What's With People Expecting Total Strangers To Work For Them For Free?
Got this letter in my email:
Dear Amy,Thanks for taking the time to read this email.
I'm a communications professional based in New York City. I was recently contacted by a recruiter from a company called Boardroom, based in Stamford CT. After doing some research, I saw that you wrote a short piece on your website after having positive experiences with the company's CEO, Martin Edelston.
Would it be possible for you to share with me a reference at the company? I'm not familiar with Bottom Line Publications (which is owned by Boardroom) but from what I can ascertain their business model is primarily direct marketing with a negative billing component. I'm trying to learn as much about the organization as possible before moving forward.
If at all possible, it would be great to have your take on the overall quality of the organization's publications as well.
Any help that you are able to provide is much appreciated. Again, thanks for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
What kind of person gives a total stranger a reference?
Meanwhile, I criticized Edelston in I See Rude People because his company woke me up twice with telemarketing calls, but I also wrote that I appreciated that he paid me for taking my time (and was kind of cute about it) when I invoiced him, as I do to telemarketers. (He also mailed me a book, a t-shirt, and later, some dirty jokes!)
UPDATE: He writes back to clarify (referencing what I explained above, in brief):
Dear Amy,To be clear, I did not mean a professional reference. I was trying to determine if this was a credible company. Based on your comments below it seems they are not.
Since you are a public figure, I thought you might have had some professional interaction with them in the past. My apologies if this came across the wrong way.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I appreciate.
Best,
I wrote back that I wrote nothing substantive "below."
Sometimes, people move way too fast and furious in the Internet world.
We all get way too much email these days, and have plenty to deal with from friends, family and our own business interests. It's always kind of amazing when people expect other people to do their research for them. (Google: It's everywhere you want to be.)
I get that type of stuff all the time. My favorite though is the, "Can you explain [some principle of business] to me?" which I always respond with, "I don't do other people's homework." I have not been wrong yet.
Yes, I answer questions for a living, but you must write your own papers. Also, I will not introduce you to my editor based on your one email to me. Now, if you're a regular blog commenter and you've said insightful things and write well, and then email me and ask for an introduction, I may well forward your email to my wonderful editor. Otherwise, no.
Suzanne Lucas- Evil HR Lady at August 9, 2011 8:25 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/08/09/whats_with_peop.html#comment-2411245">comment from Suzanne Lucas- Evil HR LadyRight on, Suzanne (whose column on BNET I love, and have in my RSS reader).
I help people I know and care about, and whose work respect all the time, and it's my pleasure to do it. I also give love advice free of charge -- unless people ask for it to be without potential benefit to me (ask me to advise them and not print their email). Most of the email I get asking for love advice will never be letters that make my column.
Amy Alkon
at August 9, 2011 8:33 AM
Amy: "It's always kind of amazing when people expect other people to do their research for them."
I can see this as annoying, but not altogether surprising. The internet (and blogs, particularly) create a sense of faux-intimacy. Even though this person may be a total stranger to you, but he may not feel YOU are a total stranger to HIM. I check your blog on a fairly regular basis, but I rarely comment. I feel like I know a good deal about you, though you know little about me. This guy may have been someone like me. He reads your blog, feels like he knows you, and, thus feels comfortable asking you for your opinion/insight/knowledge.
An analogy (imperfect as it may be) would be asking someone for an autograph. I rarely give someone my signature, just because they ask for it (the mailman being an obvious exception). But, if I were a rockstar/politician/athlete, I would know that there are people out there that feel some "connection" to me, even if they are a total stranger to me.
-Jut
JutGory at August 9, 2011 8:43 AM
Even though this person may be a total stranger to you, but he may not feel YOU are a total stranger to HIM.
He just Googled the business and came to my site.
If a regular commenter here asked me something, I'd feel differently. "You don't know me but kindly get cracking on this assignment" is presumptuous and rude.
I don't even like to ask my friends for favors -- and most of my friends seem equally reticent to to put me or other friends to work.
When a friend's Internet was down, she drove all the way from the Valley to her office in Culver City to email those of us who were going to be her dinner guests Sunday night. When I found out, I e-yelled at her -- something like: "I'm your friend! If that happens again, call me and tell me the addresses to type in and what to say, and I'll send out the email for you! It would be my pleasure!"
Amy Alkon at August 9, 2011 7:13 PM
Most of the email I get asking for love advice will never be letters that make my column.
You ever consider doing a book on those quires that never made it into your column? Dont know what sort of effort that would entail though,
I tried writing a book once, brilliant idea came to me in a dream, just writing the outline was a torturous affair that had me deciding then and there that I'd never try and write another book.
lujlp at August 9, 2011 9:23 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/08/09/whats_with_peop.html#comment-2412728">comment from lujlpYou ever consider doing a book on those quires that never made it into your column?
They're either boring or an issue I've already covered or they would make it into the column. I write back to gay teens in the South who are worried about coming out, male crossdressers, and a lot of people who are huge doormats whose letters are just sad, and who just need to be told what to do to possibly get on the path to stop behaving in ways that are so self-injurious.
I am a very slow writer, both because I want what I write to be entertaining (and funny, wherever possible) and because I need to say things that aren't already being said. If it's not a book with some break through thinking, I wouldn't think anyone would want to buy it.
Amy Alkon
at August 9, 2011 11:53 PM
I write back to as many people as I can with quick answers, but I cannot write back to everyone.
However, people who write, "I found your blog today and I have a question..." are fare less likely to get an answer than those who write, "I'm a regular reader and comment as [name]." Those people will always get a response even if that response is, "I have no idea," which happens from time to time.
I love to help people out, but I also find it very strange when people write me and say, "Please answer my complicated question but don't put this in your column!" Ummm, if I know the answer and it's under two sentences you'll get a response. If I have to research it, forget it.
And Amy, thanks for your kind words! You're in my RSS reader as well. You give me lots of jumping off points!
Suzanne Lucas- Evil HR Lady at August 11, 2011 1:45 PM
I have a small business, you wouldn't believe how many people expect (and even sometimes basically demand) that we do work for free. We get several outright requests for free this-or-that every week.
Right in the beginning, when we were nobodies just starting out, we indulged a few of these requests, and you'll often see that the moment you start doing that, they often latch onto you like leeches and start begging for more and more. One chap practically started stalking us, we were at one point getting multiple long emails a day explaining why he really needed some of our products for free, started phoning us, it was almost creepy, we even blocked his email address in our systems as it was draining the support guys' time.
World has gone entitlement-mad. Or maybe always was, I don't know.
Lobster at August 12, 2011 1:30 AM
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