The Digital Dick
How many of you ladies would be aroused, thrilled, or otherwise happy to have a man you're seeing or thinking of seeing send you a photo of his Representative Weiner?
Does erect or non-erect make a difference?
The Digital Dick
How many of you ladies would be aroused, thrilled, or otherwise happy to have a man you're seeing or thinking of seeing send you a photo of his Representative Weiner?
Does erect or non-erect make a difference?
I always figured that they react like Madeline Kahn in Young Frankenstein:
Oh my God...Woof!
Ah, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you...
http://youtu.be/NWrCf7rAytc
Robert Evans at June 2, 2011 11:30 PM
If it was my husband it would be fun. If it was someone else it would be scary.
If I was single and it was some guy I hadn't met yet from a dating site I probably wouldn't take him seriously as a dating prospect.
NicoleK at June 3, 2011 1:38 AM
And hell yeah it makes a difference, a limp dick crotch shot would be gross no matter who sent it. Or hilarious, depending on the context. Not sexy.
NicoleK at June 3, 2011 1:39 AM
Erect for sure. And I agree with Nicole, it would depend on who sent it, and how...um..impressive it was. A Brett Favre shot would be a let down not a turn on.
I once still went out with a guy who showed me his dick on webcam before we'd even met. Sounds bizarre, but the conversation just got steamy, and it went there. He was a fireman, and it was really fun and totally appropriate date. So, I can totally see how this can happen when you're being flirty with each other, but a politician? What was he thinking?
lovelysoul at June 3, 2011 4:43 AM
Actually, I just realized I had two dates with two different guys who sent me "package shots". The other was a guy I corresponded with for some time before we met (because he lived in another state). One night, he sent me a bulging underwear shot (shall we call it the "Weiner shot"?).
The thing is, when we did become intimate, his equipment didn't live up to the advertising. I don't know if he photoshopped it, or the photo wasn't even him, but I was kind of pissed, and, although he was a nice guy in all other ways, I broke up with him. I just felt it was false advertising, so what else was he untruthful about? It would've been like me sending him a bra shot of double DDs.
lovelysoul at June 3, 2011 4:56 AM
Representative Weiner? Is that the new term now?
Old RPM Daddy at June 3, 2011 4:59 AM
The thing is, when we did become intimate, his equipment didn't live up to the advertising.
So that was a nonrepresentative wiener then.
BlogDog at June 3, 2011 5:39 AM
I’m tiring of listening to pricks talking about some prick’s prick.
Roger at June 3, 2011 6:04 AM
"The thing is, when we did become intimate, his equipment didn't live up to the advertising."
So, the size matters? Either you or Dr. Ruth is lying.
Confused at June 3, 2011 6:30 AM
Yeah, size matters. Any given vagina is a certain size. If you're too small, she can't feel you, and what's the point? Luckily every woman's size is different, which means most men can find their match. I think LS's point was more that he lied that she took issue with, than his size, though.
So it does matter, but you don't have t be hung like a porn star. There is also such thing as a man being too big for a certain woman.
momof4 at June 3, 2011 6:35 AM
Size matters. Mainly if you're way too big or way too small.
Nerdy guys will sometimes give you an MRI of their brain or some other part of their body.
Amy Alkon at June 3, 2011 6:58 AM
Then again, some guys just sit in a corner of the bar, licking their eyebrows. Never seem to have a problem finding female companionship at the end of the night.
*wink*
Robert at June 3, 2011 7:08 AM
My first thought is ewww, ewww, ewww.
My second thought is not so negative. If I am attracted to the guy, I would like to think that he is attracted to me. So a flaccid penis would not be much of a turn-on. If thinking about me changes that, It might be rather exciting.
Of course, this presumes a prior relationship or attraction. If this was the first that I knew, I would react negatively.
This makes the false advertising even worse. It does not turn me on to see a picture of some stranger turned on by some other woman or man or beast.
Jen at June 3, 2011 7:11 AM
Very few dicks are attractive enough to turn me on. I much prefer a shot of them in their boxer briefs, showing chest and abs. The guys who send cock shots typically have some fucked up looking dicks, are beyond hairy or have nothing to brag about. But, a nice, smooth, thick, straight dick is a turn on if I like the guy, but it needs to be in context and not just sent randomly.
Casey at June 3, 2011 7:41 AM
Perhaps I didn't ask correctly. What about a stranger or near stranger?
Amy Alkon at June 3, 2011 7:49 AM
"Perhaps I didn't ask correctly. What about a stranger or near stranger?"
Nope. heck nope. Men parts just aren't that hot. Even when BF's or DH and I are cybering, I find it more amusing than hot and just do it for them. Their pics don't really get me going. I need touch or verbal, at least!
momof4 at June 3, 2011 7:56 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/03/the_digital_dic.html#comment-2211022">comment from momof4momof4, what you're saying is in tune with research I've read and what I've heard from women I've spoken to, and my feelings.
Amy Alkon at June 3, 2011 7:57 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/03/the_digital_dic.html#comment-2211025">comment from Amy AlkonAnd yes, on more amusing than anything else.
Amy Alkon at June 3, 2011 7:57 AM
Are you asking if it's a turn on or if it would inspire us to go out with him? I agree with Casey that if it's a nice looking dick, it might turn me on. Maybe I'm different that way. I think cocks are sexy - at least well-shaped ones.
But if a guy just sent me a photo like that, without any context of a relationship, I wouldn't consider him potential boyfriend material. I mean, who else is he sending it to?
And momof4 is right. It was more the lying than the size, though I'll admit size is a turn on to me. There are guys that are way too big for me though, and it's not comfortable. I like to feel it, but it shouldn't hurt.
I didn't actually have sex with that guy after the big reveal. I made an excuse and left. But the worst part was that he figured out why and confronted me the next day, so I confronted him back for not being honest. It was one of the most awkward conversations I ever had ("it's not your size; it's because you lied!").
He swore it was his photo...and that he wasn't fully erect when I saw it...though he, um, came...which I didn't know was even possible (is it possible, guys?)
Somehow, oddly enough, we're still friends of FB. lol
lovelysoul at June 3, 2011 8:20 AM
Lovelysoul, it is definitely possible for a guy to come and only be semi erect... My ex had all sorts of issues with his dick staying hard or he would cum in 7 seconds... I counted! It was totally bizarre and sad. He was only 24 at the time! He could cum and look pretty limp. Oddly enough, he had a gorgeous dick when it was hard.
Casey at June 3, 2011 8:37 AM
How old was he? Ive never had an air start since I was over 15. I suppose if he had sever pre mture ejaculation problems its possible, but I though most premes got fully erect first
lujlp at June 3, 2011 8:44 AM
He was in his 40s. Interesting to know it can happen. I didn't think he was limp though, and I was blowing him. He said he was really nervous since it was our first time together. He came fast too.
Maybe I overreacted. He seemed really small, so I just took it like a deception on his part - the equivalent of an overweight woman sending a thin photo. Of course, you'd know that one up front.
lovelysoul at June 3, 2011 8:50 AM
No, a picture of some unfamiliar guy's unit would not turn me on. I'd view that as overly agressive.
ahw at June 3, 2011 9:06 AM
Stranger or near stranger...not in the context of dating possibilities. That would disqualify them in my books. If they're nicely shaped and are selling their porn, then it would be good advertising.
My husband on the other hand...that would be just fine. Hard or soft are both good...as long as its not really cold out. I may be an outlier, but I like to look...its a facsinating contraption. And fun to play with to boot!
Niki at June 3, 2011 9:08 AM
I love that..."fascinating contraption". So true.
lovelysoul at June 3, 2011 9:15 AM
I have no plan or desire to send a self-portrait to anyone. I think this is really 2 questions: 1) Is the man seeking gratification? and 2) Is he trying to sell something? It's in my nature to avoid being seen as creepy - Amy would say that's a foolish risk from an biological perspective - better to risk embarrassment and get laid than not/not, but I cringe when I read some of the lameass things men will do to score.
DaveG at June 3, 2011 9:51 AM
The title of this post sounds like the title of a cyberpunk detective novel.
Cousin Dave at June 3, 2011 9:55 AM
OMG, what happened to all the old truisms that we women aren't attracted to dicks and size doesn't matter?? I mean, men have been telling us that for years! LMAO.
jeanne at June 3, 2011 10:01 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/03/the_digital_dic.html#comment-2211842">comment from Cousin DaveThe title of this post sounds like the title of a cyberpunk detective novel.
We try!
Amy Alkon at June 3, 2011 10:11 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/03/the_digital_dic.html#comment-2211853">comment from DaveGIt's in my nature to avoid being seen as creepy - Amy would say that's a foolish risk from an biological perspective
Not being seen as creepy is good. Being seen as cowardly, however, is a negative. It is not cowardice that keeps men from sending around photos of their penis, but sense about women and what goes over with them.
Amy Alkon at June 3, 2011 10:13 AM
LS- I'm loving the candor.
I'm returning to dating life after being off the market for a good long time. It's a different world. I've only been out with one girl so far and she did send saucy pics...before we had, well, ya know. I gather it's just a normal part of dating now. Remember when sex tapes were novel? then it became part and parcel of being a B list celebrity, nothing to see here.
I'm just glad I don't have to shop my pics. I think I would move to Japan if I did.
Having done the sexting thing myself, I find it hard to get all worked up and judgmental about the kids and politicians that get caught doing it.
smurfy at June 3, 2011 12:05 PM
I honestly can't see any situation in which I'd want a picture of...just a dick. Even if I love the guy, I love him not...parts of his anatomy. It seems crude, and no more arousing than, say, a picture of a foot.
Leah at June 3, 2011 12:48 PM
If it is a stranger or near stranger, it totally changed things for me. My emotions might vacillate from creeped-out to frightened.
Is this some troll who is sending out a bunch just in case there are any "nibbles"? Am I supposed to be turned on? Frightened? Is he obsessed with me? Dangerous?
I would feel anything but turned on.
Any man that thinks that your average woman (maybe there are a few outliers) is turned on by random explicit photos is uninformed. Do some research and talk to actual women.
Looking at a penis in not a turn-on for me. Knowing that a man is aroused by me (not a stranger or someone that I do not care for) is a turn on. Thinking about how a penis can make me feel is a turn-on. Think of it as a tool - not a sexual trigger.
Jen at June 3, 2011 12:54 PM
Looking at penises has never turned me on, unless they're attached to somebody I'm already attracted to, and then it's not the trigger so much as adding fuel to the fire.
I've never looked at a hot movie star crush and thought "man if only I could see his penis".
But if I had to choose, only by somebody I'm already attracted to and definitely inflated, not flacid.
Meloni at June 3, 2011 3:01 PM
Unless I have slept with a guy before, sending me a picture of his junk would make me very uncomfortable. For me it's what you can do with it, not what it looks like.
If you have to show someone what you look like naked to date them now, I'm really glad I'm married.
Jen at June 3, 2011 3:02 PM
This is very revelatory and it suggests there are many clueless guys out there - well Brett Favre at least (and what did he see in that siliconated barbie doll?). With Amy's indulgence, I'd like to turn the tables and ask the ladies what does turn them on and whether their guys were tuned in.
DaveG at June 3, 2011 3:59 PM
Dave: I am speaking from my own experience, so here goes: I think that most women are happy when a man of quality notices them and likes what they notice.
I think most women are turned off by the thought that a guy just went down a list and it was there turn. They like to think that they are special.
Appreciating a woman's unique beauty is a start. Going further and finding out what she likes and values is even better. Start by carefully looking at her and listening to her.
I think that the best present that I ever got was a case of diet A & W. Why was that? Because he heard me mention that I loved it in passing.
PS. If you haven't developed yourself to the fullest, nothing that you do will be appreciated. She will just find it creepy. People are attracted more to what you are than what you do. Picture Gisele in sweats asking you to get her a glass of wine on your left and an obese acne-ridden woman on your right offering to play out your every fantasy. Which one would you go home with?
Jen at June 3, 2011 4:15 PM
To DaveG:
I don't know if there is a specific list that equals turn-on for me. It's more of a strange mixture of various traits.
1. He must be able to match or exceed my wit.
2. He must have good hygiene.
3. He must be at least very close to my height, although it is preferable that he is taller than me (I'm near 5"10'). I can do with a little bit shorter if his confidence and other traits are strong enough to compensate.
4. Body type can vary--my ex-hubby is very hot and fairly slender. On the other hand I've been with guys who would be considered stocky. I think it has to do with proportions or something, not sure. Anything extreme, too skinny, too fat, too muscular is not going to do it for me.
5. Strong arms are a plus. This doesn't necessarily mean muscular. Again, I think it's a proportions thing.
5. He must be confident, but not cocky.
6. He must be a gentleman.
7. He must be compassionate.
And yes, those are all traits that factor into me wanting to sleep with him. Once I've actually got the guy in the bedroom, turn-ons include knowing that I'm turning him on and his willingness to please me (don't worry, that's a two-way street).
Meloni at June 3, 2011 4:59 PM
A picture of a penis is not sexy. A picture of a man in a tuxedo (or, optionally, shirtless, if he has a six-pack) with a bottle of wine in one hand and a rose in the other is much, much more of a turn on.
Sarah at June 3, 2011 7:51 PM
I do not like when I guy I just met sends me a pic of his dick....It freaks me out. I'm not in to sending my parts to men, so I really don't ask for the data. But, if I knew the guy well and especially if we were apart, then I would like it...only if it was hard as a brick. Who wants to see a limp dick? Real or digital?
kg at June 4, 2011 1:24 AM
It's interesting that most women feel that a dick isn't sexy unless it's attached to someone they like, whereas I suspect most men would find a nice-looking pair of tits sexy, no matter who they were attached to.
This seems to support the idea that female sexuality is somewhat self-centered. We like the hard dick on someone we know because we assume it's hard because of US. A hard dick on a stranger is just, well, hard...not specifically aroused by or meant for us.
Just a theory. I'm sort of an outlier, as I find a hard dick sexy in its own right. It doesn't have to be attached to someone who likes me.
Smurfy is correct in that the rules of dating and this kind of nudity has changed. I finally got rid of my webcam because I found most guys who wanted to "chat" on webcam were usually interested in exposing themselves (including the fireman I went out with).
And most (not all) guys who want to expose themselves have pretty nice dicks. It wasn't the small guys usually doing this.
In some ways, I found it convenient that I could see a guy's dick ahead of time...like the fireman's, for instance...and know that it was a size and thickness that would work for me. Because we women can't know that, like men can for breast size (excluding padded bras and so forth).
But, in most cases, I couldn't get past the fact that the guy would expose himself to a total stranger.
lovelysoul at June 4, 2011 6:43 AM
Btw, the reason I made an exception in the fireman's case is that he had a side business where he planned romantic events for couples - like a candlelit dinner on the beach (which he would prepare and serve in a tuxedo). So, I was able to go to his website and see all these romantic moments he'd planned. That gave me a sense that he was more than just a dick. lol
In person, he was a sweet, interesting guy, though he seemed a little lost and emotionally needy. We only had one date - dinner and dancing -and he carried me to my car afterwards, in total buff fireman fashion, which was a highlight of my dating experiences.
lovelysoul at June 4, 2011 6:54 AM
I had a cute girl, with whom I was corresponding, ask for a pic of my erection. She complimented me when she got it. I am happily married now and have peroni's condition. I probably would not get many compliments now even if I tried.
ken at June 4, 2011 10:20 AM
On another note along this line, it's interesting to look at magazines that are slated toward turning men on, and the magazines slated toward turning women on. Predictably, the magazines slated toward men are full of naked or mostly-naked women. Playboy, Maxim, etc.
However, the magazines slated toward turning women on, like Cosmopolitan, are filled with... pictures of naked or mostly-naked women. Of course these are among other things, like how-to guides for sex, fashion and beauty tips, and the like. And there's the occasional guy pictured. But the number of women pictured far outnumber the men pictured. I'm really not sure why this is so.
Sarah at June 4, 2011 12:22 PM
Is this conversation really appropriate? After all, you are talking about a member of the United States' Congress...
Squatch at June 4, 2011 10:01 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/03/the_digital_dic.html#comment-2217862">comment from SquatchIsn't the correct question "Is his behavior appropriate"?
Amy Alkon at June 4, 2011 11:26 PM
After all, you are talking about a member of the United States' Congress...
The key word there is 'member', surely...
Ltw at June 5, 2011 11:34 AM
But the number of women pictured far outnumber the men pictured. I'm really not sure why this is so.
It's very simple Sarah. Women's bodies are attractive. Men's aren't.
Ok, it's more complicated than that. But that's the essence. Look at the number of women in this thread saying "well, if it was my SO then maybe I'd find it cute...but not a stranger".
Whereas almost any guy would be overjoyed with a naked pic.
Ltw at June 5, 2011 11:41 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/03/the_digital_dic.html#comment-2220811">comment from LtwBoth women and men are interested in looking at women's bodies -- women in an aspirational/comparative sense, and men, for sexual arousal or pleasure.
Amy Alkon at June 5, 2011 11:49 AM
Succinctly put Amy. I meant to explain that bit but too tired to phrase it properly.
But not too tired to nitpick - "women's bodies"
Ltw at June 5, 2011 11:55 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/03/the_digital_dic.html#comment-2220904">comment from LtwObviously, I know where the apostrophe goes and that the body doesn't own anything. I'm working on my column and posted really fast. Corrected.
Amy Alkon at June 5, 2011 12:15 PM
At the risk of digressing somewhat, e-mailing or sexting can be foolish, if for no other reason that pics in cyberspace can stay there a long, long time.
Women who don't know this already might be interested to know that a lot of men who won't be going bare naked in front of each other often exaggerate the size of their penis to other men.
I haven't been with a lot of women in my life, but among those I have, none of them ever made a spontaneous comment about penis size at all to me.
mh at June 5, 2011 5:40 PM
Now that Weiner has owned up, any bets on the next scene in this not-quite-Shakespearean tragicomedy?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13676650
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at June 6, 2011 3:15 PM
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