Never underestimate a three-year old or their ability to escape and/or embarrass you.

Seriously? I have left my kids in the car on a number if occasions - to run into the drug store during thunderstorms, to pick up the dry cleaning during snow storms. I even left my youngest in his baby car seat in the car in our driveway (with the windows rolled down) while he napped for the first time in days after fighting a stomach bug.

We're never EVER allowed to turn our backs on our children? Are you kidding me?

I think about my great-grandmother raising kids on a cattle ranch. She had a million things to do, from cooking to helping brand the cattle. She didn't have the time to watch her childrens' every move. The older ones kept track of the younger ones, and they learned fast to take care of themselves. By the time my grandfather was 7, he was taking cows out by himself on his horse with little to no supervision. And he grew up to pay his way throughout college and medical school, serve in the army as a doctor during WWII and have a successful career.

Could it be having responsibility and learning to be self sufficient at a young age had anything to do with that? Hmmmmm....

In a suburban town near me, it is illegal to leave a DOG in a car in a parking lot...no matter the weather, no matter the breed of dog, no matter how long you're going to be away from the car.

Modern bureaucratic liberalism is based on the premise that all aspects of human life can and should be regulated by comprehensive sets of rules to be established by the political classes.

So, I was all set to think the cops were insane. Then I saw her 3 year old had gotten out-and having raised 4 of them, I can assure you 3 year olds will indeed do insane things like head out to find mommy, no matter what they were told 2 mins ago.

I leave my kids in the car while I run in 7-11 or the like ALL the time, 4 mins or less. But I put my childlock on so they can't unlock it, and I take the key. It takes 2.4 seconds to have a kid run over, it happened at our school 2 weeks ago (kid fine, thank god, but that's parents who KNOW kids are running around.) So yeah, this wasn't safe, what she did. And I don't mean not safe in a "someone COULD have gotten hurt" way, I mean a "Pretty likely to get hurt" kinda way.

That children can easily die when an adult assumes the child is OK doing something alone or being alone was tragically highlighted this week in the case of Caleb Linn. What I think is really awry here in this post is treating the mother like a criminal. How in the world is that going to help her children? A definite case of our over-protective out-of-control society creating more harm than the good it seeks to uphold.

In cases like this, one of the key factors to consider is the amount of time the children were left alone. In this case it was long enough for the child to figure out how to unlock her car seat, get out of the car, and be found by the police officers. (Who, presumably, could have arrested her, but didn't.)

Nope, sorry, when you committed to parenthood you committed to inconvenience on a near daily basis.

Just in the last few days here in Wa we had a three year old shoot himself in the head while unsupervised in a truck, and a baby that was carjacked because idiot mom left the keys in the ignition when she ran in the store for "just a moment"

Yes, I was left in the car, but not until I was about seven, and it was because I wanted to read instead of shop with mom. Carjackings were non existent. I seriously doubt she do the same these days.

What she did was stupid. Not a federal offense, sounds like the police acted in the only manner they could. She is lucky it isn't worse.

My son is 5 and I just started to leave him in the car if I have to run in someplace like a gas station but only if I can see him the whole time.

When I was about five, my mom had to run into a friend's house "for a minute". I was left in the car in the driveway with the radio on and told to turn off the radio and lock-up if I went inside. Well, Mom got gabbing and I got bored, so I turned the radio off, locked the car and went into the house to get her. When my mom asked if I locked the car, I proudly told her yes and I turned off the radio. Then she hesitantly asked if i had the keys.... um, no, I was 5.

I'm still unsure how he daughter got outside the car. Did she get herself out? Did the nice policeman help her?

Did this AK mom make a poor judgement call? Yes she did. Should she be charged with child endangerment? Ummm, probably not.

MO4, you'd be surprised how many parents are unaware of the child lock on car doors. Even so, if her daughter was able to escape the car seat she could also have exited by the driver's door.

Here in the DC area we had a mom who left her son in a car not once but twice and he died the second time. her punishment? 400 hours of community service.! What a outrage!

At age four, I was left in the car with my year old brother while my mother returned a handful of rented movies. He proceeded to pull himself behind the wheel and pretend to drive. I yelled at him and told him not to touch anything like our mother had told us. Then, in my attempt to pull him out from behind the steering wheel, I put the car in neutral.

Then, the car proceeded to roll backward and into the ditch.

And my mother learned a lesson.

And when the police got to the car, how were they supposed to know how long the children had been left alone? Was it a few minutes or a few hours?

And were they supposed to know where mom was and when she was coming back, if ever?

. . .I'm scared, and confused and angry. I am afraid that a guilty conviction could compromise my chances of becoming an attorney."

And maybe, she should NOT be an attorney. What if she uses this kind of "poor" judgement on a client's case (which she will presumably care less about than her own kids?) She should have planned ahead instead of "remembering at the last minute" to buy a gift. Other parents manage to plan ahead. It sounds like she already has the stereotypical "I'm above the law" attorney attitude.

The bottom line is that she left the kids alone long enough for someone else to notice; that's long enough for something to have happened and therefore too long.

"... and Aurora was eating cookies (messy), and didn't want to leave the van."

I wish I had a nickel for every time my kids "didn't want" to do something that made a difference to their health and well-being. I'd be off vacationing in Hawaii right now.

Since when is "didn't want to" the appropriate standard for deciding what a child will do?

Children are messy and inconvenient. Put them in a possibly-dangerous situation and probably they will be fine. Probably. What decent parent takes "probably" as a standard of care? I raised my kids in the seventies-eighties in a small town where everyone knew each other, and I STILL didn't leave them in the car by themselves for even a minute. Some things you just do NOT do.

The mom already admitted that it was a mistake. I guess parents aren't allowed to make mistakes anymore because there is a 1 in a million chance of a tragedy. No wonder so many parents are utterly exhausted and stressed out.

I like this post because it ties so many of Amy's ongoing threads together.

People critical of this mother are encouraging helicopter parenting. Kids must be watched at ALL times. Danger lurks everywhere and, if you leave them alone for a minute, they will die!

Bubble wrap, people! You must bubble wrap your children!

And, by the way, these critics are also condoning intrusive governmental policies.

You know why this mother left the kids in the car? Because the government has mandated that children be strapped down in the back seat to guard against the 1 in a million chance that the parent gets into a devastating car crash. The government wants to control her every move.

The government thinks that saving 1 child from a bad accident is worth the cost and inconvenience to thousands.

So, they pass a law and soothe their consciences. Meanwhile, they criminalize the risk of harm. Not harm itself (that has its own crime). The RISK of harm is now a crime.

All the while, the state grows. But, it is a good thing...because government workers love your children more than you do. And, they are smarter than you too.

-Jut

No, Jut isn't right here. Not leaving a toddler where she can get out and wander in traffic (and, apparently, did) isn't helicopter parenting, it's PARENTING.

Strapping kids into carseats isn't for a 1 in a million chance, it's for THE LEADING cause of death in kids ages 1 to 18. SHould some kids get better protection from the leading cause of death just because their aprents are smarter? I think not, here. Kids can't choose carseats for themselves.

Amy, there's a rather large difference in 11 and 3. Just FYI.

I am not a helicopter parent, but the fact is that a car is different than say a crib. As someone else pointed out, it easy for a child to decide to play with that stick thing that mom always uses when she drives and put the car in neutral. Other kids are escape artists, such as this woman's child. Which would you rather be safe or sorry? As a mother, the guilt I would feel over making a decision like that and having a bad outcome is worth the inconvenience to me regardless of what the law says. Most women would NEVER leave their purse on the seat of the car and walk away, so why would you leave you children behind?

As for Jut's comments, I believe that the leading cause of death for children between the age of two and nine are car accidents and that is why you should strap your small child down in a moving vehicle. Trust me, the laws of physics are much less forgiving than any law of man. Why you would want to roll those dice or sneer at that safety precaution makes no sense to me.

Purely out of curiosity, would anybody change their opinion if it was a babysitter instead of the mother? Would it be the same or worse?

For that matter, if it was the father who left them in the car? Just as bad, or would there be a more accepting attitude?

Just wondering.

Purely out of curiosity, would anybody change their opinion if it was a babysitter instead of the mother? Would it be the same or worse?
For that matter, if it was the father who left them in the car? Just as bad, or would there be a more accepting attitude?
Just wondering.

Or if she had run in for cigarettes or beer?

Pricklypear,
Not really sure what you are going for here. I don't think you find the reaction different at all. Leaving your children, especially those under ten unattended in a car is stupid. It doesn't matter who did it. I usually agree with Ms. Skenazy, but this really isn't the best case for her to defend. If the children were above the age of ten, then maybe she would have my sympathy.

momof4: "Strapping kids into carseats isn't for a 1 in a million chance, it's for THE LEADING cause of death in kids ages 1 to 18."

Sheepmommy: "I believe that the leading cause of death for children between the age of two and nine are car accidents and that is why you should strap your small child down in a moving vehicle."

Quit the double-talk both of you.

It can be the LEADING cause of death of children AND be a 1-in-a-million chance, right?

So, don't give me "LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH" if you can't give me real numbers. You are trying to lie with statistics and I am not buying it.

Because, you know what, even if one child dies, there is going to be a leading cause of death, whether it be SIDS, car accidents, suffocation, measles. There always will be one. And, the two of you will try to justify whatever laws you want in order to prevent it.

-Jut

I think that there's a little bit of "off" in the storytelling (She makes it sound so fast, yet her child had enough time to get out of the car and the police had enough time to walk over and talk to the child, too, without her noticing), I do think prosecution is over the top. It was a mistake, and no harm was done. The cops should've lectured her, scared the shit out of her, and been done with it.

That being said, I am now going to climb onto my soapbox: "A THREE YEAR OLD SHOULD NOT BE LEFT ALONE IN A PUBLIC SETTING."

I'm not in favor of helicopter parenting and I agree with most that the risk of danger here was minimal. But a three year old is not of an age to take direction well. I see this EVERY DAMN DAY in my job. They get frightened easily. They disobey without a second thought. Some can't entertain themselves for more than a minute. Some They have no concept of time ("real quick" is beyond understanding). Worst of all, they are **fast**. Parents need to be reminded that even though Briar Rose over there is very clever, very independent, and much more capable than the average three year old (of course she is), she may still have a moment where she slips into normal three year old behavior and gets into something.

And this doesn't just apply to leaving her alone in a car. You leave her alone in the grocery store and she decides to eat a pound of grapes while your talking in the deli. In the library, she pulls every book off the shelf. In Target, she decides that she would like that other kid's toy and takes it out of his basket. They are three year olds, and they WILL act like three year olds.

I would be curious to know who of the commenters here have children, and who don't. No, I'm not asking everyone to weigh in on it, but this comment really stuck in my mind:

"I think we should leave parenting to parents, not the state, except when there's serious neglect."

And I think I agree with this, but not exactly in the same way Amy meant it.

I would be curious to know who of the commenters here have children, and who don't.

I have one son, almost 18 years old. At age three he could have ninja'd Fort Knox. 3 year olds are fast, clever little monkeys with zero sense of self-preservation, time or restraint.

Toddlers are always trying to eat something that will kill them, walk into traffic, unlock/ unlatch/ escape, hide or something. Most of them are lucky to make it to pre-school age. Truly amazing.

Their ability to confound you should never be underestimated.

"I leave my kids in the car while I run in 7-11 or the like ALL the time"
Good for you, combating childhood obesity. I do the same, it is illegal here unfortunately. Local ordinance prohibits locking a child in a car for any length of time. The justification presumably being that we don't want children to boil, but the kid got out on her own, which kicks that justification in the nuts. (In case that wasn't clear, I think unattended children should be locked while left briefly in the car, or the house.)

"And when the police got to the car, how were they supposed to know how long the children had been left alone?" 3 year-olds posses language skills. They should have pulled an Andy Griffith, "Hi Sweety, how ya doing. Where did mom get off to?"
Serve and protect for 3 minutes. Too much serve and prosecute going around these days.

"Probably. What decent parent takes "probably" as a standard of care?"
One that wants to raise a bad-ass kid with a fully functioning risk assessment scheme. My goal is a kid who can do inverted aerials in the half pipe, safely. And then get on the bus and find his way home. You don't get there without breaking a few laws, sadly.

"I am afraid that a guilty conviction could compromise my chances of becoming an attorney"
Then win your first case.

It takes a village. The trick is learning which villagers you can trust.

"Aurora, who had been calmly talking to them, was upset by their treatment of me."

So, Aurora, did you learn which villagers you can't trust?

If reasonable minds differ, as they do in these comments, then we should error on side of legal.

Also, sometimes we need to consider whether this action was better or worse than the parent's other options. Children have no business in a brothel.

"Probably. What decent parent takes "probably" as a standard of care?"
One that wants to raise a bad-ass kid with a fully functioning risk assessment scheme.

My son did the half-pipe thing, at age 12, with my full permission. By the time he was 18, he was doing things I have specifically asked him not to tell me about (even 20 years later), because although I can't bear to think of him doing those things, I knew he had to do them in order to grow.

But when he was 3, I can tell you for damn sure that I didn't leave him (or his sister) in the car, not even for 30 seconds, even if he "didn't want" to get out of the car.

>>"I would be curious to know who of the commenters here have children, and who don't."

One child (under a year old) and works w/kids in a professional capacity (children's librarian).

Not leaving a toddler where she can get out and wander in traffic (and, apparently, did) isn't helicopter parenting, it's PARENTING.

THIS. Jesus H.C. and etc., THIS. I can't even understand how this is a point of contention. Three year olds are not able to babysit themselves, full stop. They are not mature enough to be left alone in a car while their caretaker runs in anywhere, as evidenced in this case by the fact that the kid ended up standing in the street. There's a world of difference between a three year old and even a five year old, much less an 11 year old. The two are not comparable on any level.

For the record, I have a 2 1/2 year old who has recently learned to climb everything in sight, slip his arms out of his carseat straps, jump off the playground equipment, and pull over his baby gates. He has no concept of fear, danger, or consequences. He'll figure it all out eventually, but it's my job to make sure he doesn't learn about road safety via hit and run. If I need to go into a store, the kid comes with me, whether it's convenient or not (hint: it's NEVER more convenient to bring the kid, regardless of the trip). If he's in no shape to shop, the shopping happens later.

Smurfy, my kids are underweight, genetically. 7-11 sells milk and sometimes I don't want to haul all 4 of mine into the 100 acre HEB, but we need milk.

Jut, 13,820 kids in 2010 per the NTSHA. Out of about 76 million in the US. That's a 1 in 5499 (ish) chance, and thats kids who died, not kids who were in carseats in a wreck and didn't. Wrecks are common.

So, fuck you. If back sleeping can lower SIDS risks, great. Let's have a back to sleep campaign. If vaccinations lower death by disease, great. Let's mandate vaccines. If making parents put the kids THEY made in carseats lowers the chance of that kid (who CAN NOT know the risks and chose for himself) dying a wreck, great. Make dumbass parents use carseats. If parents think a 3 year old can be left alone in a car, let's outlaw that. Yes yes yes. Protecting those who can't protect themselves is a pretty decent aim of society.

If YOU want to assess your own personal risk in ANY given activity and plan accordingly, go for it. I don't think we should have seatbelt or helmet laws (assuming you are ok with no extreme measures being taken for your braindead self after a wreck) for adults.

My littlest will be 3 in one month. He could NOT tell any adult how long mommy had been gone, and he is a little above average verbally. There is a world if difference verbally in barely 3 and almost 4, but neither should be left alone.

Hey mom, I agree with you. Kids, left unattended for a moment while you run into sevs, should be locked in the car. My jurisdiction specifically dis-allows this. I think that is poorly thought out.

Kids + 7-11 = ring pops and Slurpees*. Hence the line about child obesity. I would rather get just the milk and a redbox and skip the sugar.

Just to be abundantly clear, I don't judge your behavior, I engage in it myself and even go so far as to break the law in doing so because the law just don't make no sense as it results in exposing the child to thieves and wandering. But yeah, fuck me.

*Of course you're a better parent than that, place yourself in the aggregate for a minute.

Sorry, I guess it was I who missread you. The FU was about car seats? Yeah use them. But even there, we've driven around the campsite without one. Perfectly reasonable, shouldn't be a crime. There are always going to be some de minimis instances of behavior you consider really intolerable that are actually pretty damn tolerable.

Seems to me either the prosecution or the defence have a slam dunk case. Cop crusiers have cameras. So if the cops are telling the truth and your daughter was out of the car the film of them pulling up should shhow an open car door and have them questioning aloud what the hell is going on.

That the prosecution hasnt given the tape to the defence means they purposly avoided watching it for some reason, because they probably think what I do.

And I'm betting that tape, assuming it hasnt been destroyed, shows the cops coaxing her daughter out of the car. I'd demand that tape, & get the security feed from the store too

Carseats aren't required unless you are on a public road. We don't use them at my moms farm, either. No need. I"m betting a campground isn't public road. The FU was to Jut and his assumptions that I'm hysterical because I think blatant and avoidable dangers to kids should be hedged against where possible.