Of all the people who visit this blog, who has the best collection of twitter jokes?

That's right.

Tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet? Bird, thy name is Crid (funny stuff, though)!

Back in the late 1980s, before going into the military, I worked for a furniture dealer in Cincinnati, which supplied high-end furnishings throughout the tri-state area. Mostly I worked in the warehouse, but occasionally I was asked to take a delivery truck and run one of the orders out to a customer site. On one of these runs, I had to drive deep into the Kentucky hills, far from the main highways, and as luck would have it, the truck broke down. Remember, in those days, before cell phones, being stranded was a much greater inconvenience that it is today. I had to flag down a passing vehicle, and it was two hours before an old, decrepit pickup truck stopped for me. Getting in the cab, I noticed the driver bore every resemblance to a mountain man: overalls, long beard, floppy hat, the works. But he was friendly, and offered to drive me into the next town to find a telephone.

We drove along the narrow road for some time before the driver said, “Why don’t you reach underneath your seat and get that jug?” Uh-oh, moonshine, I thought, but I did as he asked. Yep, a clear glass jug, maybe half a gallon or so, with a pale yellow liquid filling it. “Now, how’s about you open it up?” he said. I pulled out the cork, and immediately my eyes filled with tears, and I think my eyebrows started to ignite. “Now,” the driver said, “how’s about you take a swig?”

“Oh, I’m much obliged,” I stuttered, “but you know, I’m still officially on the job, so I can’t take a drink –“ The next thing I saw was the gun, pointed at my head. The driver said, “Now, I asked, how’s about you take a drink?”

“Don’t mind if I do,” I said, and I did. I think I’d rather have been shot in the head! I gasped, I gagged, I did my best to stop heaving, I was in a cold sweat. “Smooth!” I said.

“Well, that’s real nice,” said the driver, handing me the gun. Now, how’s about you hold the gun to my head so I can take a drink?”

Meanwhile, back in China...

http://worldnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/29/10922289-urine-soaked-virgin-boy-eggs-are-a-springtime-taste-treat-in-china

Eric, I just lost my lunch.
This is worse than placenta eating.

Joke of the week.

NJ-

Interesting point.

Sweet Slam.

A guy tells his wife that she has three choices. She can either go hunting with him, give him a blowjob, or he can butt fuck her.The wive says, "I don't want to go hunting because its cold out, and I've never been butt fucked before, so I think I'll go with the blowjob."So she's down there doing her thing and suddenly she says, "your dick tastes like shit!"The guy says, "yeah, the dog didn't want to go hunting either."

A 71 year old man was sitting with his 68 year old wife. Suddenly she gets up and slaps him across the face. "That's for 50 years of bad sex!" she exclaims. He sits there for a minute, then gets up and slap her across the face. "That's for knowing the difference!"

This new feature is toddling.