Advice Goddess Free Swim
I ate something that didn't agree with me and I have to go to bed without any blog items (wish I'd tried to go to bed without any supper...!) Anyway, you pick the topics. One link per comment or your comment will be eaten by my spam filter. Want to post a second link? Post a second comment. I should be fine in the morning, and I will post more blog items then.
My prediction -- Packers versus Steelers in the Superbowl. The Bears won't stop Aaron Rogers this weekend, and the Jets will have a rough time with Pittsburgh's defense. There, that's out of my system.
Hope you're feeling better, Miss Alkon!
Old RPM Daddy at January 21, 2011 5:04 AM
Amy:
What's your take on this site - Roissy.wordpress.com?
surfed at January 21, 2011 6:12 AM
I just digitized labyrinth graphics for a friend from his original sketch and now I'm sending them off to CafePress to have a unique mug made.
I find this web-powered world where I can have a single custom-designed item (and so many items to select from) shipped to me to be absolutely wonderful.
Of course Zazzle does the same thing and I saw that Amazon has set up some custom products services now too. Seriously, how cool is that?
BlogDog at January 21, 2011 6:33 AM
Old RPM Daddy, I certainly hope so! My whole family lives in Wisconsin -- and I would hate to see my father cry. Which is what will happen if the Packers don't make the Super Bowl because of "'dem dirty stinkin' Bears."
sofar at January 21, 2011 7:19 AM
Roissy.wordpress.com
I'm not Amy, but let me offer a thought: narcissim is an ugly thing.
Looking at the top posting, Roissy wants what he wants, no less, and I understand that urge. But he needs to find someone with exactly the same wants: to be in a relationship without marriage and without children.
Failing to do that, he blames societal brainwashing as the cause of his failure. He doesn't take into account the biological urges of us "lesser" mortals.
Even I, as much as I am disdainful of marriage as currently practiced, would succumb to the charms of the right woman if she also whispered that she'd like to bear my children.
I R A Darth Aggie at January 21, 2011 7:43 AM
How about this interesting statistical correlation: http://comfortabletruth.blogspot.com/2011/01/fun-chart-of-day.html
cb at January 21, 2011 9:30 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/01/21/advice_goddess_24.html#comment-1826915">comment from I R A Darth AggieI think the Roissy guy is right about many things about human and female nature, but filled with anger and resentment about the way things are. There are a lot of things that don't work out in an ideal way for me, but I'm not filled with rage at them, as he often seems to be.
Amy Alkon at January 21, 2011 9:37 AM
No, Roissy did not blame societal brainwashing. His exact words were "Blame social conditioning or genetic compulsion, it doesn’t matter." All he said was, if a man doesn't want marrriage and children, he'll miss out on some women for whom those things are dealbreakers. This is so obvious a truth that I don't know why he bothered to post it.
(BTW, that post is no longer the top one at the site. It's one down from there.)
Rex LIttle at January 21, 2011 10:23 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/01/21/advice_goddess_24.html#comment-1826933">comment from Rex LIttleI don't want marriage or children, and it meant I missed out on some guys, too. Boo. Hoo.
I'm also an atheist and don't believe in astrology. Etc. Etc.
The greater your requirements for a partner, the harder it will be to find one. Either accept the consequences of that or put out in ways that increase your options.
Amy Alkon at January 21, 2011 10:33 AM
From the Roissy site:
"This may be good for molding a new army of drones to serve the perpetual consumption society"
Groan!
A lot of the stuff he writes about is true but well-known in non-mainstream circles and amongst people who think. But he does seem a little obsessed with the subject. Perhaps because society is so hypocritical about it ... there is this huge gigantic 'lie' about what people claim their nature to be, and the elephant-in-the-room reality of how they really are. But humans seem to be hardwired to collectively sweep gigantic truths almost completely under the carpet; every generation has its 'big lies' that we're all supposed to comply in covering up.
Lobster at January 21, 2011 10:54 AM
"Groan!"
Should've also read "(rolls eyes)" there.
Lobster at January 21, 2011 10:55 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/01/21/advice_goddess_24.html#comment-1826971">comment from Lobster"This may be good for molding a new army of drones to serve the perpetual consumption society" Groan!
Indeed.
Amy Alkon at January 21, 2011 11:07 AM
Why do so many governments have set-ups where they can easily collapse or be dissolved? It seems impractical, what if it happened and then there was a crisis?
NicoleK at January 21, 2011 12:00 PM
Very silly blog. A desire for marriage is hardly the creation of the mass media... show me a single civilization (not some tiny obscure tribe) where the majority of women don't want marriage.
NicoleK at January 21, 2011 12:08 PM
I'd read through Roissy's site a while back and he just seemed to be recycling the same three or four rants ad nauseum. Whatever useful observations he has are lost to his vindictiveness towards women and his general cynicism about dating and relationships. He's a guy who, at about 40, is still fixated on bagging young girls and whether they perceive him as an 'alpha' or a 'beta'. I suspect that many of his problems come from his outlook, and basic immaturity. If you see all women as conniving whores, and approach them that way, you're probably going to end up attracting a lot of conniving whores.
jerome at January 21, 2011 2:42 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/01/21/advice_goddess_24.html#comment-1827100">comment from jeromeAgree, Jerome. Not every man is going to want me, and many are just going to want to use me. This is true of humans, not just men. To feel resentful about human nature isn't productive. It's helpful to be able to look, in a clearheaded way, at who you meet and who you bring into your life, so you have a partner who enhances your life.
Amy Alkon at January 21, 2011 3:24 PM
Roissy is the Dave Kingman of men's issues bloggers. Nine out of ten times he strikes out; the tenth time he hits a home run.
Cousin Dave at January 21, 2011 3:45 PM
By the way, there's been a lot of posturing about a "more civil tone" in politics lately... Well, here's your freakin' more civil tone. Someone that I used to regard as a friend sent me this on Facebook.
Cousin Dave at January 21, 2011 3:48 PM
Roissy is the Dave Kingman of men's issues bloggers. Nine out of ten times he strikes out; the tenth time he hits a home run.
Agree on Roissy. There is stuff of value on his site -- it's just that all the bile tends to get in the way.
Amy Alkon at January 21, 2011 4:30 PM
I dont see the guy as full of rage, I do see the anger and resentment though, I'd add that he seems petulant as well.
Ofcourse I dont think most people really know what rage is either, aside from thinking is just a little bit more than angry
lujlp at January 21, 2011 7:25 PM
I don't want marriage or children, and it meant I missed out on some guys, too. Boo. Hoo. - Amy
I don't want children....unfortunately that means I miss out on nearly all gals.
I was chat with a local barista just this week while she wiped the place down. She is 30. She said her sister was causing problems because the sister was jealous that she could do what she wants because she doesn't have kids. I remarked she (at 30) was the oldest single woman I know. (I realized later that may not be true.) She stopped and thought about and said she didn't know any girls without kids older than her either. Then she added at party a friend of a friend had asked her if she was infertile or something. She noted she had no problem finding guys that were OK with not having kids.
The Former Banker at January 21, 2011 9:13 PM
She stopped and thought about and said she didn't know any girls without kids older than her either
You must live in the Heartland or something.
The problem that I've found is that - no offense to Amy - the only women worth considering for a LTR or marriage at that age want kids. The ones that don't usually have traits that make them unsuitable as partners.
leon at January 22, 2011 7:11 AM
Roissy seems to think only women want marriage and children. I know lots of dudes who want those things as much as (or more than) the women I know. I've had more than one guy break up with me over the kid thing. Most people want marriage and kids. If you don't, your dating pool is diminished. As Amy noted -- Boo. Hoo.
Former Banker -- where do you live where the oldest unmarried woman is 30? 1954?
Gail at January 22, 2011 7:19 PM
"traits that make them unsuitable as partners"
such as? what sort of traits do you consider make someone suitable/unsuitable as a partner?
Gail at January 22, 2011 7:21 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/01/21/advice_goddess_24.html#comment-1827822">comment from GailI've had more than one guy break up with me over the kid thing.
Me, too. At a time when I was online dating, I believe I eventually made it clear in my profile that:
1. I had no interest in marrying
2. I had no interest in having children
3. I don't believe in god, astrology, past lives, etc.
Amy Alkon at January 22, 2011 7:41 PM
Nope...not Heartland. West coast. Just not in San Fran, LA, Seattle or Portland.
Past 30, the women who don't want kids and don't have kids that I have met generally have some serious issues or fertility issues. One that now has a stepchild told she was abused by her first husband and wouldn't risk having a kid with anyone - neither did she date for like 10 years. Another - the one I thought of later who is also about 30 - has said because of what has happened in her family she will never marry or have kids. I keep hoping to find a good one.
The Former Banker at January 22, 2011 7:42 PM
Former Banker -- where do you live where the oldest unmarried woman is 30? 1954? -- Gail
Oops...sorry. What I wrote really was not clear - bordering on being mis-stated.
What I should have said is that I don't know any available single straight women that live local to me over the age of about 31.
I know of some single mothers and I know of non-mother married women... and I have know some lesbian women who are not married and don't have kids past 30.
One pattern that I have heard of ... and personal observation makes it look true ... women who want to be carrier women move to the big city.
The Former Banker at January 22, 2011 8:15 PM
When I made it clear I didn't want kids on my online profile I had no responses in six months.
The Former Banker at January 22, 2011 8:17 PM
When I made it clear I didn't want kids on my online profile I had no responses in six months.
Having passed on the online dating: Is/Was there an option to say I'm not interested in having my own kids vs. I can deal with "You have kids from a previous relationship."
When I started with me ex-gf -- I was totally scared of kids. Now I miss her kids as much as I miss her. Not heartbreaking -- but they were part of my life.
Jim P. at January 22, 2011 9:07 PM
"such as? what sort of traits do you consider make someone suitable/unsuitable as a partner?"
I had an ex-gf who didn't want kids, and was also actually frequently quite a bitch. I mean that in an objective way, she really was (so why did I stay with her, well in short because I was in love, she had a jekyll/hide personality i.e. really sweet side too, and she was HOT).
That said, I can't see any reason though why one should be able to make any generalizations about women who don't want children. They are probably in the minority though, which means 'smaller pool to draw from', which implies statistically lower chances of hitting 'quality', which in turn may lead to a false conclusion that women who don't want children are lower quality.
What I have noticed though is that the vast majority of women I've ever seen claim they don't want children, decided they did want children later on. I think some genetic thing kicks in as you get older. I remember once arguing with my sister, she was even adamant and emphatic that she would never, ever, ever want kids. A year later she had one, now she has two.
Lobster at January 23, 2011 4:53 AM
'Having passed on the online dating: Is/Was there an option to say I'm not interested in having my own kids vs. I can deal with "You have kids from a previous relationship."'
I used to often peruse (though never used) online dating profiles when I was single, and they had the question "Want kids: Yes/No/Maybe". The majority selected "maybe", so you can't actually tell. It's also a bit of a cop-out and allows you to keep more options open; saying 'maybe' allows you to mitigate that natural fear of 'what if I find the perfect person but they disagree with me on that one "small" thing', or people think 'maybe I can talk them into wanting kids, so I don't want to put anyone off'.
Lobster at January 23, 2011 4:57 AM
What I have noticed though is that the vast majority of women I've ever seen claim they don't want children, decided they did want children later on. I think some genetic thing kicks in as you get older.
Word! My first wife was in perfect agreement with me about not having kids when she married me at 22. Seven years later, her biological alarm clock went off and she insisted she wanted one. Since I still didn't, we fought about that for another seven years until finally splitting up.
Amy somehow avoided this phase, but she's definitely in the minority.
Rex Little at January 23, 2011 10:30 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/01/21/advice_goddess_24.html#comment-1828260">comment from Rex LittleDepends on the woman, too. I have a craving to have chocolate cake for breakfast, but I'm not going to eat it, because I'll feel like crap and ultimately get fat if I eat it daily. I never felt the biological urge to have a child, but I have an intellectually decided belief that it's the wrong thing for me because I have no interest in dropping everything to wipe the nose of another, etc., etc. My children are the things I write. And those things don't need private school or rehab and will never crash my car.
Amy Alkon at January 23, 2011 10:34 AM
What I have noticed though is that the vast majority of women I've ever seen claim they don't want children, decided they did want children later on.
I agree. That has been my experience also.
The Former Banker at January 23, 2011 2:20 PM
When I got married I had two choices. A 28 year old nurse who had no kids and said she didn't want any--she was hot, and a 38 year old doctor who already had two kids and who had been fixed--good in bed. I chose the doctor. I knew she wouldn't have anymore kids. I figured the nurse would want to get pregnant soon. Women are crazy when they are pregnant and/or have newborn kids.
I have not regretted my choice. A happy man.
ken at January 23, 2011 7:02 PM
"such as? what sort of traits do you consider make someone suitable/unsuitable as
Such as being a lesbian.
Also a lot of women that I've met who are in their 30's and don't want kids, are also 'independent' in a way that makes it hard to have a relationship with them. They're either very focused on something else, like their career, or eccentric in a way that would make it difficult to live with them. Then you have some that have real problems, or they're too 'hard', or way too picky and demanding.
I'm just saying that the women who want to settle down with a man, tend to want kids as well.
leon at January 23, 2011 8:34 PM
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