Five years ago I flew an elderly, wheelchair-bound, Alzheimer's-&-sedative-addled aunt from Denver to LA. The airline parked us in the first row behind the bulkhead, and insisted all passengers wait patiently as we (slowly) deplaned. The passengers patiently complied. (I fell in love with the stewardess [the bigger one, the brunette], and asked her to bear my sons; she smiled broadly and nodded eagerly.)

Takeaway: During cooperative ventures in tight spaces, do what you're fucking well told!

I thought you had a good story about the kid who was playing a video game and screaming "Yay, Hunter" again and again. And the mother who felt the need to scold YOU.

I haven't flown in years, and won't until TSA is gone.

Here's a story I have about rudeness on public transportation, but not on airplanes. I was on a bus about five miles from home when a woman got on with a baby in a stroller. She was told that she would have to put the child in a child restraint seat or hold it herself, but she refused, saying that she had left work early as she feared she was about to have a seizure. She had no child safety seat, and because of her impending, which never happened, she wasn't going to hold it. She refused to leave the bus, so the driver contacted the terminal for guidance.

(I wouldn't have. I would have called the cops and had her removed.)

So the driver's supervisor actually drove out to where this self-absorbed arrogant shrew was holding an entire busload of passengers hostage. And he compromised...which he shouldn't have done. He said the woman would have to keep her hand on the baby during the ride and was allowed to stay on.

How long did this woman keep us stuck there? About an hour. The bus behind us actually caught up and took off before we did.

I don't think I've ever hated anyone so much in my life as that stupid woman, who thinks that her lack of a child safety seat is her right to hold an entire busload of passengers hostage. The seizure she complained was about to happen never did. And I did notice that she got off her stop at a strip mall and was sitting outside a Subway sandwich shop. Gosh, it seems to me that if I thought I was about to have a seizure, I would want to go directly home, not a public restaurant at 8:30 at night where I'm at the mercy and competence of total strangers if the seizure hit. And I certainly wouldn't be there with my defenseless baby!

I would think something like that would be the stuff of mothers' nightmares...having a seizure in a public place with your helpless baby in a stroller.

Well....I didn't kill the guy so maybe that's "solving the problem"....

We were on a long flight returning to the US from East Africa on the second of two 10-11 hour flights . The seats on these long flights are a lot smaller than I remember them when I was a kid....not sure exactly why! My wife (at the time) and I had decided to leave the bar between the seats in the up position so we could have more room. With our thighs right next to each other it was a lot hotter than either of us anticipated (and not in the good way). Putting it down we were both finally able to get some sleep. I was in deep with no thoughts of waking, probably on a beach somewhere with the ocean waves crashing and possibly in a hammock when out of the blue I hear, "FRENCH TOAST OR EEEGGGSS??" The Flight Attendent had actually grabbed my arm to wake me and my first thought at that time was "Head or Gut"? I didn't hit him, wanted to but I didn't. I believe I had the French Toast.

And by the way, the woman who was told to keep one hand on the baby? She didn't even do that.

Thanks, Patrick, regarding the Hunter story from I See Rude People.

And regarding your story above...sounds like we need bus marshalls!

My sister and I were on long delayed flight to Jazz fest in New Orleans. The flight was over booked and after many drinks at the airport we got to our seats to find a couple in them who would not move. We told the air hostess that they were our seats and we were not getting off the plane and that they had to vacate our seats. The hostess grabbed me and I said "get your f&%$#% hands off me, she went to get security. While standing in the isle waiting to get chucked of the plane a man shouted from the back, "The needs of the many are worth more than the needs of the few". Silly man, as he could not know that my sister is a Treki and knows word for word every episode or movie. She spun around and said "but they went for Spock in the return for Spock
It turned out that they had given our seat to stand by passengers prematurely, so we got our seats. All day at Jazz fest people were giving us the Vulcan V

I hope there's something you'll be able to use from it, Amy. I complained about this to the Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority, and they sent me two bus passes.

It's not an airplane, true, but I would think that to be a minor detail. It's still shared transportation and it's still presumptuous behavior.

Some might say I'm unsympathetic to a seizure-prone mother. Maybe that's true, but it seems to me that being prone to seizures is for to make accommodations for, not everyone else. If I were allergic to nuts, then I have to take precautions to protect myself. Not up to everyone else to protect me.

Her behavior, to keep the nut-allergy going, is tantamount to going to restaurants that I would like to eat in and demand they remove all nuts from the premises. And screw those who are inconvenienced by the crew suddenly having to scrub and sterilize every surface because of my nut allergy.

Several years ago, I flew sardine class on an airline I will not identify. I put my seat back. There was an old Chinese woman behind me who started to hit my seat back. When I asked her to stop, she said something in Chinese and smiled at me. I got back into my seat and again she started to hit my seat back. I called over the stewardess. The stewardess told the old woman in English not to hit my seat. The old woman responded with something in Chinese and smiled back at the stewardess. When the stewardess walked away, the woman again began to hit my seat back. I called the stewardess over again. The stewardess explained to the old lady again not to hit my seat back. The stewardess then turned to me and said that she did not think that the old lady understood her and that I would have to make do as best as I could. When the stewardess walked away, the old lady again began to hit my seat back. This time, I got up, smiled my most beatific smile, and proceed to hit HER seat back very hard 10 or 12 times. She called for the stewardess. The stewardess never responded. After enduring some foreign language cursing, I was able to recline and even sleep for the rest of the flight.

Not a major issue in the grand scheme, but one that was important to me. I was going on an international flight to stay a year in another country. After carefully checking and rechecking the airline's website (along with dozens of regulations posted elsewhere), I got the following--you get two bags to check in for free, both under 50 lb, then as many as five more for a fixed price, but the limit is 70 lb. My luggage was carefully planned out and the weights were 45, 49 and 68 lb.

When checking in, I got hassled by a woman who insisted that I owed both an overage fee (don't recall, but it was something like $75) and the extra piece fee (which is $90, so it's not chump change). I pointed out to her that the airlines own rules are quite different. She was polite--barely--but absolutely unwilling to change her position. She did, however, decide to pass me off to what appeared to be her superior--at a different counter. Initially, he also insisted that I was absolutely wrong and would have to pay the double fee. But I would not budge either. Unlike the first person, however, he had browser access on his terminal and he finally decided to check the page that I kept referring to. His eyes nearly popped when he read it. He mumbled, "Well, learn something new every day," and walked over to the first counter to process my ticket.

On the way back, 11 months later, I had no problem with the weight, but they insisted on charging the fee in Euros, which ended up being 30% more expensive. This time, even though the fee schedule and its applicability to flights both out of and into the US was printed ON THE TICKET, the agents remained rude and uncompromising. A part of the problem was that that terminal belonged to a regional group in alliance with the airline I was supposedly taking and they insisted that only THEIR rules applied. They were wrong, but there was absolutely nothing I could do at that point. But I did get a refund from AmEx when I told them about the charge. It wasn't exactly "problem solved", but the net result was the same--at least, for my checking account. Net conclusion--keep AmEx Blue and Optima cards, don't fly SAS.

A few years back I'm on a full flight from Chicago to NYC. The plane is just packed, I seem to remember it was before the holidays with all that THAT entails... Anyway, we're all loaded in when I hear a commotion... The flight attended is arguing with a man who refused to move so that a mother and her young daughter could sit together a few rows up and across the isle. This guy was a total business jerk, I'm sure you know the type. Finally two people in the row behind offered up their seats and they were seated separately elsewhere and the flight takes off. 15 mins. out - turbulence. A lot. Pretty rough stuff. The daughter unbuckles her seat belt, stands up like she's going to the bathroom, her mother says something to her (I'm sure it was 'sit down!')... and she hurls - over the seat. All over the jerk du jour. The look on his face on the way to the bathroom... well, it was kind of perfect.

Back in May, flying overnight from the West Coast to England and sitting with my family in the back row of a Virgin Atlantic 747, around 4am bodyclock-time several people gathered outside the toilets right by my seat and chatted loudly for over half an hour about anything and everything, including debate over the effect of a re-erupting Icelandic volcano. They successfully woke me up and kept me from going back to sleep. I exchanged murderous glances with the woman sitting the other side of the aisle who was similarly affected.

Finally I had had enough, turned around and interrupted the group debate. "Nothing to worry about with the volcano," I assured them, "the captain is going to divert our flight directly above the volcano and throw the noisiest passenger directly into its vent." Closed my eyes and waited for about 30 seconds before they clued in to what I said and went back to their seats. Result.

The alternative was bludgeoning them to death and, while I don't think any jury would have convicted, the admonition had a more convenient result.

I think I've told you this one before Amy, but...

About an hour into a flight from Seattle to London, the flight attendant asked me if I would change seats with a woman who was being bothered by a man in business class. I am thinking he's hitting on her, so I immediately say yes, grab my carry-on and head up front. It turns out it was his smells that bothered the woman, both the generous dousing of cologne mixed with body odor, and the occasional "silent but deadly" release. He was some sort of Euro-trash that didn't believe in bathing.

No resolution to the situation other than toughing it through, though the flight attendant did give me two small bottles of Piper Heidseck to take off the plane.

Oh- and one other story with no resolution:

I was on a train going from Edinburgh to London, seated in the middle or the car, when behind me a group started singing this rowdy chant that ended with "and we're tough, Tough, TOUGH!" Then the front of the car started singing their chants, and so it went back and forth, until beer bottles started wizzing past my head. It was two sets of rugby fans returning from a match, and they were all blitzed. Traveling alone, I wasn't about to tell them to knock it off, so I just hunched down in my seat and hoped it wouldn't turn into a melee. After a few hours they mostly passed out.

I spent years flying a few times a week on business, and have dozens of stories from airlines going bankrupt and stranding me with no connecting flight, to falling asleep on a flight and burning a hole in the guy sitting next to me's pants with a cigarette, to smoking a joint on a redeye flight and being threatened with arrest, to a flight on XMAS eve that had mechanical trouble and went back to the airport where the airline served us free drinks while they fixed the plane and then refused to let most of us back on the plane because we were too drunk to fly. I made the XMAS eve flight by washing my face and changing my shirt in the bathroom and trying to board again, and was then threatened with arrest for public drunkenness when I got off the plane in PHX.

Those are older stories and aren't relevant to today's environment. One relevant factor is I learned during my chaos days to be polite, yet insistent, when problems came up. Skills that still serve me well today.

Here's two newer stories.

I was flying from Atlanta to PHX with a plane change in Chicago.

When I got off the plane in Chicago, I checked the information boards and went to the gate where my next flight was boarding. The desk at the gate had a sign saying the flight number and PHX destination. The area was really crowded so I sat at an adjacent gate and read a book while keeping an eye on the gate.

Now, I don't like to stand in line so I wait until the attendants are getting ready to close the doors, and then go over and board.

But this time, while I was sitting at the adjacent gate, the airlines changed the gate for the PHX flight. It had already left.

The airline said it was my fault for not paying attention, and refused to put me on another carrier, but did offer me a seat on another one of their flights if it was available.

I tried getting on the next flight, but it was full so I had them put my name on standby. I ran to another airline check in to see if I could get on their flight. They wanted about $450, so I went back to the first airline to see if I would get called for standby.

While I was talking with the attendant - she was telling me my chances of getting a seat were ZERO, a woman in line behind me, offered me a plane ticket. She was taking both of her daughters to PHX, but one stayed home and the ticket weren't refundable.

The attendant said the ticket wasn't transferable, but she would look the other way. I got home 4 hours later than I expected.

Another story. Flying from Newark to PHX with a plane change in Dallas. There was a storm in Newark that kept us on the runway for 3 hours. The plane was empty so it wasn't as bad as it could have been, and the airline was serving free drinks.

I missed my connection in Dallas, but there were no later flights to PHX. The airline claimed it was weather related and offered me a voucher for a $15 motel room along with a seat on an early morning plane.

I went to the hotel along with a bunch of other people in similar straights and spent a few hours hanging out in the hotel's bar with them and then went to bed.

I woke up in the morning when a maid knocked on the door. It was 15 minutes AFTER my flight had left.

I called the hotel desk, and complained about not getting the wake up call I'd requested. The desk clerk told me she'd have the manager call me back.

The manager called me back after talking with the airline. He got me a first class seat on a plane leaving in 3 hours. He comped my breakfast, refunded my room charges, and then personally gave me a ride to the airport.

My dad is a pilot so by age 4 I was fairly adept at traveling by plane (not unaccompanied of course). Since we flew non-rev standby we were lucky to get on the plane. On this occasion my mother was flying back cross-country from her in-laws with me (3 or 4) and my sister (lap baby). There weren't two seats together so my mom asked a gentleman if he would be willing to move so she could sit with her kids. He grumpily said "no."

My frazzled mother said "Okay then," and sat me down in the empty seat. She handed me my bag of coloring books and snacks and told me she'd be five rows behind me. She knew I was a polite and self sufficient child so she wasn't too worried.

I'm told the look on his face was pretty priceless.

***

Speaking of seat hogs, my dad has a story about someone who tried to bring a service animal into first class. Yes, you can bring service animals into the cabin. Yes, service animals can be pigs. But this guy wanted to bring his 150lb hog into first class. Dad threw the pig and his hog off the plane.

My husband and I got married and had our honeymoon in Hawaii. At at the airport in New York, we were told that the flight was overbooked, and we would not be getting on the plane, but they had another flight leaving the next day. Leaving the next day would have meant missing our own wedding. There was one seat open, so it was also possible that one of us could go ahead and the other could catch up, but that smelled like disaster.

As it came down to minutes before departure, one guy agreed to be bumped and take the next flight. It turned out we didn't need him to do that, since two people missed their flight and we got on, at the very last minute. My husband and I glared at the terminal entrance like we could keep those people away be sheer force of will.

If you actually have that superpower, shoot me an email. (By hand is fine. I have some projects for you.)

Elliott Hester recounts an incident in his book, Plane Insanity, about a passenger who died during a flight. Although the flight was full, the dead man's seatmate refused to sit next to a corpse.
http://books.google.com/books?id=KLCOGkEm9FkC&lpg=PA58&ots=sVdVN4B91q&dq=elliott%20hester%20passenger%20misbehavior&pg=PA60#v=onepage&q&f=false

I loved that book!

On a flight home from Jamaica, I was stuck in the window seat next to a very large woman holding a baby and another large woman next to her. The baby was a few months old and cried constantly. It was annoying and not the way I wanted to end my peaceful kid-free vacation. Still, I decided that rather than ask her to keep the kid quiet or throw dirty looks that I was sure wouldn't bother her that I would talk to the baby. Eventually I asked her if she'd like a break and offered to hold the baby. The baby still cried a lot but just extending myself made me and her feel better. It eased some of the tension, definitely more than if I scowled the entire way home.

I'm not defending her decision to take over my space. I'm just saying I decided to make the best of a bad situation and it did help.

When BF and I went to New Orleans (right before Katrina, so this was a while ago), there was some asshat who got on the plane while talking on his cell phone. He was just going to Charlotte NC which was the first leg of the flight (we had to change planes there). Anyhoo, everyone was stowing their stuff and all, and this kid (early 20s, maybe) had no luggage that I saw, not even a carry on. But he was still on his cell. We were told to buckle up, shut off all cell phones, and prepare to taxi to the runway. Kid was still on his cell. Now people around us are starting to get pissed. BF made a move to stand up, I put my hand on his arm. "Not worth it" I whispered to him. I knew the flight attendents were on to this kid. The one told him at least twice to get off his phone. Sure enough, as we're going down the runway, I feel the plane start to turn. The captain comes down the aisle and removes the kid from his seat, we get back to the gate, the captain escorts the kid off the plane (much cheering from the other passengers), and says to everyone "Sorry for the delay folks, we had to remove a bug!"

Flux saving sanity.
Many years ago, I and some rather nerdy friends were flying to a gaming convention.
Due to bad weather everything was being delayed, and taking a long time. With everyone being rather grumpy.
We broke out some games and were playing to pass the time. There were a few families who between them had 6 or so kids, who were of course bored out of their minds, whiny, and making everyone else miserable too. We dug through our games found a simple and age appropriate card game, flux. Took the 2 minutes to teach them how to play, and left them to their own game. We were everyones heroes.
Since then I often have a copy on me, if I ever need to wait in a long line.
Of course now, if we tried going within 15 ft of them we would probably be arrested, or considered pedos or something.

Several years ago I was at the Jet Blue gate about an hour before my flight and observed a passenger hurry up to the spot where they take your boarding pass only to find that the door to the airplane was closed. When the gate attendant reopened the door, in a clear violation of posted rules, to allow a potentially severely inconvenienced passenger to board the plane, I was immensely impressed at the attendant's actions and priorities.

When we buried my dad one of his best friends told us a story that none of the family had heard (although it is exactly the kind of thing he did). The friend had been bumped from a flight and the airline didn't offer him another flight. They basically just declared his ticket null and void and wouldn't refund it. When he threatened to sue, they just said, "Go ahead. It'll cost you more to hire a lawyer than the cost of the ticket."

He complained to my dad, who was a tax attorney. My dad filed the suit for free, took the airline to court, and won. The airline still didn't pay. "It'll cost you more to force us to pay than the cost of the ticket," they said.

My dad put a lien on one of their 747s at Portland International Airport.

They called him and said, "We have your check right here." My dad said, "You're going to have to deliver it to my office. And I close in 15 minutes."

That is golden

on a SW flight out of Vegas, before take-off the flight attendant let us know that due to turbulence there would be no in-flight service, eliciting groans, then explained that during take-off she would be sliding the peanuts down the aisle. we all laughed. no, seriously, she said, and instructed us to let the first peanuts go all the way back and then grab them from there row by row.

plane took off, peanuts whizzed past, and we all grabbed a bag.

i'm sure some FAA no-fun regulation was broken, but the flight attendant turned the sourpuss faces into smiles.

This is an ancient history one back in 1986. I was flying out of Philadelphia to go to my first base out of USAF basic/tech school. This was the same day that the Army released the recruits in tech school at Fort Dix to go home for Christmas.

I'm on a flight full of grunts and the beer was free. About an hour into the flight to DFW the stewardess comes on the P.A. and says she has bad news and good news. The bad news -- every can of beer on board was gone. The good news, they had plenty of mini-bottles that are now discounted at $1 a piece. The groans and cheers were classic.

Dunno if this was a rude moment, but it was a potentially sticky situation. Several years ago my four year old daughter and I were on our way from Arizona to a wedding on the east coast. She had never been on a plane before and she said nothing about security measures until we got to the part where we had to take off our shoes--at the time a fairly new measure that had everyone grumbling. My kiddo asked, really loud, "Mommy, why do we have to take off our shoes?" Everyone in line got quite and turned to see what I would say. My response was "Because they want to make sure no one gets on the plane with holes in their socks."
I heard several titters in the line and a "good response, Mom." My kiddo took my explanation at face value and cheerfully removed her shoes.

I believe that the mom is responsible for Kaylee's disappearance. I had thought at first maybe she owed someone a large amount of money (drug dealers) and they have taken Kaylee until mom pays up. But as time goes by and from the mom's behavior I beleive she either killed her accidently or just didnt want to be burdeoned with here anymore so she could continue her partying life style. As far as the Grandparents either they know exactly happended to their Grandaughter and just don't want to believe their daughter is capable of this type of crime. But as a Grandmother myself I would not hesitate to turn my child in if I felt they had something to do with my Grandchilds disapperance. And there is no way I would have gone a month or more without seeing my Grandchild. I hope Kaylee is found safe but as time goes by it looks less likely that will happen. God bless you Kaylee and know that people all over have been praying for you and your safe return.