(apologia pro hoc: this works better when spoken but I'll write it anyway)

You may not know this about me but I am the man who put the "cheese" in "machismo."

Hear about the Eskimo and his fiancee?

One cold cold cold cold cold, bitterly cold night... she broke it off.

Not a joke, just an questionable observation...

Last weekend my son and I paid our yearly visit to the mall. If front of us was a 20ish woman who must have weighed 300 pounds or more, in yoga pants. The back was scary, but the front was even more divided down the middle, if you get my meaning. The thing is, she had two large bags from Victoria's Secret. Does VS sell things for women that size?

Does VS sell things for women that size?

No, Eric. Victoria's Secret is that all women over 120 lbs don't look good in ANYTHING she sells!

A minister checks in at the motel saying, “I certainly hope the pornography channel in my room is disabled”. The clerk replies, “No, it’s just regular pornography, you sick fuck".

Laffa Minute is also a tribal queen -- the one with wearing the chicken feet beads around her neck.

I'm guessing she's the short one. Minute.

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A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder and orders a beer.

"What's his name?" the bartender asks.

"I call him Tiny," the man replies, "because he's my newt."

Eric, they also sell things like lotion and bubble bath.

The U.S. Military springs into action!

And after a while, we hear these observations from the individual services:

- Marines: "This sucks! We want it to suck more!"

- Army: "This sucks!"

- Navy: "Man, I'll bet it sucks ashore!"

- Air Force: "What, no cable in the hotel? This sucks!"

Not mine but just ran in to on the webs...

-As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".