The Millennials: The Entitlement Generation
Tech-trepreneur Jason Calcanis writes:
Many millennials not only don't want jobs, they simply don't deserve them. They can't take even a tiny amount of criticism and they need constant adulation for amazing efforts like, ummmm, showing up for work.A frequent refrain I hear from these folks is, "I've been working here for almost six months and you haven't recognized the work I've put in!" Of course my reaction to this is "Oh, I'm sorry, please tell me what you've accomplished."
That is usually a short conversation which includes that the person came in and worked for the hours in which they were paid to work. In other words, they want the participation trophy. They want credit for coming to work for the hours they've been paid. That's not how it works in my mind, but I decided to relent.
I had a trophy made for participation. It reads "for excellence in showing up."
We have a tradition at the office of putting it on people's desks when they are on vacation so that they when they come back it's waiting for them as a reward for "excellence in showing up."
The fact is, thanks to massive technological and organizational advances the "just show up" job is a seriously endangered species. Companies are getting so efficient that they've learned that they can make better and more profitable products and services with smaller teams.This chart from Safework Inc. (via BusinessInsider), shows that in the past decade the profit per employee has increased by -- wait for it -- 50%. What this chart tells us is that companies would rather hoard cash and increase their bottom lines by not hiring folks.
Work-ethic erosion has sent a strong signal to the corner offices in corporate America: A large percentage of Americans are simply not worth the trouble.
In fact, what I've learned -- and I know many of my contemporaries have too -- is that many folks simply don't want a job. If a large percentage of folks don't want to work hard and would rather be hiking around Machu Picchu, well, perhaps we shouldn't worry about 10 or 20% unemployment.
Maybe the future of America is that half our citizens don't have jobs by choice?
via Robert W.
This goes both ways.
It used to be that you could be a good employee, work for the same company for your entire life and then retire. At some point that changed. These days, once you get past a certain number of years of work, you become a liability because your pay increases to match. This is especially true in massive corporations that are more about expanding their bottom line than taking care of their employees. It's also true if you're an excellent employee and earn large raises -- you're excellent and therefore you're expensive.
All this effort at trimming and swelling a company's profits (like you said, up 50%) is doubly taxing on the employees. As people are laid off, the job that used to be done by four people is now done by one. Those who keep their jobs put in 70 hour weeks and are paid for 40, and dare not complain because they might be the ones to get laid off next. In some ways, I think the giant mega-corp conglomerates hurt America, because there's a lot more layers where someone can decide employee X is too expensive and therefore has to go.
Should this generation put more effort into their jobs? Probably. It's something you can say of every generation, really. However, there needs to be a reason to give a company your loyalty, and we're seeing less and less of that these days.
Sarah at September 10, 2011 2:39 AM
Actually this is truer of most management types in corporate America than the worker bees.
They expect to (and usually do) get promoted just for showing up (and taking the credit for what their subordinates do).
Although at the core of the argument remains the misplaced 'loyalty' that doesn't exist anymore thanks to Ronald Reagan and the employment 'at-will' mentality. Sarah is right on this one. Seniority puts a target on you these days.
DrCos at September 10, 2011 4:34 AM
I have a friend at computer work focused company and they simply can't find good employees anymore. She says that the new ones fresh out of school simply can't handle coming to work for a full 8 hours a day. They whine and fuss and get very little done and often actually quit before they could be fired and go back home to live with the parents. And I've never surprised because most of my university students don't have any more get up and go than this either. They want it all without working for it (because that's what they've received from parents and the school system). At her place, the "old guard" rules because they're the only ones that do any work.
Catherine at September 10, 2011 5:50 AM
Maybe we shouldn't volunteer to work for megacorps then. I'm self employed. My customers are all smaller companies where the owner is in the office every day and knows what's happening on the shop floor - and knows every one of his employees.
It's much harder to shaft someone when you know them, when there's a face and a name and a soul attached to the folder in the HR cabinet.
Also - many of my customers are having great difficulty finding good machinists. They all say the same thing - if unemployment is so bad, why are we scraping the bottom of the barrel?
And I think it's because at anything below 10% unemployment there are a large number of marginals that have jobs just because there's so much work to be done that a marginal worker is better than none at all.
brian at September 10, 2011 6:21 AM
I've had no problem finding good employees. Perhaps Safework, inc needs to do a better job interviewing candidates. It's not rocket science; you're looking for evidence that job applicants want to do the job and are able to do it. The want part is not optional, it's the difference between at best a drone, and the employee you'd like to clone.
One really great recent hire was a women who ran a concession stand at sporting events. She had a degree, but no experience in the field. She proved she was dependable and organized in her part-time job. Sometimes you luck out and get somebody who makes the whole team better.
I have no intention of funding hiking in Manchu Picchu for anyone but me. That's the real problem here. I don't care if you don't want to work, and I'm more than willing to help those who truly need it through no fault of their own. Do NOT expect me to pay for the disability of laziness in any way, shape, or form.
MarkD at September 10, 2011 6:47 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2011/09/10/the_millennials.html#comment-2469596">comment from CatherineI have to say, I have met two of the employees Calcanis did hire, because Richard Metzger shoots the UK TV show he does for SKYTV and the web at Calcanis' offices over on Colorado in Santa Monica and had me on. These two -- probably both about 25, doing cameras and sound on a Saturday -- were just super.
Here's the clip: http://bit.ly/DangerousMindsAlkon
Amy Alkon at September 10, 2011 6:56 AM
I'll tell you what the cause of a lot of this is: our education system has been almost totally co-opted by the Left, and their goal is and always has been to use the education system for indoctrination. Actually educating is not their concern. I see a lot of college graduates who have been mal-educated. Not only have they not been taught what they should have been taught, but they've been taught a bunch of stuff that isn't true. They'd be better off if they had not gone to college at all.
And I see it extending down to primary education too. Any young person these days who was sent to private school, or home schooled by conscientious parents, should thank their lucky stars. The rest have an awful lot of catching up to do. I am astounded at the poor quality of public school textbooks these days. A few weeks ago I was looking through a high school chemistry textbook, and I was astounded at the misinformation and irrelevance of most of the material. The first four chapters consisted almost totally of environmental hectoring, and the few actual chemistry statements made were in error. (No, carbon dioxide does not remain in the atmosphere forever; it's readily absorbed by rain.)
I fear that we have produced what will turn out to be a lost generation. They haven't been taught anything about how the world actually works, either in scientific/technical terms or in everyday reality, and they've been taught a whole bunch of stuff that is false.
Cousin Dave at September 10, 2011 7:36 AM
I was a manager for a large unionized state agency. Believe me I relished the employees that simply reliably showed up for work. Being a Govt Union shop it was impossible to fire anybody. Furthermore, employees know they are untouchable so they knew that they were untouchable if they were passive aggressive. To make matters worse the HR dept had a mind set that their job was to arbitrate between a manager and employee. More than once HR pulled the rug out from under me. Of course, the ethical employees suffered because they ended up with additional work having to cover for their slacker co-workers. I should have given trophies to the workers that actually showed up for work and didn't cause trouble. Since I was a lower pay grade than six of the people I supervised I simply "promoted" myself when we had a vacancy. I make more money and have vastly fewer headaches. Aren't you glad to know this is the business model that will be responsible for your healthcare. In my case, my state agency will in fact be responsible for your future health care.
Bill O Rights at September 10, 2011 7:51 AM
"I'll tell you what the cause of a lot of this is: our education system has been almost totally co-opted by the Left, and their goal is and always has been to use the education system for indoctrination."
Hyperbole is at it's best first thing in the morning, when it's fresh and fragrant and steaming on the sidewalk.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at September 10, 2011 7:59 AM
"Also - many of my customers are having great difficulty finding good machinists"
It's not just machinists...many manufacturers have expressed difficulties in finding people who can *read a ruler*. I was talking with someone who teaches landscaping at a community college and he made the same comment about his students.
Obviously ruler-reading can be easily taught IF someone understands the concept of fractions, but many graduates of our public school system lack this still.
david foster at September 10, 2011 8:20 AM
I work with a lot of millennial and haven't encountered these problems. But then I'm working with engineers, so the attitude may be different.
Also Calacanis is notorious for being a grandstanding a-hole who is really full of himself. He may not be getting the best candidates. I know a few people who'd worked for him when he was in NYC and most don't have a very favorable opinion of him. I doubt that up and coming millennials are being advised to 'go work for Jason Calacanis if you want to make it'.
jeremy at September 10, 2011 9:34 AM
Karl Marx revealed that business owners are leeches on society, draining away the wealth that rightfully belongs to the workers. At least, the wealth of the workers who have jobs.
The unemployed remain unexploited. Are they grateful?
Andrew_M_Garland at September 10, 2011 10:09 AM
I'm past 50 and have been self-employed/freelancer for at least 25 years. I never thought I was supposed to work for 1 place for my whole life, nor did anyone in my family. I think that sort of thinking vanished with the Carter administration.
But "kids today" seem to think that they should leap from college to exciting, well-paid career with big benefits, lavish vacation package in a creative, supportive atmosphere where they can use their innate talents to do something. No such place, no such job. That's why they call it "work".
KateC at September 10, 2011 10:32 AM
I see a lot of this in my nieces and nephews. Great expectations and a readiness to take on the world ... after I get back from the gym.
Part of this is the age of the millennials. Post-college is a time of rude awakenings and dashed expectations.
My wife's best friend from high school exited college in the early '80s thinking she would get a six figure job and lots of perks ... 'cause she had a college degree. She ended up working for my wife, who at that time didn't have a degree.
A friend of mine got a degree in art history (late '80s), thinking his erudite self would be in immediate demand by major museums. Life didn't work out that way for him. He ended up working in banking, ironically making more than he would have in a museum.
Thirty years from now, millennials will be complaining about "kids today."
Conan the Grammarian at September 10, 2011 10:54 AM
Also Calacanis is notorious for being a grandstanding a-hole who is really full of himself.
Jeremy is correct.
Calcanis' public pronouncements are nearly always intended to be provocative (to get more coverage) and to self-promote or occasionally, to promote Mahalo*, too. It's advisable to take what Jason writes with a grain of salt.
I doubt that up and coming millennials are being advised to 'go work for Jason Calacanis if you want to make it'.
I agree. He's notorious in the industry for being a hothead when it comes to dealing with his employees, and Mahalo is said to be a terrible place to work largely due to Jason's management style.
Mahalo is also really struggling as a business in the wake of being hammered by a recent Google ranking factor updated that punished content farms like Mahalo. Perhaps his struggles with Mahalo might be influencing what he writes here.
My experience with millennials doesn't accord with what Jason reports. Our team is pretty small, but we've got a couple of millennials – they're smart, motivated, conscientious, get shit done and are generally a pleasure to have around. They don't require hand-holding or constant praise. We're careful about whom we hire, and ours is a great place to work. Perhaps that is the difference.
Christopher at September 10, 2011 11:10 AM
image
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at September 10, 2011 11:57 AM
Calcanis is full of bluster, but he's made some interesting points over the years
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at September 10, 2011 12:00 PM
What do you expect from a generation who are bombarded with images of people being famous for doing nothing! The Kardashians, the Hiltons, the Jersey Shore crew...be famous and make big money doing NOTHING.
Yes, these kids need to be responsible, but between helicopter parents, media, and a society that sits backs and does nothing to encourage hard labor, well, we're getting exactly what we paid for.
UW Girl at September 10, 2011 12:08 PM
This goes both ways.
It used to be that you could be a good employee, work for the same company for your entire life and then retire. At some point that changed.
I'm in my 40s and I agree with this observation.
At my first job (in the mid-80s) I was one of the most productive employees in my group despite the fact that I was certainly the lowest paid. I also thought that it was nice of the company to keep the old guy around even though he didn't seem to be contributing much.
Market efficiency has now improved - so that the young employees are paid better and the old ones get tossed. But since there is no longer any social compact, management has no right to complain about how this generation has the wrong attitude.
They should find young people who can work, pay them what they deserve, and not expect any kind of sentimental committment.
Engineer at September 10, 2011 12:17 PM
Does anyone know if this rumor is true? Namely, that employers are becoming increasingly desperate for young workers who are actually able to deal with clients on the phone or in person, since so many have had little practice at that, being accustomed to texting?
lenona at September 10, 2011 12:37 PM
Employee motivation and productivity boosting is an industry in itself. Appreciation and awards can actually make more of a difference than money. Most humans have an innate need to be wanted and accepted. If employers understands this they can get maximum productivity out of the people they have. If the person doesn't perform or show up than they just get a new person.
Most children are being brought up in an "everybody is a winner-don't hurt Dick or Jane's feelings" environment. As long as employers understand that, they can maximize productivity and make their employees feel good with-out paying them as much.
David H at September 10, 2011 12:51 PM
UWG, I see your point, but nobody was bombarded. Sure... there were in Hollywood people putting out idiot shows and articles about those people (ahem), but nobody was forced to watch them. The people who take Kardashian seriously really WANT to take her seriously. They have to seek her out... Especially nowadays, when media markets are so fragmented. People who want to subscribe to Scientific American subscribe to Scientific American, and people who want to watch Beverly Hills Goofball on TV watch Beverly Hills Goofball on TV. People are responsible for what they bring into their own heads.
I agree with you, but it's human nature that wants to see images of people getting paid for doing nothing. There will always be someone to pander to eager to believe life should be free 'n easy.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at September 10, 2011 1:05 PM
> that employers are becoming increasingly
> desperate for young workers who are actually
> able to deal with clients
When I dream of running a planet by my own fascist hand, corporations doing business on American shores are forbidden to use automated phone trees; The customer contacts will be handled by teenagers making minimum wage or a little less, and when they failed to handle the idiot public courteously, they lose their jobs.
Call it socialism if you want, but it's illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon, but nobody complains that much.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at September 10, 2011 1:08 PM
image
Nice. One can concede the first two points, and still find a really enjoyable life provided the third is avoided, which just about anyone can do by putting some creativity and effort into it.
There's a sweet groove to be found if work is interesting and you surround yourself with the right sort of people. You don't have to be a rock star, but it's allright if you can jam for a local crowd from time to time.
Christopher at September 10, 2011 1:09 PM
Isn't this the guy who'd sold a bunch of blogs to AOL for like 25 million dollars and then made a public statement afterwards criticizing them for paying too much?
nel at September 10, 2011 1:36 PM
Earlier typos per distraction, and I feel bad.
> and then made a public statement afterwards
> criticizing them for paying too much?
Trash talking isn't illegal. He was probably right, too.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at September 10, 2011 2:22 PM
Many millennials not only don't want jobs, they simply don't deserve them. They can't take even a tiny amount of criticism and they need constant adulation for amazing efforts like, ummmm, showing up for work.
Sort of the way their parents say "Parenting is the hardest job in the world" -- expecting adultation for amazing efforts like, ummmm, raising the children they chose to have.
Kevin at September 10, 2011 5:16 PM
I work for a wholly owned subsidiary of a fortune 500 company. We are a software company. We parallel the parent company's work, but aren't required to work with all of the clients they have. The parent company doesn't have all the same clients we do either.
In the last 12 months the parent company has started coming down and said we want your company to be more integrated to the big daddy rules.
The majority of our support desk has been changed from salary to hourly. They imposed a five (5) minute early/late window to clocking in and out. The policy is no-fault. In other words it doesn't matter if you were caught behind the train derailment that cut off half the city and shut down all traffic, you still get points for being late. If you are on the phone with a customer at closing time, trouble shooting an issue, you can either hang up, or work the issue and get a point for clocking out late.
The HQ doesn't understand that a call center can have 50 standard FAQs and a laundry list of the normal orders. The support desk has to support our five products on ten different platforms and about fifteen configuration options each.
If they keep up the same standard they won't have any employee loyalty left in a short time.
Anonymous Coward at September 10, 2011 5:45 PM
High unemployment means enduring loyalty from people you haven't hired yet.
Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at September 10, 2011 7:10 PM
I do see a lot of the recent college graduates who seem to think they should be making six figures, have six months off/ year, total flexiability in their work schedule.
I do see significant lack of skills and basic understanding. One of them I am working with had a system down for a ouple of days. When I noticed it was down I asked him about it - oh, yeah, I suppose I should look at that again. If you can't figure out, ask from for help at least - don't just leave it.
I was also shocked to find out that my employer has a program where they budget around $5000 per intern to make the internship fun with the reason that otherwise these kids might go to work for Google or something.
At my previous employer I saw a similar problem - many of the workers in there 50s and 60s had mentality that they had put in their time and now they should be able to cruise till retirement. Show up, do little but drink coffee and take 1.5 lunch.
The Former Banker at September 10, 2011 9:38 PM
I once worked for a small manufacturing business back in the late 70's, who tried to offer an incentive for prompt attendance. I can't remember what the incentive was, but nobody else was interested in it, either. The owners dropped the plan.
Jefe at September 10, 2011 9:38 PM
It really is amazing the increased intelligence and vision that hindsight brings. Criticisms of the "millennial" workforce (which, as such a broad generalization, isn't an all that useful definition) have likely been leveled at every single generation since time immemorial.
To generalize the generalizations: The millennials are lazy, arrogant, entitled, don't want to work long hours, etc. etc. etc. I'm fairly certain that employers felt the same way about hiring Generation X and Boomers.
FFS, every generation is going to have individuals who feel entitled to something without putting in the work. To paint an entire generation as entitled based on only a few individuals is ludicrous.
Moreover, millennials didn't get the cushy entrance into the workforce previous generations have received. Back in the 70's, 80's and early 90's, you could work a part time job, take out several small loans, and pay for your college education without going tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Now, that simply is no longer the case. Instead, Millennials have been burdened with ridiculous levels of debt created by increased tuition costs and a shit job market. (See here: http://www.businessinsider.com/chart-of-the-day-tuition-home-prices-cpi-2010-7)
Justin at September 11, 2011 1:35 AM
One last comment: "The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint ... As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behaviour and dress."
Peter the Hermit, 1050-1115 A.D.
Justin at September 11, 2011 1:54 AM
The idiots attacking Calacanis are probably offended because his article describes them. Attack the messenger, even thought the message makes sense. Good liberal philosophy
anonymous coward at September 11, 2011 5:13 AM
Note that the "The idiots attacking Calacanis are probably offended ...." posted by anonymous coward at September 11, 2011 5:13 AM is a different anonymous coward. ;-)
Anonymous Coward at September 11, 2011 7:43 AM
"I'm fairly certain that employers felt the same way about hiring Generation X and Boomers. "
Can't speak for the Boomers, but my experience back in the day was that employers were pretty excited about hiring X'ers. We are, after all, the generation that made geekdom cool! Of course, that was during the Reagan boom, and businesses were happy to be hiring anyone who was competent. But it was an exciting time, at least for those of us in the computer industry. We were doing cool stuff and making huge strides with our products. And we were rewarded nicely, thank you.
The Millinnials, of course, are stuck trying to start the careers in a damn-near depression, where most employers aren't hiring anyone, period. I see it all over the place: young people who are well-spoken, present themselves well, and have a good attitude about work, and they either can't find anything or have to accept a job that would, in the X'ers' day, be more of a job for teenagers. So I have sympathy for them. However, that sympathy is tempered by the fact that they are the ones who voted the Obama Democrats into office. You reap what you sow.
Cousin Dave at September 11, 2011 9:03 AM
>> Good liberal philosophy
mmmkay ...??
Let's consider what JC has done here AC. In order to promote himself and perhaps establish an alibi, JC has just announced that any person under 30 who has ever worked for him was a lazy and worthless employee. His commentary isn't really an analysis of Millenials, it's a rant about his frustrations with his own employees. That's how other people in the industry are going to read this screed. So now you've got a bunch of young people, who've worked for him in the past, walking around with a black mark on the resumes. There are also likely to be a bunch of ex-Mahalo employees in the same position very soon. I wouldn't be surprised if his post is partly an attempt to excuse an upcoming round of departures from Mahalo. The Millenials may be jumping ship and he wants to poison them in fear that they'll damage his reputation further once they're on the market. I can't imagine that I'd work for him any longer after this stunt, if I were young and trying to build a career.
I can see how someone might see criticism of him as sour grapes, if they aren't aware of his history and reputation. But if you are, then you'll recognize that the skepticism here is warranted.
jeremy at September 11, 2011 9:43 AM
Where I work the supervisor is "bribing" us to have good attendance by giving us prizes for each 2-week pay period we've shown up to for all our scheduled shifts and on time and only half the employees earn the prizes and probably 10% get them every pay period. I think it's ridiculous to reward someone for actually doing what they were hired to do. We also win prizes for going without making any accounting errors and also by receiving over a certain number of "applause cards" per pay period from the patients we see and they ask us to have them fill the cards out each visit (I don't ask because I find it in poor taste, but leave the cards out where they can chose to do it or not). It seems like there's a prize for every job duty we have!
Crid, I complain a lot about not being allowed to pump my own gas. Station attendants have broken/cracked my gas cap three different times in the five years I've owned my car as well as one pushing the fuel door in so hard when he closed it that he broke the release mechanism, which is not a cheap or easy fix.
BunnyGirl at September 11, 2011 9:52 AM
It's funny that anyone even bothers to respond to Calacaniac any longer. He's a guy who was smart enough to cash out on a dying trend at the end of the dot com bubble and that's it. He hasn't ever built a successful internet company or even developed anything. He's a narcissistic self promoter and that's about it. Take a look at his company mahalo. It's a retread of a 7 year old business model that was largely dead before he even got started.
A lot of people made money on half baked ideas during the dot com error folks. It doesn't make them gurus or geniuses.
kwiklidoo at September 11, 2011 10:52 AM
(Apologies to the original Anonymous Coward)
My point was this, attacking Jason doesn't make him wrong. Yeah I know his reputation, but his point looks valid. There was even a recent CNN piece on Gen Y-ers who were on camera saying that they don't consider their job important enough to work extra hours, yadda yadda. Hope they like the bread lines.
And people wonder why we are importing hard working H1-Bs from China and India for good paying high tech jobs.
The Fake Anonymous Coward at September 11, 2011 11:08 AM
*****Many millennials not only don't want jobs, they simply don't deserve them. They can't take even a tiny amount of criticism and they need constant adulation for amazing efforts like, ummmm, showing up for work.
Sort of the way their parents say "Parenting is the hardest job in the world" -- expecting adultation for amazing efforts like, ummmm, raising the children they chose to have.*****
THIS.
Daghain at September 11, 2011 2:02 PM
>> My point was this, attacking Jason doesn't make him wrong.
That's true. But I'm skeptical of the claim that Millenials are any more starry eyed, lazy, or callow than previous generations. As I'd mentioned before, I work w/ kids this age and honestly don't see the negative traits that they're purported to possess - not among the group as a whole. If anything, they seem to have a healthy skepticism towards a lot of the therapeutic PC nonsense that has been promoted to them. Frankly people of my generation (X) are more in thrall of this stuff than they are.
This is where it se
jeremy at September 11, 2011 5:26 PM
You kids get offa my lawn!
Pirate Jo at September 11, 2011 6:42 PM
Some of the points and expectations millenials have aren't that ridiculous. They want a lot of flexibility...that's what they've experienced in life up to this point. Work from home, sleep in an hour late and stay an hour later, take work home for Sunday to have the following Friday off. I don't think these are unreasonable expectations in the internet age. It would require a change in the way most companies have their standards for clock-ins, but it isn't unreasonable. For that matter, why *should* you put in eight hours if you can get all your work done in six?
Astonishing salary requirements? Their getting hit with the real world for the first time. And the story of America for much of its history is that children do better than their parents. For millenials there's a good chance this isn't true, but the cultural expectation remains.
They want a lot of time off? Well if you can't get a salary that makes you happy, negotiate for perks.
They want recognition for daily tasks? Why the FUCK complain about this? If all it takes to make someone feel appreciated is to pull them aside and say "I really appreciate you coming in on time every day. It sets a good example for everyone else," then why not take that as a gift. A little recognition and praise, even if it's for something basic, can not only move mountains but it can make employees happier about working despite crap pay. Obviously you don't want to be so effusive that it becomes meaningless and insincere, but it's a cheap and effective way to motivate. Even though expense reports are an every-day part of my job, if my boss takes the time to note that I have everything tracked down to the penny and she says something positive to me, I feel on top of the world and that much more determined to track down the next batch of pennies.
Here's a secret about millenials. They want to be Luke Skywalker. They see themselves as rockstars. Maybe mommy and daddy should have told them they weren't special as snowflakes and built that up, but it happened. You can bitch and moan about it, or you can figure out how to be Obi Wan Kenobi and bring out the universe-saving hero they believe themselves to be.
Elle at September 11, 2011 6:52 PM
Sort of the way their parents say "Parenting is the hardest job in the world" -- expecting adultation for amazing efforts like, ummmm, raising the children they chose to have.
Posted by: Kevin at September 10, 2011 5:16 PM
__________________________
There's a bit more to it than that.
Dr. John Rosemond (born 1947) has said, often, that parenting is hard only when parents are foolish enough to make their kids the center of the universe, rather than the parents' marriage (or, if single, the parent's adult life). "The more attention you pay your child, the less attention your child will pay to you (and your orders)."
From a 1997 article:
........He said he recently quizzed a Connecticut audience of 600 adults. About 60 percent raised their hands when he asked how many had come from a marriage-centered rather than child-centered home, he said.
"For those of you who raised your hands, how many of your parents thought raising children was a no-brainer?" he asked. Almost all the hands went up again.
"The more child-centered you are in raising children, the more energy you will spend in the course of child-rearing," he said. Though well-intentioned, such an approach is wrong-headed, he said. "We are putting in four times as much effort and getting about one-quarter back on the investment."
People come to his presentations because for them parenting has become complex and stressful, he said. "The difficulty with parenting is not a product of our times but a product of our thinking." Many contemporary parents think about child-rearing in a radically different way than their forebears thought about it, he said.
"It is a myth you tend to parent the same way you were parented," he said. Though raised in a traditional way, many break with that tradition. "Your parenting is influenced by the culture and everything around you, including all the experts out there," said Mr. Rosemond, who has written eight books on parenting, the most recent being Because I Said So and A Family of Value......
And, from a 2006 column of his:
"............In those better days, when you misbehaved, your parents tried to make you feel guilty. Many of today’s parents try to discipline their children without causing guilt, not realizing that the anticipation of guilt is the best preventive of misbehavior, not the anticipation of “negative consequences.” Most people in my generation will testify that knowing you disappointed your parents was the worst consequence of all. But then, we were not on pedestals. The pedestals were occupied by our parents. Needless to say, today’s parents are more concerned about disappointing their kids than their kids are about disappointing them, if they are even concerned at all. It’s that pedestal thing.
"The bottom line: You cannot raise children in two entirely different ways and arrive at the same outcome. I sometimes ask parents, 'Who would you rather be raising, you or your child?' Eight out of ten answer along these lines: 'Oh, that’s a no-brainer, John. Me, of course.'
"Unfortunately, that’s not the right answer."
Also, Google for a great article of his that begins with "parenting isn't exactly a no-brainer."
lenona at September 12, 2011 7:28 AM
> I complain a lot about not being allowed
> to pump my own gas.
Sincere sympathy....
...But we'll never know how much you've saved by having a bunch of 21-year-old entering the job market with substantial customer service under their belt, as well as a presumably diminished incentive to hit you over the head and take your purse.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at September 12, 2011 7:06 PM
"Maybe the future of America is that half our citizens don't have jobs by choice?"
In that case, we should all start learning to speak French.
Jenners at September 13, 2011 3:53 AM
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