I just wanted to note that being in daycare/pre-school at that age was precisely how my son was potty trained. Peer pressure.

There has to be more to this story. I can't believe the child performed at home and then forgot everything at school. Usually, once they learn that's it bc nobody likes to be wet or dirty. Most kids do have occasional accidents, but five days in a row is problem. The parents are also lying when they said they didn't know the accident rules. BS! This is the first thing the pre-school admin go over with you.

Like any other form of discipline, potty training is a lot of hard work and takes time. Sounds to me like Zoe's mom was ready to get out of the house and back to work. There are lots of parents who show up at the schoolhouse door with a kid who is not ready and just cross their fingers and hope it all works out. The child ends up paying the price.

Since you asked for a line, mine would be diapers or underwear. It's a big deal to handle pampers. Walking a kid into the bathroom and handing her an extra set of clothes, not so much.

But going into Ivy League pre-school, I think you have to expect them to be on the rigid side with developmental issues like thumb sucking, breast feeding, pacifiers, and potty training. And I'm OK with them having high standards since this is Montessori in Arlington Virgina and thus, one day this kid will be writing our laws.

Some schools require kids at a certain age to be potty trained. Some don't. Know your kid, and find the right school. Seems easy enough. I have kids that trained after 3, and kids that trained before 2. Means absolutely nothing, except the need to find the right school.

Our kindergarten required a change of clothes be in the backpack, just in case. Occasional accidents-esp when someplace busy and exciting-are normal. Daily-that's just not being ready to be trained yet.

I can see both sides of this, and understand the school's need to have a policy like that in place. Teachers are there to teach, especially with $800+ a month tuition (?!?!). There are places with more lenient policies, and it was probably better for everyone involved that they ultimately put the kid in an appropriate place. But the teacher shouldn't have shamed the kid in front of everyone, especially at that age, when accidents are completely normal. Making her self-conscious and anxious about her training is not going to help in the long run.

If the kid was placed in a program she wasn't ready for, Rhys the fault of her parents. But the school handled it badly, as far as I can tell.

WTF is Rhys? Auto correct will be the death of me, I swear...

Almost all problems with kids can be traced back to their parents, unless the kids are disabled or sociopaths.

I see this when I visit the public schools.
When kids used to misbehave, when I was growing up, parents made sure they straightened you out when you got home. Now the parents blame the teachers.
Parents won't take responsibility.
When kids without disabilities are having problems, the first place they should look is the parents. There are a lot of shit bag parents out there.

The parent is being ridiculous in their outrage here. Some pre-schools allow kids who aren't fully potty-trained (and charge more for them) and some require kids be fully potty trained. You just pick the school that works for your kid's needs, no big deal. You know the rules of the school when you sign up, and if your kid doesn't meet the requirements, of course they have to leave. I think in CA at least, preschools need to have a different level of certification or license if they're going to change diapers, so in some cases, it's really the school just following the regulations. But come on, just find a pre-school that does allow for potty-training. No need for the drama!

This, BTW, is one of Dr. Rosemond's biggest peeves.

That is, he considers it one of the worst insults to a child's intelligence NOT to have it toilet trained in a no-nonsense but matter-of-fact way by the age of two at the latest.

Definite Ms. Alkon-oriented article:

http://www.city-journal.org/2011/21_1_teen-pregnancy.html

Great mag. Great article.

I haven't read the article, but the kid could have been potty trained but stressed at this preschool hence the accidents.

I like Dr. Rosemond's results although as a parent I find some of his methods a little hard-ass. I was a bigger fan of his methods before I had children.

If she didn't know the policy, it's because she chose not to. My kid's not old enough for preschool yet, and I am already familiar with the potty training policies at the schools we're interested in.

Dr. Rosemond has been a hard-ass for a long time. As well he should be. Press on.

I am a "friend of a friend" of the parent in question. The Mom did know about the rules, because before she even went to the preschool, my friend was telling me that the Mom was frantically trying to get her potty-trained.The real issue was that the Mom wanted to "lock" in her spot at this particular immersion school for kindergarten. I remember this conversation occurred in August. Later, she told me that teacher was very cruel about the accidents, and loudly discussed it in front of other parents and children. She was basically warned and sent on a "mini-vacation" to try to become potty-trained. This occurred more recently( December, I think). Now that she has been "expelled", there are no guarantees that she can return. Most childcare "preschools" are very open to "child-ready" potty training at 3 and 4 years. Public schools that host preschools-not so much. I do feel for the Mom and daughter. My children attend a fabulous program that moves children based on mental progress, not potty training.

My sister who works in child care would laugh at this - she's cleaned up more accidents than any of us have had hot dinners. From both ends. And it generally all happens at once - GI infections travel fast through a group of under 5s that spend all day every day together.

Most childcare "preschools" are very open to "child-ready" potty training at 3 and 4 years. Public schools that host preschools-not so much.

Doesn't surprise me Lucy. The schools would be looking at it from their normal perspective, which at 3 is just too early for those sorts of expectations. On the child care side they're used to it. There was certainly no need for the teacher to be a bitch about it. I hope it works out.

Hell, I'm 37 and still have the occasional drinking related accident :)

All people are not qualified for all situations

I agree, in that teachers have no business dealing with 3 year olds. If they can't deal with potty training issues they shouldn't be there.

I don't feel bad for the mother at all. I used to work with kids that age and nobody wants to clean up shit.

Of course, why strangers have to deal with this in the first place in another matter. After working there, I figured I wouldn't bother having kids if strangers would be raising them anyway.

A school's potty training rules are stated for a reason. If a child isn't meeting the requirements at a certain age, the parents should wait until they do to before admitting them. However, it's a rather rigid rule for a 3 year old... I don't think I would be using that pre-school.