Interview With The Bullied Boy Who Fought Back
My original blog item on it here. Here he is talking about what happened, and being bullied in general, on Aussie TV:
On the original entry, commenter Joe posted:
What victims need to know is that they're on their own, and that the cavalry ain't coming, and that attacks must be met with violence, it's the only thing that keeps a bully in check.
Unfortunately, that's unrealistic. My reply:
My dad had to go to junior high and talk to the principal. As far as attacks being met with violence, that really isn't doable when you are much smaller than the people attacking you and when you're just one girl and they're five girls against you. Okay, I guess I could've taken martial arts. Maybe by high school, I would've been able to flip one of them over my head.
An excerpt from something I wrote about bullying (where it was possible threats were being made to the kid as well):
Per the world's foremost researcher on bullying, Dr. Dan Olweus, the most effective response isn't replying to bullies but disengaging from them: First copy the threats, then unfriend all the threateners. You don't call the bully's parents, which may make things worse. You report the bullying to school officials, and report threats to police.
This kid in Australia got duct-taped to a pole at one point. Heartbreaking.
It's also why, when I give I See Rude People talks, and people ask me about how people raise their kids these days, I note that at the root of manners is empathy, and emphasize how essential it is to teach kids to be kind.
Thanks for posting this. It breaks my heart to know that this nice kid has suffered every day of his school life. I hope it all works out for him and that his life will improve after this. He should look into joining the wrestling team.
Sheepmommy at March 21, 2011 10:10 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/03/21/interview_with.html#comment-1947089">comment from SheepmommyI hope this reminds parents to urge their kids to be kind. I find that parents I respect as people tend to have kids who behave in wonderful ways (not always, of course -- kids can all be little shits at times, when told to go to bed, etc.) But, my friend Sergeant Heather's little girl took the bullied girl under her wing and then got crap from other girls for it, but stood up to them. Loved hearing about that.
Amy Alkon at March 21, 2011 10:22 AM
I'm still disgusted with the school for suspending Casey. It almost seems as if they're punishing him for pointing out the school's deficiency.
"Oh, no! Casey showed the world that we let our kids get bullied and we don't do anything about it! PUNISH THE BASTARD!"
Because I guarantee you they knew what was going on. Unless they're on dope or something, you don't have a kid being harassed for years and years and not a single teacher be aware of it.
Call it a guilty pleasure, but I'd like to see an interview with the stupid punk who got bodyslammed. I have to say, it must be rough having the entire world know that you thought you were going to be hot shit and literally got put in your place. Now let me contemplate how much I don't feel sorry for him.
Patrick at March 21, 2011 11:07 AM
To me, bullying is a major epidemic in schools today. I talk to my almost 12 year son how important it is to talk about the goings-on at school. He has these small issues with a boy at his middle school, and I've talked to the dean once at the beginning of the year, and now this boy physically shoved my son, so I've talked to her again. I told her that I am on record complaining about this boys behavior for the 2nd time, which is horrendous. This time, assault is involved. If they don't take care of it, and it happens again, the distric, the press and the police will be called in. We need to stand up for these kids!! NOW!!
Tracy at March 21, 2011 11:11 AM
Girls bully differently. For instance, the mean girls might sit and pass notes back and forth that say cruel things about the one they wish to ostracize. They will be blatant about it, and make sure the notes are passed in plain view of the person and that she sees what is written about her. But then what can she do? Go tattle to the teacher? If she even says something to the bullies, they'll just tell her to mind her own business and stop reading other people's notes.
Perversely, if you are a bullied kid, you don't want to hang out with other bullied kids. You desperately want to have friends and have them be the popular kids, to keep yourself from being bullied. I totally believe Heather's little girl took crap for hanging out with a bullied kid. Generally, if you are bullied and see someone else getting bullied, you're just glad it's not you this time.
Strange how the social circles in school are just like those in prison.
Pirate Jo at March 21, 2011 11:14 AM
Casey's school is behind the times, I have to say. Most schools now treat bullies for what they are: criminals.
Patrick at March 21, 2011 11:27 AM
Thanks for posting this Amy. I have been wondering whats been going on with Casey since then.
Patrick... I agree with you 100%. I call bullshit that they didn't know it was happening. How the hell did they not know? At one point, apparently, HE WAS DUCT TAPED TO A POLE! How does that happen and no one knows about it!?
I too would like to see the interview with the bully. I'd like to see how he's changed, if he's changed, and how his parents are dealing with it.
Sabrina at March 21, 2011 11:28 AM
Hey Amy - it's DUCT tape - used to repair air conditioning ducts.
DUCKS have nothing to do with it.
Ben David at March 21, 2011 12:25 PM
Not to be nit-picky, Ben David, but there IS a brand of DUCT tape called DUCK tape! It even comes in a variety of colors:
http://www.duckbrand.com/Products/duck-tape.aspx
Flynne at March 21, 2011 12:37 PM
First, the most effective way to deal with a bully is what Casey did. Fight back. I was bullied relentlessly until I started dropping people. All of a sudden, nobody wanted to fuck with me any more.
I won't say it made me popular, and I was never interested in that anyhow. I just wanted to be left alone. The only way to get that was to put a few people on the floor.
I'll guarantee you that the bully in this story is a bit more humble now. Getting beat down will do that to a person.
And Ben, you're wrong. It's called "duck tape" because it is made from a kind of gauze called "cotton duck" that is saturated with a vinyl resin and coated with an outer layer of PVC. It's actually completely useless for ductwork as it can't tolerate high temperature and is flammable.
Duct tape is made of aluminum and uses a different (high-temperature) adhesive.
brian at March 21, 2011 12:51 PM
And Ben, you're wrong.
Not according to the Duck Tape people:
http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/duckvsduct.html
kishke at March 21, 2011 1:09 PM
I have to disagree with this:
"...As far as attacks being met with violence, that really isn't doable when you are much smaller than the people attacking you and when you're just one girl and they're five girls against you. Okay, I guess I could've taken martial arts.... "
Bullies, especially those that run in packs, are cowards at heart. The best way to handle such a situation is 1) pick out the leader and 2) hurt him or her. Punch a nose, kick a knee, kick a crotch, and the rest will scatter for fear they'll be next.
Of course I'm talking about physical bullying here, not the saying-mean-things-on-facebook variety.
Mark D at March 21, 2011 1:53 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/03/21/interview_with.html#comment-1947974">comment from kishkeI actually tweeted "duct," and thanks, Kishke...I knew about that, but people assume "duck" is wrong, so I try to remember to use "duct." This was a case of being on deadline today and tired from waking up at 5 a.m. I was talking with the woman who edits me about this last night -- about sometimes typing "do" for "due" or vice versa, when I'm tired. I think it comes from the part of my brain that's good with puns, so I don't really mind.
Amy Alkon at March 21, 2011 1:59 PM
Casey is so down to earth and decent, with intelligence in his eyes and his head firmly attached. I hope this is truly a pivitol moment for him and that he realizes, as he says, that school doesn't last forever. Ultimately, he's got what it takes to succeed in life. Hat's off to ya mate.
Just a Guy at March 21, 2011 2:15 PM
The bully is speaking out.
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/special-reports/bully-victim-casey-haynes-faces-more-torment-after-tv-interview/story-fn85r9s4-1226025638081
sara at March 21, 2011 2:16 PM
Thanks for sharing it, Sara. Trying to be objective here, but I'm having trouble believing his side of things. Given Casey's history of passivity, I don't believe that Casey provoked the confrontation.
Also, Ritchard is striking as "not too bright." Take this memorable gem, for instance:
"'If I'd snapped my neck I could've die and got paralysed in a wheelchair,' he said."
Sure is heartbreaking to see dead people paralyzed in a wheelchair, isn't it?
Patrick at March 21, 2011 2:39 PM
@Kishke - According to Ermey from Mail Call, it was never settled that the name came from the waterproof aspect of the tape, but from the fabric instead.
Either way, it's still not "duct" tape, because it's not heat resistant.
brian at March 21, 2011 2:43 PM
So, let this be a lesson to all you bullies out there! Don't push people too far, or else they'll pick you up and bodyslam you!
In fact, I think they're making a movie about it now! "Invasion of the Bodyslammers!"
And then you might have a snapped neck and died, then paralyzed in a wheelchair! Wouldn't you just hate to be a dead paralytic in a wheelchair???
(Did I mention I'm having fun with this?)
Patrick at March 21, 2011 2:50 PM
Ritchard seems a little, for lack of a better word.... ~ahem~ "chromosomey".
I don't doubt that he himself was bullied, but he was given two choices after such experience, and he chose poorly. I was bullied, but never picked on anyone else lower than me in the pecking order. Believe you me, there weren't that many to choose from, either.
Juliana at March 21, 2011 3:15 PM
When asked if he's sorry, he says no, then looks off-camera, where someone obviously prompts him to say yes. Hilarious.
kishke at March 21, 2011 3:21 PM
Regarding what we should be teaching kids:
The late GWTW actress, Butterfly McQueen, was once asked what she thought of gay people. She said:
"The only thing I want to know is whether the person is kind or unkind."
Moving on: Dr. Rosemond has said that children are born narcissists, which is just one reason we should not be sentimental about them, never mind make them the center of anyone's universe - even if you're a housewife! (He once said that in all likelihood, when a baby first opens its eyes and sees the world, its first thought is: "Wow! Look what I created!") He's also said that the "terrible twos" are nothing more than a child's horror at realizing that it is no longer the undisputed boss of the parents. ("How dare they!") Which, of course, is why it's so important to make the child make the transition as quickly as possible so it can get used to revolving around adults - and putting their wishes first - instead of the other way around.
lenona at March 21, 2011 3:48 PM
If you want something done right, do it yourself.
When I was bullied the only thing that ever worked was fighting back. I didn't have to win, and yes you should expect to get punished (suspended or whatever)....but WELL WORTH IT.
The handful of times I had the courage to ball my fist and punch my agressor was really all that was needed to lastingly end my torment. AMAZING.
The years and years I spent complaining and reporting to parents, teachers and authorities...fucking worthless. Plus it ingrains in you the habits of dependence and inability.
Conventional wisdom is so often, so stunningly exactly the opposite of what is actually true.
No one in life really cares about you...but you. No one in life really knows what you want and is willing to do what is necessary to get it...but you. For gods sake people start standing up for yourselves both in thought and deed.
peter at March 21, 2011 3:57 PM
Yeah, that boy (the bully from the original) is lying his butt off in the interview sara linked. I mean:
"I don't know why (I punched him) because I was just really pissed off at him ... giving me mouth.''
Please. First off, why would you have friends pulling out their phone to video it (while egging you on) and second, it was very clear from that video that he was not reacting to Casey, but was in fact, the aggressor. He's definitely being/been told what to say.
Miguelitosd at March 21, 2011 4:16 PM
The years and years I spent complaining and reporting to parents, teachers and authorities...fucking worthless. Plus it ingrains in you the habits of dependence and inability.
The problem is the system. If you're going to stick your kid into what basically amounts to a system of incarceration for thirteen years, this is the kind of crap they're going to have to deal with. I don't know how much the parents, teachers, or authorities really CAN do. So don't stick your kid in a prison system in the first place.
Pirate Jo at March 21, 2011 4:26 PM
Patrick, good one.
I am imagining a zombie in a wheel chair...
brains!..brains!...Hey, could somebody push me here?..brains!
Or an ad for the scooter store.
The Former Banker at March 21, 2011 4:44 PM
"Bullies, especially those that run in packs, are cowards at heart. The best way to handle such a situation is 1) pick out the leader and 2) hurt him or her. Punch a nose, kick a knee, kick a crotch, and the rest will scatter for fear they'll be next."
Yeah, thing with bullies, they want easy targets. So even if you are smaller, if you consistently try fight back, even if you lose each time, they will usually rather go look for someone who doesn't fight back.
Lobster at March 21, 2011 5:08 PM
I've never been one to get into fights, and yet I can't help but agree that teaching a kid to defend himself probably isn't the worst thing. Sometimes you have to bloody a few noses to get them to back off. Unfortunately it seems like the bullying tactics have gotten much nastier since I was a kid. Everyone talks about the kid that was picking on Casey, but what about the other punks who stood there watching and videotaped the whole thing? Talk about a bunch who need to be taught empathy.
JonnyT at March 21, 2011 9:07 PM
JohnnyT, my husband and I were talking about that too. We want to know what happened to the kids who egged on the bully, and the kid who recorded it. I would think the "no tolerance" policy would include punishing EVERYONE who was invovled, whether directly or indirectly, with the incident.
Sab rina at March 22, 2011 4:40 AM
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