I'm a guy, but count me as one who thinks a gentleman should leave room for a lady to say no with some grace.

Here's the dude who thought it would be cool to propose in front of thousands at a basketball game - and ended up being walked off the court, humiliated, by a stupid mascot in a suit. But I really felt sorry for the girl. Who wants to be put in such a spot?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOxgiTtfHEY

Hahahahaha! Thanks for that link Kevin.

I'm with you. Whenever I see a video of a turn down like this, I only feel bad for the women who are put in such an awkward position. The guy got what he deserved.

I thought it was understood that the correct approach was to feign enthusiasm and enthusiastically say YES...saving face for both you and your bf.

Turn them down in private immediately after.

Everything you do in public is first a performance...like it or not. Therefore...PERFORM!

Agree with Kevin. Whether the guy is trying to exert pressure or has good intentions, it's an awful thing to do to someone. Even in front of family etc - in fact that could be worse than in public.

The subject of the tweet gets doubleplusungood points for choosing a food court. Classy.

As for the bball proposal, I would think BEFORE proposing, a gentleman has an idea of what the lady will say. In today's world, I just don't see how you propose without having discussed marriage and what both parties want first.

Back to the original question, my fiance knew any sort of public proposal would horrify me. So, on a cold night before one of the last trains left the station and after ensuring any passers-by had moved one, he got down on one knee and proposed on the the very same bridge where we had our first kiss. So romantic and sweet.

I think public proposals are appalling and would be horrified (even if I would say yes) to be proposed to like that. However, from what I've seen of brides lately many would love it, expect it indeed as just part of the wonderful show that is MY WEDDING!!!

If things are uncertain, the public proposal can be a little dicey. OTOH, if you're sure of the answer, a little imagination is okay. My wife is a comic book nerd, and my hometown has a 10' statue of a troll under one of the sewer grate on the river walk. I proposed to her above it, and as a bonus had a photog friend hiding and memorializing the moment. It worked out pretty well.

Evidence

I suppose it would matter more if I was ecstatic he was asking or not. My preference would be for privacy though, even for THE proposal. I am not a showy public girl. SOme women are. Maybe they met at the food court? I would hope by proposal time the man has a good idea of whether his beloved wants a show, or privacy, and asks accordingly.

My ideal proposal would have been at this place in the Rockies- I think at Vail?-that does gourmet winter picnics for 2, even building the table out of snow. Or anywhere outdoors, really. Alone.

I've actually seen a guy dress up like Fabio, ride up on a white horse, get down on one knee, and beg a woman to marry him. It was like watching a Harlequin Romance version of Robin Hood, Men in Tights.

I think Hawkins is quite wrong. These squishy men don't do it to pressure the woman but to cater to her. Lots of women have a "princess" complex.

Private would be better for me, but it depends on the girl, and many would just love a big damned show. A man should know his fiancee-to-be better than anyone.

I agree with Peter: I could never humiliate a guy by turning him down in front of thousands of people. I'd say yes for the audience and then tell him as soon as we were alone that I did it to be polite--we're not getting married.

Matt: So romantic. :)

I would hope that, regardless of the setting, the guy would have a pretty good idea of how the lady would react. Still, I agree that the public setting is probably a bad idea, especially if you lack social skills (I'm thinking of Danny Aiello in Moonstruck).

And a really, really public proposal could be a disaster for lots of people, as I heard a comedian relating on the radio (don't remember who it was). Seems that a fellow proposed to his lady at a baseball game by hiring an airplane to fly a banner over the stadium while they sat in the stands. Trouble was, they had fairly common names, so that when they saw the message, "Julie, will you marry me? -- Tim," every Tim who brought a Julie to the ball game that night was in real trouble...

Any fellow that proposed to me in a public manner like that would definitely get a no and probably ditched, too. I am a private person and I don't want my business out in everybody's face.

The worst thing you could do to Gregg would be to give him a public anything. Surprise party? He'd rather have a surprise prostate exam.

Matt, that is super-sweet!

This one, sent to me by @ChoochNation on Twitter, is pretty great:

http://mashable.com/2011/05/19/elaborate-marriage-proposal/

Amy, that was an awesome video! And if it were me, I probably would've said yes, too! But it was quite obvious that both parties really dig each other, so it went over well. If she wasn't so receptive, it wouldn't have gone over that well at all!

That said, I'm not one of those who would want a proposal like that, I don't think. Unless my current BF pulled a stunt like that. Then I'd be all "oh HELLS yeah!"

I think that perhaps attention-loving princesses might enjoy public proposals, but many women would be overwhelmed. I have been witness to a public proposal that did not go well at all.

My husband proposed to me in the parking lot of the restaurant where we had our first date. Privately.

I don't think it is done in Japan, and neither of us are public people.

I was just worried that she really wouldn't understand what I was asking, or would do the face saving "I don't understand" because you won't ever get a "no." "Maybe" means "no." "I'll think about it" means "no." "Well" means "maybe" or "I'll think about it" or "no." That one depends on the accent, and the situation... Or she'd force me to ask her in Japanese, and it's just a little too abrupt to ask directly...

Cultural differences are fun, but terrifying and fraught with minefields.

Thanks, Amy and IP. She kinda like it.

Proposals in a public place are fine with me, especially if it has sentimental value (see: Matt's AWESOME proposal) -- but one involving choreography, audience participation, and, worst of all, EITHER one of our families would make me super uncomfortable.

...it would be like a surprise party. I share Gregg's loathing of them. So much awkwardness. So much pressure to be happy about something you HATE.

Wait, you're the Matt who did it? Wow, awesome!

Look at it from the man's side. He is very passionate about his girlfriend and wants everyone to know. He's really, really into you. This is not to say the girlfriend must answer yes or else, but you should understand the guy is not being an unthinking selfish jerk.

A jumbotron sporting event proposal is probably tacky now but works if the girlfriend is as much a sports fan. A recent video online has a boyfriend produce a movie trailer his girlfriend sees in the movie theater. That was cool. Many years ago, there was a video of a girlfriend waiting for her boyfriend at an airport. As the passengers walked through the gate, each one handed the girlfriend a flower. When she had a bouquet, the boyfriend was the last to pass through the gate and proposed. That was romantic.

He is very passionate about his girlfriend and wants everyone to know.

Fine. He can tell everyone in excruciating detail - after she says yes. In private.

I thought it was understood that the correct approach was to feign enthusiasm and enthusiastically say YES...saving face for both you and your bf.

Does anyone remember that video of the proposal in Washington Square park (IIRC) about a year ago, with the big dance number and singing, and signs. It was set to some top 40 dance song at the time. The guy enlisted about twenty people and surprised his girlfriend with this super elaborate showy proposal. It was like 15 minutes long. Honestly when I saw it, I was surprised that he wasn't proposing to another guy.

Well that's apparently what happened. She said yes at the moment but then broke up with him later. She looked totally uncomfortable in the video and kept hiding her face. Her body language was all wrong, and you could tell that she wanted to get out of there. I don't blame her because that proposal seemed to be all about him showing everybody that he was the best latently gay fabulous boyfriend evaaaaah!

When I asked my wife if I should propose, she said "don't bother" as we both knew that I would ask and that she would say yes. I did try to surprise her by getting a ring, but her mother had told her that I would not come without one.

I did see a video in which a "friend" played a "practical joke" on a guy by arranging for the "will you marry me" message when the guy and his girl friend were at a baseball game. Results can be left to the imagination.

The son of a neighbor asked his wife via message board at a "Sports Zone" but they both knew that it was coming and that she would say yes.

The son of a friend (she had 14 amazing kids) went in collusion with his GF's boss. GF was sent to a "conference" in Cali for work (on boyfriend's dime secretely) and the directions to the convention center took her to a rented private yacht, where he was standing with roses ring etc. Then they went for a cruise. That's an awesome proposal.

Right, Momof4?? Now, ,i>that's my kind of proposal!

>>"I would hope that, regardless of the setting, the guy would have a pretty good idea of how the lady would react."

Seriously, right? How do you have a relationship ready for marriage if you haven't talked about it first!

I, for one, would've been fine with a public proposal from my sweetie. He opted for a private one (with the coolest, geekiest prop), for the record. I think some of these are a little insane-o (the choreographed dance number, for one), but I like that the guys put so much thought into this stuff. Let's face it, you can't just throw together a public proposal. It's sweet that they put that much work into it. And I would love anything that was tailored to our geekiness, like a proposal of Islands of Adventure at the Marvel Island park or something like that.

Amy, I'm not the Matt that did the movie trailer. Just the simple troll proposal with stealth photographer. Thank you for the elevation to romantic genius, though.

I didn't say a word. I asked her Dad, and then clipped her ring to her car keys when she got in the shower.

She liked that a lot. {--- understatement

Now that I live in South Carolina, there are more tips for you all, to announce your intentions in an appropriate manner:

Get her her own can of Skoal.
Get her her own key to your pickup truck. The nice one. The one that runs. The one with the license and registration.
Paint her name over on the water tower.
Paint her name ON the overpass (the one people in town actually see).
Hook up the water heater.
Celebrate her 18th birthday.
Claim her third kid as your own.
Start using deodorant (not the fruity kind).
Give HER deodorant (the fruity kind).
Clean her shotgun for her.
Super-size her order when you eat out.

I think you get the idea...

I prefered this one, myself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQVoAWSP7k4

I do not know who he is Amy.

Of course I know who David Geffen is, anyone who has bought an album knows that name :P Oh dear, did I just show my age? *album* instead of CD or download *chuckle*

David Geffen? If memory serves me, he was/is a big shot record producer, and I believe he had an affair with Cher behind Sonny's back; at the time he was producing their variety show on ABC (I think?) And wasn't there some speculation as to whether Chastity/Chaz was his kid, rather than Sonny's??

I don't know who that is either.

Regarding public proposals, I saw one in London's Trafalgar square go terribly wrong. A guy was standing on top of a raised platform occasionally used for performances and demonstrations. He was reading a poem to a woman standing below holding flowers. This looked like the real thing and two regular people, no cameras in sight. A crowd of passersby gathered to watch in delight.

It didn't end well. The poor girl started to brush away tears, but they didn't look like tears of happiness. Then she just ran away. He stood up there, stared after her and then at his feet, utterly crestfallen. I wanted to cry myself watching them, and quickly. It was a brutal public exposure of very personal distress.

That's actually the only public proposal I've witnessed... it kind of turned me off to the whole idea.

I'd seen Geffen Records.

The public proposal I saw was a resounding success, on the upper-level lobby of the Marriott Marquis in Atlanta during DragonCon. Doctor Who* proposed to his assistant, who accepted tearfully to wide smiles all around.

*Remarkable resemblance to David Tennant!

The name Geffen tinkled a very small bell, but I couldn't remember who he was.

Well, the classic examples are usually Liberace or Elton John (the queen of British pop!). Both artists rather than moguls I suppose though.

Well, there's Clive Davis, but he's in his 70s now and that might not work...

Well, then, Darrell Martin comes to mind, although most people who would be familiar with him would also be familiar with techno/dance music and the like. Here's a link:

http://www.gayagenda.com/2008/12/meet-darrell-martin-founder-uphonic-records/