"Go Shit In A Hat And Pull It Down Over Your Ears"
Loved that saying. From a blog post by Eric Turkewitz. Via @WalterOlson.
Your fave punchy insults?
"Go Shit In A Hat And Pull It Down Over Your Ears"
Loved that saying. From a blog post by Eric Turkewitz. Via @WalterOlson.
Your fave punchy insults?
About people in leadership positions with little to no leadership ability: "He couldn't lead a band of starving pilgrims to Thanksgiving dinner."
Steve Daniels at June 5, 2011 9:26 AM
On people you dont like offering unsolicited avice on your personal life
"Your opinion might have meant something to me if you had ever done anything to actually earn my respect
lujlp at June 5, 2011 10:29 AM
"Go piss up a rope...."
roadgeek at June 5, 2011 10:36 AM
About people in leadership positions with little to no leadership ability: "He couldn't lead a troop of Brownie Scouts through a tunnel."
roadgeek at June 5, 2011 10:38 AM
On being a braggart: "He's all hat and no cattle..."
roadgeek at June 5, 2011 11:05 AM
On being stupid: "He's not the shiniest bead in the rosary..."
roadgeek at June 5, 2011 11:06 AM
On being grossly unsuited for a task or endeavor: "If you can't hunt with the big dogs you better stay on the porch..."
roadgeek at June 5, 2011 11:08 AM
I've always been fond of two classics:
* 'tard
* stupid broad
Glen at June 5, 2011 12:04 PM
On something being funny (must be said in a Texan drawl): "Why, that's funnier than a barbed-wire commode lid!"
Jim E at June 5, 2011 12:06 PM
"You must have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit".
Used to hang over my desk before I got respectable. I just pointed at it when people asked me about things that simply weren't my problem.
Ltw at June 5, 2011 12:12 PM
For not playing with a full deck:
CANONICAL LIST OF FULLDECKISMS
http://herbison.com/canon/fulldeck.html
Jim P. at June 5, 2011 12:40 PM
He's been f**king with a limp d*ck so long, he could shoot pool with a rope. Note, this insult was from before Viagra.
ken in sc at June 5, 2011 1:03 PM
For people who subject you to their horrible singing: "I've heard cats fuck with more harmony."
ahw at June 5, 2011 1:31 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/05/go_shit_in_a_ha.html#comment-2221416">comment from ahwLove that one, ahw!
Amy Alkon at June 5, 2011 1:52 PM
While I love punchy insults, and that one sounds as if it as Yiddish origins, I have to say that guy's blog fits into the school of design known as "Blog or Scam".
Also, Amy, I recently had two comments go into the spam blackhole -- I emailed you, and believe me the comments were not worth your time to fish them out, but you didn't respond back to me, which is unusual for you and makes me wonder if all my emails to you, and all my wiener pictures I've been tweeting are getting spaminated.
jerry at June 5, 2011 2:23 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/05/go_shit_in_a_ha.html#comment-2221508">comment from jerryJerry, when is "recently"? (I was just in In 'n' Out Burger for 20 minutes, but I'm back now and working on my column.) And did they say "spam" in the header? I get piles of email and I need spam posts to be noted as such so I answer them right away. By the way, for email, I'm on AOL, and my blog is entirely separate from my email.
Amy Alkon at June 5, 2011 2:28 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/05/go_shit_in_a_ha.html#comment-2221516">comment from Amy AlkonI can only go through 200 spam comments at a time. I just went through about 1,000 to look for your comments. The spam accumulates very fast. I need to know immediately if a comment goes to spam. Thanks. And sorry.
Amy Alkon at June 5, 2011 2:32 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/06/05/go_shit_in_a_ha.html#comment-2221531">comment from Amy AlkonNow, I've gone into my web mail and checked the spam folder. There are 35 emails in there, and not one is from you. Please check your email to see that you sent the email to the right address. I have my spam settings extremely low on my advice/website email address so almost anything that doesn't say ERECTION DRUG NAME HERE FOR USE WITH YOUR 10 YEAR OLD HOOKER 50 times will get through.
Amy Alkon at June 5, 2011 2:38 PM
You might find this document more useful by rolling it into a tight ball, and shoving it up your ass.
Actually said it once. To a snarly clerk at the Assessor's office. Wasn't proud about it. Did make me feel better.
jimg at June 5, 2011 3:52 PM
Insults in a biker bar really mean something. I think insults on blogs are worthless and even backfire. A person throwing insults shows that he is out of arguments or reasoned responses, or he distrusts the blog readers to understand what he is saying and is showing frustration.
If someone were to write to me, say, "Your mouth and your ass seem to do the same thing", I might grade him on his poetic ability, but it doesn't make much difference to me. Spewing vivid and disgusting poetry doesn't make any point, takes up space, and signals a loss of self control. Blogs are about discussion and ideas, not angry poetic exchanges (usually).
I like the observation "No respectable person would insult me, and no fool can insult me".
I think the best response to an insult is something like "Other than your insults, I'm still interested in your error" or position, or source, or contradiction. If you aren't further interested in a response, then why talk further? Again, you have to trust the readers to figure it out. If you don't trust the readers, then why post comments on a blog?
I admit, ignoring insults and merely asking about contradictions usually irritates the insulter, and that can be satisfying.
What do others think? Does the insulter rise or sink in reputation and trust?
Andrew_M_Garland at June 5, 2011 5:23 PM
"I admit, ignoring insults and merely asking about contradictions usually irritates the insulter, and that can be satisfying."
I agree. It's not worth the effort to respond to one who has rectal cranial inversion...
ju2144 at June 5, 2011 6:24 PM
However, I'm fond of "...not giving a flying fuck through a rolling donut"
ju2144 at June 5, 2011 6:26 PM
Hi Amy,
I appreciate any attempts you make to fish out comments from the spam. But yeah, I'm pretty sure I sent it to the right address, and as soon as the comment was flagged. But this was 24-48 hours ago.
It's not a big deal, and again, I appreciate your wading through the spam looking for the beef.
jerry at June 5, 2011 6:53 PM
My personal favorite is from Good Morning, Vietnam.
Old RPM Daddy at June 6, 2011 5:10 AM
In response to a really stupid letter; "I suggest that you roll your missive into a tight roll, pretend that it is a suppository and use it accordingly."
BarSinister at June 6, 2011 7:13 AM
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, or the brightest crayon in the box.
He's a nice kid, but about as bright as a pound of wet leather.
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.
Flynne at June 6, 2011 10:10 AM
My fave:
"Like you matter."
lsomber at June 6, 2011 11:37 AM
Best legal response I ever read was in Arkell v. Pressdram:
"We note that Mr Arkell's attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off"
brian at June 6, 2011 12:25 PM
My ex father-in-law was a Chief Petty Officer in the Navy, and a pipe fitter afterward, so he was an endless font of entertaining, insulting retorts. My favorite: go get your head romanced.
just Ken at June 6, 2011 12:34 PM
My mother's favorite, now, of course, my favorite:
"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." It works for everything! Haters, bosses, exes, rejection letters, et al...
I was about 11 the first time I heard it and was absolutely shocked, as my mother, at that time, very rarely cursed. Now that I'm almost 30, she's loosened up quite a bit and is as fluid with her cursing as I am. We're quite the sailors...
k8ml at June 6, 2011 1:04 PM
The Web site cited above is missing one, I think, used by George Wallace (comedian): "He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal."
-----
A common insult in the Navy is to call you by the name of a slacker everyone knows. Here's how that works:
Cite someone above, like Andrew..."What do others think?"
What do others think? Is this too hard for you, Chuck(les)?
(Test driver on closed course. Do not attempt.)
-----
And the legal insults might be topped by a scene from QB VII, I think, where the jury finds for the despicable plaintiff... after inquiring as to whether the jury may set the award amount, finding they may, and watching the plaintiff swell with anticipation at a big payday, the foreman then gets a nod from his fellows and says, "Your Honor, the jury finds for the plaintiff - in the sum of one ha'penny, the lowest coin in the realm."
Radwaste at June 6, 2011 2:55 PM
To convey apathy: "I couldn't give a flying leap up a gnats ass."
To convey utter disappointment: "Did your mother have any children that lived?"
To convey a cognitive insult: "Everyone is entitled to a moment of stupidity, but you're abusing the priviledge."
kg at June 6, 2011 7:33 PM
Somewhere....a village is missing its idiot
Gareth at June 6, 2011 7:43 PM
Another favorite from Judy Tenuta: "You remind me of my brother Bosco--only he had a human head."
More Judy Tenuta here!
Old RPM Daddy at June 7, 2011 3:32 AM
The sign on my deks says "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it."
Sabrina at June 7, 2011 12:40 PM
For whiners in general:
"If you're looking for sympathy try the dictionary. You can find it between shit and syphillis."
AWildman at June 8, 2011 8:35 AM
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