US carriers will be driven out of the international market because of the extra bullshit they have to go through.
Isabel1130 at November 7, 2010 12:48 PM
Maybe I should just invest in a Ferrari California now, since I may have to travel to St. Louis on business a few times in the coming year. If you watch Top Gear, you'll know that a Ferrari is faster than an airplane any day of the week.
Either that or pop a Viagra before I go to the airport.
brian at November 7, 2010 3:38 PM
Great idea Brian! I have a bit of a Ferrari obsession, but unfortunately a bank account that doesn't support it.
BunnyGirl at November 7, 2010 4:34 PM
"Either that or pop a Viagra before I go to the airport."
Rule 34: if there is an activity, there is an example of sex during that activity on the Internet.
Rule 35: Randall Munroe knows about Rule 34.
Radwaste at November 7, 2010 5:03 PM
The last TSA employee that went into my ass crack has never been heard from again... OK, my ass crack isn't that big... I kid! I kid!
But to the point about how much I hate flying... I avoid it as much as I can. I think I've flown 3-4 times in the last decade.
The long lines, the feeling of being herded like cattle, stuffed into seats that give me about us much room as your typically calf in a veal pen, being poked and prodded, making you take off your shoes and belts, watches, wallets, etc.
Don't I hear all of the time that Israel has a much better system at their airports that involves racial profiling and it works better than our TSA here?
Mark at November 7, 2010 5:03 PM
Sigh... As an employee of a company that builds airplanes, I'm really beginning to see this crap as a threat to my employment. Guess which airlines aren't ordering any new planes?
Cousin Dave at November 7, 2010 5:21 PM
BunnyGirl - I don't have the money for a Ferrari either, but that sound... If there is a God, he sings with that voice.
Just for giggles I was looking on cars.com at Californias and 360 Modenas. What's amazing is that the used 360s have so few miles on them. I mean, these people bought a car that is 160,000-250,000 dollars, AND THEY DON'T DRIVE IT.
I'll tell you, if I had a Ferrari, I'd drive that car as much as possible. And on those days when I couldn't drive it, I'd sit in it and run the engine for a little while.
But rather than taking 10-11 hours to fly to St. Louis (5.5 hour flight, but now you have to get to the airport three hours early, and the airport's an hour drive away, and then on the other end you've gotta get your luggage, your rental car, and get to your destination) I'll spend an extra 6 hours in the car and drive.
At least I know I like my car, and it's set up just how I want it.
brian at November 7, 2010 5:56 PM
And what really sucks: anyone who thinks knows that there will never be a 9/11 type attack again. They may blow planes out of the sky -- but it will be few and far between.
Jim P. at November 7, 2010 6:43 PM
This kind of crap is why I don't fly. If I do fly in the future, I'll go through that scanner fully erect, so that I'll give them something to talk about!
mpetrie98 at November 7, 2010 8:48 PM
Offtopic: Anyone else got a two-day hole in their incoming twitter history, restoring at about 5pm PST sunday?
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at November 7, 2010 10:57 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/07/the_tsa_and_you.html#comment-1778780">comment from Crid [CridComment at gmail]Yep. Something weird was going on.
Amy Alkon
at November 7, 2010 11:24 PM
Radwaste- that was awesome. I think I would demonstrate the woman's version. If I absolutely had to fly somewhere and got groped, I could always pull a Meg Ryan in the deli scene from When Harry Met Sally.
Juliana at November 8, 2010 3:40 AM
After years of telling my girls to not let anyone grab their girly bits, I'll be damned if I set them up to be sexually assaulted by some douche-nozzle wearing a tin badge.
------------
Absolutely! This is disgusting. Bad enough they expect people to submit willingly to a blast of radiation but that they also expect people to sit back and allow themselves to be molested is unconscionable.
In this respect the islamists won when they brought down the towers. I despise the unthinking populous who make trite statements like, "if you have nothing to hide then submit." It is not a matter of hiding something, it is a matter of losing essential human rights like the right to not be subjected to sexual assault by security guards, and the right to not be subjected to a blast of radiation.
Ingrid at November 8, 2010 8:17 AM
> After years of telling my girls to not
> let anyone grab their girly bits, I'll
> be damned if I set them up to be sexually
> assaulted by some douche-nozzle wearing
> a tin badge.
GOOD FOR YOU!
Crid [cridcomment at gmail] at November 8, 2010 8:57 AM
Wow, legalized sexual assault. What will our government think of next, in order to protect us?
Matt at November 8, 2010 9:16 AM
Geez, I better hit the Beano before heading for the airport. With some poor timing, I could be arrested for possession of weapons of ass destruction. Just don't tell Hans Blix, ok?
And for those not wanting to be felt up by TSA, I offer:
I get the same old thing
always no huggee no kissee until I get a wedding ring
my honey my baby don't put my love upon no shelf
she said don't give no lines and keep your hands to yourself
Artist: Georgia Satellites
Song: Keep Your Hands to Yourself
I R A Darth Aggie at November 8, 2010 12:46 PM
Israel is known for having the best security screening while still allowing people to maintain their dignity and health and yet the USA chooses instead to eliminate rights and humiliate people. Not only does it not make sense but it actually is a boon to islamic terrorists because they have won, they have ensured that westerners have lost rights we valued.
Ingrid at November 8, 2010 1:23 PM
Supposedly to make us feel better about being felt up by these TSA creeps, it’ll be a same sex groping. If someone is handling my Johnson I at least want it to be someone of the opposite sex. Is this an unreasonable request?
Roger at November 9, 2010 5:17 AM
If someone is handling my Johnson I at least want it to be someone of the opposite sex.
See, this is another area where men and women differ. If someone is feeling up my girly bits, I want dinner first.
(It's a joke! No men were exploited in the making of this blog comment.)
MonicaP at November 9, 2010 7:21 AM
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