"Appetizing Vaginas": Oh, The Promises For Muslim Men In Heaven
Wacky shit isn't the half of it (subtitles seem to have been done by a drunk person):



PlancksConstant writes that he is an atheist but muses that he might be tempted to go Muslim on the slight chance that their version of the afterlife is true.

Of course, he says he'd only do it if he didn't have to do all the other "Muslimy things," like wife-beating, adulterer-stoning, unbeliever-beheading, etc.

About those promises about what Muslims will encounter in Paradise, he writes:

Now some modern Islamic scholars try to squirm away from the 72 virgin view of the Islamic after-life by explaining that the word houri actually means white-raisins not virgin maidens. Now I know that white raisins 1400 years ago might have been a real delight, but I ask you, do you really believe Mohammed thought he could persuade his soldiers to die in Jihad with an enticement of white raisins?

To counter that ridiculous notion, consider Abu al-Fadl 'Abd al-Rahman ibn Abi Bakr, Jalal al-Din al-Suyuti (1445-1505 AD), an Egyptian writer, religious scholar, juristic expert and teacher whose works deal with a wide variety of subjects in Islamic theology [Wikipedia]. This is how he saw Paradise:

Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetizing vaginas.

Hmmm, appetizing vaginas - I will never be able to see a sign for cleaning Persian carpets without thinking about that passage.