"I've Never Met A Happy Wimp"
Michael Van Osch writes on The Good Men Project about lessons from his late mentor, " Donald "Moe" Targosz, "an ex-pro football player, English teacher, winning football coach, businessman, husband and father, not to mention an avid ice-fisherman":
But above all, when you met him, you knew immediately that this was a real man. You knew because he lived every day by his principles--principles backed by beliefs that simply couldn't be shaken by the winds of folly, fad, and social pressure.
About the above line and lesson from Targosz, "I've never met a happy wimp," Osch writes:
Though you may laugh, as I did, upon hearing it for the first time, let it sink in and take root, and you may realize that this one simple statement actually says it all. It may not sound like Shakespeare, but like a single line from the Bard, it conveys a wealth of knowledge.What at first may seem to be mere bravado, upon inspection becomes the most succinct way of saying that if you want to be happy in your life, then it is up to you. It is up to you to:
- Stand up for that in which you believe
- Go after what you want out of life
- Refuse to settle
- Respect yourself and others
- Keep your word
- Refuse to compromise your principles and values for anything
- Overcome fear and be open to new people and ideas
- Dream big and take risks as a part of your life
- Continuously move out of your comfort zone to find and live your calling.
He forgot one:
Don't mean to be too BALLSY about it or anything, just sayin'...
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at July 31, 2011 11:15 PM
Oh, don't be mean. I just noticed I could hit a little button in my software and it would put all the little dots in for me. Oh, thrill!
Amy Alkon at July 31, 2011 11:26 PM
Okay, okay, I'm just saying... Pieces like this are the kind of thing that strike a person's heart during one passage of life, and are a source of redfaced humiliation in later passages.
Verily, Amy... Verily, courage is the essential virtue. But like everything else, it's intensely contextual, and needs to be judged contextually. Who knows what I'm scared of that you wouldn't even notice.
For a few years, I admired Letterman's thoughts about courage. And then he started nailing his hired help.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at July 31, 2011 11:43 PM
Actually it sounds a lot like Shakespeare:
"This, above all, to thine own self be true."
(The field of what sounds Shakespearen opens considerably the first time you hear Hamelet say "Dids't thou think I spoke of country matters," and he puts the heavy accent on "cunt.")
Elle at August 1, 2011 12:18 AM
"Stand up for that in which you believe"
Rather amusing coming from the "good men project" that often lambasts men standing up for their rights as men and fathers.
Sio at August 1, 2011 12:22 AM
For a few years, I admired Letterman's thoughts about courage. And then he started nailing his hired help.
Why would his engaging in consentual sex with willing partners effect your judgemnt of him?
lujlp at August 1, 2011 3:11 AM
"Refuse to compromise your principles and values for anything"
Refusing to compromise typically implies not reflecting on one's values. Reasoned introspection is a virtue, as against the "I know the truth, Ruth" pigheadedness that plagues this country.
Andrew Hall at August 1, 2011 3:34 AM
> Why would his engaging in consentual
> sex with willing partners effect
> your judgemnt of him?
Because they were employed by him, and because his wife didn't know about it, and learned about it (IIRC) in the moment of national humiliation.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 5:02 AM
If you wanted to say his cheating on his wife changed your perception why didnt you the first time?
lujlp at August 1, 2011 5:56 AM
I'm perfectly content with my ability to say just the right thing at just the right time, delivering the just the right shade of nuance. It's a gift, but it's one honed through years of thoughtful refinement. Watch and learn, "lujlp"... Watch and learn silently.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 6:22 AM
I don't know. I find wimping out solves a lot of conflicts. Later, upon review, I conclude that wimping out was the right thing to do, as the issue was not worth fighting for anyway.
I especially advise wimping out if your adversary is 6'5" and armed.
As for dreams, well, dream small, my friends, dream small.
BOTU at August 1, 2011 11:08 AM
What exactly is the effect you imagine a stream of idiocies like that has on other people?
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 11:13 AM
"What exactly is the effect you imagine a stream of idiocies like that has on other people?"
Had the Norway gunman a chance to read BOTU's comment above, the killer might have changed his mind.
About 99 percent of issues of human life are "not worth fighting for anyway".
I am sick and tired of these people acting like whatever they doing is very important and willing to kill others or die for it.
No one will care even if you are no longer MLB starting pitcher. It is not that important. Why do you have to kill yourself?
http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?c_id=mlb&content_id=22428090&vkey=news_mlb&ymd=20110728
chang at August 1, 2011 12:52 PM
You two should get a room.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 1:44 PM
Crid-
I am dreaming small, so I do not imagine that my comments will help anybody. Maybe inject a small bit of healthy realism into someone's life.
Crid, do you imagine there is great edification generated by your sputtering and ineffectual commentary?
Please, then, pontificate to your heart's content, and endeavor to enlighten the world.
Better to light a single candle, than to curse the darkness, Crid, so carry your feeble flickering light gently into the gathering darkness. You are the brave, Crid.
BOTU at August 1, 2011 2:01 PM
Right. But what I'm asking is, how do you imagine you are perceived when you write something like you did at August 1, 2011 11:08 AM ?
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 2:25 PM
BOTU, repulsive as you are, you have one redeeming quality: you're the only person on this board who would be "voted off the island" before I would.
In other words, you do not want a consensus of this board as to which one of the two of you the regulars find more "edifying" or which one of the two of you -- between you and Crid -- the regulars would say is more given to "sputtering and ineffectual commentary."
Hearing you chide someone for being "ineffectual" is a little like hearing Orly Taitz lecture someone on dignity, professionalism, honesty and competence. At the very least, your imagining that your comments will help anyone is a realistic and probably accurate assessment. Good on you.
But enough. Up until now, I never felt the need to acknowledge your existence, and now that I've done so, I feel like I need a shower.
Amy, this was an excellent and useful blog entry. I hope those who need this insight find their way to it. Truly, a worthy message.
Patrick at August 1, 2011 2:29 PM
Patrick:
Now that you have made a galaxy-class anus out of yourself, please continue.
BOTU at August 1, 2011 2:44 PM
Crid-
"Right. But what I'm asking is, how do you imagine you are perceived when you write something like you did at August 1, 2011 11:08 AM ?"
How am I perceived? Like I said, I find the "you can be anything you want to be" talk to be inaccurate. You can't.
There is a blizzard of platitudes next to the above bullets in the original post, each true and banal in its own way.
Crickey, what does "refuse to settle" mean?
Part of maturity is knowing you have to settle. Ever hear the expression, "Half a loaf is better than none?"
Additionally, living in a polyglot society means tolerating people who have different principles, and sometimes adjusting your sacred principles.
Sometimes, there are just not enough hours in the day to endure in every little quibble. You get rolled and rump-diddled sometimes, you know what I mean. I mean, they stick the pole in so deep even proctologists cry.
You get prone, face down and splay-legged, and then you have to hand them the vaseline. It happens.
You know, you're down on your knees, and every flesh-rod for miles is in every orifice you have--you think that is pretty?
They all you a catamite on national TV, and you hear your neighbors sniggering?
And you then say, "I will not be wimp?"
BOTU at August 1, 2011 2:58 PM
This talk of wimps brings to mind a certain president that I've been reading in my studies of American history. Remembered as one of the worst (although I think Grant holds the title for worst president in history), I would have been tempted to just dismiss him as pondscum, as he holds the distinction of being the only president who was a member of the Klan. I'm referring, of course, to Warren G. Harding.
Harding's father summed him up best: "Warren, it's a good thing you weren't born a girl because you'd be in the family way all the time. You can't say 'No!'"
That was pretty much true. Not only with his disastrous cabinet appointments that gave him arguably the most scandal-plagued administration in history and turned the White House into a saloon with blatant violations of the prohibition era, but his miserable marriage to Florence Mabel Kling DeWolfe. He absolutely did not love her, but she indefatigably pursued him, until he gave up.
She was a domineering shrew, who was literally making her wimpy husband sick. She did also, however, make him a success. She ran his newspaper with clockwork efficiency. She also controlled his political rise, reportedly saying, "Well, Wurr'n Harding, I got you the presidency. What are going to do with it?"
Apparently, let his wife and his friends drive him to an early grave, as he collapsed of heart failure two years into his administration.
He had once said of his poker-buddies who made up his cabinet, "I can take care of my enemies all right. But my friends, my God-damn friends, they're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!"
In a way, his death in 1923 was merciful. He wouldn't live to see just how corrupt his cabinet would turn out to be, as scandal after scandal erupted, including the famous Teapot Dome, probably the worst in this nation's history. His wife reportedly said at his casket, "No one can hurt you now, Wurr'n."
History can. And it did. Despite his mercifully short term, he is forever enshrined as one of the nation's very worst chief executives. And ironically, he was for the most part a pretty well-meaning sort. But a total wimp. A pushover to anyone who wanted to exploit him. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that his eagerness to please is what pushed him to join the Klan in the first place. He doesn't seem to be a malicious sort.
Patrick at August 1, 2011 3:42 PM
Suggestion: Marcus Aurelius ran an empire, not just a football team. Try his writings on for size, if you can handle them.
Ya wimp.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at August 1, 2011 3:56 PM
While BOTU's response was (redundantly) evasive, we note his continuing inclusion of anal themes, both elaborate and uncomplicated, as in two separate comments this afternoon... And that's in addition to he chosen signature.
There's something he wants us to know.
But dammit, no matter how carefully I try to read between the lines, I just can't make out what it is!
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 4:25 PM
Crid-
Following my own advice, I am wimping out from this exchange. Like I say, one cannot prevail in every sniveling quibble that comes one's way. It is better just to let sleeping dogs lie, and to let powerful dominant men control our destiny.
Take it away, Crid.
BOTU at August 1, 2011 5:50 PM
delivering the just the right shade of nuance.
That nuance being? After all you said nothing about his wife, only his affairs with consenting adults. As someone who doesnt give a shit about celebrites and their drama I didnt even know he was married. Nor is their any evidence that his wife had no idea what was going on
It's a gift,
Its broken, check the warrenty
lujlp at August 1, 2011 7:09 PM
"lujlp", it's apparent that the time invested in reading my blog comments is no longer delivering the value you're looking for. So for the third time in a week, I'll invite you stop reading them.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 7:18 PM
You know crid, I would - but I have a duty to stamp out stupidity where ever I see it.
I stop being so pissy, you cant expect everyone to agree with you all the time. Especially when the leaps of logic you expect the rest of us to make arent born out in your statements
lujlp at August 1, 2011 8:28 PM
Are you a shut-in?
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 1, 2011 10:30 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/08/01/ive_never_met_a.html#comment-2391805">comment from Crid [CridComment at gmail]Are you a shut-in?
I love that you asked that. It's language that reminds me of Cathy Seipp (the language she'd sometimes use) and old books, set in the 30s and 40s, that I used to read when I was in my teens.
Amy Alkon at August 1, 2011 10:45 PM
Much would be explained.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 2, 2011 5:24 AM
This was a time when the Klan was enjoying a strong revival and garnered its largest membership ever.
However, the evidence that Harding was a member of the Klan is sketchy at best.
Contrary to his alleged Klan membership, Harding actually advocated civil rights for African-Americans and endorsed an anti-lynching law that was eventually defeated in the Senate (by a Democratic fillibuster).
Warren G. Harding is a classic example of someone who was chosen to run because he "looked presidential."
He was an undistinguished one-term Senator from a Midwest political machine with inconsistent attendance and an unremarkable voting record.
He sponsored no major bills and took no part in debating controversial or major bills. His vote in favor of women's suffrage was attached to another Senator's vote and thus hidden from the public.
He was considered a good public speaker, despite giving few speeches in the Senate and none on controversial topics.
His presidential campaign utilized the newest and most modern communication and advertising techniques (billboards, telemarketing, etc.), blindsiding his old-school opponent.
Harding's candidacy was heavily endorsed by Hollywood stars.
Harding got along well with the press.
His election was considered a rejection of the policies of his predecessor.
His presidency is generally considered a failure, despite a few successes.
He promised during his election to appoint the best minds in the country to his administration, but ended up filling most of the positions with political supporters and political hacks from the local (Ohio) machine.
Most historians agree with Herbert Hoover's judgement that Harding had neither the intellect nor the experience to be president.
Sound familiar?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
By the way, Woodrow Wilson was probably our most racist post-emancipation president, even being favorably quoted in "Birth of a Nation."
Conan the Grammarian at August 2, 2011 6:21 PM
Are you a shut-in?
If I were I'd be far saner then I currenly am - people drive me nuts. Stupid people in particular.
And smart people who behave dumber than they actually are I tend to take a little personally
lujlp at August 2, 2011 6:50 PM
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