Suburban Housewife As Male Sex Symbol
I know that adolescent girls often like more girlish guys until they get a little older, but this photo of Justin Bieber is disturbing.
via Arvin
Suburban Housewife As Male Sex Symbol
I know that adolescent girls often like more girlish guys until they get a little older, but this photo of Justin Bieber is disturbing.
via Arvin
This photograph cannot be unseen. I am pretty sure I am permanently scarred.
Vance at February 20, 2012 9:52 AM
Cosh.
Crid at February 20, 2012 10:07 AM
LOCAL YOUTH TO EXPLORE OWN BODY
Curious and frightened by the changes she has begun to notice in herself, Stacy Mullhull, a Lakeland Middle School seventh grader, will soon begin a full-scale exploration of her budding young body. The 13-year-old Mullhull, who is experiencing what is commonly known as "puberty," is expected to discover many exciting new things over the next few years, including masturbation and boys.
"This is an exciting time for young Stacy. There is nothing quite so strange and wonderful as a young girl on the brink of her sexual awakening," Lakeland Mayor Paul Johnson said. "She is a ripe, young bud about to flower."
Puberty, according to experts, is the period of rapid sexual and physical development that typically begins at age 12 in girls and 14 in boys. During puberty, girls undergo many changes, including menstruation and ovulation. Girls also develop many secondary sex characteristics, including armpit and pubic hairs, development of breasts, and a widening of hips.
Said Mullhull, "I want to die."
While puberty is perfectly natural, Mullhull appears strangely uncomfortable with it. She refused to answer the questions of reporters camped outside her house and ran away when one asked if she had begun menstruating. "It's something every girl goes through, yet Stacy still feels alone, like she's the only one going through it." said Charles Edmonds, ABC News bureau chief. "It's strange that she's so elusive, but ABC is still providing excellent coverage."
Mullhull recently went to the mall with her mom to purchase her first bra, a fact she unsuccessfully attempted to conceal from her classmates. The first day she wore the size 30AA training bra, classmate Daniel Wilcox snapped its strap in the middle of homeroom, sparking the uproarious laughter from the others. "The students all seemed to enjoy Daniel's prank," homeroom teacher Gene Wurffel said. "And understandably so--it was very funny."
Most young people go through an awkward phase during puberty, but observers say Mullhull is particularly awkward. Tall and gawky, she is much bigger than most of the boys in her class, a fact that should work to her disadvantage in the coming years. "She's really dorky looking, so all the kids in school will most definitely make fun of her," school guidance counselor Carol Weisman said. "In fact, I fully intend to make fun of her myself."
Mullhull's 10-year-old brother Kevin has noticed the decline in his sister's appearance as well. "She's gross," he said.
Things will only get worse for Mullhull. According to published reports, last Tuesday she got her first facial blemish, or "pimple," a large whitehead on her left cheek. Experts say it is just the first of many to come.
"Stacy will have extremely bad skin for many, many years," dermatologist Maxwell Taub said. "It probably won't clear up until well into college."
Said Mullhull, "I am so gross."
To help cope with the changes she is experiencing, Mullhull has turned to Judy Blume. Blume, a noted author, has addressed many of the fears and concerns of young pubescent girls like Mullhull, handling them with an expert blend of humor and honesty. Particularly helpful to Mullhull has been "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret," whose anthemic refrain of "We must, we must, we must increase our bust" has assuaged many of Mullhul's anxieties about her newly budding breasts.
Blume could not be reached for comment. According to Blume's publicist, the author is in Tahiti, "living high off the greasy-haired, pus-oozing, boy-frightened, insecure 13-year-old freaks that buy her books by the millions."
One subject about which Mullhull has still not learned is self-gratification, or masturbation. When asked if she had ever masturbated, Mullhull responded, "What's that?," and blushed, sensing it was probably something sexual. Despite her inexperience, experts are confident Mullhull will someday enjoy stimulation of an auto-erotic nature. "Masturbation is a special way of enjoying ourselves," therapist Lynne McMillen said. "It allows us to explore and experiment with our own bodies."
When asked for comment, Mullhull cried.
Stolen From the Onion dot com in 1998 at February 20, 2012 10:23 AM
Yeah, I saw one of him the other day with his pants riding down his ass gangsta style.
As disturbing to me was being in a pub a few months ago and the song was "Smells like teen spirit", by Miley FUCKING Cyrus!!! Nothing like a spoiled, white, female gazillionaire trying to convey anger and social desperation.
Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
Eric at February 20, 2012 11:47 AM
That's a boy?
I confess that I not exactly plugged in to modern culture, but is this what fashion looks like now?
Looks like he's wearing my aunt's hair and my grandma's jewelry.
The Original Kit at February 20, 2012 12:05 PM
Q.) What has 200 legs and no pubic hair?
A:) The front row of a Justin Bieber concert.
By the way, let the kids have their fun. In my stay on this planet about every 7 or 10 years we've gone through this:
60's - T-Rex, Donnie Osmond (suddenly everyone's bisexual!)
70's - Bowie, Bay City Rollers
80's - Wham!, Big Hair Heavy Rock Bands
90's - Michael Jackson, Boy Bands
00's - I lost touch with civilization outside of Amy's blog.
It's like grown women with this whole Twilight series. A hundred years from now all the behavioral evolutionists will be scratching their heads thinking WTF?
PS- as weird as we are, we'll never reach the human weirdness that is Japan. From what I've seen that place put LSD in the water supply.
Eric at February 20, 2012 1:42 PM
-It's like grown women with this whole Twilight series.-
Ugghh. Never read 'em, never will. But I met two women, a mother & daughter two years ago. Mom was over 80, daughter was my age, mid-fifties. I thought they were both great, entertaining, intelligent, etc. Right up until they insisted I
read Twilight, I would just love it.
I didn't argue with them, but...no. I know just enough about Twilight to know it's not for me. I like my vampires scary, not sparkly.
Speaking of scary, I was just hearing about how the old fairy tales I grew up with are too scary for today's kids.
Now that's scary.
PricIt's like grown women with this whole Twilight series.klypear at February 20, 2012 2:03 PM
Reminds of that movie in which a girl does a passable job of disguising herself as a guy and becoming a high school student. Ends of looking like Ralph Macchio. "Just One of The Guys" I think it's called.
I'm a devoted fan of Epic Rap Battles of History. And perhaps the curbstomp of Epic Rap Battles was pitting Justin Bieber against Ludwig von Beethoven. Justin lost this one the second Beethoven was introduced.
Classic lines from Beethoven: 1) "You wanna trade blows? You can't even hit puberty!" and "I would smack you, but in Germany, we don't hit little girls!"
Patrick at February 20, 2012 2:11 PM
Memories of Lisa Simpson reading Non-Threatening Teenage Boy magazine...
Kevin at February 20, 2012 2:11 PM
I know just enough about Twilight to know it's not for me. I like my vampires scary, not sparkly.
Amen to that, ppear! My older daughter insisted I read the Twilight series, and I told her, No way. Lestat eats Edward for breakfast!
Flynne at February 20, 2012 3:29 PM
Patrick- never saw the movie, but I remember the outside VHS cover with the girl in the locker room with two football helmets on her boobs.
MMMMMmmmmmm...... booobs
Eric at February 20, 2012 3:43 PM
I was a New Kids on the Block fan. I forfeit all right to mock.
MonicaP at February 20, 2012 4:36 PM
Bieber looks less like a suburban housewife than Janet Napolitano.
Simon H Gedney at February 20, 2012 5:01 PM
My wife and I watch the new show "Once Upon a Time."
Ginnifer Goodwin plays "Snow White", but I now me thinks Justin Bieber would have been a better cast.
Trust at February 20, 2012 5:26 PM
"60's - T-Rex, Donnie Osmond (suddenly everyone's bisexual!)"
I think the differences were (a) T-Rex knew they were bi and (b) Donnie's straight half was pining for Marie (shudder).
The Biebs better pray he never shares the stage with Judas Priest. Halford would run off with him as his new bride.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at February 20, 2012 5:54 PM
Is he wearing LIP GLOSS????????
Daghain at February 20, 2012 5:56 PM
> Bieber looks less like a suburban housewife
> than Janet Napolitano.
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care...
He's got to be better in bed than the monster Napolitano!
Janet drives a team over overweight, slobbering, diabetic federal employees with brutal arrogance.
Justin drives a Ferrari with a deft touch...
Dreamboat!
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at February 20, 2012 5:56 PM
http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/
elementary at February 20, 2012 7:06 PM
You think that's weird, try yaoi on for size. It's a subset of manga (Japanese comic books) that is gay romance stories written for, and consumed almost exclusively by, young women. The main characters are always femininely androgynous guys (a style referred to as bishounen or bishi). Thankfully it seems to have reached it's saturation point at the comic conventions. But it's always the teen girls who buy the stuff by the truckload. (The people who sell "original" bishi art at comic cons usually suck. I hope it's mostly because they're so young they've only had limited time to practice but it amazes me they still make enough selling sketches to make renting a table worthwhile.)
Personally, I've preferred Wolverine.
Elle at February 20, 2012 7:24 PM
Yeah, but somehow I think he's doing alright, even with his soccer mom hair and Avon earrings---he's either beard or boyfriend to Selena Gomez. Not too shabby.
Jenny Had A Chance at February 20, 2012 7:49 PM
How America made its children crazy
By Spengler
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Global_Economy/NA31Dj01.html
A partial quote to get you interested.
"Professor L Alan Sroufe's debunking of ADD medication..."
A good summation.
"One really wants to light a torch and march on Frankenstein's castle, also known as the psychology profession."
Read the whole thing.
Looking Glass at February 20, 2012 11:30 PM
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
http://itthing.com/wp-content/uploads/men.jpg
What the fuck happened?
Robert at February 21, 2012 3:27 AM
Actually I would say no more disturbing than pics of Donny Osmond circa 1973 really. But on the other hand THIS is kinda disturbing and I say it as a gay man: http://thejustinbiebershrine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/justinbieber-dad-jeremybieber-sitting-lap-2011.jpg
Chunks at February 21, 2012 5:16 AM
"What the fuck happened?"
Not sure. But those old fruits look pretty butch.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at February 21, 2012 4:30 PM
Oh crap the Koreans have taken over.
I remember a few times some of my students showing me some pics of favorite singers and damn if not half of the guys look like girls. Lip gloss, very fair skin, semi long hair, earrings. Like th above pic.
John Paulson at February 22, 2012 4:55 AM
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